Habits
Peter fell asleep during the movie, Inside Out. He was curled up with his head on Bucky’s lap and his feet on Tony’s with his red and blue throw blanket draped over him. Steve was next to Bucky on the opposite end of the couch from Tony. Even as the credits rolled no one made a move to get up and disturb Peter’s peaceful sleep. It was the first time the kid looked genuinely at peace and content since his face wasn’t creased in fear and worry.
“How long were we gone?” Bucky breaks the silence, but in a whisper as not to wake the boy on his lap. He says it without looking at Steve or Tony, just puts it out into the world not even sure he wants to know the answer. There was no way to tell time at Hydra, except for the times the meals came and the times Petrer was taken and then returned, and those were unreliable. He couldn‘t keep track, everything blurred into one devastatingly infinite period where neither knew fully if they would get out. Bucky had faith in Steve and the team, but Hydra always had a way to suffocate that hope he tried his best to hold onto.
“Seven days,” Steve answers with a heavy voice as he tightens his hold on Bucky, his arm around the metal man’s shoulders.
Bucky gives a curt nod of understanding. He’s been at Hydra way longer than a week, a lifetime even. Still though, one week is one too many. “How did you find us?” He knows Hydra is good at covering their footsteps and training their agents to die before saying a word. He was taught that.
“Loki,” Tony jumps in, all still being quiet and respectful of the sleeping boy. “He used his powers to read the agents' minds.” Another curt nod from Bucky.
“How are you two?” Bucky asked, finally looking at the men. Turning his head from one side to the next to make eye contact with both. He knew Peter and him weren’t the only ones who suffered from Hydra taking them. He knew Steve well and knew he didn’t let himself take a break the whole time he was gone. He didn’t know Tony as well, but he would bet good money he is the same. He would bet neither took care of themselves in their absence.
Steve and Tony were quiet as they looked at each other having a silent conversation. “Doesn’t matter,” Tony finally said, “what matters is that you two are back and safe.”
“It does matter.” Bucky fought back, “if how Peter and I are doing matters, than how you two are doing matters too.” He pauses, “If it were you two who were taken,” he pauses, just the thought makes him sick, “neither of us,” he gestures down to the kid, “would be okay.”
Instead of saying he and Tony were ok Steve took another approach, “We will be okay. Now that you guys are back, we’ll be okay.” Tony nodded and then looked down at Peter. He was here and that’s all that mattered right now.
_____
After a few hours, it was obvious the kid wasn’t going to wake up until morning. He was exhausted from everything that had happened and his body and mind needed to rest. Tony gently lifted Peter’s feet from his lap, stood up, and then lifted all of him off of Bucky. Bucky held on a moment too long ad Tony looked at him in question. Bucky looked unsure, almost like he wanted to take the kid from Tony. It was an instinct from Hydra, letting the kid be taken meant letting him be tested on or put through arduous training. But this was Tony, he knew Tony would die before hitting the kid, so he let Peter go.
Tony carried Peter to his room tucking him into bed, putting the Star Wars comforter above the red and blue throw blanket that was still around the kid. It reminded him of the suit he never got to give Peter. Depending on what Peter was feeling tomorrow he planned on presenting it to him, hoping that maybe it would bring some happiness to the boy after what he has been through.
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Peter’s forehead before reluctantly going back out to the living room. He did however keep Peter’s door open just a bit so he could look in just to make sure the kid was still there safe and sound.
Once he came back out he started discussing the logistics of Bucky and Steve staying in the Penthouse. He explained he had given FRIDAY permission to let them both up at any time of day or night, but if they brought anyone else she would have to ask his permission to let them in. They both understood and had no plans to bring anyone else, even any other team members up. He told them that he altered the office he never used, into a guest bedroom and that it was right across the hall from Peter’s room. He knew he had to keep Peter and Bucky close to each other for both their sanity.
You can’t rely on someone and keep them safe in an unbearable, dangerous situation and then just expect them to be fine apart. Life didn’t work that way. Tony knows they will have to see each other every few hours to prove to the other they were still safe. He knows he himself has to see Peter as often as possible to prove to himself that he is actually here and his mind isn’t tricking him.
Steve goes down to get some of his and Bucky’s stuff as Bucky is still weak from the week of minimal food and movement. The super soldier protein bars and the full meal of Tony’s carbonara helped, but one day wasn’t going to fix it. Tony led Bucky down the hall to show him where he would be staying, but Bucky stopped before they got there. He looked into Peter’s room to make sure Peter was there sleeping peacefully, he was. Tony couldn’t help doing the same even though he is the one who tucked his kid in. After they were both satisfied Peter was safe and Steve had joined them with the stuff, Tony turned and walked across the hall opening the door mirroring Peter’s.
It was simple, but also luxurious. A Kind bed with a royal blue comforter, and bed posts that almost touched the ceiling. Two nightstands, one for each side. A large mahogany chest of draws across front he bed with a big flatscreen TV above it. There was a giant floor to ceiling window on one wall with shades and blue curtains. And an ensuite bathroom connected by a door in the back left corner next to the chest and TV.
“I’ll let you guys get settled. Let FRIDAY know if you need anything.” Tony turned, closing the door behind him.
It was getting late and every party was exhausted. Tony turned in early, after checking on Peter again, almost debating whether he wanted to leave the kid alone for the night. But he still didn’t know the full extent of what happened to him and knew he might need personal space, or didn’t feel comfortable with Tony being the one comforting him. He didn’t mind, but he was surprised, earlier, that Peter chose to use Bucky as a pillow and not him. He knew it made logical sense as Bucky was Peter’s only source of safety for the last week, but it would have been the other way around had it been before the kidnapping. In the end, he just checked on Peter and then went to his own room.
Steve and Bucky were also turning in early, but instead of closing his eyes when they got into bed, Bucky just stared up at the ceiling. “Buck, you’re exhausted, you need to get some sleep.” Steve said from next to him. He, like Tony with Peter, was being cautious about physical contact. Before this most recent kidnapping Steve would have just held Bucky and been the big spoon as a way to protect and comfort the man, but he wasn’t sure right now if that is what Bucky wanted, or if he would be okay with that.
“You and I both know what will happen if I sleep,” Bucky said matter-of-factly, finally turning his head and looking into his boyfriend's eyes.
Steve did know. Bucky would almost surely have nightmares. They had gotten better since Bucky’s second time at Hydra, but they happen more often again after clearing out the Hydra base and finding Peter. After he met the kid and spent time with him they decreased again, but now there was no way after what he had been through, with this third kidnapping, that they wouldn't come back at full force. Neither man was naive enough to hope it wouldn’t.
“I know Buck, but you need to sleep. I’ll be right here to wake up if you have one.” He knew it was when not if but he wanted to give a semblance of hope even if it was false.
Bucky reluctantly closed his eyes just for them to shoot right back open when he heard a cry. A cry he was so familiar with as he was stuck in a room with this person for a week. He jackknifed up and stood so fast he got a headrush, he pushed through the lightheadedness, walked over, and swung their door open at the same time as Tony. They reacted so quickly FRIDAY never got a chance to inform them that Peter was in distress, they knew. They both raced the short distance to Peter’s room pushing open the already cracked open door.
Peter was tossing and turning, the comforter had slipped off the bed and Peter’s legs were tangled in the red and blue throw blanket. His arms were flailing, but his hands were in fists as if he was fighting off invisible enemies. Peter’s face was scrunched up in conflict and pain, and tears were streaming from his eyes they were clenched shut. His curls at the front were plastered to his forehead from sweat. It was a heartbreaking sight and the sounds coming from the boy were no less heartbreaking either. He was whimpering, and Tony could have sworn he heard the word no come out of the kid's mouth a few times. Bucky has enhanced hearing and he was sure Peter was pleading no. He also let out a few yelps and cries. Tony and Bucky rushed to his bed, both kneeling down beside it.
“Peter, you need to wake up, it’s not real.” Tony tried, but Peter just kept tossing and turning.
“Peter, come back. We’re safe now. We’re not there and we’re both safe.” Peter calmed down a bit, but still did not wake up. Where Tony was afraid to touch Peter, Bucky got on the bed and pulled the kid into his arms. He was doing what Tony wanted to do more than anything, but Tony stepped back. It hurt to step back, but he needed to do what was best for Peter, and right now at this moment what was best for Peter was Bucky. It hurt, but he understood.
Bucky held Peter with both arms. At hydra he could only hold the kid with one because of the chains, this was better. This proved there was nothing holding him back and binding him. “Peter wake up, you don’t have to fight anymore. You can take a break now kid, we’re safe.” He reiterated. “No one is going to take you away when you wake up. No one is going to rip you away from me, understand? No more taser rods, no more testing, no more training.” He was about to say ‘no more missions,’ but he wasn’t even sure if the kid went on missions. If he did it was after the wipe. “You’re safe, I’m safe, and it’ll be okay.” Steve was standing in the doorway while Tony stood by the bed. They listened to the heartbreaking words that were just meant for Peter. They knew very little about what happened, but just those three sentences made both Tony and Steve hot with rage and nauseous at the same time.
Peter listened and slowly came back to consciousness. He had listened to that voice tell him stories at Hydra and used that voice as a tether, taking in every word when he was locked in his own mind. Now he used it as a way to pull himself from the nightmare he was stuck in. When he finally opened his eyes Bucky was there, he was safe. “Hey there,” Bucky said and gave Peter a small, wary, soft smile. Peter still had tears in his eyes from what he dreamed about, or what he relived in his nightmares. “You're okay Peter.” Peter still looked frightened though, “Let’s do what we always do okay, let’s remind ourselves, let’s list the team so we never forget.” Peter nodded shakily, “Alright who do you always start with no matter what?” Bucky asked, a knowing smirk on his lips and he quickly glanced at Tony and then back at Peter.
“Mr. Stark,” Peter whispered in a tearful voice, unaware at the moment that the man he just named is in the room.
“That’s right. Who do I always start with?” Bucky asked glanced lovingly at Steve.
“Mr. Rogers, but he prefers Steve.” Peter said with a bit more confidence.
Bucky laughed and Steve smiled from the door amusedly, “Correct. Who do you usually name next?”
“You,” Peter said, looking straight into Bucky’s tired eyes.
“That’s right, and who's next?”
They go on like that until they have named the entire team and Peter’s eyes start to droop. “Alright, time to go back to sleep Pete.”
Peter’s eyes open a little more at that, in fear. He knew as Bucky knows, sleep comes with nightmares. “Stay?” Peter said grasping the man's metal arm.
Bucky looked back at Steve who gave him a small nod of understanding. Bucky turned back to Peter, “I’m not going anywhere.” Peter seemed to relax and slump at that. Bucky untangled Peter’s legs from the throw blanket and handed it to him. Peter clutched it like a young kid would clutch a teddy bear to their chest. Bucky then grabbed the comforter which had fallen to the floor and put it on top of them both, making sure Peter was warm. He remembers how cold the cell was and how Peter shivered under his arm most nights. Peter cuddled up and put his head on Bucky’s chest instead of using a pillow. Bucky didn’t mind and wrapped an arm around Peter as he did in the cell, but this time they were both lying down. This time Bucky didn't have to be the lookout. He knew Steve and Tony would keep them safe.
Steve and Tony watched everything happen with varied emotions. Steve watched on with respect, love, and sympathy for his boyfriend. As soon as Bucky turned to him he knew it was a silent way of asking if he could stay with Peter for tonight instead of their new room. As sad as Steve was to not be sleeping with Bucky tonight, as he has missed it so much for the past week, he knew this is what Bucky needed. He also needed Bucky to know he didn’t have to ask for permission. Steve knew being at Hydra, again, might have woken up some old habits, like asking for permission for things that were his choice. Steve needed to make sure, at a later time, that Bucky understood that they were in fact his choices, he has free will. Steve took one last look at his boyfriend protectively holding Peter and walked across the hall to their room.
Tony watched as Peter sought out Bucky for comfort. It wasn’t surprising, but somewhere deep down it hurt a bit. He had wished everything would have gone back to normal, where Peter sought him out above everyone else for comfort and safety. He knew though that was a pipedream and a selfish one at that. Peter needed Bucky and Tony wasn’t going to take that away. Peter needed time, and as much as Tony didn’t want to wait he would. He’ll wait as long as it takes. He did get a sense of hope and happiness when he learned he was the first name Peter would utter, the first name Peter would keep from forgetting, when they listed the names of the team to keep their minds sharp and keep the memories from slipping away. He wished they didn’t have to do that at all, but he was honored to be first, even ahead of Bucky, when they did do it.
Tony in the end couldn’t help going over, he still did not touch Peter, but he whispered, “Goodnight kiddo.”
Peter turned his head, his eyes half-lidded, but still looking up at him, “Goodnight Mr. Stark.” There was a tiny exhausted smile on Peter’s face as he turned back, his head still nestled on Bucky’s chest. It wasn’t like before, but it was something.
Tony and Steve returned to their rooms alone. It was hard as they had just gotten their boys back, but this is what they needed. Both Steve and Tony would go a few more days alone, not fully of course as their boys were safe and back in the tower one room away, if it was best for Bucky and Peter. Bucky needed Peter right now and Peter needed Bucky. There was no way Steve or Tony was about to tear them away from each other, especially after learning that’s what Hydra had done every day. They would both wait as long as it took for Bucky and Peter to trust and feel safe around them again. It was only the first night after all.