I Promise

They agreed to see Sophie three times a week. To start it would be the three of them, Peter, Bucky, and Sophie. But once they feel most comfortable two of the sessions will be individual, one for Bucky and one for Peter, and the third would be a group session for the three. It took three weeks until they even considered individual therapy. Still, they agreed to try it for one week to see how it goes. So, this was that week. 

In the last three weeks, things had gotten better but had hard times all the same. Peter worked in the lab with Tony most of the day, although he spent time training as well. He recently caught up with the rest of the team again who looked more than relieved to see both Peter and Bucky. Peter mostly trained with Bucky and Natasha, especially since they had similar moves thanks to Hydra and the Red Room. Tony found Peter training by himself often after his group therapy sessions with Bucky. Once in a while Bucky would be with him, but more often than not Peter was either swinging around on the ceiling or punching a punching bag to death before taking it down and putting up a new one. There seemed to be an endless supply of them, Tony made sure of that. Tony would ask if Peter wanted to be alone or not. If he said yes Tony would leave, still worried, but not enough to disrespect Peter’s privacy. If he said no, Tony would just sit in the room not saying a word. He would see Peter look back at him once in a while, looking relieved that Tony didn’t leave. Tony would never leave. 

In the evenings the four had dinner and either played a game or watched a movie. So far they had gotten Peter and Bucky to sleep in their own perspective rooms every other day. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better. Nightmares still plagued both of them, as well as Steve and Tony on occasion, but had gotten better. Well, after a hard therapy session sometimes it was worse, from the memories being revisited, but neither was ever left alone to deal with them. Each day Peter and Bucky seemed to flinch a little less and relax a little more. Still, there were times when there was a loud noise or some other trigger that sent one of them into a dissociative state or panic attack, but those were unavoidable. Two steps forward one step back. 

Now it was Monday. Aka, first individual therapy session. After looking into Peter's worried fear-filled eyes Bucky volunteered to go first. Peter would go Wednesday and they would both go together on Friday. Bucky went in full of dread and came out with red-rimmed eyes, yet he seemed almost relieved. Like, it wasn’t as bad as he thought. Peter was waiting for him outside the room to make sure he was okay. Before the boy could get a word out he was wrapped in a tight embrace. “I’m okay,” Bucky said into the hug. 

Peter hugged back relieved. “Good.” The boy took a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and felt a good deal of tension leave his body. Maybe Wednesday wouldn’t be that bad, he thought.

Wednesday morning came and the dread was back. At breakfast, Bucky rubbed the kid’s back saying, “It’ll be okay Pete.” The boy nodded, but barely touched his food. At 1:00 pm Peter went into the room, and little did he know, Bucky went down as well but waited a ways away from the room so he couldn’t accidentally overhear. It helped that he used the new earplugs that Tony made him. The earplugs worked so well that he didn’t hear Peter come out of the room when the session ended. He only noticed when Peter sat down next to him and curled up into his side. Bucky quickly turned the dials down to zero on the devices and looked down at the boy. “You okay?” He whispered.

“Yeah,” Peter whispered back, “It was just a lot,” Bucky nodded knowing exactly how Peter felt. 

“Do you want to go find Tony?” Bucky asked.

“Can we just sit for a minute?”  

“Of course,” Bucky said, giving the kid a one-armed hug as they settled in. While they sat there Sophie came out, gave them a kind farewell, and let them be. Afterward, after sitting in comfortable silence for a bit longer, they both went to take a shower.

 All four met up for dinner and after asking how things went with Peter, to which the boy barely answered as he didn’t want to asked about it much, Tony revealed part of the third surprise. “I was wondering if you two want to go to my lake house this weekend as a way to celebrate and relax after your first individual therapy sessions.” Tony had previously talked to Steve about this and agreed it is up to Bucky and Peter. Always. “It’s not far, just a couple hour drive. And I can finally show you the stars as I promised you.” Tony said, looking at Peter.

Peter forgot about that, it wasn’t a top priority to him between healing and getting kidnapped again, but now that he looks back on it he remembers it was right before he watched Star Wars for the first time. He stopped on it because of the word star and the stars on the poster. Little did he know then that the trilogy would become one of his biggest interests, But he now remembers Tony saying, “We’ll go together to see the stars when you're better, I promise.” This just proved to Peter, once more, that Tony would not break a promise to him, not when he has a choice. 

“I would like that,” Peter smiled.

“Sounds nice,” Bucky joined in.

Steve smiled, somewhat relieved. He was worried leaving the tower would be too much, but then again they have been cooped up too long. Fresh air would be good for them all. “Would it be okay to leave after therapy on Friday?” 

Peter and Bucky both nodded. Peter was smiling as he was really excited to see the stars. He could kind of see them when he went out on the Penthouse balcony, but because of light pollution, almost none were actually visible. 

So, after that, they started packing. 

While Tony was packing he opened the chest at the foot of his bed. As soon as the lid was open he peered down ready to grab extra blankets for the drive since Peter gets cold easily, but then he froze. He just stared into the chest, but his mind was suddenly in the past. He was stuck in one of his worst memories, the day he found Peter. Although this should have been one of the best days of his life, as he found a son, it was one of the worst. Looking down at the partially conscious, bloody, bruised, and maimed boy strapped to a metal table. Seeing the pure despair and fear in the kid’s eyes when they snapped open and yet he said nothing. Other than muffled cries or screams there was no sound coming from the boy, why? Because of the god-awful contraption, he was staring down at in the present. 

Tony was staring at the muzzle they found Peter wearing when he was rescued the first time.

Once he came back to himself he slowly reached down, hesitating for a second like it would jump up at bite him, and picked up the inhumane device. He remembers Peter having a panic attack all those weeks ago. He remembers rushing to get the terrible contraption out of his boy’s sight. He forgot he never took it out. He never destroyed it. But then again, it wasn’t for him to destroy. He had an idea, but first, he wanted to ask Sophie’s opinion on whether his idea would do more harm than good. For now, he put it in his suitcase to bring to the lake house, but if it ended up being a bad idea he would take it out and personally destroy it. 

—-————-

Friday came and everyone was packed a ready for the most part. This time, there wasn’t as much dread in the air as there usually was on therapy days. Well, Bucky and Peter’s therapy days. Steve and Tony had theirs on the days Peter and Bucky didn’t. This way one of them, either Steve or Tony could be there on the days off, while the other had their own session with their own therapist, and both could be there for their boys at all times on the day they did have therapy. Today Bucky and Peter had therapy together with Sophie. 

Sophie had noticed that the two boys were very codependent on each other's sanity. She spoke to them about it and they discussed why this was and ways to help separate them a bit without actually having to be fully away from one another. 

“Every time I can’t see Peter I start panicking.” Bucky confided.

“You can talk to him if you would like Bucky, he’s right beside you.” She said gently, “Do you know why you feel this way?” Everyone in the room, including Sophie, knew why, but it needed to come from Bucky.

Bucky looked to Peter, who was in a bean bag beside his legs, “Every time you were taken I didn’t know what they were doing to you or making you do.” Peter said nothing since he knew Bucky wasn’t done, but he reached for the man’s metal hand and gave it a squeeze of reassurance, “I didn’t know if you would come back or even of you did whether it would truly be you or not.”

“I can’t imagine how that would feel Bucky, I’m sorry,” Sophie replied with genuine sympathy. 

“I know you were worried about me, but I was worried about you,” Peter admitted. 

“Why is that?” Sophie asked.

“They would hurt him when he tried to help me.” He looked back to Bucky, “The last thing I saw before the door shut when they took me was often you convulsing on the ground.”

“That must have been really hard to see.”

“It was,” Peter felt a tear roll down his cheek. They had spoke a little about this before, but hearing Peter’s voice crack and watching the salt water create a wet track on the boy’s face had Bucky’s heart breaking.

“Come here,” Bucky said, his own voice thick worn pent up emotion.

Peter got up and sat next to Bucky on the brown couch. Bucky wrapped an arm around Peter and pulled him into his side. “I would like you to look at each other,” Sophie said as she sat forward. Peter looked up at the man as Bucky looked down at him. “I want you to see that you both are physically healthy, uninjured, and safe. I want you to understand that no one is taking the other away. I want you to tell the other that they are safe, if you believe this.”

Bucky and Peter were still always wary, but they both had a mission to make sure the other is safe. “You are safe.” Bucky stated with certainty.

Peter smiled slightly up at him, “You are safe.” He said to Bucky with authenticity. 

“Good. Now, do you believe what you just said?” Sophie asked. The two looked to her, confusion clear in their expressions as well as surprise.

“Of course,” Bucky replied without a beat.

At the same time, Peter said, “Yes.”

“Good, now if you believe each other you should be able to believe yourself.” Again they looked confused, “I want each of you to say, I am safe.” 

Somehow the “I” made things so much harder. Bucky would lay down his life to protect Peter and vice versa, so why couldn’t they take care of themselves? Neither said a word. “If you can believe the other when they tell you, you are safe, then why can't you trust yourself saying the same thing?” Sophie asked, even though she knew this was a complicated topic. That was why she was doing this in the first place. 

There was a good minute of silence until someone finally spoke up,  “After H-Hydra it’s kind of hard to trust yourself.” Peter replied, his voice small, still flinching a bit at the name and the awful memories the word brings.

Bucky let out an out of place amused huff, “You can say that again.” 

“I see. Well, you don't have to say it. Not if you don't believe it. But trust each other. In a way trusting each other is trusting yourself. If the other says you are safe, you believe them, and that’s a start. We will work towards trusting yourselves.” 

The session ended and Peter and Bucky went up to the penthouse to finish last-minute packing of toiletries and such. Sophie went down to the ground floor. She was walking out when she heard jogging behind her. “Sophie!” Someone called out. She turned to see none other than Tony Stark coming to a stop behind her. “Sophie, sorry, just really wanted to catch you before you left.”

She smiled. “It’s no problem, what can I do for you Mr. Stark and keep in mind I cannot relay any information told during sessions or anything said by Bucky or Peter.”

Tony smiled, he was glad she was so serious about confidentiality. It was really important in therapy especially working with super soldiers and other enhanced individuals. “I understand that and wouldn’t want you to ever divulge that information and lose their trust.” She gave a small nod, “I would however like to pick your brain about an idea I had for while we are upstate. I just don’t know if it will be worth the memories it might bring up.” Tony explained his plan with Sophie who nodded along and took in the information. “So, what do you think? Bad Idea? Good idea? Even a neutral idea?” His eyebrow raised in anticipation.

“You say the panic attacks have decreased?” Sophie asked. Peter told her they did, but she was not going to share that information with Tony as that was private.

“They seem to be happening less frequently and the weighted blanket I made helps a lot.” He replied. 

“I suggest bringing the blanket.” She said.

“I’m bringing everything I made him just in case.” He assured.

“Good. As long as you have contingency plans in case this makes him have a panic attack I think it would be a good idea. I think this would be a good way to empower him.” She smiled.

Tony took a breath. “Okay, good, I’m glad.” 

“As you know I’m on call if anything goes wrong.”

“Thank you so much, Sophie.” Tony said, his eyes and tone genuine, “Really, thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure Mr. Stark. I hope you have a pleasant relaxing weekend at the lake house.” after that, she turned back to the entrance and walked out.

Tony went back up the Penthouse and finished packing, making sure the muzzle was still there, it was. He zipped up his bag and brought it over to the living room. “You almost ready Pete? Need any help?” 

“I’m okay, be right out!” Peter called.  He packed clothes, his throw blanket, his toiletries, his suit, and his web shooters. Tony already packed two of the weighted blankets in a separate bag with all the other devices he made for both Peter and Bucky. Tony had also told Peter that there were some lego sets waiting at the lakehouse for him. At this point, Peter was surprised the man had not just bought a lego store. Peter had so made lego sets, he was pretty sure it was a store worth already. 

Once he was done he wheeled his new blue suitcase over to the living room where there were four other suitcases waiting. “You sure we’re not taking to much?” Peter questioned, “It’s only a few days.”

Tony knew he was overpacking, but he wanted to be ready for everything. So he packed the devices he made, one of his suits, supersoldier meds, snacks for the car ride, plus his own stuff. “Nope, everything is absolutely necessary.” Debatable. 

“Is that a pool noodle?” Peter questioned with an amused smirk.

“Yes, as I said, absolutely necessary.” He smirked back as Peter rolled his eyes. “Buck, Capsicle, let's go!” he shouted down the hall. 

“We’re coming!” Bucky shouted back as Peter giggled. The two emerged a few seconds later each with a duffle bag in hand. 

“How are we going to get all of this down to the car?” Peter asked.

“You all have enhanced strength, so you can each take two bags and I’ll take one.” 

“How nice,” Steve commented. 

“Hey, I am nice! We are going to my lake house.” They all rolled their eyes and yet they each took two bags as he had said. They put all the bags in the trunk of a sleek black SUV, they all just barely fit, and then got into the car. Tony got into the driver's seat, Steve got in the passenger's seat, and Bucky and Peter got into the back. 

“I can’t believe I am driving an SUV. I feel like a soccer mom.” The three laughed as the mechanic grumbled. 

In no time they were on the road, radio on, and watching the city get further and further behind them. An hour in, Peter started getting tired. He laid down in the backseat with his head on Bucky’s lap. Tony looked into the rearview mirror and smiled at the scene. Bucky started carding his metal fingers through Peter's curls. The mix of the moton itself and the cool metal against his head had him lolling to sleep in no time. When he woke up they were pulling into the drive way of a cute log cabin lit by the cars headlights as the sun was already down. 

They had made it to the lakehouse.