You Did Not Fail
Trapped!
Peter felt trapped! He wasn’t at Mr. Stark’s tower, he wasn’t at Hydra either, he was in a different old-fashioned tower. He looks around the stone room peering out the high window finding no other way out. No door, no stairs, no nothing. No way out! It reminded him of Hydra, yet it was different, but still somewhat familiar.
It was then he heard an angry voice break through his thoughts, “Peter!” He turned sharply towards the cry to see an older woman coming towards him, her strides purposeful and sharp. Her hair was black with whips of grey and her face was full of rage, “Are you trying to escape again!” She looked somewhat familiar, but what caught his eye most, and made ice settle in his veins, was the red Hydra symbol on her dress. This was all wrong. This was all jumbled. The tower reminded him of Avengers tower, in name only. The symbol of course reminded him of Hydra. And the woman reminded him of…of…Tangled!!
So this was just a dream, right? But then the woman grabbed his arm and it felt all too real, her nails digging into his skin and the pressure that made him worry she would crush his bones. “You are not allowed out of this tower my pet.” My pet. Sounded a lot like Hydra to him. “You are here for me to use your powers, nothing more!” Yup, definitely sounded like Hydra. She yanked him away from the window, away from any sense of freedom. Suddenly the stone walls turned to concrete and the tower turned into a cell. His heart sank.
He never escaped did he?
—
Tony was the first to wake when he felt Peter squirming where he lay on his chest. Tony blinked the sleep from his eyes as they slowly came into focus. He looked down once the world was no longer a blur to see Peter's face scrunched up. Tony didn’t know if the expression was anxiety, pain, or both, but he hated seeing it on his kid’s face. “Pete?” he whispered trying not to jar the boy awake. Peter made no indication that he heard him.
Tony glanced over at Steve and Bucky who were both still asleep. Although Bucky hadn’t moved at all his face was also creased with trepidation. “Steve,” Tony called out a little louder.
Steve was used to having to wake up at any call, quiet or loud, from his time as a soldier. As soon as Tony called out he blinked his eyes open ready and alert for anything. As he looked around he didn’t see a threat he just saw Tony and Peter, his eyes lingered on Peter. He was still moving around but not opening his eyes. After seeing the kid he looked down at Bucky still firmly on his chest. Both boys’ expressions were the same. “Bucky,” Steve whispered, brushing his hand through his boyfriend's hair to calm him. Bucky moved a bit but didn’t wake. “Bucky, you’re safe, you’re at the tower.” He still didn’t open his eyes. If anything his face creased in worry more. “Listen to my voice Buck. You are safe, you and Peter are not there anymore.” As soon as Peter’s name left Steve’s mouth Bucky's eyes opened and went wide searching the room frantically. Then his eyes’ found Peter and he almost fell off the couch trying to get to him. “Hey, he’s okay. Bucky be careful!” Bucky didn’t care, he scrambled over to Tony and Peter the second he knew the kid was in distress.
Peter was still moving and now he was letting out small whimpers. Each one left a new crack in Tony’s heart. “Peter, you’re safe, you’re okay.”
Bucky sat next to Tony, it took everything in him not to pull the boy into his side like he did in the cell, or even behind him when he tried and failed to protect him. But it was Tony that was holding him, Tony would never ever hurt him and he would sacrifice himself if there was danger. Bucky kept reminding himself this as he watched Peter who was in obvious distress. He knew it was a nightmare, probably a lot like the one he just woke up from, but the instinct that Peter was in pain or in danger still tried to overwhelm his logical brain. It would take a while for that impulse, to hide Peter, to go away.
Tony kept trying to gently rouse the kid with his words, afraid to shake him since he already knew the boy has PTSD and would probably wake up freaking out. He wanted to wake him in a way where the boy felt safe, or somewhat safe when he woke up. Safety had to be learned as both were in a constant state of alert. “Pete, you're safe, you’re-” Tony almost said “you’re never going back there.” but that was the exact promise he had broken to Peter before he was taken. If he said those words again was it jinxing it? Now Tony is not a superstitious man, he is completely logical depending on science, but could he be wrong? He doesn’t want to do anything, no matter how irrational it is, to make Peter be in danger again. He stuck with the facts, “You’re safe,” he said again, “you're at the tower, you're in the living room.” He very gently put his hand on Peter’s head. When he didn’t flinch away in his sleep he slowly started carding his fingers through the boy’s curls, “I’m here… Mr. Stark. Steve and Bucky are here too.”
“Bucky” Peter whimpered, calling out for the man in his sleep. Like he was begging him to save him. It hurt the metal-armed man so much to hear the desperate cry. Knowing that anything he did to protect Peter in the cell has proved futile. He would just be shocked and by the time he recovered Peter would be gone. Still, they weren’t there anymore. Bucky could do his best to help now that others weren’t holding him back or shocking him into submission.
“I’m right here Pete, you’re okay.” From that one sentence, Peter became a bit more aware. He didn’t open his eyes, but one of his hands shot out trying to grasp for Bucky. On instinct Bucky put forth his metal arm.
The moment Peter felt the cool vibranium against his hand he calmed. His squirms stopped and he slowly opened his eyes. Unlike when he woke up at Hydra to find his dream was, just that, a dream, and he was still captive, here, he was relieved to find that what he had just experienced was just a dream. He had in fact been rescued, twice, and he was safe. His relief quickly turned to guilt as he looked up and saw two comforting faces above him, two familiar faces, looking concerned. He caused that.
“You with us Pete?” Tony asked, still holding Peter against his chest, one hand entwined in the kid’s hair. He gave a small nod and looked over to Bucky. He gave the man a small smile as he could see, not just concern, but also guilt in the older man’s eyes. Bucky smiled back, but it was a bit forced. Peter had no idea what Bucky had to feel guilty for, he was the one who just worried the metal-armed man.
Steve watched all of this from his place on the other side of the sofa. He felt kind of lost. Should he help? Was Peter comfortable with him or did he not trust him yet? Would three people waking him up be too much for Peter? He sat back and watched with a heavy heart as the boy squirmed and called out for Bucky. He felt useless as he did nothing, but what was he supposed to do? The helpless feeling Steve felt paralleled Bucky’s feeling in the cell, although to a much smaller degree.
Peter slowly sat up using Bucky’s metal arm to pull himself into a seated position. He looked around him to be sure there was no threat. As soon as Peter started to look around, so did Bucky. He would have done the same as soon as he woke up if he hadn't seen Peter in distress first. Although they couldn’t blame them for doing so, Tony and Steve saw this and it hurt that their boys didn’t feel safe. It made complete sense, but they wished they could do something to make them understand they are safe and that they didn’t have to be worried or scared.
Once both Bucky and Peter were content in the fact that there was no threat they seemed to both relax into the couch. Peter leaned into Bucky on instinct like in the cell and Bucky wrapped his arm around him. After a beat Bucky spoke up, his voice softer than Tony is used to, although he knows the tone is saved for Peter and Peter alone. “Do you want to talk about it?” He knows if he was asked that same question he would probably say no, but he also knows it’s healthy to talk about it.
Peter stayed quiet for a moment looking like he was debating and Bucky was about to say he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to, but then Peter began to speak. “They were taking me away.” He whispered. Bucky winced, he remembers the panic that came every time they dragged Peter from the cell. The panic that they wouldn’t bring him back and the dread that came every second Peter wasn’t with him. The wondering of what they were doing to the boy and of if he could have done anything more to stop it. “You fought and they hurt you. I was worried.” The boy felt tears prick in his eyes. Peter was worried about me? Bucky couldn’t fathom this. They barely touched him. Other than a few times with the cattle prod like device they never touched him. He sometimes wished they had so it would feel like he had done more or taken some pain away from Peter. How could Peter be worried about him? He just stood by and watched him be taken day after day. He had no right to have Peter worry about him, he failed Peter. “The last thing I saw was you convulsing on the ground before the door shut separating us,” he whispered as tears started to slide down his face.
Tony and Steve watched on with horror. The fact that the two had to deal with being separated and that they hurt Bucky, electrocuted him by the sound of it, for presumably trying to stop them from taking the kid. The more they learn the more they wish they could be ignorant of what happened, but they couldn’t, not if they wanted to help their boys.
When Peter said that Bucky had been, convulsing on the ground, Steve couldn't help but take a sharp breath in. Picturing his boyfriend in pain writhing on the floor had tears building in his eyes. He knows what Hydra is capable of, but hearing it makes things all too real. Having Peter and Bucky back is unimaginably relieving, but that doesn't erase what happened to them during their time in captivity. Whether they open up to him and Tony, to each other, or preferably to a professional, they will need to talk about it. He knows Bucky tends to try to bottle things up, but he will not let him do that here. If he needs to pull the Peter card he will. He knows Bucky won’t let Peter bottle everything up and Steve will use that as leverage to make Bucky open up as well if need be.
“I’m sorry,” the words break Steve out of his thoughts. Bucky is apologising, but for what?
Peter seems to have the same train of thought, he looks up at the man who is looking down in shame, “For what?” Peter says, his voice stronger than before, but now with a veil of confusion.
“For not stopping them.”
Peter sighs, “We talked about this, they would only hurt you when you tried. I asked you not to fight, that was my decision not yours.” Peter always sounds so sure when he is stopping other people’s guilt, but so unsure and defiant when it comes to his own. Tony is the same way, like father like son.
“I should have done more.” Bucky says a bit harshly, but Peter knows it's aimed toward the man himself.
Peter sat up more to look Bucky in the eyes, “What could you have done?”
The question takes Bucky by surprise as well as Tony and Steve to a small extent. “What?” Bucky says finally meeting Peter’s gaze.
“Tell me what you would have done,” Peter said and for the first time that day, his voice is devoid of hesitation.
The gaze Peter was giving Bucky was intense, “I could have fought harder and broken free.”
Peter scoffed. Scoffed. “You would have broken free of vibranium cuffs?”
He had a point. “I still could have fought them when they came close.”
“Are we talking about the same guards with guns and tasers?” Tony knew this was a serious conversation, but he couldn’t help the corner of his lips tilting up at Peter’s sarcasm and sass. He missed it so much and it just proved that no matter how hard Hydra tried to take away Peter’s personality and humanity they would always fail.
Bucky had nothing to say to Peter’s last question, although it was more of a statement. Peter continued, “All that would have done is caused you more pain and made me more worried than I already was.” Bucky still didn’t seem convinced and tried to look down again. “You were there to keep me in line. If you fought more they would have found you to be more of a burden than you were worth. They would have killed you Bucky and I needed you.” Bucky looked up at that. “I still need you and so does Tony and Steve.” Tony would have probably laughed at that maybe a few months ago, but he did need Bucky. One because he had grown more fond of the metal-armed man recently. And two, and more importantly, because Peter needs Bucky and anyone his son needs Tony needs. And it goes without saying that Steve needs Bucky. He has lost him too many times and he is not willing to let his friend and lover of over one hundred years go now, or ever for that matter. “You did what you had to to survive and help me survive. You did not fail me.”
You did not fail.
It was like Peter read his mind. Said the four words he needed to hear. Just like the two words, I promise , those four words are what he needed to hear to finally believe what was being said. He did not fail Peter and Peter is talking, sitting, and breathing right next to him to prove it. As soon as he processed the words and believed them he wrapped the boy he did not fail in his arms. They both melted into the embrace, knowing they are safe, survived together, and that Bucky did not fail.