Almost Normal
They've been hauled up in the cabin for an entire week, the first couple days they just sat on the couch and watched movies. The days after chemo were hard and this was no different. Today Peter was feeling good, so good in fact that he was begging Tony to hurry up and get his snow boots on so they can go hang out with Gerald. Gerald has a fancy little barn in the back that shields him from the below average temperatures. Gerald loved snow, but he hated the cold.
"Hang on Roo, I'm trying to finish making the hot chocolate," Tony was deciding if he should add peppermint candy cane to his own. Peter obviously wouldn't want one, not because of the G-tube, but because 'spiders hate Peppermint.' In fact if Peter did like Peppermint he probably would want one, as he was slowly starting to eat again since yesterday. He ate some mashed potatoes, he really liked the ones he had at Clint's and it was a good start.
Peter bent down and helped Morgan tie her boots, he pushed her hair out of her face, "go get some carrots."
"Roger that Captain Parker," Morgan lowered her hand that she was talking into, pretending it was a walkie-talkie. She raced off to the fridge.
"You know Morguna, I think we have some walkie-talkies lying around somewhere." Tony set down the mug he was finished with and walked to the closet to put on his own pair of boots and coat.
"Really? We have to get them!"
"Okay, I'll look for them after we feed Gerald." Tony walked back over to the counter and picked up the mugs, balancing two in one hand.
Peter walked over and grabbed one so he wouldn't drop it, "Thank you Captain Stark." Peter took a small sip of the scalding drink and winced when he burnt his tongue a little.
"What? Cat got your tongue?"
"Hot."
"Ah- I see, you just don't appreciate my hard work-" Peter nudged Tony, so much so that some of the drink he was holding spilt a bit on the floor. "Hey!"
"Race you to the barn!" Peter slid the door open and ran into the snow. Ran was generous, it was more like a slow speed walk.
Tony sighed, "Come on small one, don't want your old man to beat you to the barn."
"My legs are longer than yours, I'll beat you by walking!"
Tony put a hand to his chest in offense, actual offense. He looked out the door and saw Peter laughing even though he was already by the barn. Stupid teenager and his superhearing.
"I think we should let him in the house," Peter was feeding Gerald as many carrots as he wanted.
"Uh- no. That's disgusting Pete," Tony was on a bench, holding his mug as close to him as possible to get more warmth.
"No daddy, he's right, Ger-old is cold." Morgan gave her pouty eyes at him, so he turned away because she wasn't getting him this time.
"The answer is no, final answer by the way if that wasn't clear."
Peter walked up to Tony and handed him his phone, "can you take a picture of me with Gerald?" He gave Tony his puppy eyes even though Tony would obviously say yes anyways.
Tony rolled his eyes and then shooed his hand in the direction of the alpaca, making Peter back up next to Gerald.
"Can I get in the gate with him? It's gotta be a good picture." Tony said sure and Peter was in the gate 10 seconds flat leaning against Gerald in a big hug.
Tony didn't think Peter wanted a picture of that, but he took some anyways. When Peter was done hugging him he stood with his arm around the animal's neck and stuck his other arm out with a thumbs up pose and smiled. After some pictures, Tony threw the phone back to Peter and convinced the kids to come back inside the house to get warmed up.
"So what are the pictures for?" Tony was looking over Peter's shoulder where they sat on the couch.
Peter was selecting a couple photos that Tony took, "just gonna post them on instagram, Claire said I should post more because I only have one picture on my page." He shrugged and then shoved his phone back into Tony's hands, "how's that for a caption?"
Tony laugh out loud as he read Peter's caption, 'Never a boring time with Ned', then he tagged the alpaca as Ned. "I think he's going to send you some nasty text messages."
"It's worth it in my book," they both knew that Ned couldn't and wouldn't do such a thing, especially with all that's going on.
Tony had to be the devil and tell everyone what was going on, letting Ned's parents do the evil work of telling their son this time. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle it if he had to see Ned's face as he brokedown, and Tony would've broken down alongside him.
It doesn't even feel real, everything almost felt normal. Especially in these moments where Peter's smiling and laughing, acting like a regular teenager as if the future is going to wait for him. Tony envies Morgan's obliviousness, they haven't talked to her about it yet. They decided, along with her therapist, that it would be best to wait until Peter was further along in the process. They didn't want her to be fearful of him while he was still full of life.
Peter wasn't in as much pain anymore, as they were giving him medications that were helping to make him comfortable. Casey was given the guest bedroom as it would be difficult for her to travel back and forth, it would've been impossible with them at the cabin being 5 hours from the city. He was still in some pain though, they couldn't douse him with too much or he'd be a walking zombie and nobody wanted that.
Rhodey and Happy were coming to dinner tonight, Peter was thrilled. He enjoyed spending time with everyone, but he also enjoyed spending time alone. Tony and Pepper insisted that he sleep in their room, Peter thought they were being ridiculous as he was more than happy to finally sleep alone in his bed without anyone watching over him. Peter did promise them that when the time came where he needed a lot more help, that he would stay in their room, he just wanted them to be happy.
Peter knew that they were all walking egg shells around him and trying to do anything that he suggested. Peter just couldn't stop thinking about the after. When he'd be gone. He didn't want them to cry all the time or wish they could've done more. He knows what that feels like. He felt that everyday after Ben died, until one day May had a chat with him and explained why he couldn't have done more, even with his powers.
"Hey dad," Peter turned his phone screen off, not liking the amount of notifications he had been getting through social media apps, as all the kids at his school found out.
"Hey Peter," Tony said in the same tone.
"I was just thinking. We should just kill off Spider-man." Peter said it with some hesitancy, he knew death was a sensitive topic obviously. But Spider-man was just hanging over his head, he wanted to lay it to rest, say goodbye.
Tony blinked a couple times, "and how do you suggest we do that?"
Peter used caution in his voice, "Well- I don't know. I was thinking we just say he got injured or something?"
Tony rubbed his head, as if it were aching, "Pete, why do you wanna do that?"
"I don't want them to know he was me, even when I'm gone. I don't want anyone to connect the dots." He was being truthful, if he died and then they announced that Spider-man died, it's not pretty subtle. "If we do it now they won't suspect anything."
"I don't know Pete, are you sure you want to see the reactions of how people would mourn over you?" Tony had this look on his face, this haunted look that was circling in the back of his eyes.
"Oh- uhm. I didn't really think about that," Peter curled his legs up onto the couch and leaned into Tony, "it would be kinda shitty for you guys too, to go through that twice I mean."
"We'll figure something out, don't worry I won't let anyone find out who my favorite vigilante is."
Peter looked up at Tony, "I'm your favorite?"
"Uh, duh. You think I'd choose the leader of the three blind mice over you?"
Peter shrugged and put his head back onto Tony's chest, "he's really cool."
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Everyone was having their own small seperate conversations as they sat around the dining table. Although they were talking to others, their eyes kept up glancing at Peter, who could blame them. Casey ate dinner with them everynight, Tony insisted because it would be ridiculous if she just sat in her given room all day. She was the one that kept her eye on Peter more than anyone, it was her job making sure her patient was feeling good physically.
Peter paid no mind, he was too engrossed in the story that Happy was telling him. He was telling him stories of Aunt May, all the things that Happy experienced with her that Peter missed out on. Peter smiled through it all, almost all. He dropped his smile when Happy told him about them going on dates and finally how they admitted they had strong feelings for one another.
"Yuck! You kissed my Aunt?" Peter was grimacing like the actual thought pained him.
Happy leaned in, "Oh, we did a lot more than that."
Peter dropped his fork that was holding his scoop of potatoes, "I'm disturbed."
The silverware clattering on his plate caused all the attention to fall onto him, he downcasted his eyes and offered a shy smile.
"S-sorry."
Happy let out a loud laugh, everyone else thinking he was insane as they didn't hear the previous conversation. The laughing eased the tension that was spread out across the table, their past conclusions off the market.
"Happy ruined my appetite," Peter pushed himself up to stand, "I'm kidding- but I'm just going to go lie down for a little while."
"Alright sweetheart, I'll come check on you when we're finished."
Peter walked up the stairs, holding the railing a bit too tight and leaning on it for support. When he walked in his room he didn't go for his bed, he opted for the floor. Laying down and looking at all the things that surrounded him. Chemistry and star wars posters, figurines on shelves, the collection of stuffed animals he gained while at the hospital. He knew they were just 'things', but he held them close to his heart and he didn't want to leave it all behind. He was going to miss his legos for fuck sakes.
Peter rolled onto his stomach and reached under his bed for the lego set that Ned had given him. It was still half made and he wanted to finish it before he couldn't anymore. He also crawled to the stuffed animal collection and grabbed a bear. It wasn't just any bear, Morgan had given it to him after his first round of chemo, claiming that she bought it with her own money. He loved it the first time he saw it, it was his favorite.
So there he laid, on his stomach clutching a teddy bear that he forgot the name of, while building stark tower. A tower he'd never see again. He was okay with that, it felt good when they left it behind. Watching the building get smaller and smaller as they made their way further and further out of the city. The tower reminded him of treatments, the pain and terror.
He didn't have to say it out loud for anyone to know, but he got medical PTSD from all the treatments. He would always tense up when a needle came near him and he had screamed and cried so much that his parents were always holding him. They were probably traumatized too, they had to be. Holding your child down while they outed some safe words that the doctors had to ignore was brutal. It would be for anyone.
He still tensed up when Casey came up to him with needles to medicate him, he knew he was fine and safe. That the doctors couldn't hurt him like 'that' anymore, didn't mean he wasn't scared though.
Peter paused his lego building and clicked into his text messages on his phone. He couldn't stop thinking. He facetimed Claire.
She answered right away, "Hi nerdest nerd."
"Can we agree that chemo has a taste?" Peter rolled onto his side and propped his head up with an elbow.
Claire smiled, "yes! It totally has a taste, it's not as strong as saline though."
"Good, because I thought I was crazy this entire time. Having an existential crisis right now."
"Oh? And why is that-"
"Listen! I was building this lego tower, right? It got me thinking, I need to build something for my friend Ned. You know, for Christmas or whatever. But I sort of need to do it now, I'm not even sure what to make him."
"Okay," Claire pronounced the vowels slower than the rest, "I'm pretty sure he'll like anything you give him at this point. Hand him a dirty sock and he'd be so happy."
Peter stared at the screen, unamused. "No, he'd think I was losing my marbles and cry that I was already dead, while standing in front of him."
"Maybe, maybe not? Who's to say. Draw him a picture- shit. I don't know, I've never even met the guy."
"Uhm. Yes you have? The party," Peter pointed at his head to indicate what he was getting at.
Claire shook her head slowly, "you really must be losing your marbles. I wasn't there, couldn't make it."
Peter rolled back to his stomach and sat to his knees. "Really?" He sat in thought while biting his bottom lip, maybe he was losing his marbles. Shit. "Let's blame it on the chemo."
They both laughed, knowing that chemo made their thoughts a bit drafty at times.
"Oh my god! I just thought of the perfect idea!"
Peter leaned into the screen, like it would help him hear her better.
"My cousin is really good at photoshop, I'll just need some pictures if you're willing to send some over."
▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎
The room was dimmed and Peter lay with an arm covering his eyes and his other over his chest. He had woken up from a noise, but it stopped before he could fully comprehend it.
Bzzz. Crackle.
Peter eyed his nightstand that held the walkie-talkie that Morgan gave him after making Tony crawl in the attic to find them.
"Stark to Parker, come in. Stark to Parker."
Peter forced his body to shift just enough that he could reach the nightstand. Shit. Still too far. Peter put to fingers down, pressing the button on his web shooters so it could grab the walkie instead. What a genius.
"This is Parker, over." Peter waited for the reply.
"I'm scared, over."
Peter knew that she probably had a nightmare, sometimes she'd get too scared to even climb out of bed. "Don't be scared Captain, I've got a mission for you, over."
"Okay-" there was a small breath that Peter could hear over the sound system, "What's the mission, over."
"There's a lost rabbit in my headquarters. I need you to come get it, over."
"Roger that, over and out."
Peter put the walkie down on the bed beside him, too lazy to put it back. He heard the telltale signs that Morgan was close, she inched his door open and look at him with her beating eyes.
Peter pointed to his pile of stuffed animals that were on the floor. Morgan looking at it and grabbing a stuff bunny that was blue and running over to Peter's bed. She lunged into the sheets and held the bunny tight to her chest.
"Mission successful Captain Stark," Peter held Morgan close, practically breathing in her hair.
"Good, Petey. I had a bad dream," she sniffled and turned so she was facing Peter.
"It's okay Morguna, I'll keep you safe," he pulled her into a hug again. This is the closet he could get to keeping her safe. "You're okay, Mo."