Tastes Safe
Tony was holding his breath as he watched Peter’s face go from completely emotionless to knotted up in conflict. Then he opened his eyes, really opens them. He was actually seeing in front of him, not just staring into the distance, not staring through Tony, Peter was looking at him. Really seeing him. “Peter?” He was afraid to hope, but he couldn’t help it. The ember that was left in him started to spark as he looked into his kid’s eyes.
“M-Mr. Stark?” Peter said, his voice small and faint as tears took over his eyes and feel like waterfalls onto his face. Days worth of tears finally free.
As soon as the name left Peter’s mouth that ember burst into a mighty flame and Tony thrust forward wrapping the boy in a tight hug. This time Peter did not push him back, he held on to the man with every ounce of strength he has, also being careful not to hurt Tony. “Oh my god, Peter” Tony breathed out as he held the boy close, one hand on his back and one on his head of curls. “Oh thank god.” He had no other words. He just relished in the feeling of holding his kid. Silent tears falling from his eyes.
Bucky and Steve were still in the doorway. As soon as Peter came back, like Peter, Bucky’s eyes flooded with tears. He only cried at Hydra when Peter was gone, even when he was too brainwashed to notice if he did cry in front of him, probably. But he couldn’t hold his tears in now. He didn’t have to protect Peter who couldn’t protect himself anymore. It was a mixture of relief that Peter was back and relief from being able to let down his guard. Steve wrapped his boyfriend in a tight embrace saying nothing as he let the man cry.
Bucky doesn’t cry in front of people. It took a long time until Bucky cried in front of Steve. Steve used to hear him cry and would try to comfort him, but Bucky would just wipe his tears and hold them in when he saw Steve; until it got too much and he overflowed. This was basically the same situation. Bucky had been so strong for Peter, keeping his emotions repressed so the kid wouldn’t see him break down, but now the bucket overflowed and Bucky cried into Steve’s shoulder. Steve let a few of his own tears slip as well, saddened happy tears. Bucky was home, but he was still hurting. It was a bittersweet day, to say the least.
The four of them cried not caring how long they sat/stood there. They were alone anyways, no one else had access to the Penthouse, Tony made sure of that after Peter started living there. Finally, the tears started to dwindle and dry, leaving only streaks on their faces. All but Peter, who had calmed down more, but the tears did not slow. He had been stuck in a neutral expression unable to show any sort of emotion whatsoever for days, no one expected his tears to stop. They were tears for everything Hydra did, tears for everything Hydra made him do, and tears of relief. He finally lifted his head from Tony’s damp shirt as he turned his attention to the metal armed man still in Steve’s arms, “Bucky?'' His voice was high, small, and raw.
Bucky immediately wriggled out of his boyfriend's hold and went to Peter, like there was a force pulling him. Steve wasn’t hurt, he understood. He knew this was probably the first time the kid had addressed the man directly in days, even though they had been together the whole time at Hydra. He let him go, knowing he had to be there for the kid. Bucky basically fell to his knees before Peter, thankful that Peter was talking to him, thankful that Peter was looking at him. “Peter.” The word came out as a relieved sigh, as he looked at the kid like he hadn’t seen him in forever. And he hadn’t, not the real Peter.
Peter reached out to the man like a child reached out for comfort. Tony didn’t want to, but he moved aside knowing this is what Peter needed right now, knowing this is what Bucky needed as well. This was proven when Bucky all but lunged forward grasping the kid in a firm hold. Not a hold of protection, as if someone was about to harm Peter, which is the only embrace he basically gave the kid at Hydra, but one of passion and comfort. Comfort for both of them.
Tony stayed close not wanting even a wall of distance between him and his boy, but he let the two have their moment. He already had plans for Bucky and Steve to stay in the penthouse for a while. After what they had been through he really doubts Peter and Bucky would want to be away from each other for long, or at all.
“Thank you.” it was barely a whisper, but Bucky heard.
“What?” he was so confused, why would Peter be thanking him? He was the one who let the boy go, he didn’t fight back, and then Peter came back empty. Why would He ever deserve to be thanked?
“Thank you.” Peter repeated again, his eyes closed, head on Bucky’s shoulder, tears still slipping free.
“Why?” Is all Bucky could articulate.
“For talking to me and keeping me safe in the cell.” The word cell left a bad taste on everyone's tongue.
Bucky assumed he was talking about before. Before the godforsaken chair. “Pete, you don’t have to thank me. Th-they,”His heart clenched, “they wiped you anyways, I couldn't stop them.” he felt tears threaten to fall again as he thought about the empty look in Peter’s eyes and how they made him feel empty as well. Had him having flashbacks to the Winter Soldier.
“I asked you not to fight them,” Peter whispered. Tony and Steve were listening, but only understanding the general gist as they weren’t there. They said nothing though. “Plus I was talking about after.”
Bucky pulled back surprised as he looked into Peter’s eyes. Eyes that were full now, not hollow abysses that he stared into for days. “After?”
“I heard you.” Peter replied with such a grateful tone, “I-I couldn’t say anything or show it, but I heard you. I heard you list out the names, I heard the stories you told about our memories. It gave me something to focus on, something to grasp onto when I had nothing. Thank you” His words were so sincere it hurt.
Bucky was shocked, he didn’t remember anything from within the Winter Soldier. That had been a blessing and a curse at the same time. He couldn’t remember the people he hurt and killed, but he also lost days, weeks, months, and even years of his life in the black oblivion. He was afraid Peter’s awareness was also a blessing and a curse. He heard Bucky talk to him, comfort him, remind him, but he might also remember whatever they made him do when he was taking away from Bucky’s clutches. He wasn’t going to bring that up now though. “You heard me?” he asked with hope and hesitancy. Peter gave a wary nod. And Bucky pulled him back into a hug, one of content and sympathy.
They stayed like that for a while longer, the other two in the room feeling like they were intruding, but they made no move to leave. Neither wanted to leave their boys. Bucky finally broke the hug when Peter’s stomach made a loud grumbling noise, which in turn reminded Bucky of food, which then made his stomach decide to copy Peter’s. “Alright,” Tony said from beside them, “what are we ordering for dinner?” Tony asked. Everyone, including Bucky turned to Peter, who cowered at the sudden attention.
“We can have anything you guys want,” Tony added, “heck I’ll fly over to Italy if you want Pizza.” A small smile formed on Peter's face from that. It was nothing like his smile before he was taken…again. But it was a start and it made the rest of them smile as well.
Italy reminded Peter of pasta and that reminded him of Tony after he made his famous carbonara. He didn’t want to ask Tony to go through the effort of making it, but he did want it. It was homemade by the one of the people he trusts most in the world, it made him feel safe. Something he hasn’t felt since the day they came and took him. “C-could,” he knows this is Tony, not Hydra, but he still hesitated in asking any question. He had gotten better at that before the kidnapping, but now it felt like before. Like if he asked he would get hurt just as he had recently when he was away from Bucky. He had questioned the scientists and guards and they were not happy about that, they hit him when he even spoke out of turn.
Mr. Stark noticed the conflict in his face, how he stuttered the one word and then closed his mouth like he was afraid. “It’s okay kiddo, you can ask.” He hated that he was back to giving Peter permission to ask questions. It made him feel awful, but he knew that both Peter and Bucky would have to recover from this. Luckily taking one step back does mean that all their hard work is gone. Like Helen said all those weeks ago, “recovery is not linear.”
Peter looked to him with timid eyes that look way older than they should be, “Could you make y-your famous c-carbonara?” He cast his eyes down the minute he finished the sentence.
Tony’s eyes softened even more looking straight at his kid “Of course bud, it would be my pleasure.” He gave the boy a smile who had looked up at him after he replied. “How about we all head into the living room so we can still be together as I make it?” Peter gave a nod and stood up. He took Bucky’s metal hand and held his other hand out to Tony without thinking. It reminded Tony much of the way they walked down together to meet the team. He gladly took his kid’s hand. Steve went to Bucky’s other side and they started walking out of the room. It was a bit awkward getting through the door as no one wanted to let go of each other's hands, but they made it work.
They were planning on sitting on the couch while Tony cooked, but Peter looked at him pleadingly not letting go. Instead they all sat at the centre island while Tony got out the ingredients and equipment. The first thing he started to make was the dough to make the pasta. He poured a pile of flour on the island and then used a fork to make a dip in the middle. After that he got out a carton of eggs and broke four letting them land in the centre of the pile of flour. He took the fork again and started mixing the eggs together. From there he took his hands, after washing them of course, and started to mix the eggs with the flour, soon creating a dough-like substance.
Peter watched fascinated at every new thing Tony added and did until everything blended together to make a soft dough. Tony sprinkled some extra flour on the counter and put the dough on top. He was about to use the rolling pin, also sprinkled with flour, to flatten it when he stopped himself. “You want to help me out kiddo?” He said turning his attention back to his kid, although no matter what, most of his attention will forever be on his kid. No matter what he’s doing or where he is,.
Peter looked up surprised, “I don’t want to mess it up.”
Tony waved him off, “You can’t and you won’t, just take this,” he handed the rolling pin to Peter, which looked much bigger in the boy’s hands, “and roll out the dough until it’s flat. I’ll start working on the sauce.” Tony turned around to grab the Guanciale and started to chop it up. Peter hesitantly brought the rolling pin down and carefully started to roll the dough out. After a minute or two, Tony turned back, “Great job buddy, now you can roll it in a different direction to even the whole thing out.” Peter did as the man said, starting to gain more confidence.
Bucky watched on as Peter’s wary expression turned to one of focus and he smiled softly. Seeing Peter anything but vacant made him feel worlds better, Steve could see this as well. “Hey Robo-cop,” Bucky looked at Tony who was smirking, Steve galred. Bucky didn’t mind though, he knew Tony’s way of showing affection to friends was giving them nicknames. He was a little honoured actually.
“Yeah?”
“Think you can crack some eggs for me?” Tony asked, holding out a carton of eggs that had four missing eggs, as he already used those for the pasta dough.
Bucky looked a bit uncertain with his metal arm, but he could control his strength pretty well. “I can try.” It felt nice to be included and to do something as mundane and domestic as cooking.
“Well lucky for you, if you mess up I have a whole other carton in the fridge.” That did make Bucky feel better, he took the caton with a small appreciative smile.
“Capsicle why don’t you…” Tony thought for a second looking around, “grate the cheese.” He handed over a bowl, a cheese grater, and a wedge of Pecorino Romano. Steve gave him a nod and started on the task at hand.
Tony got a pot out, filled it with water, put a good amount of salt in, and then put it on one of the spider burners on the stove. He turned the heat up to medium high and then turned back to Peter, who was just finishing with the dough. “Nice work kid.” Peter really smiled this time, he beamed at the praise. That smile thawed and warmed something in Tony’s chest that had frozen over the second Peter had been taken.
Tony, after a second of basking in his son's smile, turned to grab a kinda bulky metal contraption behind him as well as a sharp knife. He cut the dough into smaller sections and then carefully started to feed the flat dough into the machine, “Mind turning the crank for me buddy?” Peter nods and starts turning the crank slowly watching fascinatedly how the dough goes in whole and comes out as strands.
Once all the sections are fed through the machine Tony puts the noodles into the now boiling water. He takes the eggs and grated cheese from Bucky and Steve and starts mixing the ingredients together in a saucepan to make the sauce while simmering the meat chubes. In about twenty minutes everything is finished and plated. They go and sit at the dining table together, Peter at the head between Tony and Bucky.
They try to talk of happy things like what movie they will watch tonight and how Bucky and Steve are going to move into one of the guest bedrooms in the Penthouse for a while. However, everyone's minds travel back to Hydra at some point, although honestly it never leaves any of their minds. Still, they try to distract themselves as much as possible and enjoy the delicious homemade Italian cuisine. Bucky and Peter’s first real meal in a week. They eat together more or less like a family, safe within the confines of the tower and safe being together.