Stars
Peter shifted, slowly coming back to consciousness. Although he had just woken up he was beyond tired. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he had heard someone talking to him. It was nice to have someone talking to him directly, he didn't get that much. ‘I must have passed out after an experiment,’ he thought. But he was confused at the soft feeling under him instead of the usual unrelenting metal. Like usual he couldn't move his legs, ‘reastaints’ he thought sadly, but he did not understand why he could move his arms. He was so confused why he did not wake up in horrible pain like usual. Usually he only passed out if the pain became unbearable and it would still be there when he woke up naturally or more often woke up after water was dumped on him. But now he felt no pain, he felt like he was floating.
He heard the voice again something about whether he was waking up. He knew the consequences of not answering, so to give them one he peeled his heavy eyelids open. He was met with a soft white ceiling instead of the overly bright surgical light he was used to.
He turned his head toward the direction of the voice. He was expecting to see someone in a lab coat looking down at him with malice or no emotion whatsoever, but what he found was a concerned face above him. A pleasant, comforting concerned face or someone he recognized. It took a moment for the gears in his head to start moving but when they did he remembered. He was no longer at Hydra, he was no longer on that table, and he was no longer at their mercy. He was safe and the man next to him was Tony.
Tony who had only been kind to him. The one who rescued him and has kept him safe. The one who has kept every promise he has made. One of those promises was to be there when he woke again, and here he was. This just reinforced his trust in him. He smiled up at him. Tony smiled back. “How are you feeling kiddo?” His voice was so gentle and paternal and it made Peter’s heart swell.
Peter thought for a second, “Mmm, Floaty.”
Tony couldn't help but chuckle. “Yeah, that would be the pain meds Helen and Bruce cooked up for you.” Peter yawned. “Get some more rest bud.”
Peter was already closing his eyes again. “Stay?” It was almost inaudible as he was falling back to sleep.
“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Tony said as he, even surprising himself, lent down and kissed Peter’s forehead. And with that Peter was asleep once more.
____
The next time Peter woke up, he was a little more aware and a little less tired. He had fallen back asleep for a few hours. “Hey, are you waking up again?” He heard Tony say. Peter opened his eyes and nodded. Tony smiled down at him. “Helen sent up lunch but I sent it back. Now that you're awake I’ll have her bring it back up, ok?” Peter nodded. “FRI? Have Helen bring the food back up.”
“Will do boss,” FRIDAY replied.
“Do you need anything? Except food of course.” Tony asked.
“Bathroom?” Peter said it as a question again. It was a habit he would have to break.
“Of course. Let me disconnect the IV ok?” Peter nodded. Tony went to the othert side of the bed and disconnected the line. He went back around to Peter’s side, “Can I carry you?” Peter nodded again. Tony realized it would be a bit more difficult with the splints. “Since you can’t bend your legs,” He saw a bit of panic in Peter’s eyes. Although Peter's legs were messed up before he could still move them even if it was painful. Now he couldn’t. Tony realized Peter had not seen his legs yet since they were covered by the red and blue throw blanket. “It is just for a little bit until your bones heal.” he tried to reassure.
Peter grasped the edge of the blanket and pulled it off himself. He gasped at what he saw, eyes wide in panic. “Hey, it’s ok. I promise they won’t be on for too long. Once your bones heal we can take them off and your legs won’t hurt anymore.” Tony said, trying to soothe Peter before the tears collecting in his eyes fell.
“When?” Peter asked in a trembling voice. Tony’s heart broke at the fear within it.
“When will they come off?” Peter nodded. Sadly Tony did not have a definite answer to this. “It won’t be long,” He wanted to start with something reassuring, “but I'm not exactly sure quite how long. It depends on your healing factor and the amount of food you're getting. We're working on getting you back to solids so your healing factor will work better. You're already getting more food than you were, so it should hopefully only be a few days, a week at most.” Peter calmed a little at that.
Now that Peter had calmed a bit Tony thought of the best way to carry him. He made sure to ask again, “Can I carry you?” Peter nodded. “Okay, we're going to have to try something different. Can you put your arms around my neck?” Peter nodded and did so when Tony leaned down. Peter might have not been aware, but Tony most definitely noticed Peter leaning into the physical contact. He put his head on his shoulder, almost nuzzling into Tony’s neck. Tony smiled, still confused as to why Peter meant to him only after a few short days. “Ok, I am going to lift you up and can you put your legs on my hips?” Peter nodded into Tony’s shoulder. It was awkward, but it worked. It was almost like a father carrying a toddler, except for the fact that Peter's legs were straight at Tony’s sides. He carried Peter into the bathroom and placed him on the closed toilet seat. “Alright, remember how you used my arm as support?” Peter nodded. “Well, now you have this handy support bar to help you instead, is that ok?” Tony gestured to the bar attached to the wall and Peter looked at it and then looked back at Tony.
“Yeah,” he said.
Tony smiled. “Alright. I’ll be just outside if you need me. Call out or knock on the door when you're done.” He turned around and walked out, closing the door gently. Just then there was a knock at the bedroom door. Tony almost instinctively went to look at the bed, for confirmation from Peter that it was okay to open the door, before realizing that he was of course in the bathroom. He walked over to the door and opened to find Helen with a tray of food, a new IV bag, and a kind smile. Tony smiled and let her in, taking the tray from her.
“How is he?” She asked after walking in.
“He was shaken up when he saw his legs, but all things considered, he is doing well.” she gave a nod.
They both heard a small knock from the bathroom. “I’ll grab him,” Tony says, “you're going to change the IV bag?”
“Yes and check the surgical sight if he lets me.”
“Sounds good, I was about to change his dressing.”
“I can do that if he wants.”
“We’ll see what he is most comfortable with. I’ll help him back to the bed while you exchange the IV bag.” She nodded.
He walked over the the bathroom and cracked the door open just a little, he wanted to make sure Peter was decent since Helen was still in the room, before opening the door all the way. Once he saw he was, Tony opened the door. “Can I help you back to bed?” Peter nodded, but looked past Tony into the room. It was then that Toiny remembered Peter had super hearing, he knew Helen was there. “Oh, yeah. Helen brought food and is changing the IV bag. She also wants to look at your stomach and see how you're healing if that is okay.” Peter did not move. “I’ll stay the whole time and she doesn't even have to touch you if you don't want her to. I can take off the bandages and put them back on instead of her if you want.”
“Yes, please.” He whispered almost inaudibly, looking fearfully past Tony. He said it quietly so Helen could not hear. Although Helen had been nothing but nice and she was one of Tony’s friends, it was hard for Peter to get past the fact that she was a doctor. Doctors were never nice, he had learned that about a million times in his time at Hydra.
“Of course, no problem bud. Can I Pick you up?” Peter nodded and wrapped his arms around Tony’s neck like before. Tony picked him up the same awkward way and made his way with Peter back into the room.
Helen was just finishing switching the IV bags and smiled at the two as they walked back in. Although the way Tony was held Peter was beyond awkward because of the splints, it was still adorable and Helen could not hide the smile on her face. After Peter was back in bed she greeted him but also kept her distance, “Hi Peter.” he waved. “How are you feeling?” He lifted a hand in a ‘so-so’ gesture. “Well hooking the IV backup will help so I can give you another dose of pain meds. Would you like me or Tony to hook you back up? I will have to administer the pain meds either way just so you know.”
Peter looked over at Tony who gave him a reassuring smile. Peter knew Tony would not let her hurt him, at least while he was in the room, so he very quietly said, “You can do it,” to Helen.
Tony smiled proudly because that was one of the first times Peter actually spoke directly to Helen. She smiled and said, “Thank you.” and promptly got to work. Peter didn’t take his slightly fear filled eyes off her as she worked. In less than a minute the IV was connected again and the pain meds were administered. Peter started to feel his pain wash away. She stepped back, “Can I look at your abdomen?” He looked over at Tony. Tony remembered he said he would be the one to un and redress the sight. “You want me to take off the bandage?” Peter nodded. “Alright. Helen, can you hand me an alcohol pad or two?” She nodded and did so.
Tony opened one of the packages for the alcohol pads, but explained first before touching Peter. “Ok, I am just going to use this to take the bandage off. I don't want it to pull your skin, alright.” Peter nodded, staring up at Tony with trusting eyes. Tony smiled and then went to lift the Hospital gown. Peter did not protest but did blush nonetheless. Tony then grabbed hold of the bandage, peeling the corner off. Peter winced slightly, “Sorry, I’ll try my best to make this as painless as possible” He then used the alcohol wipe in his hand to swipe at the side of the bandage as he pulled it off Peter’s stomach to help painlessly detach the adhesive. It came off with only a few whines and whimpers to which Tony apologized for.
Once it was off Helen came closer. She saw Peter flinch a bit and stopped, “I won’t touch unless you allow me. I just need to look and make sure everything is ok, alright?” Peter nodded. Helen came closer once more and looked it over, but never once moved her hand, making sure to keep them in Peter’s sight line. “Looks good, it’s healing well and fast. No signs of infection. Once you have another meal it should speed up your healing factor and with how fast it is healing we might even be able to take out the stitches tonight.” She smiled reassuringly at Peter then at Tony. “Make sure to clean it before redressing it. I will leave you two for lunch and come back later to change the IV bag once again and see if we can take the stitches out.” She turned and left, closing the door softly behind her.
Peter visibly relaxed after the door shut. Tony went to the other side of the bed to grab the supplies that Helen had left. He grabbed another alcohol pad, gauze, and a new bandage. He came back over to Peter. “Can I clean it and redress it?” Peter nodded and Tony softly smiled at him. He knows Peter is a teenager and not a little kid, but he can’t help feeling proud at how well he is handling all the medical stuff. He opened the packet, pulling out the alcohol wipe. He very gently ran it over the healing incision, he then took the gauze and dabed to make sure it was dry. He was pleased to see that Peter had not winced or whimpered during this process so far. It meant that for once Peter was not in pain, and that made Tony happier than he ever thought it would. He opens the package containing the new bandage taking the cover of the adhesive off and then gently laying it over the healing incision on Peter's stomach. “Alright all done kiddo.” He said clapping his hands and then grabbing the used supplies and throwing them out.
“Thank you,” Peter said with a smile.
Tony simed back, “No problem, now how about we eat some food.” Peter nodded, he was super hungry. Before this even though he was eternally hungry he could never do anything about it. He got fed, but he could not taste, Peter wouldn’t even call it eating. Eating is when ‘you’ eat. When you physically chew and swallow food, but because of the muzzle he did not ‘eat’ for a whole year. Even before the muzzle, Hydra chose when he ate. And they gave him bland, almost bad tasting food that was just meant to help keep up his strength and keep his healing factor working. Food was never for enjoyment, it was only used as a necessity to survive.
Tony noticed the sad vacant look in Peter’s eyes. He also knew what that look meant. He looked like that when thinking about memories of afghanistan. Peter was reliving or remembering something from Hydra. “You okay bud?”
Peter was snapped out of his thoughts by Tony’s voice. He turned his head to look at the man. Tony was looking at him with concern. Peter blushed a bit, “Yeah, sorry, just thinking.”
Tony nodded, but still looked concerned and also saddened. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Peter thought about it. He knows he probably should. He has not had anyone to talk to for a long long time. Before Tony his parents were the last people he truly trusted and that was seven years ago. And not to mention before this he physically could not talk for a year. “I was thinking about food,” he said simply. To an outsider that sentence seemed so innocent. No one would think there were terrifying, troublesome memories hidden within those words. But Tony knowing Peter’s history with Hydra, or at least some of it, and the muzzle, it wasn’t hard to piece together the anguish within the words.
Even though Tony had a good idea of why Peter looked so sad saying those words, he was happy Peter was talking and opening up, so he tried to prolong the conversation. He had no doubt Peter had a lot to let out. Things that have been trapped inside since he was taken or even since his Parents died. He was also honored and humbled to be the one Peter opened up to. “What about food?” He asked like he already didn’t know.
“Food at hydra wasn’t anything like what I have had so far here.” He stated like it would explain everything.
Tony already found this whole conversation sad, but that made it worse. All Peter had had so far was chicken broth and jello. Simple foods that you can find at any bodega or convenience store. And yet he was acting like it was the fanciest, tastiest food in existence. What made it even sadder was the fact that it wasn’t an act. Peter probably actually thinks that after eating whatever Hydra gave him and then not eating for a year that this was in fact the tastiest food he had ever had. Although it made Tony sad it also made him happy. Happy that he could provide comfort and happiness for Peter. Even if they were all small things, but to Peter the small things were giant. Even basic human kindness was met with confusion and gratitude.
“Yeah?” Tony asked. He didn't what to pressure Peter by asking ‘Why not?’ but he did want Peter to continue.
“It had no taste and it was grey.” He said looking down at his lap. Then he looked up, “I mean before the muzzle.” and looked down once more.
Tony nodded, but wasn’t sure Peter saw since he looked straight back down after adding the part about the muzzle. “I’m sorry.” Tony was not sure what else to say.
“It’s okay.” he didn't look up
“No it’s not” Tony meant to just think it, but realized he said it out loud. When Peter heard that he looked up at Tony. He decided to be honest, Peter probably needed to hear this anyways. “It’s not okay.” he looked Peter straight in the eyes. His tone was stern but his eyes were soft and comforting, “Nothing they did to you is okay and I am so sorry for everything they did. I am sorry for everything you've told me about and everything you haven't. God, I’m just so sorry.'' His voice cracked at the end. Although it started as a way to tell Peter that his feelings were valid and completely, beyond, justified, it ended with Tony nearly in tears. Saying sorry for everything Peter has been through in his short life. Thinking about everything Peter had told him so far was breaking his put together strong facade. He looked away as tears blurred his vision.
Peter watched as the man who had been so strong and saved him basically broke down in front of him. Not only in front of him, but because of him. He reached out and grabbed Tony’s arm, not harshly, but just so he knew he was there. Tony looked down at him once more and saw that Peter was smiling softly up at him. Tony smiled back, doing his best to not let the tears in his eyes fall. He was not the one who should be breaking down and Peter should not be the one comforting him. It was all backwards.
He blinked his eyes a bunch to stop the tears and tried to change the subject. Although he wanted Peter to deal with his emotions he did not want to deal with his own. Tony already knew he was a hypocrite, telling people not to do anything he would do, so just add another to the list. Tony did not want to talk about his emotions. “So… food? Helen brought a sandwich for me and yogurt for you. Since we want to get you on solid foods we thought it best to add fresh fruit to the yogurt.” Tony reached for the tray on the nightstand and grabbed the bowl of yogurt. He grabbed a pillow and started putting it on Peter’s lap like he did with the soup. He then put the bowl on top. Peter grasped the bowl so it wouldn’t fall. “I had them put in blueberries and strawberries. They are basic tasty fruits and as a bonus they are red and blue like your blanket.”
It was one word. One word that Tony didn’t think much of, or at all, but to Peter it meant everything. ‘Your’ Peter hasn’t had anything of his own since before he was taken. Even at the orphanage he had almost nothing to call his own. Tony just called the blanket his, it was small, but it felt like the world. “You want to try some?” Tony asked, breaking Peter out of his thoughts. Peter nodded and took a spoonful of yogurt. He made sure to also get a piece of strawberry and a blueberry in the bite. He brought it to his mouth and almost melted at how good it was. Every time he tried something new with Tony it ended up being better than the last.
Tony smiled at Peter “Taste good?”
Peter brightly smiled, “Yes, very good!” Tony was overjoyed at Peter’s excitement. He had not really seen any side of the kid except for the quiet scared one. ‘Maybe Peter used to be energetic and talkative.’ Tony thought. From what Tony had seen it was hard to imagine, but anything is possible. Peter pointed with the hand not holding the bowl. Tony followed it to his sandwich. “You should eat too.” Peter said simply,. But there was a hint of fear, like he was afraid to even suggest something to someone.
Tony Smiled, the kid was looking out for him. Even though it did seem backwards, like before, he couldn’t help feeling happy that Peter cared that he was okay. “You're right.” He said to alleviate Peter's apprehension, “You want to watch something while we eat?”
Peter nodded, but looked sad, “I don’t know what to watch. I haven’t seen anything since…” Peter stopped talking looking discouraged and confused, like he couldn't remember the last time he watched something.
Tony knew Peter had almost certainly not watched anything at Hydra so he might have to choose for them. “That’s alright, we can scroll through the options and see if there are any that look interesting, if not I can pick.” Peter nodded. “Mind scooting over?” Peter smiled and did so carefully since he could not bend his legs. Tony got on the bed and sat next to Peter. He turned on the TV with the remote. He would usually use FRIDAY to watch something, but decided to grab the remote so they could servey the options. He scrolled through for quite a while. Peter was basically done with his yogurt and Tony with his sandwich when something finally caught Peter’s attention. “This one?” Tony asked.
Peter looked at it, “Stars.”
“You like stars?” Tony asked, looking down at him.
“I missed the stars.” He replied looking down.
“We’ll go together to see stars when you're better, I promise. We can go upstate so there is less light pollution.”
Peter looked up and smiled. “I would really like that.”
Tony smiled back, “Good. In the meantime we can watch these stars.” Peter nodded. Tony grabbed Peter’s empty bowl and put it back on the tray along with his empty plate. Peter then snuggled into Tony’s side and Tony smiled down at him, although from his angle all he could see was Peter’s mop of curls. He put his arm around Peter, tightening his grip. Tony readjusted the red and blue throw blanket making sure it was completely covering Peter. Peter held the blanket open and Tony realized he wanted to share. Tony obliged and draped it over them both. Once they were all cuddled up and situated, he pressed play and from the first moment of the movie, Peter was entranced.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....