In Which Toya Falls Inlove For The First Time
In the Kingdom of Light, love was viewed as something sacred. It was viewed as something beautiful. Toya found himself unable to show his love for those he cared about, he didn't know why, but he simply couldn't.
Every word he wished to say died down in his throat, he could only showcase his love via actions. Small, but meaningful ones.
Maybe he'd gift you a flower, carry your things for you, listen to your problems. He could only do so much, and yet he felt he gave too little. He refused to accept his own humanity, he refused to accept his own mortality, he refused to accept his own feelings and emotions
He refused to believe he was worthy of such things.
From a young age, his mentor always taught him to be cold. To only focus on the work he'd put in, the effort. His mentor told him love and emotions were for the weak, and even when the mentor stopped visiting, he punishments were embedded into Toya's young mind
He remembered the scoldings, he remembered the way his mentor spoke of what he'd do to Toya if he ever made a mistake. He wasn't supposed to make mistakes.
To this very day, he would struggle with showing affection. To this very day, he would remember each and every word laced with poison that his mentor told him. He would watch as his brother, who had been locked up in a tower for his whole life, could show love better than he, a free child, ever could
He thought he would never fall Inlove, much less with a man. And yet, fate had different plans.
Akito Shinonome.
Shinonome was one of, if not, the best knight Toya had ever seen. He moved with grace, he was beautiful. Ethereal, even. It was to no secret that Toya was head over heels inlove.
He glanced up at the moon, at its peak in the night. No clouds. He continued on, walking towards the garden him and his siblings would always hang out at. The garden to which their mother cared for, the garden their mother always spoke so fondly of.
The garden she wanted to bring Tsukasa to one day.
Unfortunate it was for her to pass long before she ever had the chance to, her last dying wish was for Tsukasa to be free of the shackles of that damned tower. How ignorant it was for those fools to not follow the wish of their "beloved" queen
Father was no better. He knew her wish was for Tsukasa to face his fate, and yet, he wanted to "protect" Tsukasa because he "loved" him too much. Toya and his siblings knew full well it was because Tsukasa was valuable.
Among the children of the Tenma bloodline who were all born with Dark Magic, Tsukasa stood out with his magic. Light Magic.
Toya would watch in awe as Tsukasa would make life sprout from his very hands, being younger than Tsukasa, he found it marvelous and magnificent. Especially since he could only destroy things.
He was a monster of destruction, how could anyone ever love somebody as dangerous as him? His mind cut back to Shinonome, beautiful in every way. Shinonome was elegant, graceful, he respected those below and above him. He was everything Toya could ever want in a man.
He liked the way Akito would light up at the mention of pancakes, the way he would always accidentally mess up this one very specific move but play it off, the way he spent extra minutes on his hair, the way his uniform was never exactly perfectly worn, the way his hand was slightly scarred from practice, the way he would never admit to being somewhat mortified of the palace dogs. He loved everything about him.
He always noticed the way Akito would slightly struggle getting on his horse, this certain look he had when he was confused or thinking, the way he would always look at a person's hands rather than their face for seemingly no reason at all
Toya was, without a doubt, inlove.
He sat down near the little pond with water lilies, watching the moonlight reflect off of the pond. He found it a bit silly calling it moonlight as if the moon itself casted it, in reality, it was the sun's light reflecting off of the moon. He found himself and the moon to be similar, in a way, he felt like he was the moon
It was only that he had no sun, he had nobody to light up his life in a way the sun lit up the moon. His siblings were more like stars, but nobody would ever appear as the sun in his life
"Ah... Prince Toya." He looked behind him to spot Akito with a faint smile on his face, making his way towards the prince.
"Shinonome... Greetings" Toya's voice is barely above a whisper, he can never truly act right whenever he was near the knight. Oh how he wished that one day, one day Shinonome would whisk him away from his troubles like a knight in shining armor.
Although he would have to admit, maybe it'd be nice for them just to live like normal civilians without all this royalty stuff. Sadly, he'd most likely never achieve that dream.
Shinonome sat beside Toya and they started to chat, sometimes Toya'd get lost in conversation with Akito and wouldn't notice the time
He watched Akito from afar; he would steal glances during meetings, he would watch him train, he always noticed the little things Akito would do which made his heart flutter. Everything about Akito was perfect, he was stunning, he was courageous, he was quick-witted, everything Toya would ever dream of. It was a shame he didn't have the courage to ever actually ask him out, he wouldn't dare ruin the only friendship he had which he cherished more than anything in the world
"-And that Kamishiro guy, I don't trust him" Toya returned back to the conversation, he found listening to the knight's voice to be soothing and one of his favorite past times.
"Say, Shinonome, do you like anyone?" Akito thought for a moment, "Hey! I told you to call me Akito, didn't I? But, yeah. I do..."
"Tell me about her" Toya knew he was asking for heartbreak, but if he could just find out who Akito loved then maybe, just maybe, it would be much easier.
"Well... For starters, she's beautiful. She has blue hair, gray eyes, she's the most elegant person I've ever met. She acts cold towards others but she's actually a fun person when you get to know her. She always prefers sitting compared to standing, she always trips a little when walking in shoes with high heels, she cares for others, she's a great singer and dancer, she's just... The best... I love her..."
Toya could swear he felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.
He looked at the pond again, the water glistened with moonlight. He bit back the tears that threatened to pour from his eyes. He dismissed himself without a word, to Akito's confusion. Returning back to his chambers, he swore to never fall in love again.
He knew love was a dangerous game, he knew love could hurt, and yet... The idea of loving and being loved still made Toya feel warm in a way that he couldn't explain. The very idea of somebody caring for your well-being everyday, the idea that they'd want to stay with you forever, the way they'd fight for you in any situation, and you'd do the same for them. That was what made Toya feel warm, that was what made him yearn for the action of love. He wished to know how it felt to give and recieve, how it felt to stay with somebody so that they wouldn't disappear. He wished for it.
He wanted it to be with Akito someday, he wanted to be with Akito forever. He loved to sing with him, to dance with him, even just to be in his presence was all it took to brighten Toya'd day in an instant.
The next day came and went, and so did the day after. A week had passed since Toya had locked himself in his room and refused to leave, Saki and Kanade made sure to bring his meals but it seemed to all just be a fruitless effort to get him to leave the confines of his chamber.
He could be heard quietly weeping in the day, his quiet sobs full of heartbreak would always bring a tear to his siblings' eyes whenever they came to bring his meals. This was, of course, a result of his magic
Toya was only so emotionless due to the fact that his own magic also heavily relied on his emotions, he was raised by his mentor to hide his emotions to keep his magic at bay. No, they didn't rely completely on his emotions, but they were enhance by it them
His sobs and tears would bring great despair throughout the castle, even Tsukasa could tell something had been amiss in his tower. So, he did what he could, he wrote a letter.
To my dearest little brother,
It is to no secret that something has been amiss for some time. To be specific, this week. I've not gotten a clue if it has anything to do with you, but if my understanding is correct, the dark aura radiating from every corner of the castle must be yours.
I know you well, maybe not well enough to tell why you're like this, but if you ever need anyone, I am here. I always was and always will be.
With love,
Tsukasa.
The bubbly but otherwise neat handwriting was known to Toya, unbeknownst to him, somebody had also been worrying all week.
Akito had been up all night and thinking all day, he even skipped out on practice just out of worry. He'd been thinking about Toya for the whole week, he heard the news that he was locked in his own room. His heart cracked a little when he found out Toya did it to himself. He blamed this on himself, whatever he had said the last time they met set him off.
He wanted to talk to Toya, Akito wanted to tell Toya how he felt. He loved Toya to the ends of the earth, not like he'd admit it.
Or maybe he would, but the fear that Toya would reject and leave him was too strong for Akito to bare. The very idea of Toya losing interest in him made him shudder.
Gathering up all his courage, he set his eyes on the giant door leading to Toya'd chambers. He raised his hand up to the door. He knocked once, and then he knocked twice. He knocked a third time, and then a fourth time. A fifth and a sixth came and went. He half had the idea to just leave it be when the door opened slightly.
He walked in to find the room in a state of disarray; items of various rarity all thrown on the floor, bedsheets spread apart and thrown into a random corner, pillows ripped to shreds, Toya sat in the midst of it all. Curled into a ball and weeping ever so quietly
This. It took a lot to bring Akito great distress, but this, this shattered his heart. The very idea that Toya had been locking himself in his room in this state made him worry to no end
In another part of the messy room, plates and bowls of what was once hearty meals were piled up. He could smell a certain stench, most likely from spoiled food.
"We need to talk."
Toya looked up, his face was in more of a mess than his room was. Akito shut the door behind him to glance back at the face once more.
Dark eye bags under his gray eyes, his beautiful hair was tangled and messy from days without upkeep, Akito could swear Toya looked thinner, he was paler, he looked almost sickly. Tear stains on his cheeks and his eyes were bloodshot red from tears, coupled with sleep deprivation.
Akito felt his stomach churn, the stench had grown stronger. But he persisted.
It was Toya who needed him, the one he truly loved. He would regretfully admit he had to lie to Toya that night, he loved Toya and only him. His eyes were set on Toya only.
He didn't know how to deal with this all, maybe Toya hadn't heard what he said before, maybe it'd just be better if he just walked away, maybe he could just leave and never come back, maybe he shouldn't have come here at all, maybe—
"Toya. We need to talk."
Ah.
His mouth really did have a mind of its own.