I Promise

“Peter, it’s me Tony; Mr. Stark.” He was crouching in front of Peter, but did not move closer as he didn’t want to be attacked again. That attack hurt more than just physically, it hurt because he thought he finally got the kid back, finally got the boy he had grown to love as a son back, but he was farther away now than ever. He was literally within reach and yet he was a million miles away.

Peter’s huge brown eyes which used to be full of fear, hope, curiosity, kindess, intelligence, and love, were now just empty. They stared right past Tony, like he was a ghost when it was Peter who was the ghost. A ghost of what he once was. Hydra had taken Peter and not just locked him away, but they seemed to have taken his soul. Taken everything that made him Peter and left a shell in his wake.

“I am not Peter, I am Hydra’s Spider.” Tony thought this would be one of the happiest moments of his life, but now all he wanted to do was cry. Why Peter? Why did it have to be him?

“Kid please, don’t let them win.” Tony said brokenly. “I’m sorry it took so long, but I found you. I’m not going to let anything happen to you again.” The words ‘I promise’ got caught in his throat. He couldn't say those words, not when he had broken the meaning of them with almost that same exact promise he was about to make. Peter just stared ahead, no reaction.

“How long has he been lke this?” Steve asked alternating his gaze from his boyfriend to the boy tucked under his arm.

“A few days,” Bucky said sadly as he looked down at Peter. “He fought them one day and came back like this. I’ve tried everything to get him to come out of it. I’ve tried reminding him who he is. I’ve tried to tell him memories from back at the tower. Nothing has worked.”

Steve couldn’t fathom how hard it must have been for Bucky, not only to be stuck at Hydra again but to be stuck with the Winter Soldier version of Peter. He knows Bucky has a lot of healing to do, and he will be with him every step of the way. “We can figure it out later, for now, let’s get you two out of here.”

Tony was still looking at Peter with shock and devastation but snapped out of it when he realized they were still in danger, they were still at Hydra. He instincually went to help Peter up, but Bucky held up his hand, “You better let me. I think they…” He didn’t want to say the word, it was so dehumanizing, but he had to “programmed him not to hurt me.” His eyes were sorrowful towards Tony as he said it.

Tony swallowed down his disappointment, got up, and nodded as he turned to go back into his suit. Bucky helped Peter up, but had to lean against the wall for support. A week if meals meant for normal humans, not an enhanced metabolism, left the man weak. Steve quickly got to Bucky’s other side and put the man’s arm around his shoulders to keep him upright and steady. He did this while watching Peter, making sure he wasn’t too close as he didn’t want the kid to lash out at him.

Tony came over in the suit, but also kept his distance. “I’m going to use a small laser to cut through the cuffs okay?” He knew they could probably find the keys, Nat may even have them in the ring of keys she took off one of the guards, but this was quicker.

Bucky gave a nod, Peter did nothing. Tony quickly cut into the metal; Bucky’s first in case Peter attacked again and Bucky would have to step in. Next, he did Peter’s, Peter almost glared at Tony, which broke the man’s heart, but made no other moves as it was over in less than five seconds. After that they all headed upstairs; Tony and Nat leading.

Nat had told the others the situation through the comms and once they had finished taking out the guards and subduing the scientists they headed back to the jet and waited.

It took longer than anticipated to walk upstairs as Bucky got out of breath fast from the lack of food over the period of the week being captive. When they got outside Tony turned to look at the two. Bucky’s eyes were closed as he relished in the wind blowing through his greasy hair. Peter’s face barely changed, although Tony could have sworn he saw a hint of a smile for a millisecond. It was probably just wishful thinking. He turned back and led them with Nat onto the jet bridge. The air was tense as no one said a word. Silently everyone except Bucky, Peter, and Steve went to sit or stand on one side of the jet. Steve was still helping Bucky who was on shaky legs as they maneuvered themselves, with Peter, who was still under Bucky’s arm, to the other side. Thor and Bruce sat down opposite of the three staring with a heavy expressions. Nat and Clint went to the cockpit and that just left Tony.

Tony had the suit release him and as he became free he looked at both sides of the jet as if he was lost. He wanted more than anything to sit next to Peter just as he planned to do. He planned to find his kid, hold him and never let it go. Never did it cross his mind that Peter wouldn’t let him hold him. Never did he think he would look at Peter and not see his kid, his real kid, one that wasn’t brainwashed by Hydra. He ended up taking the logical choice, he sat across from Peter. Directly across, it was the closest he could get to his kid without him trying to hurt him. The entire ride back to the tower was silent.

When they arrived everyone left the jet except for Steve Bucky and Peter. It took Tony quite a few minutes to agree to leave. He just got his kid back, sort of, and now he had to walk away. It was cruel, walking away from the only thing holding you together. The only person giving him a tiny shred of hope. But he did, reluctantly.

Bucky decided it would be best to take Peter somewhere he remembered after they got cleaned up that is. He hated doing it, but the kid basically only responded to orders, so he ordered him to shower. Bucky sat down while Steve fetched some sweatpants, boxers, and one of Peter’s T-shirts. After Peter was done showering and changing he told the kid to stay and sit on the couch in the living room. He knew FRIDAY would alert everyone if the kid left. Bucky hated treating Peter like a dog, it made him physically ill, but he had to shower and change before they figured anything else out.

While Peter sat on the couch and waited, Bucky took a shower. Steve was there to help him as standing was still hard for the metal-armed man, he leaned on the wall for most of it. He was sitting for most of his time in the cell and his legs were shaking with the weight it was no longer used to holding up. Once Bucky was done Steve had new clothes and one of their high protein super soldier bars ready for him. He gave his boyfriend a smile as he took the clothes and the bar with an appreciative, “Thank you.”

Steve gave a small nod in response. Seeing his boyfriend like this was hard. Being without him was harder, but seeing how much he’s suffered hurt him. He could see physically that Bucky was unwell, but the light and spark in his eyes, that they worked so hard to get back after he escaped from Hydra the second time, seemed to be lost again. Hidden behind three thick layers of Hydra captivity. The hope that things would get better seemed at a standstill now. It was like all Bucky’s hard work at healing had been washed away. That’s what Hydra does, wash away everything, hope, happiness, even a person's memories, and free will. They wash away a person’s soul. But this wasn’t like Peter, who was almost catatonic, no Bucky was aware and suffering. Steve didn’t know if the kid was aware, he hoped not, but he knew his boyfriend was.

He helped Bucky back out to the living room after making sure he ate the entire bar and had him start on another. Peter was sitting right where they left him. He hadn’t moved an inch, it was more than a bit unnerving. Bucky knew he told the kid to stay put, but he didn’t mean he had to be a statue. “Peter?”

“I am not Peter, I am Hydra’s Spider.” yeah Bucky sadly expected that.

“Fine, kid,” Bucky sighed not really agreeing or disagreeing, “come here I want to show you something.” Peter silently got up and walked over to Bucky. Out of habit, even though they were no longer in danger, Bucky put his metal arm around Peter’s shoulders. Peter did not seem to mind, he had no visible reaction at all. Bucky started walking to the elevator, Steve right by his side just in case Bucky stumbled or his legs gave out. Bucky was already feeling a tiny bit better from the bar and a half he has eaten. He had a long way to go physically, but it was a start. The three got into the elevator and Bucky pressed the penthouse. They had to wait a minute when it stopped, presumably for FRIDAY to ask Tony if they were allowed access. Tony must have confirmed because a moment later the doors opened.

Tony was in the living room as he watched the three make their way down the hall. It took everything in his power to stay seated as he knew sudden movements would not be a good idea. Bucky looked over at Tony “We're going to take peter to his room and see if it sparks anything.”

Tony gave a small nod and a forced smile to Peter. Peter stared back, no recognition in his eyes and it was like he had hit Tony in the chest all over again. Bucky just gave Tony a look that said, ‘I’m sorry,’ before leading the kid down the hall. Steve held the door open to Peter’s room as they walked in. It was just as Peter left it, Tony didn't touch anything after he was taken. He could barely walk in, he tried once but walked right back out. The kid got only a few days in his new room. Actually, he had been stuck at Hydra for more days than he had slept in his own room at the Tower.

Peter looked around, but it didn’t look like he was taking in all the science posters, Lego sets, and Star Wars stuff. It looked like he was looking for threats and entry/exit points. All things you learn in Hydra training. Bucky sighed, this didn’t seem to be working. He led Peter to the bed and sat next to him. “Do you remember whose room this is?” Bucky asked, hopelessness lacing his voice as he was sure he knew what the kid’s answer would be.

“No,” Peter replied simply.

“Well, this room belongs to Peter Parker, remember when I told you about Peter?” Bucky looked at Peter.

“Yes.”

“Peter’s a little…” Bucky thought of the best phrasing to use, “lost right now. Think you can help me find him?” Steve watched as his boyfriend tried so hard to get a glimps of Peter from the husk that is the kid next to him.

“Is finding Peter Parker an official mission?” Peter asked.

Bucky wanted to cry. No, he was not ordering the kid to go on a mission, he was not as bad as Hydra. But what if this was the only way? What if making it a mission made it a priority for Peter to find himself in the Hydra fog covering his brain. “Yes,” he choked on the word.

“I need official permission from my handler.”

Bucky wanted to scream, he got up, and without even realizing it said, “Stay” He felt sick as he left the room. Leaving Peter to listen to his command like a misbehaving dog. Steve took one more look at Peter, with sad eyes, and then turned to catch up to Bucky.

As soon as they made it to the living room and Tony saw that Peter wasn’t with them he lept up. “What happened? What’s going on? Is he okay?” He asked one after the other no breath in between.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky could barely look the man in the eyes, “I’ve tried everything. I don’t know what to do. I tried to remind him, but his mind just wion’t snap back like it did with me and Steve.”

“Let me try,” Tony said, a bit forcefully.

“Tony, he tried to hurt you last time you came close.” Steve, the always logical, butt in.

“I know,” Tony gritted out, that was the last thing he wanted to think about, yet it was somehow the only thing on his mind. “Let me try again.” Both of the other men looked at him skeptically, “I won’t get too close and you’ll be in the doorway of something goes wrong.” Tony said as he directed his words to Bucky.

Bucky had been trying for days and nothing had worked. Even the kid’s own room didn’t work, so he would try anything, “Fine, just…” he didn’t want to bring up Peter hurting Tony again, He saw how much it hurt him, but he needed the man to understand how serious it was, “be careful…Hydra teaches you to kill threats.”

Tony swallowed hard at that. Even the thought of his kid trying to kill him made him want to throw up. How fucked up could one organization be? “I’ll be careful,” Tony said as he was already walking to Peter’s room.

As he got to the door he slowed considerably, so Peter wouldn’t freak out and because he was getting anxious. Tony was getting anxious and scared about seeing his kid. Nothing about this situation was right. He stood in the doorway and Peter stared at him with empty eyes, but he looked on guard anyways. “Hey kid,” Tony said as he forced a smile on his face. Peter said nothing. “Remember me?”

“You are Tony Stark.”

Tony’s fake smile turned to a real one, “Yeah that rig-” before he could finish Peter was talking again.

“You are Iron Man. You are against Hydra. You are a threat.” Tony’s smile dropped. Peter was right, he was Iron Man, he was against Hydra, and he was a threat; but not to Peter. Never to Peter.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he remembers those were one of the first things he ever said to the boy all those weeks ago, but the last part of that sentence that he said that day died in his thoat. He still refused to say ‘I promise.’ “I just want to talk,” Peter said nothing. “Do you know where you are?” There was hope in Tony’s voice.

“Avengers Tower.” He said matter a factly.

Another small smile crept up Tony’s face. “That’s right. Your home.”

“Hydra is my home.” And again Tony’s smile vanished as fast as it came.

“No, it’s not Pete.” Tony said staring into the brown void that is the kid’s eyes, “You made it home Peter, I found you and brought you home.”

“I am not Peter, I am Hydra’s Spider. Hydra is my home.”

“No you’re not, and no it isn't. Please remember Peter.” Tony felt a tear slide down his cheek as his hope began to flicker out.

“I am not Peter, I am Hydra’s Spider.” Bucky and Steve were watching from behind Tony, who was crotched in front of Peter, a few feet back. Out of the boy’s reach. They saw how hard it was for Tony to stay composed. Bucky knew what that was like, he had been trying to stay composed without Peter, the real Peter, for three days.

“Peter I know your in there, please come back to me.” More tears followed the first.

“I am not Peter, I am Hydra’s Spider.” The sentence was burned into Tony’s heart. Staying there as a scar, a scar that would not disappear until he had his kid back. Not the Hydra version sitting in front of him.

“Peter, you were so strong. You held on until I got there and I am so proud of you, but you can come out now. It’s safe.” Tony basically begged.

“I am not Peter, I am Hydra’s Spider.”

“Peter you are safe. I will do everything within my power to keep you safe for the rest of your life…” He broke his promise to Peter about him never going back, those two words that keep getting stuck halfway up his throat will be forever tainted, but they were also the words that brought the two together. The two words that made them so close. Two words that Peter trusted beyond everything else. Two words made him believe in Tony and had him starting to heal from the past. And this time he wasn’t promising that nothing would happen to Peter or that he wasn’t going back, although he begged any god out there never to let Hydra take his kid again, he was saying he will do everything in his power to keep him safe. That he could promise because he can and will do anything to keep his kid safe. So he takes a breath, and utters those two words that gave Peter life after they rescued him the first time, “I promise.”

To Tony’s complete surprise Pete did not say the line he had repeated four times in the last minute. His face was no longer an indifferent expression of emptiness, he looked conflicted. His eyebrows knit together and his head cocked slightly to the side. Tony held his breath as he watched the boy, as he watched his kid.

_____

“I promise.” Something about those words had Peter’s head spinning. He knows he is supposed to say something, something about Hydra, but so much is happening inside his head. Memories are swirling around fighting to get to the forefront of Peter’s mind.

“I am not here to hurt you, I promise. I promise no one will hurt you. I won’t leave, I promise. I will be here the whole time, I promise. I am not mad, I promise. I’ll be back soon, I promise. I’m not leaving you, I promise. It’s over, I promise. No, no hose I promise. You never have to put your head under the water, I promise. I am not going to let anything happen to you, I promise. I’ll be there once you wake up, I promise. You're never going back there, I promise. I will be right with you, I promise. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. We’ll go together to see the stars when you're better, I promise. I won't let you fall, I promise. We won’t do anything you’re not ready to do, I promise. It’s over, you're safe, I promise.”

So many more memories of those two words play through Peter’s mind and then it ends with what was just said. The same voice from all the other memories, “I will do everything within my power to keep you safe for the rest of your life, I promise”

And just like that, it clicked and Peter remembered.