I Promise

At the end of the movie Tony looked down and smiled at Peter who was curled into his side. Peter looked exhausted, and yet he still had a smile plastered on his face. He just kept staring as the credits rolled, like he wanted to take in every individual name on the screen; take every moment in. ‘Note to self, Peter loves Star Wars,’ Tony thought.

When the credits finally ended Peter sat up, “Mr. Stark, that was awesome! I always wanted to watch them when I was younger, but my mom and dad said I was too young,” He looked sad as he talked about his parents, “And there wasn’t much option to watch movies at the orphanage, and none at Hydra.” Just the name made Peter shiver slightly, “It was amazing! Can we watch the next one too?” His voice was upbeat and excited, but his movements were slow and his eyes drooped slightly.

Tony was smiling along with Peter. He had never seen Peter this happy and this talkative before. A day ago he was barely talking and rarely smiled and here he was all smiles and rambling over a movie from almost forty years ago. It made him so proud. It was a strange feeling to him, feeling proud of a child. He never really thought his dad was proud of him, he never showed that he was proud of him. And now, here he was, proud of Peter, and just that made him believe even more that he would not end up like father. “Sorry kid, we need to eat something and then it’s off to bed.”

“Uhhh please, just the second one? I-” He cut himself off and put his hands on his mouth. He realized he just talked back.

Back at Hydra, if you talk back, you get punished. Basically if you did anything the slightest bit out of line, if you even touched that non-existent line, you were punished. Punishments ranged; It almost always started with a beating and then varied from there. Sometimes it was isolation/sensory deprivation, no lights, no sounds, no physical contact, no food, and no water. Having to wear the muzzle was another, Peter of course knew that one well. Experimentation, another one Peter knew well and was not fond of, although he wasn’t fond of any of them. Whipping was another one he despised. During those sessions he was not allowed to make a sound, when he did make a sound they would add five more strikes/whips. The chair was often a last resort for punishments. Although it was a punishment when you went into the contraption, and during the wipe, you came out hollow, thus forgetting the punishment along with everything else you have ever known. All would be lost except for obedience. But then the effects of the chair would wear off and the cycle continued.

While Peter was busy running though every punishment he had ever gotten for talking back Tony looked on with confusion and concern. “Peter?”

Peter still had his hands on his mouth as he slowly looked up at Tony. Tony reached out to him, he was just going to put a hand on his shoulder as confort, but Peter flinched. Tony retracted his hand like it had been burned.

As soon as Tony’s hand moved Peter recoiled, “I- I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Peter knew at this point Tony would not hurt him, he knew that logically from all the facts of the last few days, but at this moment logic flew out the window. Rules and punishments were ingrained into his head; into his life. He had gotten over some, like he spoke now. Mostly only to Tony and now Bucky, some, but at Hydra that would not be tolerated unless he was asked a specific question from his handler. He had never talked back to Tony, till now, and did not know what to expect. His mind didn’t at least, his body reacted the same way as at Hydra. Peter cowered against the headboard as much as he could with the splints and shut his eyes and put his hands above his head like he was getting himself ready for the impact. It never came.

Tony put his hands up in an ‘I am not a threat,’ kind of way. Since Peter’s eyes were closed he didn’t see that. “Peter? What’s going on, what are you thinking about?”

“Please, I’m sorry!” Peter shouted hoarsely, his eyes still shut.

“What are you sor-” Tony cut himself off, and sighed. He knew it had to do with Hydra and knew it was an important conversation to have. Because of this he knew Peter needed to be aware and listening to understand and have this conversation. “Peter, can you please open your eyes?” He said it with such sadness, but Peter did not move. “I won’t hurt you, you did nothing wrong.” Peter still did not move, he did not believe that last part. He knew he always did nothing wrong and that’s why he got punished.

Tony had an idea and gave it a shot, but first he reiterated, “I won’t hurt you,” and then added, “I promise.” Tony didn’t completely understand the exact reason for it, but those two words seemed to always calm Peter, and this was true here as well. As soon as Tony said those two words Peter began to drop his shielding stance and opened his eyes. They were drowning in unshed tears. Everything that had just happened crushed Tony’s heart. He had worked so hard for Peter to trust him and yet he still thought he would hurt him. He knew triggers weren’t logical. Peter just got trapped in a, or a few, memories from Hydra and projected them on the nearest person, him. Somehow it still hurts. He kept that hurt from his face as best he could as he looked into Peter's eyes, glistening with his hurt and sadness. “Can I ask what you think you did wrong?” Tony was pretty sure he already knew, but needed this to be an open conversation, this way Peter can learn and grow.

“I- I talked back sir,” he said after sitting back down into a more comfortable position and dropped his head in shame.

Tony winced at the title ‘sir,’ it is what he would sometimes call his father. He hated it, he never wanted to be called by that name, but in society it was pretty unavoidable. He was called sir on a daily basis. He couldn’t control the world, but those close to him knew not to call him sir. He knew it was probably what Peter had to call his handler, if not something worse, so he just moved past it and hoped it would not reoccur. It was the first time so far, so hopefully it was also the last.

What’s funny is he hated the name ‘sir‘ and, before Peter, he hated being called Mr. Stark, even though, again, it was unavoidable. Mr. Stark had always been his fathers name, and that is exactly why he hated it. He absolutely hated it; until Peter. Hearing the name from Peter broke his overwhelming hate for it. In Tony’s mind nothing Peter could say or do would be bad. All the bad was from Hydra, Peter was the opposite.

“Peter, you didn’t do anything wrong. You were asking for what you wanted. You have a right to.” Peter looked up when Tony said he had ‘a right to,’ he was just so used to not having rights of any kind. When Peter looked up Tony put his arms down slowly. “You have the right to ask, and I have the right to refuse. My refusal does not mean you did something wrong, it does not mean you will be punished. It just means that I don’t think it is the right activity for this moment. You're still recovering and need rest.”

Once Peter calmed and thought it through he realized how much he overreacted. How much Hydra corrupted him to believe that a sentence, a question, would end in punishment. He then realized he flinch back from Tony and felt a wave of guilt overtake him, “Mr. Stark,” He looked him in the eye, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t means to flinch, it’s just I-”

“I know,” Tony said gently, still keeping his distance in case. “I know it was instinct.” Even if it did hurt, he knew Peter didn't do it on purpose. “How about we eat something and go to bed, we can watch the next one tomorrow.” Peter simply nodded. Tony gave him a gentle smile, “Alright.” He then looked towards the ceiling, “FRI? Can you send up some food for Peter and I?”

“Yes, boss.”

He looked back down at Peter who was still cowering just a bit. It made Tony sad, not just for the reason Peter was cowering, but because Tony had just got to see a glimpse of a happy carefree Peter less than a few minutes ago. Now looking at him it was like that never happened. His demeanor changed so drastically in just a few moments that it was almost like two completely separate people. He could only hope that Peter would feel safe enough again to show excitement and happiness once more. “While we wait, do you need to use the bathroom?”

Peter nodded. Tony noticed when Peter thought he did something wrong, he talked less or not at all. For now he let it go, but if it kept happening he would have to discuss it with him. “First I’ll have to disconnect the IV ok?” Peter nodded. Tony quickly disconnected the tube after blocking the flow from the bag. Although it was empty at this point so it didn’t really matter. “Can I carry you?” Peter nodded. “Alright, same as last time, can you put your arms around my neck?” Peter nodded and did so. Tony picked him up in the awkward toddler hold and carried him to the bathroom. Since Peter had the support bar, he did not need Tony’s help. “I’ll be just outside.” Peter nodded and Tony walked out and shut the door.

Like last time Peter went to the bathroom there was a knock on the door. And like last time it was Helen. She was holding a tray of food, a new IV bag, and some more bandages with alcohol wipes. Tony helped by taking the tray and letting her in. “Evening Tony, how is he?” She asked, already making her way to the IV pole to change out the bag.

Tony put the tray of food on the nightstand and turned towards Helen. “Physically? Same as earlier. Emotionally? Well…” He sighed, “he’s getting there.”

“It will take a while Tony, and to be completely honest the effects of Hydra might never fully go away.” Helen said with sadness lacing her otherwise professional voice.

“I know, I just want to help him, but I honestly don't exactly know what I’m doing.”

“Well he trusts you, so you must be doing something right.” Tony gave her a smile and she returned it, but then frowned as she looked down. Tony followed her line of sight to his hand. “Why are you not wearing the splint?”

“It wasn’t really doing anything except getting in my way. I’m fine, really.” She just shook her head disappointedly and went back to hooking up the new bag. She knew to pick her fights with Tony and this was not one of them. Then they both heard a knock from the bathroom door.

____

While Peter was in the bathroom he heard a knock on the bedroom door. He already knew who it was even before anyone spoke. After he got his spider powers and learned more about his enhanced hearing he noticed every person has a unique heartbeat. Tony’s was a bit fast and a little off, probably because of the glowing thing in his chest. He wanted to ask about it but was a bit afraid. The other person's heartbeat was calm and steady, he recognized it as Helen’s and that made his own heart race a bit in fear.

Mr. Stark and Helen must have forgotten he had super hearing since they were currently talking about him. Helen had asked how he was doing and Tony had replied, “Physically? Same as earlier. Emotionally? Well…” He heard Mr. Stark sigh, “he’s getting there.” He hated hearing the despair in Mr. Stark’s voice. He hated causing it and being a burden.

“It will take a while Tony, and to be completely honest the effects of Hydra might never fully go away.” Helen spoke up and at the mention of Hydra Peter flinched. ‘Will I always be broken?’ He thought.

He heard Mr. Stark talk about how he had no idea what he was doing, and Peter didn’t either. They were just trying to figure it out together. Then the two spoke about Tony’s hand, Peter noticed he took the splint off, but did not say anything, it was not his place. He didn’t really know where his ‘place’ was, or if he even had one. He drowned out their conversation and finished using the bathroom. The support bar helped a lot. He then knocked on the door to signal to Mr. Stark that he was done.

____

Tony opened the door slightly, “Hey, just so you know, Helen is here.”

“I know.” Peter said quietly.

Tony looked confused, but then an expression of realization crossed his face. ‘Peter has enhanced hearing and heard us talking about him.’ Tony thought. He didn’t say anything bad about Peter that he can think of, he never would, but Peter had gotten used to People not talking to him or talking to others about him at Hydra. Tony did not want to add to that. “Oh, sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Can I carry you back to the bed?” Peter nodded and Tony once again awkwardly picked him up and carried him back to the bed.

“Hello Peter.” Helen said with a kind smile. Peter waved once he was back on the matress. “Can I reconnect the IV?” Peter nodded with still just a hint of apprehension in his eyes. Helen smiled and connected the new bag to the IV in Peter's arm. “May I look at your abdomen to see how the sight is healing?” Peter felt his apprehension grow a bit and looked over at Tony who had not left his side.

“I can remove the bandage like last time if you want.” Peter nodded. Helen grabbed the supplies and passed them to Tony. He took them with a grateful nod. “I’m going to use this wipe like last time ok?” Peter nodded.

Just like last time Tony used the alcohol wipe to take Peter’s bandage off as painlessly as possible. Expert for one whimper when he first peeled off a corner of the bandage there were no other indications of pain.

When it was fully off Helen looked it over. “Looks even better than earlier.” She said with a smile. “I want to leave the stitches in a little while longer just to be safe, but we can take them out soon.”

“That's great,” Tony said with a smile and gave Peter a comforting shoulder squeeze. Helen smiled along with him, but did not make a move to leave. “What else?” Tony asked since it was obvious she had something else to say.

“If possible I would like to do an X-ray of Peter’s legs to see how they are healing.” Peter looked fearfully towards Tony. Tony looked uncertain. Helen spoke up again, “An X-ray would give me a more in depth picture of how you are healing.” She said to Peter.

Peter hated X-rays, they used them at Hydra. He didn’t want to think about it, but just the word brought the memories back. Tony watched Peter’s fear filled eyes glaze over and he knew they were losing Peter to a memory, probably a horrific Hydra memory. “Peter?” nothing. Helen watched with concern, but said nothing, she knew Peter was still afraid of her. “Peter? Bud, can you hear me?” Still nothing.

Very softly Helen said, “Can you have FRIDAY scan Peter’s legs so we don't have to do the X-ray.” She said the last word even softer since that is what seemed to set Peter off. “It won’t tell me as much, but it will give me a percentage of how much the bones have healed.”

Tony still did not take his worried eyes off of Peter, but he nodded so she knew he heard her. She quickly put a new dose of the pain meds into the IV and left to give Peter space.

Tony carefully sat on the bed facing Peter. “Pete? Can you hear me?” Tony very slowly and gently laid a hand on Peter’s shoulder.

____

Above all the medical and scientific talk around him from the Hydra agents, Peter heard another voice. One that stood out above the rest. One that, unlike all the others, sounded safe but also concerned. He tried to latch on to it. Tried to figure out where it came from but it was hard as he was strapped to the X-ray table. He then felt a weight on his shoulder, he flinched slightly, but then realized there was no pain. Almost every time he was touched at Hydra there was pain, but not now, he looked towards his shoulder and saw a hand.

And just like that the world around him changed. He was no longer in the experimentation room, he was no longer under the X-ray machine; he was in Mr. Stark's room.
____

He looked from the hand on his shoulder to Tony’s face etched in concern. “You with me?” he asked.

“Yeah, sorry.” Peter said as he looked down.

“Hey, no need to be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong. You want to talk about it.”

“I don’t like X-rays.” Peter replied simply in a low despair filled voice.

“Ok, then we won't do one. Do you want to tell me why you don’t? You don’t have to, of course.” He didn’t want to force Peter.

He was scared to ask a question right now, but he didn't want to talk about it at the moment. “Can we eat first?”

“Sure, can I just rebandage your abdomen?” Peter nodded, but still was looking at his lap. “I’m just going to quickly wash my hands ok? I’ll be right back.” Peter nodded and Tony headed to the bathroom to wash his hand. Helen wanted him to use sterile gloves, but he was too worried they used them at Hydra. He wanted to limit the medical material around Peter, so the next best option was to thoroughly wash his hands. Once they were clean he grabbed the supplies Helen left. He used one alcohol wipe to clean the area, used gauze to dry it, and then put a bandage over it. “All done.” Tony said as he threw away the used material. “Let’s see what’s on the menu for today.” He said as he grabbed the tray from the nightstand. “Looks like a turkey sandwich for me and applesauce and apple juice for you. Hope you like apples.” He laughed putting the glass of apple juice next to Peter on the nightstand and then picked up the bowl. Peter must be getting used to this routine because he already had the pillow on his lap to help hold the bowl. Tony smiled as he handed Peter applesauce. He then grabbed his plate and put the empty tray on top of the chest of draws under the TV.

He sat on the bed and started on his sandwich. He watched Peter play with the applesauce for a minute with the spoon and then he actually took a bit. A smile lit up his face, it seemed to be contagious as one also appeared on Tony’s. “Good?” Peter nodded, taking another bite. “Good I’m glad.” They ate in silence for a while and Tony noticed Peter staring, then looking away, staring, and then looking away again. He was going to let it go, but the look on Peter’s face made him believe he had a question. He took a shot, “What’s on your mind kiddo?”

Peter looked up at him surprised, ‘How did he know?’ Peter thought. Hesitantly he spoke, his voice soft, “Can I, uh can I ask you a question?” he almost whispered it.

“Of course bud, shoot.” he gave Peter an encouraging smile.

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing at Tony’s chest.

Tony didn't need to look down to see what Peter was talking about, “It’s called an arc reactor.” His voice was very matter of fact, he did not usually like to talk about it.

“A fusion reactor?” Peter asked, gaining a bit of confidence.

Tony was not expecting that. “Yeah,” he laughed, “a miniature fusion reactor.” Tony knew Peter was smart, but didn’t know how smart.

“Why do you have it?”

Tony took a breath, he needed to be open with Peter if he wanted Peter to be open with him. He made eye contact with Peter and Peter saw the hint of fear clouding Tony’s eyes as he began to speak. “Remember before you took a bath how I told you that I was taken by some bad people?” Peter nodded with an expression full of sympathy. If there is one thing he knew it was being taken by ‘bad people.’ “Well they got me by bombing the car I was in and the car round me. When I woke up I had a c-car battery attached to a hole in my chest.” Peter's eyes widened as Tony’s voice broke. “It was the only thing keeping me alive.” He took a breath, “While I was held captive they tried to force me to build weapons for them. Instead I worked on a way out and this.” he said tapping the arc reactor. “The bombs had sent shrapnel flying and some hit me. Without the car battery or this reactor they would make their way to my heart.” He gave Peter a small fake smile and looked down. He never really talked about it.

Peter looked on with sorrow and admiration. Tony had just told Peter one of the, if not the, hardest things he has ever had to deal with. Even some of his friends still didn’t know a lot of what went on in afghanistan. “They broke my b-bones.” Tony had opened up, now it was Peter’s turn.

Tony's head shot straight up, a look of surprise and horror on his face. Surprised Peter was talking about Hydra and horrified at what they did even though he already knew that from Peter’s legs. “I’m so sorry.”

Peter was about to say ‘It’s okay,’ but then remembered Tony saying it wasn't, and it’s true, it wasn't, and what they did will never be. He gave a small nod and continued, “They would break my bones, reset them if they had to, and x-rayed them. They did it to see how fast my healing was.” Tony nodded, not knowing what to say. “Once they figured out my healing baseline they wanted to see if it was the same in other circumstances. They would have me eat less or not at all and then break my bones to see how much longer it took to heal.”

Tony wanted to throw up, he was even eyeing the trashcan by the nightstand. Then something occurred to him, “I-if they reset your bones why did they leave your legs like that.”

“That wasn’t a test, that was a punishment for running away.” He said simply almost robotically like it was a fact. “They didn’t reset them because they wanted to make sure I could not run away again.”

Even though his voice cracked when talking about the Ten Rings, he did not cry, but tear now flooded his vision. ‘What is three month compared to five years?’ Tony though. Peter had survived five whole years in captivity. Without thinking it through he put his empty plate on the nightstand and then wrapped his arms around Peter. Peter stiffened for a millisecond, but relaxed into Tony’s arms.

He wanted to hug back, but, “This applesauce is going to spill.” Peter said, eliciting a laugh from Tony.

“Can’t have that,” Tony said as he pulled back with a chulkle. He looked at the bowl which was still half full. Peter’s healing factor could use all the help it could get, “Mind taking just a few more bites for me?”

“You're such a dad.” Peter said, smiling, without thinking. When the words caught up to him, he snapped his mouth shut. He looked up at Tony worried what he would find. Tony was smiling down at him, tears in his eyes, but of joy instead of sadness from a few minutes ago, and a look of pride. The sentence filled him with so much warmth and happiness.

Although it was a joke it was one of the best sentences he had ever heard. Even though it made him happy, he saw Peter blushing and a bit uncomfortable. ‘He probably thought he said something wrong.’ Tony thought, but even the sadness of that thought could not take away the joy he felt. He chuckled again, “Yeah, yeah I am.” ‘a proud one too’ He did not say that part out loud. “Eat up kiddo.”

Peter ate a few more bites and handed the bowl to tony. He then shifted to lay down flat. Tony put the bowl on the empty tray on the chest of drawers and then went to the other side of the bed. He laid down next to Peter, but kept his distance. They had gotten close of course, but Tony was still always worried about scaring Peter or making him uncomfortable. Peter inched his way over and then put his head on Tony’s chest right beside the arc reactor. Tony smiled and wrapped an arm around Peter and used his other hand to brush through his curls.

Peter started to slip into sleep, lulled and comforted by Tony's hand in his curls and heartbeat underneath his head.