The Return Home
Doctor Carter slowly injected the sedative into the girl's line after she proved that she was unable to calm herself as the reality of the real world came crashing back into her. As much as it killed Maria, she knew that it was for the best to let the child rest in a dreamless slumber as the chemicals from her subjugation worked their way through her system.
“That should keep her out for a while, I’ll have the night staff monitor her,” the doctor watched as Ellie’s breathing slowed, “you should get some rest too Commander, I’ll make sure to update you with my findings when I’m back in the morning.”
“Thank you,” Maria pulled the girl tightly into her chest, her own tears only just starting to dry.
It was quiet other than the soft beeps from the heart monitor that reminded everyone in the room that the child was alive, that she was back. Clint was the first to make a move, signing to both Maria and Natasha that he was going to go update Laura.
Then it was down to two, two women who teetered between speaking and staying silent for the fear of saying the wrong thing. Maria watched as the Russian braced herself to slowly sit on the bench, her gaze staying on the door the entire time, only ever glancing over if Ellie or Maria moved. It was heavy, it was tense, and for a moment Maria was sure she was the only one who knew what was about to come next.
She could see it in the way the redhead moved, how she glanced around when Ellie made any noise, it was getting too real and she wanted to run. She always wanted to run, Natasha had never been one for staying. It was one of the last things they had talked about before the kidnapping and now that the child was back in the safety of Maria’s arms, Natasha wanted to leave.
“Don’t,” the brunette shook her head, finally breaking the silence.
“Don’t what?” Natasha asked from her spot on the bench in faux confusion.
“You’re going to run, you’re going to leave.”
“Not for the reason you think,” the spy dropped her voice as she looked Maria in the eye.
It was inevitable, the two of them were doomed to always take two steps back after one step forward. In the six years that they had known each other it always panned out this way, Maria shook her head, cursing herself for thinking this time would be different.
“I can’t wait for you forever, Tasha,” the words tasted like ash in her mouth.
“I’m not asking you to,” the redhead averted her gaze, “there’s just something I need to do before I can… before we can talk about this.”
It sounded like a cheap excuse, but still, Maria nodded once. It was the lives that they lived, no one could know everything, there were always secrets which meant there were always excuses to hide behind. And yet, there was another voice in the back of her head that was grateful that she would be able to take care of Ellie without having to worry about neglecting her time with Natasha. She shoved that voice away and brushed a thumb over the blood and grime that still stuck to the child’s cheeks.
“When do you leave?” the brunette couldn’t bring herself to look at the woman next to her.
“I’m going to drop Clint and Yelena off as soon as they need to get back,” Natasha spoke quietly, “probably in the next 24 hours.”
“And then?” Maria finally looked up.
“And then, I do what needs to be done,” the redhead shrugged.
“That’s a terrible plan, Tasha. You think that SHIELD isn’t going to do the exact same thing? If they find out that you’re going AWOL to take out-”
The Russian held up her hand, “Fury knows, it’s sanctioned. It was as soon as we boarded the Quinjet today.”
Maria squinted slightly, trying to gauge if the woman was telling the truth or just trying to prevent her from worrying.
“Really,” Natasha inclined her head, “SHIELD doesn’t take lightly to kidnapping and use of child soldiers. That’s why Bobbi was collecting so much data on the mission, data for me to use to track down anyone associated with what they were trying to use Ellie for.”
“That’s going to take forever,” the Commander shook her head as she glanced at the child still in her arms.
“I’m only after one person, as soon as I get information out of him and take him out, it’s back in strike team's hands.”
It was a mission she wasn’t aware of which meant a different handler, a different team, and a different certainty of what would come from it. She wasn’t privy to the mission's information meaning she would have to go through back channels to get her hands on any of the plans, something that currently sounded exhausting.
“I don’t like this,” she looked at the woman next to her.
“I know,” the Russian carefully reached out a hand and placed it on top of Maria’s, “but the longer we wait, the longer they have to hole up off grid.”
“Can you,” she flipped her hand and interlaced their fingers, “can you at least stay the night?”
Natasha squeezed her hand and nodded, “yeah, I can stay the night.”
The Deputy Director let out a breath she hadn’t noticed she had been holding and squeezed the hand in hers twice. A little while later, Clint came back and let them know that he was going to stay at the apartment and make sure Yelena was okay. Something that both women were grateful for as they leaned uncomfortably in the hospital bed. They stayed like that as both of them slipped in and out of sleep through the night, waking up every few hours to check on the other, to check on Ellie, to make sure that it was all real. By the time the morning rolled around, Maria had convinced herself it was, even if it wasn’t lasting.
“I should get going,” Natasha murmured as the morning hours crept in, knowing that Maria was awake next to her.
The brunette hesitated before giving a small nod, “thank you. Be safe out there and keep me updated, okay?”
“I will as much as I can,” the Russian untangled herself and stretched at the end of the bed.
There was a pause as they looked at each other, Maria itched to kiss the woman goodbye but refrained from moving. Natasha caught the glance to her lips and walked back over to place a quick kiss on the Commander's cheek before exiting the room. The room was quiet other than the rhythmic beeping from the monitor connected to Ellie that lulled Maria back to sleep.
The next time she woke, there was an uptick in the heart rate as the child began to stir slightly before her eyes flew open. The girl blinked quickly and went to sit up quickly as Maria wrapped her arms around her.
“Hey, hey you’re okay Bear,” she spoke quietly to the girl who was still covered in grime, “I gotcha, you’re okay.”
“Mommy?” Ellie’s voice was thick with worry as she looked at Maria and blinked over and over.
“Yeah little one, it’s me. You’re safe.”
Her reassurance did little to calm the girl who heaved large breaths as her heart rate increased.
“You have to try and calm down Ellie,” Maria knew that panic would only make things worse, “do you remember our breathing?”
She took in a big breath and let it out slowly, trying to get the child to mimic her. It was another few breaths before the girl finally took in a deep shaky breath and let it out, her eyes glued to Maria the whole time in fear that she was doing it wrong.
“That’s right little bear, just like that,” Maria gave a pained smile as she brushed her thumbs over the girl's cheeks, pretending not to notice how she flinched at the movement.
The chirping from the monitor slowly decreased, only spiking again as there was a knock on the door.
“Good morning Elizaveta,” Dr. Carter walked in and greeted the child.
It wasn’t a coincidence, Maria knew there were cameras in the room to ensure Banner didn’t hurt himself too much when the Hulk took over.
“Commander,” the woman addressed Maria who nodded once, “If you’re up for it, I’m going to do one more exam for Elizaveta before giving my report.”
The girl stiffened instantly at the words and shot Maria a look.
“Dr. Carter isn’t going to hurt you, I promise,” she tried to reassure the girl but thought back to rule number one. How she had promised to keep the girl safe before and failed to do so.
“Stay?” the little voice questioned.
“Of course, I’ll be right here the whole time,” the brunette ran her hand over the girl's half-braided hair.
“Alrighty, I’ll try and make this as quick and pain-free as I can,” the physician washed her hands and approached the bed.
Cater went through a number of exams to check for injuries and cognition now that the girl could respond on her own. She asked a few questions which got little more response than a shake of the head or a wry look. Any time she raised her hand or tried to reposition Ellie, the child would flinch and close her eyes tightly as Maria would talk quietly until she calmed down once more. It had been less than ten minutes before the woman gave a sad smile and stepped away from the bed as Ellie covered her head in blankets.
“The good news is, you don’t seem to have any big owies, my friend.” Carter gave a thumbs up before looking at the Deputy Director, “it’s in my professional opinion that you can take your daughter home Commander. I believe that being in the medbay will only cause further distress given what I know about pediatric trauma responses.”
“When can we leave?” it was both daunting and relieving to know that she could take Ellie home.
“I’ll sign the discharge papers now,” the woman held up a clipboard, “however, I am also sending you home with the number to a pediatric psychologist as well as an increase in her metabolism stabilizers, both as prescriptions that cannot be ignored.”
“I’ll pick them up today and make the call this afternoon,” Maria knew the importance of both items.
“I’m going to send you over the full report, for you to take a look at… at home,” the doctor gave a pointed look to Ellie as if to say “I don’t want to discuss my findings in front of the girl.”
The Deputy Director suppressed a shiver and nodded, “understood.”
“The front desk will set up another appointment in two weeks, until then: love, a warm shower, and a number of high-calorie meals.”
“Thank you, Dr. Carter.”
Maria watched as the woman exited the room, Ellie only pulled her head out from under the blankets after the door clicked back into place.
“What do you think, Bear,” she looked at the girl, “ready to go home?”
“Yes,” the child whispered.
The ride home was nearly silent as Maria drove them in the weak December sun, trying her best to keep her eyes on the road and not on the child in the rearview mirror who sat rigid in her car seat. It was only after they got onto the first floor of the apartment complex that there was a glimpse of the child she once was. On instinct alone, her body lurched forward to run and press the elevator button as soon as they stepped through the front doors. However, she came to a halt almost immediately and stared at the tile, her head bowed.
“You can go and press the button,” Maria walked up behind her, gently placing a hand on the girl's back.
Ellie remained staring at the tile, unmoving even after the woman tried to prompt her to walk. She finally decided to risk it and picked up the girl who at first sat completely stiff in her arms before slowly sinking into the touch. It was a nearly identical reaction to the first time Maria had picked her up so many months ago.
They walked further into the building as Maria rubbed circles over the dirty shirt that clung to her daughter's torso. She had made it to the elevators before she heard a gasp and looked up to find Sergius staring at the girl. Maria smiled and nodded at the question he was clearly begging to ask.
“I’m so glad to see you back home,” the doorman placed a hand over his heart.
Ellie glanced up for a moment with almost recognition before burrowing her face back in the crook of Maria’s neck.
“Thank you, Sergius,” the Commander inclined her head before entering the elevator and selecting their floor.
The apartment was silent as they entered, the only sign of anyone having been there the night before was the neatly folded blankets that sat on the couch.
“We’re home, Bear,” she whispered to the girl in her arms.
“Home,” Ellie repeated.
Maria walked over to the couch and gently lowered the girl onto the spot which she normally inhabited. She took a step back and watched as Ellie took in her surroundings, her vision flickering between confusion, fear, and relief.
“How about a shower, I bet that would make you feel better,” the woman took in the dried blood, dirt, and something dark blue in color that stuck to almost every surface of the child’s skin.
Ellie didn’t respond and Maria got up to start the shower, taking a moment to compose herself as she did so. This was the start of a very long journey to heal them both. By the time she had gotten back, Ellie’s lower lip wobbled and her eyes filled with tears and fear.
“What’s wrong Ellie?” she knelt in front of the child who finally reached out and fisted her hands into Maria’s shirt.
“Back,” the girl took in a deep breath.
“I’m back, I wasn’t going anywhere,” she tried to reassure the girl as she picked her back up and walked around the apartment while the water warmed up.
Slowly, they made their way into the bathroom where Maria gently worked the remaining braids out of the child’s hair. She checked the water and went to put the girl down to peel off the grime-covered clothing before hearing the child sniffle again as she stared at the ground. By the time Maria had taken off her clothes, Ellie had new tears flowing down her cheeks.
“What can I do?” The Commander felt out of her league.
The curly-haired child didn’t respond as she stood in the spot Maria had placed her in.
“Ellie?” Maria reached out a hand and after flinching slightly, the girl clung to her fingers.
“Stay,” the child spoke finally.
“I’ll be right here,” she tried to reassure but still the girl kept her grip firm.
The steam from the shower was starting to fill the room as Maria made a decision and stripped down her own clothes before picking the child up once more. Immediately the girl wrapped her arms and legs around the woman's torso.
“I gotcha,” she spoke quietly and got into the spray of the water first, slowly bringing them both under the warm shower.
As it had the night before in her own shower, she watched as the water rushing down the drain changed colors, as if it was rinsing the nightmare of the last week away. Maria spoke softly as she cleaned the girl with more care than she had ever done before. Ellie’s warm body pressed against Maria’s with frantic strength at first before she began to relax under the spray. It was after the shampoo had been rinsed from the child’s hair that Maria felt the girl's chest in rapid succession against her own. She went to pull Ellie off and check on her before hearing the first whimper escape her lips.
“It’s okay Ellie,” Maria rocked back and forth, it only took a moment more before the child started to cry in big heaving sobs, “let it all out little one.”
They stayed in the warm water until Ellie seemed to have finally cried herself into exhaustion, her body sagging against Maria’s tired arms. The woman stepped out of the shower and wrapped them both in the largest towel they had before she carried them both into her room and laid on the bed. It could have been an hour, or six, the brunette had no idea how long they stayed like that until she heard the faint rumbling of the girl’s stomach.
“Let’s get changed and have a little something to eat, huh?” Maria asked as she ran her hand over the child’s back.
Either out of lethargy or hunger, the girl nodded slightly and so Maria stood up and dressed them both before picking the girl up once more and carrying her into the kitchen. Even as her arms screamed in fatigue, she kept a strong hold on her daughter. The first thing she did was throw two frozen waffles into the toaster and then cover them in peanut butter as soon as they came out. Ellie picked the first one up before it was even set down and ate it all like a man starved. The second one took her slightly longer if only because she gulped down juice between bites.
The whole sight broke Maria’s heart as she stirred noodles into boiling water, she knew the insatiable appetite the child had. It was the same one she had when Phil had gotten her food for the first time, the child barely stopped to breathe as she wolfed down everything in front of her.
“Eight more minutes,” the brunette reassured the child still in her arms, “but we have to try and slow down so your stomach doesn’t hurt.”
The warning did little to deter the girl who ate the cheesy noodles in front of her at lightning speed. She had a few bites left before her spoon tumbled out of her hand and she doubled over in pain. Maria pulled the child back into her lap and mentally scolded herself for letting the girl do this to herself.
“You just ate a little too fast, it will go away,” she promised the child as she carried her into the living room.
Her hands were firm on Ellie as she withered in pain for a moment longer before finally calming and resting her head on Maria’s shoulder. It seemed like no matter what she did, the Commander continued to make things worse for the child who had already lived through a lifetime of pain and abuse.
“I’m so sorry,” she wasn’t even sure the girl was awake at this point but she continued to talk, “I’m so sorry that I didn’t keep you safe, that I let you get hurt, that it took me so long to find you.”
They laid together on the couch as Maria ran her fingers through the child’s damp curls. She felt like every move she had made so far had been the wrong one, and soon she found herself overthinking everything. The way she had talked to Natasha, the length of time it took to find Ellie, the last conversation she had with her team overseas, and her lack of communication with May. The thoughts flooded in one after another and all she could do was close her eyes and feel the way Ellie’s hair started to dry as she let the thoughts take over.
It was an agonizing few hours before exhaustion finally took over and Maria found herself sleeping on the couch, Ellie still firmly placed on top of her. Any dream, any nightmare, any noise that woke her up was quickly dismissed as she felt the weight of the child still sleeping in her arms. Despite the rigid posture and an ache in her neck, she hadn’t slept that well in over a week.
It became clear almost immediately after the first day that Ellie wouldn’t couldn’t be left alone. As soon as Maria put her down, the child’s eyes would fill with worry as she stood in the exact location that she had been placed in. No longer the carefree girl who ran around and climbed on furniture, she now acted as if she was an object blending into the background.
There were other differences as well, the corner window where the child had been taken was strictly avoided, something Maria became aware of when she put the girl down momentarily and saw that she had stopped breathing altogether. The noise of metal tapping together sent the child into a state of panic, her eyes going wide as her shoulders shook. No matter how hard Maria tried, the girl would scarf down her food until she made herself sick. It was the only way to get the girl to take her medication that she now refused to swallow if she saw it.
It seemed like there was a new, endless, list of triggers that Maria only found after causing the girl to experience one. She had secured an appointment with the psychologist and was counting down the days until they could go and hopefully get the help Ellie so desperately needed.
Her own work had gone untouched in the last 3 days (other than late-night reviews of anything she could get her hands on regarding Natasha’s mission, which wasn’t much). She had one more week of leave before she would need to return to work, which at this point seemed impossible. It was when she was thinking about this fact when her phone started to ring as if punctuating the thought.
“This is Hill,” Maria answered her work phone quickly and quietly, trying her best not to disturb the child who she had just gotten to sleep on the couch.
“Hi um- okay sorry this is going to probably sound ridiculous,” the woman on the other line exhaled, “but at one point Phil gave me your number as an ‘in case of emergency’ thing and I think this might be an emergency.”
The woman had her attention, Phil never gave out her number.
“Okay, first can I get your name?” the Deputy Director sat down at her desk and pulled up an intake report, still keeping her voice low as she watched Ellie’s chest rise and fall.
“Of course, first name Virginia, last name Potts,” the woman clarified.
“Pepper, it’s me,” Maria smiled at the frantic woman, “Maria.”
“Oh my God, Hill, duh, I’m so sorry my brain is all over the place probably um… probably because of the serum that is making my skin actually feel like it’s on fire.”
“Serum?” her body froze, not again, they took down the laboratory, not again.
“Yeah and like I said, I can't really think clearly so I didn’t know that Phil gave me your work number, I guess I only have your personal cell but I think this is an emergency and that SHIELD or someone needs to come because-”
“Who injected you with a serum?” Maria held her breath.
“He’s kind of an ex-boyfriend of mine, Aldrich Killian he created a group called Extremis, he’s the one behind the Mandarin,” Pepper continued to talk as all the pieces fell into place for Maria as she exhaled.
“I’ll send a team out to Miami to help you and Tony now, I believe Rhodes is already there, correct?” she typed away at her computer, contacting the closest strike team.
“I- yeah, how did you know that? Or that Tony is alive? Or that we’re in Miami?”
“I keep tabs,” the Commander gave a small smile.
“Maria Hill, if I can ever convince you to leave SHIELD and join Stark industries, I know my life would be 100 times better,” Pepper sighed, “thank you.”
“Just doing my job,” she sent off a message to contact SHIELD’s Florida team.
“A job that I would do just about anything to get you out of so you could work with me,” Pepper laughed high and tight, “seriously, we have great benefits.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, looks like we can have agents there within the hour. Call me if you need anything else,” Maria looked over the response from the team and tried her best to reassure the woman who sounded like she was in pain.
“Thank you, Maria.” Pepper thanked her once more.
The Deputy Director hung up the phone and looked back to Ellie who stirred slightly. She brought her tablet over to the couch and sat with the girl, thinking about what kind of benefits were actually available at Stark Industries. SHIELD tried their best, but she wondered if it would be enough for the little girl who clearly was in for a long recovery.
She recalled the psychiatrist had asked for a list of concerns that they could start with during the session and wrote down everything that she could think of, the list growing until she had to scroll multiple times on her tablet. She looked over the bullet points not knowing where to start, what to do, or how to help. There was only one thing she knew for certain, she would help her daughter however she needed. Pledging to the sleeping child she would do whatever it takes.