The Blue Danube Waltz
It was 11:47am when the girl sat down on the couch in the Commander's office. She had successfully made it 4 hours at the Center before having Maria come and get her.
“Want your lunch?” Maria held up the backpack to the girl who nodded.
Each piece of the lunch was placed on the small table in front of the couch, it was then rearranged by Ellie who opened the sandwich first and started eating. Maria leaned against her desk and watched until the child side-eyed her.
“Sorry,” she gave a small smile and sat in her desk chair where she read the end-of-the-day report from The Center.
Name: Elizaveta
Activities: group reading time, did not engage with crafts, solo reading.
Snack: ate one apple slice after prompting
Nap: N/a
Items needed: N/a
Parent notes: Elizaveta did not want to engage with peers or teachers.
Reason for early release: 11:43am Approached by a number of children, retreated to backpack station, and would not exit. Signed out early by parent (Maria Hill).
“How was your day?” she wanted to know from the source.
“Okay,” Ellie took another bite.
“What was your favorite part?”
“Read.”
“What did you not like?” Maria watched as the girl put her food down and looked at her from across the desk.
“Take books because wanted my place,” the child furrowed her brows.
“Who did?” this certainly wasn’t in the report.
“Blonde sisters.”
Maria wondered if it was the same blonde sisters from that morning who had worn matching jackets. She was immediately annoyed and wanted to know who their parents were, what division they belonged to, and if she could get them removed.
“Well thank you for not hitting them and for getting away,” Maria chewed her gum and logged into her computer.
“Rule 5,” the girl squished a goldfish cracker for emphasis.
“Right, no hurting other people,” the Commander was relieved to find out the rules stuck.
“Or things,” the girl chimed in.
“Or things,” Maria nodded in agreement, “finish up your food, okay?”
“Okay,” the girl continued to eat to the tune of Maria typing away at her computer.
She continued to work, changing in-person meetings to phone meetings, and making sure that Ellie was still entertained by the items in her bag until it was time to head home (where she would do more work). The girl had been standing at the large window for the last 15 minutes, watching the sun lower in the sky and staring at the people 40 floors down.
“Whatcha see down there?” Maria spun around in her chair.
Ellie shrugged, “car, peoples.”
“Want to go home?” the woman joined the girl at the window and watched as sure enough, people and cars were passing under them.
“Yes.”
Maria grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder then watched as Ellie secured her own bag, shoving the hair from her face out of the way so she could see the straps. The woman made a mental note to try and wake up earlier to braid it properly the next day, a sinking feeling of inadequacy sat in her stomach.
“Ready?” she looked at the girl who was holding the backpack straps in her hands.
“Okay.”
The brunette locked her door and watched as Ellie walked in front of her, careful not to step on any of the tiles that were not white as they made their way down the long corridor. The two of them had only made it a few feet down the mostly quiet hallway before Maria (and Ellie) heard a pair of heavy footsteps behind them.
“Hill.”
The woman turned around to face the man, “Fury.”
“Ah,” his facial features softened slightly as he caught a glimpse of the girl, “hi there little miss.”
To Ellie’s credit, she didn’t hide completely behind Maria’s leg as she did with other people. She also did not make eye contact as she waved slightly toward the ground.
“Did you see the email regarding operation 51-8?” the man was back to his usual stoic self.
“I did, I’ll have the response drafted and sent to you by the end of the night,” while she normally would have stayed to finish something like this, Ellie was a child and needed to eat and get ready for bed.
“See to that,” he gave a curt nod, “have a good night you two.”
“Thank you, sir,” Maria looked down to see the child's reaction to the end of the conversation.
Ellie took another step closer to the man, used her hand to cover her left eye, and returned the curt nod he had just given, “okay.”
“Ellie-” the Commander was sure her face flushed red as she saw the child mimic the man’s eyepatch and mannerisms.
But just as she was going to tell the girl that it was rude, a noise erupted deep from the man. Maria had never heard the deep belly laugh from her boss that now echoed down the hall, getting a wince and a smile from the girl to her right.
“Night Hill,” he smirked at the woman, “good night little miss.”
With that he turned, his long coat floating behind him for just a moment.
“We have to work on social skills, kid,” Maria looked at the girl who stared back, “we can’t make fun of people if they look different.”
“Not make fun,” the child grew serious, “eye is covered so now he feels better because mine covered.”
“That’s nice of you, but maybe we just talk to him like everyone else,” the woman started walking down the hallway once again.
“Okay,” the girl continued to hop from white tile to white tile, making sure to look up at her surroundings every few seconds.
There was a dichotomy that made Maria wonder about the girl's previous life. Even though she rarely spoke, the child was kind in the words she chose, but Maria saw how she eyed other children and knew that she could be dangerous, she rearranged things in a very particular way and wanted order, but she also hopped from tile to tile as if she was any typical 5 year old.
They had made their way to the elevator where Ellie patiently waited for Maria to nod before she pressed the button, a small smile forming as she watched the arrow illuminate. Another action that seemed like any other kid, but the girl’s eyes darted around as they waited, clearly looking for threats and exits just as Natasha’s had when she first defected.
It was warm outside as they approached the car, Ellie’s curls (which had a mind of their own) became even frizzier in the humidity that hung over the city. The child pulled on the handle of the door, using her whole body to fully get it open, and place her backpack carefully on the seat next to hers.
“Come on, let me buckle you in,” Maria waited next to the girl who sighed before sitting in the booster seat, “I know but the sooner you do this, the sooner we get home and have dinner.”
At the promise of dinner the child lifted herself into the car and sat still as Maria adjusted to straps, “Rule one.”
“Ria keeps me safe,” the girl spoke quietly.
“That’s right, and this is one way to keep you safe,” the woman finished up and looked at her actual car that was still parked next to them. She wondered how long the girl would be in her care, maybe she should look into getting a different car. Just in case Ellie stuck around for a while.
The two drove home, Maria watched as Ellie nodded along and kicked her legs along to the music. It was becoming clear the girl didn’t like country music but did like it when pop came on, but it wasn’t until the radio switched to classical music that there was a big change in the child. As soon as the song started she went completely still, her face paled a shade and she kept her eyes straight ahead.
Maria changed the radio quickly, but not fast enough. Ellie stayed still the rest of the ride home and didn’t respond to the questions the woman asked. She stayed like this for the rest of the night.
“I’ll be right in my room if you need anything, little bear,” Maria sat on the side of the girl's bed and watched as the blank stare continued, “Okay, goodnight.”
She reached up to brush the side of the girl's face as she had for the last few nights, this time the girl flinched slightly but returned back to where she was immediately. The thought of how this response had been trained coiled Maria’s stomach. She waited for a moment longer before getting up and turning off the light, hoping the girl would sleep off whatever mindset she was in.
Her kitchen still needed to be cleaned up from the dinner she had made for the two of them, an almost full serving still present on the child's plate. The Center’s report had specified that Ellie had missed morning snack, and that along with refusing the one Maria had made when they got home along with dinner worried her. She quickly cleaned up and put away the leftovers before sitting at her desk and drafting a letter to the girl's pediatrician.
It was probably overkill, logically Maria knew that kids could miss meals here and there (she knew she had) but with the medication, Ellie was on, she figured she should play it safe. She sent off the email and noticed a new one in her inbox, one from a Russian she hadn’t heard from since she had sent the original email. She promised herself she would hold off reading it until she finished what Fury had asked for.
By the time she had sent over the information the Director had asked for, it was approaching 1am and Maria had to blink a few times to get her vision to clear up to read the words on the screen.
Subject: Re: No pressure Message: On a flight to a classified mission, only completed the first half of the questions but this kept me entertained. Wish you were entertaining me in a different way ;) I’ll message you when I get back.
-ur fav redhead <1.attachment>
Maria frowned, she had talked to the Russian’s new handler earlier that day about possibly calling her in for a mission but didn’t see that it had been approved. Phil had always told the Deputy Director when Romanoff was getting called in for a mission, it seemed the new handler would not keep her in the loop the same way. She missed her friend, she missed Natasha, she missed the way it was.
Her mouse hovered over the attachment when she heard the distinct sound of limbs hitting the wall she was sitting next to. She moved quickly into the child’s room where she found a little girl thrashing around in her bed. No longer was she a sleeping child in a cocoon of blankets, now she was wide-eyed and scared in a way that brought memories of the little bear under the hospital table to mind.
“Hey hey, Ellie what's going on?” Maria walked into the room and tried to get close to the girl who didn’t acknowledge the new person in her space.
As much as she wanted to get closer to the child that thrashed around in the blankets around her bed, she knew better. She had been around Natasha, she had been around her fellow brothers in the Army, she knew what a night terror looked like. Still, she crept forward, speaking softly the entire time until she was on the bed.
“Ellie girl,” Maria tried to get her attention, “Elizaveta.”
This got through to the child who began yelling in Russian. Never had Maria heard the child yell like this, it broke her heart watching as glazed eyes filled with tears. The Commander pulled out her phone, hoping that Natasha would be able to translate the yelling until she remembered the woman was on a mission.
Her fingers scrolled for a moment longer before clicking “call”.
“Hey hey you’re okay,” she tried again to calm the yelling child as the phone line trilled. It did nothing but cause the girl to yell more between gasps of breath.
“Hey, Ria,” Laura’s voice was sleepy as she answered the phone, “what’s going on?”
“I need a translation,” she didn’t have time for a proper greeting.
“Go ahead,” the woman was clearly more awake now as she no doubt heard the child yelling in the background.
Maria put the phone on speaker and waited patiently, hoping that the woman would have some insight on what to do.
“ No one’s going to make you dance, no one is going to make you go, sweetie ,” Laura was speaking quickly in Russian. Maria could only recognize a few of the words but knew it had to do with dancing.
It seemed to work as the girl quieted slowly, blinking a few times as she did so. The child’s voice was hoarse as she spoke again in a tone that was more similar to her normal one.
“She’s asking for… a lighter? I’m sorry I don't- I don’t know the word,” Laura apologized to Maria who knew exactly what the girl wanted as she looked around for the flashlight. She didn’t find it and turned on the light on the girl's nightstand.
Immediately the girl quieted down, her heavy breathing evening out as she looked at Maria much more lucid than she had been in the last 6 hours.
“Honey, where’s your flashlight?” Maria asked, she hadn’t seen it since they left that morning.
“Do not know,” the girl cried, using her hands to push tears off her face quickly.
“Hey, sorry. Thank you, Laur,” the woman remembered they were still on the phone, “I’ll fill you in soon.”
Maria hung up the phone and got up to check the girl's backpack, stopping as she heard a whine escape the lips of the child who was still tangled in sheets. A whine that surprised the girl it came from by the look on her face.
“I was just going to go look for your flashlight,” the woman sat back down on the bed, putting her hand next to the child.
Ellie crawled her hand out from under the blanket and squeezed the woman's hand twice, her skin was warm and clammy from the unrest that had just occurred. The Commander paused for a second before she placed her hands gently under the child who stiffened at the touch before inhaling and relaxing against Maria’s side. She held the child for a moment, the weight found a place in the warmth of her heart.
Without a second thought, Maria swayed in place, rubbing her hand over the girl's back in the dim light of the bedroom that held chaos only moments before. At some point, she had started to hum which seemed to relax the child even more as she made her way toward the front door where the girl's backpack hung.
“Do you know where it might be?” Maria whispered to the child in her arms who was nearly asleep.
The girl shook her head and stiffened up, clearly waiting to be scolded.
“That’s okay, we can look for it at The Center tomorrow,” the woman rubbed circles on the child's back until she relaxed again, “Do you want to try and go back to bed?”
The girl shook her head once more and Maria made her way onto the couch where they could both rest comfortably. She leaned back and stretched her legs out, allowing the girl to lay on top of her where she ran her fingers over the ends of Maria’s hair. The motion was nearly constant until it started to slow along with the girl's breathing until the Commander was sure she was asleep.
Her phone buzzed and she used the hand not wrapped around the girl to check it.
Laura B: Still up? Call when you get the chance.
Seeing that she would probably be here for the rest of the night she leaned over to the nearby desk and put a headphone in before calling the woman. Maria had seen Ellie sleep through much louder conversations on the Helicarrier and figured the girl wouldn’t wake for this.
“Hey,” Laura’s voice was much more awake now as she answered.
“Hey,” Maria responded, the vibrations from her voice roused the child for just a moment until she curled back into Maria, closer than she had been before.
“You okay?” it was a loaded question, one the brunette didn’t know how to fully answer.
“We will be,” she settled on, knowing it would be enough for the woman on the other side of the phone to understand.
“Tasha kinda gave us the rundown when she was here, sounds like you have your hands full,” Laura’s voice was kind as she spoke.
“It’s been a steep learning curve,” she sighed and thought about all the ways she had messed up already, “I didn’t mean to keep you up. We’re okay now.”
“Ria, I have an 8-year-old and a 3-year-old, I don’t sleep anyway, honey,” there was a rustling as the woman got out of bed, “so tell me all about her. I know you’re not going to go back to sleep, in fact, I bet you’re watching her sleep right now.”
The woman always had a 6th sense for this sort of thing, it’s what had made her an amazing agent during her time with SHIELD. Still, Maria smiled and tried to lie, “who me? No.”
“Don’t you lie to me Maria Hill,” Laura laughed into the phone, “now what’s she like? I only got Tasha’s very brief overview about her being a baby widow and that she can teleport.”
Those would be the things Natasha would talk about , Maria thought and rolled her eyes, “Well she’s about 5, so in between Lila and Coop and likes space and peanut butter and her flashlight-”
“I was going to ask about that” the woman interjected.
“She doesn’t like the dark and I didn’t know I was bringing her home so rather than a nightlight she sleeps with a flashlight,” it sounded a little ridiculous as the Commander explained it.
“That is adorable,” Laura cooed into the phone, “you’ve always been good at adapting, makes you a great Deputy Director,”
Fury’s voice was echoed in Laura’s at the phrase, if two things in the world were true it was that Maria was quick on her feet and knew how to adapt.
“It will make you an even better mom, mark my words,” the woman on the phone laughed.
Laura continued to talk but Maria couldn’t pay attention past the last sentence, people were already seeing her as a mom, was she a mom? No, this was a temporary thing… a temporary event that made her think about buying a new car and moving to a bigger place if she could afford it and -
“Ria, you still there?” Laura chimed in.
“Yeah, sorry I’m still here,” Maria cleared her throat and absent-mindedly played with the girl’s hair.
“I freak you out?”
“I just- I don’t know how to be a mom Laura,” there were suddenly tears in her eyes, “I didn’t have a mom growing up and everyone who raised me is either dead or a deadbeat and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Aw sweetie,” Laura laughed into the receiver, “none of us do! The first 3 years of Coop’s life were pretty much only with me. Clint was always on missions trying to keep us above water financially and my parents live so far away. I remember after a long mission one time Clint picked Cooper up to hug him and the kid cried and kicked him away because he didn’t remember who he was.”
Maria looked down at the girl on her chest and prayed that the girl would never forget her.
“What I’m saying is, it’s hard to raise a kid. It’s even harder to do it alone- but you’re not alone. Your blood family might not be around but you have me, and Nat when she gets her head out of her ass, and Clint and May and Phil…” she paused, “I’m sorry- I didn’t- I wasn’t-”
“It’s okay,” the brunette breathed out and closed her eyes, feeling hot tears trail down her face.
“You have people to help you out hun, bring her out to the farm sometime,” Laura spoke with such kindness, “we’d love to have you two out here. And if not, we're always a phone call away, okay?”
“Thanks, Laur,” Maria couldn’t find the energy to sound anything other than heartbroken.
“Try to get some rest, I promise she’ll still be there in the morning,” there was that 6th sense again.
“Night, give my love to everyone.”
“I will, night Ria.”
Maria looked at the girl on her chest whose green eyes opened as soon as the conversation was over. She glanced around for a moment and stiffened when she didn't recognize the environment.
“You’re okay, little bear,” Maria rubbed the girl’s back and watched as her eyes slowly closed at the now familiar touch.
Maybe she was becoming a mom. Maybe that wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
Maria opened her eyes the next morning to the sound of her alarm and a sore neck from the position she had stayed in most of the night. It was only after 3am that the girl allowed the Commander to move her back to her bed for a few hours before they had to be up.
By the time she had gotten ready and gotten Ellie fed, they were already 10 minutes behind. The girl was trying her best to keep up but had clearly been affected by the lack of sleep the night before, taking an additional 8 minutes to eat and even longer to take her medicine and brush her teeth. While Maria had promised herself the day before that she would do the girl's hair today, by the time they were walking out the door it was still barely brushed and wild in the DC humidity.
“Tomorrow we’ll get up earlier to braid it,” the woman tried to smooth it out the best she could on their ride down the elevator and into the lobby.
“Okay,” Ellie held on to her backpack straps tightly.
“Nice shirt kid! Have a good day,” the desk attendant called out as they passed.
“Have a good one,” Maria replied as she looked at Ellie who looked down at her shirt and then back to the attendant who she put one finger in the air towards. The Deputy Director held the proper thumbs up above the girl's head to the clearly confused man who smiled and gave a thumbs up back to Ellie who smiled to herself.
The child clearly understood that they were in more of a rush because she barely protested the car seat she climbed into.
“Ria!” she called out and swiveled towards the woman quickly, a smile on her face.
She had found the flashlight in the car and held it snugly against her chest after presenting it to the woman.
“We must have forgotten to pick it up when we got home yesterday,” the Commander had been more concerned with the girl who was in an emotionally detached state the day before.
“Little алена,” the child whispered to herself as Maria buckled her in.
She started the car and muted the radio, making sure to delete the preset Classical music channel before turning the music back up on a local indie station. The backseat was much quieter than it had been the day before and when Maria checked the rearview mirror she was met with a sleeping child.
There was a sense of peace on her face that was rarely seen, it seemed the girl was always worried, shifting her gaze constantly with furrowed brows. But for now and until they pulled up to the gate, the girl’s face was smooth of all worries.
“Morning ma’am,” the guard at the front gate saluted her.
At the sound of a male voice the girl's eyes slammed open, Maria reached back and placed her hand on her ankle for reassurance, “Morning.”
“Have a good day, you two” he opened the gate.
“You as well,” she pulled forward and checked the mirror, Ellie was wide-eyed, “you took a little nap but that’s okay.”
The child stayed awake for the rest of the short trip to the parking garage, clicking her flashlight a few times as they pulled into a spot. She took Maria’s hand as they walked through the lot and towards the door to the main building where they got more stares from people around them than the day before if that was possible.
It wasn’t until they were in the hallway of The Center that they were finally free of people's eyes and odd comments about the Commander and the child. The girl clicked the flashlight a few more times, the sound echoing off the tile floor.
“You’re going to be okay Ellie,” Maria paused before they got to the doors and looked at the girl, “You did so well yesterday and if you’re having a hard time again today you find an adult and let them know, okay?
“Okay,” the girl nodded.
“Want to breathe again?”
“Yes,” the girl nodded once more.
Maria knelt next to the girl, “ready? Big breath in for 1..2…3…4 and hold it, now out for 1…2…3…4…5. Good job”
Ellie let out another breath and held her flashlight close as they entered the space that was a little louder than it had been the day before.
“Hi my friend,” Grace smiled and waved from behind the desk, “Hi Maria, go ahead and sign her in and I can take her back.”
“You got this little bear,” Maria gave the girl a thumbs up and watched her concerned face nod and follow the blonde behind the half door.
She signed the girl in and watched as the child dropped her bag off (but not her flashlight) in the backpack station before sitting on the reading rug with her back still pressed firmly against the bookshelf as it had been the day before.
“She loves that flashlight huh?” Grace smiled as she walked back up to the front.
“She does, we couldn’t find it last night and had a bit of a meltdown.”
“Poor thing, rough night?” the blonde looked back at the child who was staring at Maria.
“You could say that,” she sighed “I wouldn’t be surprised if she falls asleep today, if she does just call me and I’ll come pick her up.”
“Oh she can sleep in the beds we have, you don’t need to come all this way to get her,” Grace tried to reassure the Deputy Director.
“Okay, but please don’t hesitate to call if anything happens. She can be a little… finicky when it comes to- well everything.”
“Got it, have a good day Maria,” the woman smiled softly.
“You too,” the Commander left, only turning back once as she passed the window in the hallway where she found a pair of green eyes back on her from the reading rug.
Maria smiled and gave a thumbs up and kept walking, knowing if she stayed any longer she would bring the girl with her to her office, her day wasn't that full.
Which was a lie, her day was that full. Something she realized as she checked her schedule for the third time that morning. She was overseeing a mission that morning and had meetings until late in the afternoon which already made her head hurt.
There was a brief gap between this moment in her office and when she would need to be Handler Hardass Hill, just enough time for her to read over the email she had gotten from Natasha the night before.
I’ll fill in the rest later, hope this helps. -bite me (get it? widow's bite)
- She speaks more languages than I think she lets on, any idea how many you knew by 5? I’m incredibly talented and probably knew 15 by the time I was 5. Maria snorted, Natasha was her favorite type of annoying. Just kidding, I probably knew 3 to 5 by her age, she’ll pretend she doesn’t know as many so people will use them in front of her. We were taught to never let people know how much we understood.
- Mentioned something about red powder? I caught that in the medbay on the carrier, no clue. Promise you it can’t be good.
- Changes in front of people without hesitation, is she afraid she’ll get in trouble for hiding something if she closes the door? Maybe, but I’d probably say it has more to do with the fact that she’s never had doors and had to change in front of tens of people every day. Think showering in the Triskelion gym, but all the faucets only have cold water… and more blood… and some of the girls are trying to kill you. See → what is modesty and why do I have to care
- Loves peanut butter, all Russians? For the motherland.
- Hates being in the dark, recommendations? The girls in the Room used to say that our dormitories were so dark, even the shadows would hide. It was the one time of day when you could get away with things (the rare kindness or more likely hurting others so you wouldn’t be the weak one the next morning) so I wouldn’t be surprised if she was still traumatized by it. Let me think about it.
- Only really leaves her room when I let her out, Red Room training? Totally, every door is locked from the outside. Maybe explain to her that most doors don’t work that way.
- How do you take care of your hair without it going wild as soon as you try and brush it? Super simple. I don’t brush it. Maria snorted again, of course, she didn’t and still looked like a gift every day. Wide tooth comb and have you been using the curly hair shampoo like I told you? You’re going to ruin her curl pattern.
PS: avoid classical music, uniforms, and probably other kids for now. Explain later.
The Deputy Director read the list two more times, committing it all to memory. There was so much she didn’t know about the girl, so many terrible things had happened to the child in the few years of her life and she wondered if Ellie would ever have a sense of “normality”. She then thought about the woman who had sent the list over and how much she had changed since defecting.
The blue-eyed woman remembered the first time she had met Natasha, the same wild eyes that Ellie had now were what started back at Maria when Barton offloaded the woman from the Quinjet. Natasha wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t interact with anyone other than the archer for months. Maria would learn later that it was because the Russian was terrified that if she stepped a toe out of line they would punish her the same way the Room had or kill her for being a liability.
But in the many years since then, Natasha had blossomed into a kind, funny, loyal, strong… (Maria could go on and on) person. She figured it would just take time with Ellie as it had with the other scared girl from the Red Room. Or rather, other sacred girls from the Red Room, something told her that if Yelena was alive, she would fall into this group as well.
She had 25 minutes before her shift and while she should have used it to prepare, she used it to look into anything Red Room-related. The word she had given to Natasha wasn’t one she would break even if she had a child in tow now. Her fingers flew over the keys as she brought up the police report from the teenager who was last seen with Ellie, it was a start.
After 23 minutes and a call to a police station that sounded more like a bar on a Friday night, the Deputy Director drafted an email.
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: No pressure
Message:
Thanks, this was very informative. Hope your mission is going well, I’ll try and ask Hunt about how it’s going later.
-Hill
PS: Didn’t forget that I told you I’d help. Password hint: Best Bond movie.
She attached the full record of the police report and another report with similar motives to the email and password encrypted link. It wasn’t much but it was all she could offer for now.