Unburdened

April 2018, Grandmaster’s Ship

The ship was packed tight, trembling bodies pressed together. Cries of agony, groans of exhaustion, children screaming. The sound was deafening. Next to Loki, a mother sobbed and clutched a small rabbit toy to her chest, with nobody to dry her tears. Thanos held no discretion for who he killed, it didn’t matter as long as the numbers balanced out. There was no fairness, no women and children first, no hierarchy of who was important enough to live. Though certainly there were those important enough to die. That was evident by how he brutally murdered Heimdall. Loki hung his head, who knew how many were left. The majority of the Einherjar were killed during Ragnarok, along with countless citizens. Now to half the population halved again? This didn’t exactly fit Thanos’ perfect balance theory.

The god looked over to the woman beside him, for a moment he debated consoling her. He could drop this disguise, be the leader his people needed, do anything. But he couldn’t. The blame still fell to his shoulders. All the things he had done to his people weighed him down. Thor could have been their king, but Loki? Loki was never meant to rule Asgard. He was Asgard’s destruction. A numbness flooded him. He couldn’t stand to sit here and listen to her cries. Loki stood, drawing his hood, even with his disguise he feared someone would notice their Traitor Prince. He found a small corner of the ship, tucked out of the way, where he couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.

Day 4

Maybe Thor had survived. By some chance, Thanos may have spared him in thinking Loki was dead with all that even numbers nonsense. Loki kept to himself, hid on the ship, and plotted when Thor would find them. But he never came.

Day 13

Anger filled Loki’s veins. How could they all still be wailing? He sneered at each sobbing waste. Half his people were dead, more than that, and all they do is sit and cry. Thor is dead and they do nothing? Not even an attempt at really surviving this? Nobody could dare step up to be a leader? Thor should be here to lead the survivors. Loki was unsure where to direct this hate, at Thanos or himself. Rather he seethed, lashing out at every opportunity, yet not a soul on the vessel fought back.

Day 27

If he had just let the Tesseract be destroyed, none of this would’ve happened. If he had just not been selfish for once, his people would still be alive, Thor would still be alive, Norns, maybe even Frigga would still be alive. Loki blamed himself as the tears welled up, every bad decision he ever made led to this. Perhaps it was his penchant for chaos, maybe it was fueled by his pain. Loki wished for a moment that Odin had just left him to die in the cold. Perhaps then, everything would be fine.

Day 41

Drifting through space was lonely, and Loki spent the days wallowing in his sadness. The anger, the bargaining, all of it washed away, leaving the god empty. He saw the suffering of his people, still reeling from the attack more than a month later, and he felt nothing. The refugees drifted slowly, coordinates set for Earth. For days, Loki didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, he wept silent empty tears, and he mourned.

Day 65

Loki watched out the window as Midgard came into view, the planet growing with every passing hour. Where would they go? They had no home, no Thor to communicate with the Avengers, no way to negotiate refuge. By the Nine Realms did anyone even know how to land the ship?

 A man’s voice came over the speaker, “Is there a pilot on board? I repeat, is there a pilot on board?”

Not a soul came forward.

Balanced scales my ass.

Loki stood solemnly, keeping up his guise, and made his way to the cockpit. As he squeezed past the remainders of his people, he could see a woman speaking with a man in an Einherjar uniform. He was likely the voice on the intercom. Loki stopped, tucking himself behind a corner, watching their conversation. Perhaps there had been a pilot after all. As the god prepared to depart back to his sulking, the woman turned towards the main cabin as she tied up her long brown hair. There was no mistaking it, Valkyrie had survived.

That settled it, she was a strong and capable leader, and as a Valkyrie she would be more accepted by the people than the God of Tricks would be. Loki sighed contently, though no one could truly replace his brother, she would do nicely. He swiftly turned and went back down the hallway.

Loki whispered to himself, “The sun will shine on us again, brother, all of us.”

***

“We’re about halfway there, you alright?” Your voice pulled Loki’s attention from the window.

He shifted uncomfortably, “As well as I can be.” He gripped the handle as you took a turn a bit harsher than intended. “Driving with you is vastly different from that memory,” he said calmly despite clenching his jaw.

“Is that good or bad?” You inquired.

“Its certainly more frightening.”

The wind pulled your hair forward as you threw your head back in laughter. He smiled softly, you looked so carefree. You had recently gotten terrible news and were struggling to control your powers and yet none of it seemed to bother you. You looked like you did before your whole world ended, and he hoped that you felt that way too.

 You reached over and turned up the stereo as a new song started, electric guitar and percussion drowning out his thoughts.

“What in the Nine Realms is this?” He scrunched up his nose slightly, unsure of how he felt about this sound.

“Arctic Monkeys,” you shouted over the music.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Arc. Tic. Mon. Keys.” You slowed down each syllable as if it would help him understand.

“Yes, you already said that.”

“It’s the band name, Loki. The song is called R U Mine and it’s by the Arctic Monkeys.” You laughed at his bewildered expression and returned to singing along to the chorus.

It was cute, everything was so new to him. Loki had mentioned being on Earth before, but he was pretty unfamiliar with our music, modern technology, hell even normal things like gardening seemed new to him. He had seemed to know how to fill a bucket that first day, but last week you really stumped him with the garden beds. To be fair, Loki was a prince, so it made sense that he wouldn’t have gardened before.

He had come by around midmorning, sauntering up to where you kneeled in the grass.

“Ah, I did say you Midgardians would always kneel.” Loki loomed over you, arms spread wide with his palms to the sky. A grin was plastered on his face.

Rolling your eyes, you brushed the dirt off your hands onto your jeans, and reached up to tug Loki down by his forearm.

“Emi-” he exclaimed as he regained his balance. Loki stayed crouched on his feet, refusing to let his knees hit the grass.

“What?” You cut him off, “Scared of a little dirt, Your Highness?” The title was languid on your tongue, flirtier than the mocking tone you had intended.

“Not in the slightest, my brother and I trained on the field many times, and battle tends to get quite messy. I’ve just never deliberately shoved my hand into the mud without motive.”

“There’s totally motive, I’m pulling the weeds.” You pointed to bundles of weeds, “See how they’re crowding the mint? If you still want tea on a regular basis then I need to pull the weeds so the plant has room to grow.” Grabbing one of the weeds, you pulled firmly as it popped out with most of the roots, dangling it in front of Loki’s face before tossing it over your shoulder to the pile behind you.

Loki’s head was tipped to the side, he had walked in plenty of gardens, and picked flowers for his mother, but never had he done any work in the garden. The palace grounds were stunning, with sprawling gardens as their centerpiece. If he could be found anywhere, it was always the library or a tucked-away garden. As he watched you pull weed after weed, it dawned on him how much work others had put in to care for his green sanctuary. Honestly, he hadn’t really thought much about the servants of the palace, about all they did, about their lives now. Loki tried to keep thoughts of his people out of his head, he assured himself that Valkyrie would be taking good care of them. Though a small part of him now wondered if they would be gardening, or cooking for each other, he wondered how many had even survived. Did they live life with a routine now like he did? Loki thought about his new life compared to the one he had in the palace. Everything was so new, and yet so familiar. He still took tea in the afternoon, spent his time reading and practicing magic. The cooking was new, eating at a small table rather than in a large banquet hall was new, he lived more modestly now. More like his people. It felt nice, connecting to them in this small way.

Reaching down to the grass, the god lowered his knees, leaned forward, and pulled a large weed threatening to strangle the tomato plant. The stalk broke at the base, leaving a few leaves stuck in the dirt and a scowl on Loki’s face. He looked to you and received a nod before reaching again and hooking his fingers into the soil. Gripping the plant, he tugged and failed again. On the third attempt, before he could pull, you reached forward and placed your hand on his, encouraging him to twist the plant as you twisted your hand around his. Following your movement, the roots lifted from the soil, and a triumphant smile spread across Loki’s face. He tossed it onto the pile with glee and reached for his next victim.

The two of you continued this way in silence for a while, his skill increasing while you tended to the plants in more advanced ways. Deadheading the overgrown ones and harvesting what was ready. The summer crop had come in nicely and kept you both fed well, though you were reaching the home stretch with fall approaching. Dirt was smeared on his cheek as he repeatedly pushed his hair back, but it continued to fall forward every few minutes. After a while, Loki stood, wiping his hands on his pants, and held out a hand to you. With the bundle of vegetables in one arm, you took his hand and let him help you up.

“Why thank you, Sire,” you laughed and gave a small curtsy.

He held up his dirt stained hands in defense, “Ah, ah, today I am but a humble gardener on his first day, my lady.” Loki smiled at you before leading you up to the house for lunch.

***

You smiled, looking out the window at the passing trees before bringing your attention back to the road. By the end of the song, Loki was tapping a single finger against his thigh. His face was stone, unwilling to bend to the rhythm that had already taken hold of his tapping digit. He seemed to even enjoy most of the playlist as the drive continued, humming along with a few of the catchy songs. That said, most of his time was spent watching you. You sang along and danced as if you had completely forgotten he was next to you. You were just enjoying the company, knowing Loki had no need to go to town, but happy he had tagged along anyway. The rest of the drive passed quickly.

You turned the music down as the sign “Velkommen til Otta” came into view along with the outskirts of the city. The town of Otta was quaint, nestled between the hills and along both sides of the river. Parking in a small lot by a few stores, you could see across the street a farmer’s market was set up on the riverbank. You hadn’t been to a market in ages, but that giddy feeling rushed over you like you were a kid again. Mom had always taken you with her to the Saturday market to look at the artisan wares and pick up fresh produce.

 You were basically bouncing as you got out of the car, looking to Loki with excitement, “Can we go?”

His eyes followed yours to the plethora of tents, a smile creeping up to his eyes, “Why not?”

Grabbing Loki’s hand, you tugged him along as you hurriedly crossed the street, barely checking that a car wasn’t coming.  To say you were excited was an understatement. You bobbed up and down the aisles of goods, tents filled to the brim with freshly cut flowers, fruits, and vegetables. Several had craft items, pottery and paintings lined the booths, and one had fabric goods as well, thick woolen socks, hats, and long knitted sweaters. You took your time admiring the items, not even noticing that the god that previously followed you had disappeared.

Loki wandered further down, content to let you browse. The glint of sunlight on metal caught his eye. The table had rows of intricately crafted blades, their hilts carved with elaborate designs. He smirked and picked up a dagger, its black hilt was adorned with gold vines that curled around the length, and protection runes were carved down the center of the blade. Loki smirked, he had thought about training you in combat for a while now. He knew the dangers of the universe all too well, and even without your powers making you a target, it wasn’t safe being with him all the time. Even with Thanos dead, who knew what new danger Loki would end up bringing to himself? He lured in bad luck and death at every turn, and he was sure it would be no different now that he was supposed to be dead. Loki produced cash for the vendor and sheathed the dagger before walking away, once he had broken line of sight he vanished the blade, opting to wait for the right moment to give you the gift.

As Loki sauntered through the food vendors he saw you up ahead, you were chatting with one of the vendors and holding a large jar of honey. A sly smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth, it was the perfect opportunity to sneak up on you and deliver some much needed payback for the incident with the car door earlier. The god stalked silently towards his target, sticking close to the edge of the path. An obstacle blocked his path, a mother who gripped her son’s hand tightly, the boy tugging incessantly while he tried to grab the counter of a booth with a spread of cookies and other sweets. Well, she was certainly proficient at ignoring her child. Her attention was fixed entirely on the vendor she haggled with. The boy pointed at the sweets, calling for his mother’s attention. Loki smiled, conjuring a few coins and approaching the vendor.

“Two cookies please,” Loki requested as the boy looked up at him.

As you finished up your purchase, hearing Loki’s voice caused you to turn towards the sound. You walked closer, but stopped when the young boy came into view. Was he smiling at Loki? You cocked your head to the side, what on earth was Loki up to?

“Of course,” The vendor handed him the cookies and took the coins with a smile, “Have a good day!”

Loki bent down and handed the boy one of the wrapped up cookies, tapping his own treat against it as if clinking a class for a toast. He brought a finger up to his mischievous smile to shush the boy and gave a wink before standing again. The god unwrapped his cookie and took a bite before giving a wave and turning away from the child, only to see you watching him with a smile.

“So what was that?” You asked innocently as he approached.

“Just a little mischief, darling,” He held out the cookie to you. “I’ve got to have a little fun somehow, you know.”

You took a bite of the cookie, “It was sweet of you, the kid looked happy.”

“I hope so,” Loki smiled and looked to the ground, a warmth filling his chest.

The two of you finished up at the market and moved on to the grocery store. Once you were sure you had everything you needed, you both headed back to the car, arms loaded with grocery bags.

“You couldn’t have just done that magic pocket dimension thing for these?” You asked straining against the weight.

“Oh sure,” Loki grabbed a bag from you effortlessly, as if he wasn’t already carrying several on his forearms, “I’ll just do some magic in public and draw some attention to us. I’m sure it would be great for people to recognize me, I mean how many handsome men with long dark hair and striking green eyes do you see regularly on Midgard? Hel, they might even have the same reaction you did when you realized who I was. I say we give it a go, could be fun.” He sneered down at you, raising an eyebrow and taunting you.

He was right, as much as the convenience of magic would be nice, you couldn’t risk such an overt display. Honestly, you were lucky nobody had noticed him yet even without the magic. Granted it had been a few years since his debut on Earth, and without all the gold armor he looked pretty normal. You loaded the bags into the car, and just as you closed the back your stomach growled. It wasn’t terribly late in the afternoon, but you hadn’t eaten lunch and would still have an hour and a half drive back home.

“Why don’t we get something to eat before we go? We could grab an early dinner in one of the Cafés?”

“Are you trying to skip out on cooking tonight?”

“Maybe,” you shrugged, “our agreement was never cooking specifically, just providing a meal. I’ll just pay for it instead of making it.” You smirked.

Loki extended an arm to you, “I’m impressed, sweetling, I’m usually the one playing the word games.”

“I guess your silver tongue is rubbing off on me,” you looped your arm in his and walked towards a café across the street.

A wicked smile spread across his face, a woman who matched his wit was certainly seductive. While Loki would insist your friendship was platonic, a part of him reveled in how enchanting you were. Charisma dripped off your sharp tongue, and he was addicted. Clearly, the god spent too much time with you. Loki knew deep down that he couldn’t have you in that way, you had only just given him a chance to earn your trust. The sting of the fight from the day you met still lingered. You wouldn’t want to be with him anyway, you had shown him your true thoughts of him that day, and Loki had convinced himself that your friendship would never be as deep as he desired. He resolved to keep things as they were, in order to keep a friend in his life. And he resolved to keep thoughts of his silver tongue on you to a minimum, despite how delectable he presumed you to be.

The cafe was quaint, a small apricot-colored building with large windows. Tables with many patrons filled the space, and interspersed were comfortable couches and chairs surrounding coffee tables to create cozy gathering spaces. Above an unlit fireplace across from a couch, a small flatscreen played the news. The two of you were seated at a table against the wall, waiting patiently for your order. Though it was crowded, Loki seemed relaxed, which was a bit of a surprise considering his comment about being recognized. It was nice, you hadn’t been in a restaurant in forever, and being here with Loki just felt right. It felt like this was how things were supposed to be, it felt normal. Like how life was before The Blip. But it wasn’t, this wasn’t normal. You were living some fantasy in another country with a god in order to escape the reality that everyone you loved was gone.  

“You’re making a face, what is it?” He asked abruptly, dragging your train of thought off its tracks.

“Nothing, this is just relaxing.”

Loki tilted his head, watching as your eyes shifted to the people at the next table. “You can be honest with me, dear, I can tell you’re lying,” he sighed.

“What happened to not being the god of lies?” You whispered, paranoid about being overheard.

Loki gave a small wave of his hand and a green glow cast a circle on the floor.

“Loki-” you seethed with clenched teeth, he was absolutely going to get caught and people were totally going to freak out and-

He cut off your thoughts as he held up his hand. “Don’t worry, they can’t hear us, the illusion makes us appear to be having a normal conversation.” He dropped his hand back to the table, “Also, I’m not the God of Lies, I just know how to read people. You get considerably good at it after centuries of watching others from the sidelines. Now, what is bothering you, sweetling?”

You let out a sigh and relaxed your shoulders. “This just kinda felt, I don’t know, normal? Like sitting in this café with you just feels so much like before everything happened. Its like I’m living this fantasy where everything is fine, but nothing is fine, nothing about this is normal.” You cast your gaze down and stared at your hands, “Today was fun, going to the market and shopping and just casually spending time with you, its all be fun. I just feel like I’m not supposed to be enjoying this as much as I am given the circumstances.”

Loki’s gaze fell to his own hands, “Believe me, if anyone could understand, it’s me.” He cautiously reached a hand forward and left his palm up, offering it for you to take. “I’ve lost everyone just as you have, I understand the pain, the longing to have them back. The last few years with my brother were more strained than ever, and right when we had mended our relationship, I lost him. I would give anything to bring Thor back.” A soft smile spread on his cheeks as your hand slid into his, “It is alright for it to hurt, and for that pain to linger as we learn to move on. You aren’t expected to heal immediately, darling, but sometimes we need to accept that we are allowed to experience joy and mourn at the same time. Emotions are complex, and it is alright to feel multiple at once, to enjoy a fun day in the city and wish our loved ones were with us to experience it.”

A tear slipped down your cheek, following the curve down to the soft smile that tugged at the corners of your mouth. “My mom used to bring me with her to the market on the weekend, my siblings weren’t really interested so it became our thing, just the two of us.” You smiled up to Loki, “I miss her, I miss them all, but it was fun to walk around. I had forgotten how much I liked these things.”

Loki squeezed your hand gently, “My family attended all the festivals, it was basically required that the royal family be there, but it was more than a requirement for my mother. She loved to partake in the festivities, and she could always be found admiring the work of our artisans. She had so much pride for the people of Asgard, mother truly was a loving queen. I could almost feel her presence today, though she is in Valhalla, I could swear she was by my side when I was with that young boy.”

“I think you made his day,” you giggled. “Your mom would’ve been proud, that was a really sweet thing of you to do.”

Loki smiled, rubbing his thumb across the back of your hand. Your comment meant more to him than you could imagine, and with how you smiled at him after watching his interaction with the child, he knew you truly felt that way. Maybe he was earning your trust after all.

The sound of the news playing pulled your attention away from each other as the anchor began a segment on the Avengers.

“After the press conference with Captain America, we’ve seen very little of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. The Avengers appear to be taking some time to recover after they eliminated Thanos. Though we are unsure of when we will see the Avengers again, the world has responded to the tragedy in their wake. Countries across the globe have collaborated to provide resources for survivors, and…”

You looked down, tuning out the woman’s voice for a minute before a squeeze from Loki’s hand pulled you back to reality. You hadn’t kept up with the news, it was too much to bear. Hell, it was your neighbor back home that told you they killed Thanos, you hadn’t even seen the press conference. Part of you didn’t care, its not like they could fix everything now.

“…During these past months, we have compiled a list of sightings and reports on which Avengers have survived The Blip. Those who have not, will be honored for their sacrifice in their fight to save the universe.”

Images of the avengers filled the screen as the names were listed.

“…From the press conference, we know Captain America, Black Widow, and Iron Man have survived, though Tony Stark remains in critical condition according to Colonel James Rhodes, also known as War Machine or the Iron Patriot. Of the other survivors, sightings have been reported for Bruce Banner and Captain Marvel, who is a new addition to the superhero team. One Avenger is currently residing in our own home of Norway…”

Loki looked to you, his brows knit together and lips slightly agape. You shrugged at his confusion before your eyes went wide as a photo donned the screen, you nodded towards the TV and barely whispered Loki’s name in shock. He whipped his head around to face the screen, and was met with a photo of Thor, standing with Valkyrie in front of the New Asgard sign.

“…Thor and the Asgardian refugees have found a new home in Tønsberg, which is being renamed New Asgard. The Avenger has explained the tragedy that befell his people in an interview that will be shown after this commercial break.”

Loki turned to you, a mix of shock and glee and terror took over his face. “He survived,” he whispered, unable to believe the news, “I’m not sure how, but Thor is alive.”