I Promise

Time stood still for a second and then they both heard a click and the muzzle fell onto the bed with a soft thud.

Tony held his breath not quite knowing what to expect. Whilst he stared at Peter, Peter stared at the contraption lying on the bed that had been stuck on his face for a whole year. Peter’s face felt a pound or two lighter now. He stared at the muzzle wondering how such a small device could have left him so helpless, left him without a voice to use, and left him without a say in what happened to him; that is until Mr. Stark came along of course. Even though he could not verbally talk to the man, Tony still asked Peter’s consent and opinion on everything, finding a way to communicate with him. Tony found a way to give Peter back his freedom to make choices, his ability to say no, and make his life his once more. Peter knew he would never be able to repay Tony or express his gratitude enough even if he was given one hundred lifetimes. The man had no idea what he had truly done for him. Tony had given Peter back his free will.

Tony was still staring at Peter. He felt Tony’s gaze on him and finally tore his eyes away from the muzzle on the bed. He looked at Tony and opened his mouth for the first time in a year, but no words came out, just a weak croak. He winced, even that small sound sent pain shooting up his throat, it felt like sandpaper rubbing together. Tony realized he needed water and internally cursed himself for being such an idiot. “I’ll be right back, I am going to get you a glass of water alright?” Peter opened his mouth to say something but winced again in pain and just nodded. Tony went out the door getting Peter a glass of ice water and came right back. He handed the water to Peter. Peter took the glass in his hands and took a tentative sip. The ice cold water traveled from his mouth down his throat and it felt like heaven, he relished in it. He didn’t even realize he had closed his eyes until he opened them again to see Tony in front of him, a soft smile gracing his lips. Peter blushed and this time Tony saw not just the top of his cheeks, but the whole of them turn bright red. “I bet that feels really good on your throat.” Peter nodded.

Peter took a few more sips wanting to be careful not to drink it all at once. Although he knew that was unnecessary, surely Mr. Sark would let him have more, the water he had in his hands still felt like it could disappear at any moment, like everything could disappear at any moment and he would be back on that table with a muzzle on his face having experme-. He took a deep breath and tried to push that thought away and ground himself, ‘This is real, this is real, this is real.’ he thought to himself. He focused on the things around him that would remind him that this, all of this, is in fact real: the feel of condensation starting to take over the glass under his fingers, the feel of the soft bed beneath his body ‘not a cold metal table’, the feel of the fuzzy red and blue throw blanket draped over his legs, and the now look of worry on Mr. Stark's face. “Hey, buddy? You alright?” Tony said in a gentle concerned voice.

This was real, Mr. Stark had saved him, he owed the man everything. How could he convey his appreciation toward all that he had done, how could he- “Thank You” Peter ground out, his voice sounding weak, raspy, and painful. The pain was worth it to Peter as long as Mr. Stark knew how thankful he was.

Tony just stared with an unbelievable look on his face, ‘Peter just spoke!’ Although Peter could now speak it seemed Tony had lost all his words, he had no Idea what to say. ‘This kid had not talked for a full year and the first words out of his mouth were to thank me for giving basic human kindness?’ Peter was still looking up at him with adoration and Tony knew he had to say something, “You're welcome, but Peter you don’t have to thank me. No one should be treated the way you were, anyone with a heart would help.” Peter looked down, the key phrase there was ‘anyone with a heart’ there was no place for hearts or emotions in Hydra.

Tony’s stomach twisted as he watched Peter look down, ‘What did I say?’ Tony thought. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad.” Tony couldn’t think of anything else to say and it was obvious he created whatever distress Peter was in right now. Peter looked up at Tony puzzled. He tried to speak again to tell him he did nothing wrong, but his throat hurt too much from disuse, so he just shook his head, hoping Tony would understand. Tony gave him a small smile to let Peter know he understood his message even though he still felt guilty.

The puzzled look that was on Peter’s face when he looked up reminded Tony of the look Peter gave him the first time they met. He wanted to know why he kept looking so bewildered, puzzled, and confused everytime Tony first tried to speak to him, but knew this was not the time. One: because Peter could barely talk, Two: because he is pretty positive Peter is not emotionally ready to talk about it, and Three: because priority one at the moment is helping Peter’s healing factor. Now that the muzzle was off they could start slowly transitioning him to solid food.

Tony looked over at Peter once more and knew that he really needed to get clean, it had probably been a while since he was allowed to bathe. ‘Allowed to bathe.’ Tony thought, ‘No one should have to ask permission to be clean or wait for it to be authorized, it should be a right.’ Tony logically knew many people did not have this ‘right’ as had thought of it, like most homeless people for instance, but he had never really thought of being clean as such a privilege, until now. “You still have some dirt on you,” Peter also still had dried blood on him, but Tony thought it best not to comment on that part, “would you let me help you get clean?” Peter looked at Tony with a miserable look, he also looked like he was trying to say something. Tony pointed to the glass still in Peter's hands as a way to suggest he take another sip. Peter did. ‘Why did he look so miserable at the prospect of getting clean?’ Tony couldn’t understand; that is until the next word out of Peter's mouth made his heart shatter all over again. Just one word.

“Hose?” Peter’s voice was still haggard and filled with pain, physical and emotionally.

‘Did Peter just say hose?! Did those bastards really use a hose to clean the kid off like he is some kind of animal!’ Tony was beyond angry and realized his rage was showing through his expression as Peter’s shoulders started to hunch like he was trying to cower away, averting his eyes. Tony softened his face, “Hey, I’m sorry, I am not angry at you. I am angry at the people who did that to you.” Peter looked up at Tony once more. At seeing the sincerity in his face Peter straightened back up a bit. “No, no hose I promise. I was thinking a bath.” Peter looked a bit confused, but he trusted Tony so he nodded. ‘If they used a fucking hose Peter proabbly hasnt had a bath since before he was taken.’ Tony thought as he looked at Peter's confused face. Tony then smiled softly at Peter, “Great, FRIDAY? Can you turn on the water in the bath?” Then they both heard the water turn on in the connecting bathroom. The confusion of Peter’s face doubled. ‘Oh right I have not introduced FRIDAY.’ “FRIDAY is my AI, do you know what that is?” To Tony’s surprise Peter nodded. “She helps me and basically runs the entire tower. May I introduce you.” Still with a puzzled look Peter nodded. “FRIDAY, this is Peter. You may unmute yourself.”

“Hello Peter, I am FRIDAY. It is a pleasure to meet you.” A gentle voice with an Irish lilt came from the ceiling. Peter looked up, even though there was nothing to see, and he waved. Tony’s smile grew.

A few minutes later the bath finished filling and FRIDAY turned the faucet off. “Can I carry you to the bathroom?” Tony asked. Peter nodded, his throat hurt too much to talk. Tony smiled, took the glass of water from Peter and put it on the nightstand. He then disconnected the IV. He had watched carefully when Helen had done it, so he could do it himself instead of calling her every time and adding more stress to Peter. Then he put one arm round Peter’s back and one under his knees. ‘Still light as a feather’ Tony thought sadly, although he knew nothing would change within one day, especially since the muzzle just came off. He walked to the bathroom door and pushed it open with his foot.

As soon as Peter caught sight of the tub filled with water he stiffened and then tried to get away. He pushed a few terrified words out of his pain filled throat, “No, no, no! I’m sorry! Please no!” His pleas came out in a raspy, squeaky, quiet voice.

Tony was caught off guard and almost dropped Peter. The boy looked absolutely terrified and he was squirming to get away. “Whoa, whoa, hey, it’s ok.” He immediately turned around and headed back to the bed putting Peter down and also grabbing the muzzle off the mattress to keep Peter from looking at it. ‘The kid was already freaking out, the last thing he needed to think about was that godforsaken muzzle’ Tony thought. Peter scrambled back until his back hit against the headboard, terror and pain filled his eyes, his legs moved to an uncomfortable position.

Tony backed up and sat at the very end of the bed to give Peter some space to calm down. He put the muzzle inside a chest that was pushed against the back of the bed so it was completely out of sight. Then he waited, not making a sound, not moving, not doing anything just to make sure he didn’t make Peter’s panic attack worse. He wanted more than anything to hold Peter and help him through it, and also to find out what exactly caused it, but Peter was pushing himself into the headboard, obviously trying to gain distance between himself and Tony, so he thought it best to stay away. Tony sat patiently and worriedly for about thirty minutes, ‘the bath had probably gone cold by now’ Tony thought, but also knew that was the very least of their worries. Peter’s breathing had finally slowed down to a less worrying pace.

Tony tried to keep as soft as possible as he spoke, “Peter, are you ok?” He knew that was a stupic question, but what else was he going to say? Peter looked up, there were tears in his eyes. He did not say anything nor did he shake or nod his head. Tony needed to know what had happened so he could avoid it in the future. “May I ask what scared you?”

Peter took a minute to get the courage to reply and because of the pain in his throat he explained in one word, “Drowning.” He breathed out the word; he looked so frightened.

‘Drowning, I would never let him drown in the bathtub, surely Peter knew that.’ Tony throught. “I would never let that happen Peter, I promise.” He was going to leave it at that, but his curiosity got the better of him, “Has that happened before?” Worry was clear through his voice.

Peter nodded, tears starting to escape his eyes, “Held down.” he said in a grating voice, which he accompanied with a motion. He took his hand and put it on the back of his head and pushed down. Tony froze, ‘No,’ he thought, his breath caught in his throat. ‘waterbaording.’ Tony sadly knew this form of torture well, from his time with the Ten Rings. A kid going through that was too much, Tony sat unmoving stuck between the present and slipping into a flashback.

Peter saw the conflict on Tony’s face, and yet also saw understanding. This confused him, but it was clear to him that Mr. Stark needed help, he looked on the verge of a panic attack. Even though he himself just had one, he knew Mr. Stark never meant to do anything that would hurt him and now needed to make sure Tony was alright just as he had done for Peter. Peter slowly pushed himself off the headboard and dragged himself to the end of the bed where Tony sat. He slowly, as to not frighten Mr. Stark, reached for his hand. Peter placed his hand on Tony’s, not grabbing it, but just let it rest there, hoping the weight of it would bring Mr. Stark back to the Present.

Tony felt something on his hand and looked down at it. A smaller hand was on top of his, he recognized it at Peter’s. He started coming back to himself. When he could finally formulate coherent thoughts the first thing that came into his head was, ‘This kid has gone through hell and yet he is the one comforting me right now?’ He looked up, Peter’s giant brown eyes looking back at him. “Hey.” is all Tony said. Peter used the hand not on Tony’s to wave. This made Tony smile, but the he frowned again and said, “Sorry I spaced out there.” Peter just shook his head and gave Tony’s hand a light squeeze as a nonverbal way of saying: not your fault. Tony smiled at Peter once more. Peter then looked quizzically at Tony in a silent way of asking Tony what had happened. Tony sighed and decided to tell the truth, “Years ago I was taken by some bad people and they did that same thing to me.” Peter kept looking at him, but now his eyes were wide with surprise and sympathy. Peter leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Mr. Stark. He hugged Peter back without a second thought. They sat there just comforting each other.

After a while, neither of them knew quite how long, they broke their hug. Tony suddenly remembered how this all began, ‘Right getting clean.’ Tony thought about a solution for a second, when he thought of one he spoke, “If you are not okay with a bath we could try damp cloths, would that be better?” Tony knew a shower was out of the question since Peter could not stand. To Tony’s surprise Peter shook his head at the idea. He was about to try and come up with a different idea when his thoughts were cut off by a noise. It was Peter, he was trying again to speak.

It took a few tries, Tony was patient of course, “I- I- I trust you.” Peter finally got out.

Tony’s heart swelled at his words, a smile forming on his lips “Thank you,” Tony couldn’t get over how precious Peter was, “so you will try a bath?” Peter nodded. Tony got serious for a moment, “Alright, but if you change your mind or you just want to stop, promise me you will tell me or use the X motion we talked about? Also you never have to put your head under the water, I promise.” Peter nodded to both the question and reassurance. “Ok then, FRIDAY drain the tub and fill a new bath with warm water.”

“Will do boss,” FRIDAY replied.

After the bath was full once more Tony asked Peter, “Can I carry you?” and like before Peter nodded. Tony carried him bridal style into the bathroom, noting the slight fear that still remained in Peter’s eyes as he looked at the tub. He put Peter down on the closed toilet, “I’m going to grab some fresh clothes, ok?” Peter nodded, still staring at the tub. Tony saw this and before he left to go grab the clothes he kneeled in front of Peter so he could look at him, “Hey, I am not going to let anything happen to you, I promise.” Peter nodded and seemed to relax a bit. Tony smiled and then got up to go pick out some new clothes. He grabbed some boxers, grey sweatpants, and an old black T-shirt with a science pun and went back to the bathroom.

He put the clothes on the counter next to the sink, “So in order to get you clean we need to take your sweatpants and sweatshirt off, ok? You can keep the boxers on if it makes you more comfortable.” Peter nodded. He took the sweatshirt off with only one or two winces of pain, but then could not get the pants off by himself. “Can I help you?” Peter nodded and looked down in shame. “Peter,” Tony sighed, “remember what I said? You never have to be ashamed to ask for what you want or need.” Peter did not look up but nodded. Tony sighed again and helped him take off the sweat pants. He looked back at Peter after putting the clothes aside. Tony practically winced at the sight of Peter’s protruding ribs, but covered it up with a clearing for his throat. “Ok, before you actually go in can you test the water with your hand and let me know if the temperature is ok?” Peter nodded. Tony helped Peter by holding him up right by the tub. Peter reached out a shaky hand and touched the water. He then held up that same shaky hand, but this time, in the form of a thumbs up. Tony smiled at that, “Alright then, can I put you in.” Peter still looked scared but nodded. Tony carefully picked Peter up bridal style again, and gently started putting him in the water little by little. After a few minutes Peter was fully engulfed in the water up until his neck.

“You doing alright?” Tony asked, concern on his face. Peter nodded. Tony kneeled outside the tub. “Ok, can I take this cup,” Tony help up an empty glass, which he then put into the water to fill it up, “and wet your hair.” Peter looked apprehensive, but nodded. “Alright, tilt your head back for me a bit please.” Peter did so. Tony used one hand on Peter’s forehead to make sure the water did not get in his face and the other to pour the water on his greasy curls. Once his hair was thoroughly wet Tony reached for the shampoo. “Do you want to wash your hair, or should I?” Peter blushed but pointed at Tony, “Ok, no problem.” Tony poured some shampoo into his hand and then rubbed his hands together. He then put his hands on Peter's head and started rubbing the shampoo into his curls, careful not to let any drip into Peter’s eyes. Tony tried to ignore the hint of pink, from dried blood, that was now apparent in the white bubbles. As he massaged Peter’s scalp he looked down at his face. Peter’s eyes were closed, his face relaxed, and there was just the smallest hint of a smile. It was like a Mona Lisa smile, it might be one and it might not be one at the same time. Either way it was evident that Peter quite enjoyed this. He made a mental note: ‘Play with Peter's hair, it makes him happy and calms him down.’ Tony smiled. He kept this up for a few minutes, but wanted to make sure they finished the bath before the water turned cold.

He pulled his hands away, Tony thought he heard a whimper coming from Peter at the loss of contact, but it was so quiet he couldn’t be sure. Tony wiped his hands and grabbed the body wash, “Would you like me to use the body wash or you?” Peter opened his eyes, and once again pointed at Tony. “Ok.” Tony said with a soft smile. He washed Peter's arms, sat him up a bit more and washed his chest and stomach. When he got to Peter’s back Tony just stared. He had not paid much attention to his back until now. It was just a map of scars. Tony could tell by the shape of some of the scars what implement was used. Especially the biggest scars that created a crosshatch pattern. Those were made by a whip or a belt, depending on the width of the scar. Tony had a few himself from when his father had gotten really angry at him.

One of his hands was on the rim of the tub and he felt Peter put his hand on it. It was deja vu. Tony looked up at Peter and gave him a soft smile, pushing the memory away, and returned to cleaning his back. He then moved to wash Peter's legs, “Can I sit you on the edge so I can wash your legs?” Peter nodded. Tony lifted Peter by his armpits and sat him on the edge and had Peter lean against his chest to make sure he was stable, not caring that his shirt was getting wet. He then reached around and as gently as possible cleaned Peter’s legs, apologizing whenever he heard an involuntary sound of pain escape Peter. Once that was done he gently put Peter back in the water. He then grabbed a small washcloth and dipped it in the water and cleaned Peter's face. After all the dirt, grime, and blood was gone he looked like a brand new kid. He looked more like a child than ever, he was so young. Tony stopped his thoughts from drifting and focused back on the task at hand, “Alright, last thing is to wash out the shampoo, can you tilt your head back again?” Peter nodded and tilted his head back. Tony grabbed the cup of water and poured it over Peter's now clean hair, once again using his other hand to shield Peter’s eyes. He decided not to brother with conditioner this time. When Peter’s hair was fully rinsed he grabbed a towel and put it on the closed toilet. Then he grabbed a bigger one for Peter.

“Ready to get out?” Tony asked. Peter nodded. Tony carefully reached into the tub, not caring that his arms were getting wet, and lifted Peter. He put him on the closed toilet and wrapped the large fluffy towel around him. Tony moved his hands up and down Peter’s arms on the towel to warm him up after he noticed Peter starting to shiver. Once Peter was dryish, Tony grabbed the clothes sitting on the counter. He first brought out the fresh pair of boxers, since that would be the toughest piece to navigate. He kneeled in front of Peter, “First we need to get the wet boxers off.” He knew Peter couldn’t not do it himself, but he also knew Peter had most definitely not had privacy for god knows how long and he wanted to do his best to respect him. “Can I pull them off if I close my eyes?” Peter nodded eyes full of trust. Tonly closed his eyes and felt for the waistband and pulled them off trying his best to be careful of Peter’s legs. Except for one small whimper, to which he apologized, he heard no other pained noises from Peter. Still with his eyes closed he continued, “Ok, can I help you put the new ones on? I won’t look, I promise. Tap me once for yes and twice for no.” Tony knew using his voice still hurt. Peter tapped him on the shoulder once. Tony felt for the boxers on the counter and then felt for Peter’s feet. Once he found them he put them in the boxers one by one and then pulled them up. Peter used the counter next to him to pull himself up a bit so the waistband went under him and then rested on his hips. Tony let go, “May I open my eyes now? Same tapping system.” Peter tapped him once; Tony opened his eyes. He smiled at Peter.

He grabbed the sweatpants and helped Peter put them on. He then picked up the shirt. He was already getting it ready to put it over Peter’s head when he felt a small hand on his shoulder. He looked up and Peter looked at him quizzically. “What? Everything ok?” Peter nodded but then pointed to the shirt. Tony didn't quite understand. Peter pointed again, but more specifically pointed at the little bit of picture that was showing, through the folds of the shirt since Tony was holding it bunched up. Tony ralized Peter wanted to see what was on the shirt. He flattened out the shirt and held it up. It was a gag gift from Rhodey, it was of two beakers, one that was bubbling over and had an angry face depicted on it and another that was calm saying ‘Seriously dude, I think you’re overreacting.’ Tony assumed Peter would not get it, or at least not find it amusing, but to his surprise a laugh, strangled and a bit pain filled, but an actual laugh came out of Peter. It was the most beautiful thing Tony had ever heard. Tony could not help the giant grin that grew on his face. “You find that funny?” Peter nodded, “Do you like science?” Peter nodded again but more forcefully to get his point across more.

Tony was starting to like this kid even more. “Maybe you and I can work on some science stuff in my lab once you are feeling better.” A huge smile broke out on Peter's face as the warmest feeling bloomed through Tony’s chest. Peter’s smile was the best thing he had ever witnessed. He knew at that moment that he would do whatever it takes to keep Peter smiling.