The First Week
“I swear to fuck Charlie team if I have to explain coordinate directions to you one more time!” The Commander watched the dots on the screen stop and then start walking in different directions.
She had just inhaled to rip into them when her phone started to vibrate: The Center.
“Agent Gill, you’re the only one going East, everyone follow suit. Transportation will be there in T-2 minutes,” the comms were muted as she answered her phone, “This is Hill.”
“Hi Maria, it’s Grace,” the woman on the other end sounded apologetic.
“Hi Grace, what’s going on?” the blue-eyed woman tried to stay calm.
“We’re having a bit of a hard time again today and keep falling asleep in our cubby,” Grace was clearly sitting with Ellie.
“Does she look like she wants to talk to me?” Maria waited.
“She’s actually drifting off again,” the woman's voice was quieter this time.
“Okay, I have about 2 minutes until evac on this mission I’m overseeing and then I’ll head down.”
“Sorry Maria, I know you’re busy.”
“Nope, it’s okay. We’re going to figure it out, see you soon,” she ended the call and turned her comms back on, and listened in on the conversation between the team lead and the agents until they had eyes on the jet.
It was another 3 minutes until the team was in the air and out of hostile territory. She had learned not to call a mission over until they were safely on their way back. A quick glance at her watch let her know she was now 5 minutes later than she had told Grace. You can do this, plenty of agents have kids. None of them are level 9’s or the deputy director or… no you can do this.
“Runciter, watch for touch down,” she looked at the agent on her way out of the control room, “email me the report, I’ll be in my office.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the woman nodded.
The building was full as the Commander walked quickly down the hallways and staircases, dodging agents and staff until she was finally at The Center. It took approximately 2 seconds to find Ellie who had just landed a kick on one of the workers who had gotten too close to her cubby.
“Elizaveta,” Maria’s voice was stern and caused the girl to whip her head towards the source.
The male worker groaned and rubbed his ribs before giving a wave toward the Commander.
Grace winced sympathetically from behind the counter, “I was just printing off the end-of-day report.”
“Thank you,” Maria finished signing the girl out and took the printed paper in her hand.
“She really tried today. She had lunch with us and listened to story time but started drifting off at the end and well… wouldn’t come out of her spot” the blonde gave a half smile, “there’s always tomorrow.”
Maria hummed in agreement while following the woman towards the backpack station where Ellie was crammed into the cubby just as she was the day before.
“Ready to go?” the brunette crouched down next to the girl who nodded, her eyes heavy, “say bye to Ms. Grace and apologize to the man you kicked.”
Green eyes fell on the blonde first who she waved bye to before she looked at the man who was now sitting at a nearby table.
“Jason,” Grace got the man’s attention, “Ellie’s headed out for the day and wanted to say something.”
“Oh,” he perked up and gave his attention to the little girl.
“I am apologizing,” the girl stared at Maria’s shoe and clasped her hands in front of her before glancing at the man.
“I forgive you,” he seemed to get that she didn’t totally know how to say sorry.
The Commander held out the girl’s backpack, “good job, kid. Did you put your flashlight in your bag already?”
The child nodded and put the bag on, finding security in the straps that were already in her grasp.
“Thanks again,” Maria paused at the front door to say goodbye to Grace.
“It’s our job, plus,” was that a hint of blush on the woman's cheeks? “It kinda guarantees I get to see you before my shift’s over.”
“Well,” Maria had no idea what to say, was she now blushing? Why was she blushing? “I still really appreciate it.”
“Of course,” Grace laughed a little, “oh and Maria, at some point we will need more than just you for an emergency contact.”
“Right, I’ll get you some names,” Ellie pulled on her hand as she talked.
“Thanks, have a good rest of your day you two,” Grace leaned down to make sure the girl heard her.
The two walked out of The Center, Ellie rubbed her eyes as they made their way down the hallway. By the time they were back in Maria’s office, the girl was giving long, slow blinks.
“Want to take a nap on the couch?” The woman offered to the child who threw herself on the soft surface.
She had a full day of meetings, some of which were going to be impossible to move locations, a sense of dread filled her as she tried to figure out what to do.
Ellie had curled up in the corner of the couch and had all but fallen asleep at an awkward angle.
“Hey,” Maria spoke softly, “I will be right back,” the girl sat bolt upright and wide-eyed, “what number can you count to?”
“English?” the girl, still panicked, asked.
“Russian,” she hoped it would buy her more time.
“Seventeen,” Ellie answered in her native tongue.
“Do that twice and I’ll be back, I promise.” The Commander stood up and walked to the door, “this will stay locked the whole time. You’re safe and I’ll be right back.”
It was one of the safest buildings in the world, yet still, she hesitated as the door handle was in her hand. As soon as she heard the first number pass the child’s lips she opened the door and moved as quickly as she could down the hall and towards the office, she knew as well as her own.
It didn’t hit her that he wouldn’t be there until after she swiped her card and opened his office door. The air felt different as she wanted into the space, stale, cold, the opposite of everything that he was.
“I wish you were here,” Maria breathed out, “I’m going to borrow the pillow and Blanket for Ellie, she… man you’d love her Phil.”
She moved to the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out the items, unsure of why she felt the need to talk to a dead man. And yet, she continued to do so as she left.
“I’ll bring them back later,” she promised, closing the door behind her as she made the quick walk back to her own office.
Ellie was still counting as she got back but just barely, she had 2 numbers left as Maria entered the space.
“Here you go,” the brunette held up the items to the girl who held them awkwardly in her hands.
“Back,” the green-eyed girl dropped the pillow and watched as Maria put it back on the couch.
“Yeah, we’ll bring them back to Phil's office later.”
“No,” the child yawned, “Ria back.”
The woman gave a soft smile, “yeah little bear, when I say I’m coming back, I mean it.”
Ellie eyed her suspiciously before laying her head down on the pillow, the restless night before had caught up to her to the point where she couldn’t argue. The Commander tucked the army green blanket around the child, realizing that it still smelled like Phil as she did so. It took approximately 2 seconds for the child to pull the somewhat scratchy material around her body and over her head until she looked like a blanket that had been discarded until her eyes peered out from the fabric.
“Take a nap, I’ll be right here,” Maria sat at her desk and started working on the end-of-mission report from the operation that had occurred that morning.
As the child's breathing began to slow, her typing followed suit until she had fully stopped and was staring at the lump on the couch. She had a full day and no idea what to do with the girl who seemed content to sleep on her couch. Her first three meetings were in her office, she hoped that the child would remain sleeping through them.
For the first two meetings, no one noticed the girl on the couch sleeping (other than a senior agent during the first meeting who glanced at the blanket and then Commander Hill, it was very abnormal for her to leave anything even remotely personal out). It wasn’t until the third meeting where an overly confident Sergeant sat on the couch that things went awry.
“I don’t think that disciplinary action is needed Command-” the rest of his sentence was cut off by a scream that caused a ghost of a smile to run across Maria’s face.
“I’m not going to tell you how to run your team Sergeant,” she continued to talk as if nothing had occurred, “but I will tell you that if this happens again not only will disciplinary action be taken against her, but you as well.”
“I-” the man stumbled over his words, still staring at the moving blanket, “I understand.”
“Anything else?”
“No, ma’am. Have a good day, ma’am,” the man stood up, stole one more look over his shoulder at the moving blanket, and left.
It wasn’t until after the door closed and the sound of the automatic lock was heard that Ellie popped her head out from the blanket.
“Have a good nap?” the brunette asked.
The child nodded and stuck one finger into the air that Maria returned with a proper thumbs up, “glad to hear it. I have two more meetings but they are in other rooms, do you want to come with me or head back to The Center?”
“With you,” the child pushed curls that had stuck to her face out of the way.
“Okay, but they might be boring so bring me your tablet.”
The girl walked over to where her backpack was hanging, Maria went to stand up to help the girl get it down, forgetting that she had hung it when Ellie walked over to one of the chairs in front of the desk. Using strength that was surprising for her age and size, she pushed until the chair was under the bag and climbed on top until she could reach it. Once the device was safely in her hands, she followed the process in reverse and handed Maria the tablet.
“Okay you’re all charged up,” she tried to hide her amusement and checked the percentage again, “ready to go? Need anything?”
Ellie shook her head and waited for Maria by the door.
It wasn’t full silence as they walked into the conference room full of people, but it was close. All eyes were on the two as they made their way toward the head of the table, Ellie trailing closely behind the woman who was clearly in charge. Maria tried not to react, but for the last 5 years all eyes normally averted her gaze when she walked in, this was new, different.
She sat down at the head of the table and looked at the man to her left who immediately got up and offered his chair to Ellie.
“Ma’am,” he said more towards the child than the Commander.
“Thank you,” Maria settled the girl into the seat and pulled out her headphones, “if you need anything you just tap my leg okay?”
The child nodded and looked around the room, clearly nervous about the sheer number of occupants.
“You don’t worry about them, I’m the boss, you just pay attention to your show and you can tell me all about it tonight,” the Commander waited to make sure the girl understood before looking at the rest of the members of the room who were still staring, “Alright, Agent Colletti start us off.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the man cleared his throat and looked away from the child, “Based on ongoing undercover missions we believe that we have enough data to properly take down the organization associated with mission 14-32-Indigo…”
While the meeting was a success and Ellie was the perfect child through it all, it ran long. So long that by the end of it, Maria and Ellie had less than 5 minutes to make it to their next meeting. One that the Deputy Director wasn’t in charge of, that was left up to the Director himself.
“Alright kid, we gotta book it,” she looked at the child who was clearly confused if not a little worried, “one last meeting then we can go home and have some dinner and be done for the night.”
Maria picked up the child's tablet, noticing that it was already half dead, and took the girl's hand in her own. The two walked as quickly as Ellie’s legs could carry her until they were across the massive building and walking into the meeting room that was already silent. The Commander squared her shoulders and walked into the room, fidgeting her seat next to the Director who raised a single eyebrow at the girl before turning back to the laptop he was working off of.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t an extra seat to sit the girl in, so Maria pulled her into her lap and opened up the tablet. She was positive everyone was looking at her but didn’t give them the satisfaction of looking back.
“Didn’t know this meeting was open to the public, Hill,” the man next to her chided.
“Didn’t know you were back on the email list for this mission, Sitwell,” she responded as she handed the child headphones to put on and watch her show.
The man scoffed and went to say something when Fury started talking, leaving the room even quieter than it had been. Maria typed away on her own tablet for the remainder of the meeting, trying to make sure the logistics of what Fury was planning would actually work out. She made notes, checked classified documents, and created reminders until she felt a tap on her leg.
The director was still talking but wrapping things up when the Commander looked at the child in her lap who squirmed around.
“Can it wait 5 more minutes?” Maria pulled a headphone back and whispered in the girl's ear.
Ellie seemed to really ponder this before she shook her head.
“Okay, what is it?” She leaned into the girl who whispered one word back, “bathroom.”
The brunette was positive that her boss would be done in the next few minutes but judging by how much the girl was still wiggling around, they didn’t have the time to wait. She took the headphones fully off the child and picked up both of their tablets before shooting Fury an apologetic look.
The two had just stood up as Sitwell scoffed, rolling his eyes.
“Watch yourself,” was all the Deputy Director could get out before leading the child to the exit.
As soon as they were outside the doors of the room Ellie picked up the speed, in the wrong direction.
“I’m going to pick you up so we can run okay?” Maria knew they didn't have the time and scooped up the child.
They got to the bathroom with just enough time to spare as the girl shoved her pants down and sat on the toilet with a speed Maria hadn’t seen her exhibit. By the time she was done and they had made their way back to the meeting room, the talk was already over.
“I’m really sorry, sir,” she found Fury in the hallway as he made his way back to his office.
“Maybe we do bathroom breaks before meetings, Hill,” he sighed and continued to walk.
“She shouldn’t be with me in the future-” Maria cut off her excuse, “got it, sir.”
“You have a good night, little miss,” Fury slowed down for just a moment and stuck out his fit.
The girl tapped it back very seriously and nodded. The brunette swiped her card and let them back into her office where she needed to collect both of their things before heading out for the night. She sat down at her desk to log out of her computer when she saw the end-of-the-day report still sitting on her desk and unfolded it. Hoping that it would be the last “early release” she would get for a while.
A hope that died over the course of the next week as she picked up the child early every day.
Tuesday
Name: Elizaveta
Activities: group reading time, did not engage with crafts, solo reading, lunch.
Food: half of her lunch before closing her bag with food left over, did eat morning snack.
Nap: N/a
Items needed: N/a
Parent notes: Elizaveta did not want to engage with peers or staff.
Reason for early release: 12:13pm fell asleep and wouldn’t come out of backpack station.
Wednesday
Name: Elizaveta
Activities: group reading time, did not engage with crafts, solo reading, lunch.
Food: Ate full lunch, tried to close lunch box with vegetables still inside.
Nap: 30-minute nap after lunch
Items needed: N/a
Parent notes: Elizaveta did not want to engage with peers or staff.
Reason for early release: 1pm, asked for parent, Staff member Grace tried to engage but informed parent after she was unable to console child.
Thursday
Name: Elizaveta
Activities: did not engage with crafts, did not engage with group reading time, solo reading.
Food: N/a.
Nap: N/a
Items needed: N/a
Parent notes: Elizaveta did not want to engage with peers or staff.
Reason for early release: 12:34pm child refused to eat or engage with others.
Friday
Name: Elizaveta
Activities: group reading time, did not engage with crafts, solo reading, lunch, did explore outdoors briefly.
Food: Ate full lunch after prompting from team to finish.
Nap: 25-minute nap after lunch
Items needed: N/a
Parent notes: Elizaveta did not want to engage with others and when asked, an altercation occurred.
Reason for early release: 1pm, physical altercation occurred (minor) when two peers attempted to read book that Elizaveta was reading. Parent informed that child did not create altercation and staff removed child before harm was inflicted.
The Deputy Director's heart was beating in her ears as she got to The Center just after 1pm, expecting to find a blood bath from what Grace had told her over the phone. She cursed herself for not listening to Natasha’s email (the only one she had gotten over the week) to make sure Ellie wasn’t around other children.
Cold hands pushed open the door and immediately she let out the breath she had been holding as she took in the sight. The green-eyed girl was sitting in a chair alone in the corner of the room, staring at the floor in front of her. On the other side of the little’s area sat two blonde girls with matching jackets, both looked annoyed but unharmed.
“Hi, Maria,” Grace’s voice was calm as she opened the half door, “everyone is okay but she has been in time-out for the last 10 minutes.”
“What happened?” Maria looked closer at the girl, her hair had come out of its bun for the most part, but other than that she looked uninjured.
“Ellie was reading alone and we had a set of sisters come up to the library, according to them Ellie wouldn’t share the book she was reading,” the blonde rolled her eyes.
“And according to Ellie?” her voice was defensive, why was her voice so defensive?
“Wouldn’t say, even after we told her she wouldn’t get in trouble.”
“I’ll talk to her about it later, anything you need from us before we go?” Maria picked up the girl's backpack and helped her put it on before she reached out to take the child’s hand.
“We technically have a three-strike policy when it comes to fights, but if she apologizes we can take this one off because it wasn’t really a fight,” Grace explained to the two.
“Even if you don’t know whose fault it is?” The Commander looked over to the sisters who giggled.
“Yep,” the blonde shook her head, “I know Ellie wasn’t in the wrong here. But it’s the rule my boss made.”
“Get me your boss’s name and email,” she was the Deputy Director and this was a bullshit rule, “Ellie do you want to say sorry?”
The child looked up at the woman next to her, “did not hit them. Rule five.”
“Okay, then we don’t apologize,” it seemed fair enough to Maria.
The blonde laughed, “okay let me print your end-of-the-day report then.”
Maria sighed as she sat down at her desk, it was a Friday afternoon and while she didn’t have any more in-person meetings (she had learned to only schedule those for the morning) she still needed to work. Ellie sat on the couch, her head hung as she kicked her legs out and watched them fall back down.
“What are we going to do, huh?” at the sound of Maria’s voice the girl looked at her.
Ellie shrugged and hung her head again.
“Come here, little bear, let me fix your hair,” she watched as the girl walked over slowly, flinching as she raised her hand towards her hair, “you’re not going to get hit. You’re not in trouble but I do want you to tell me what happened.”
The longer the woman ran her fingers through the girl's hair, the more they both relaxed until it was fixed.
“Was reading and they come up,” the child sighed and shook her head, “wanted my book but had not finished reading, Ria. Then tell them no but they grab it and I wanted so I pushed hands off but then one walk behind me and- shoved me but,” the girl paused and spoke again in English, “I did not hit back.”
“I appreciate that you didn’t hit them back but Ellie if someone is hurting you, you're allowed to hit them so you can run away,” Maria was pretty sure this went against every parenting book she had read.
“Rule five,” the girl held up five fingers to emphasize her point.
“Rule 5 part two then: you’re not allowed to start fights, but you can finish them.”
Ellie looked at Maria and nodded in such a way that the woman felt the need to make an amendment already to the rule, “but you don't leave any marks that last, no permanent damage.”
The child seemed to think for a long time about this before nodding and holding her pinky out to Maria who interlocked her own digit. They both stood for a moment longer before Ellie walked over to her spot on the couch and pulled her tablet out of her backpack in the same way she had every day that week.
Maria went back to her desk and continued to work, signing off on reports and creating new strategic plans for the agents under her. She continued to work and check on the girl who was mouthing along to the show she watched on her tablet until there was one firm knock on her door. Fury.
“Come on in, sir,” she straightened up and gave a reassuring smile to Ellie.
“Hill, why are you still here with a child who could be enjoying the weekend?” he asked gruffly before turning to the child, “hi there, little miss.”
“Hi,” Ellie replied for the first time, making Fury smile softly.
“So I could be here to answer whatever question you're about to ask me,” the Commander leaned back in her chair.
“Smart ass,” the Director lowered his voice before bringing it back to its normal level, “I’m looking for the master list of handler-agent pairings.”
“I can send you over a copy of the one I currently use when selecting agents for missions,” she pulled up the document with a few clicks of her mouse, “anything else, sir?”
“Yeah, I want your personal list of pairings.”
The Commander squinted at the man in the seat across from her, that wasn’t information she gave willingly to anyone. It was a little-known fact that Deputy Director Hill had a master spreadsheet of every agent who worked at SHIELD, their strengths and weaknesses, who they worked well with, different events tied to them, and most importantly: how well she liked them.
“In exchange for what?” The Commander pushed it, she had given him an old copy the year prior.
“In exchange for, because I’m your boss,” the man doubled down.
“This isn’t a SHIELD-sanctioned list,” she dug her heels in.
“What do you think, little miss?” The man was ruthless as he turned to ask the girl who was still sitting on the couch.
“Little miss got into a fight at school today, can't take her word anymore,” Maria smiled at the girl who slowly raised her hand to her face.
“Yes, should give list,” Ellie covered her eye and stared at the Director who laughed from deep in his chest.
“Ellie, we talked about that. You don’t have to cover your eye to make him feel better,” the woman stifled a laugh.
“How ‘bout this, you give me the list, and you can put me down as her emergency contact at The Center,” the man leaned back in his chair.
Maria knew she had furrowed her brows for just a second before schooling her features judging by the smile on Fury’s face, how the hell did he know that it was still blank?
“Deal, but I need it back” she rolled her chair out and walked over to a locked filing cabinet by the couch in her office, Ellie watched her every move.
There was a soft spot in her heart for hard copies, call her old fashioned but the woman didn’t fully trust technology, regardless of the security updates Stark had created. She moved to the back of the third cabinet and pulled out a somewhat large file before handing it over to her boss.
“The top six pages are the only major changes from the copy I gave you last year,” she leaned on the front section of her desk and watched as the Director flipped through the documents.
“You gave Randall an 8?” the man looked up from the folder.
“He made sure the carrier didn’t go down when I stepped out from the bridge a few weeks ago, earned him a brownie point that I explained if you looked at the notes section,” she leaned forward and put her finger on the section titled ‘notes’.
“Yes, I can read Hill,” the man shooed her finger away.
“Well,” she huffed and sat back down at her desk, “it’s all yours, I’ll need it back by the end of the month.”
That was a lie, but she didn’t like the idea of it not tightly locked away in her filing cabinet.
“Also, don’t worry about the emergency contact. I can find someone else Nick,” she spoke quietly to the man who looked up from the file.
“I was going to offer, either way, this just sweetened the deal.” he held up the documents.
“But if you-”
“Hill,” he cut her off, “I like the kid. Let me help.”
“Fine… thank you,” she looked back at the child on the couch who was pretending not to listen.
“You’re welcome, now leave me to read and take her to go and enjoy her weekend,” he didn’t look up from the file and while the Commander had more work to do (she always had more work to do) she listened and started collecting her things.
“Ready, kid?” Maria locked her computer and picked up the girl's backpack, slinging it over one of her own shoulders.
“Yes, goodbye-” Ellie looked at Maria for guidance on what to call the man. Maria looked back at Fury who looked back at the Commander then back to the child.
“Fury,” the Director spoke up.
“Goodbye, Fuzzy,” the girl gave a small wave. Maria was 80% sure that the child mispronounced the name on purpose and snort-laughed.
“Bye little miss,” Fury waved back and the two left the man in the office.
It was much quieter at this time of day, the agents and staff who walked around were few and far between. The two walked through the building in relative silence as they made their way to the garage. Maria watched as they passed her car and made a mental note to look into selling it in the next month to get something that would fit a car seat.
The woman played pop music from her teen years the whole way home, a little too loud, singing along, with the windows down. She glanced in the rearview mirror expecting to see the girl dancing along as she had before, but this time Ellie had her eyes closed and a soft smile as she felt the warm spring air on her face. Maria felt, for the first time, that she was doing something right.
“Well, have you ever been to the library?” The woman continued washing dishes as the girl watched from her spot on the island.
“Yes,” Ellie nodded, surprising the woman who scrubbed spaghetti sauce off of a plate.
“Oh really, when?” She had a hard time believing that, maybe she was thinking of the library at The Center.
“Back at home,” the sentence caused Maria to falter.
“In Russia?” she pressed the subject.
“Yes,” the child said quietly, “and Kyra with mission.”
“Do you ever wish you were back at that home?” Maria had 100 questions but knew how little the child liked to speak and didn’t want to push it.
“No,” Ellie shook her head and stared at the spot on the counter, “Do wish I was back there?”
Maria dried her hands and walked over to the child, “No Ellie girl, I don’t ever wish you were back there.”
“Not cold here like that home,” the girl looked relieved.
“Yeah, Russia is pretty cold huh?”
The child nodded and continued to stare at the counter, “miss Kyra.”
Her statement was so quiet Maria wasn’t sure if she was supposed to hear it, “I bet you do, maybe one day we can look for her.”
“Cannot is gone gone,” the child locked eyes with Maria, green eyes so full of emotions she couldn’t express.
“Come here, little bear,” the blue-eyed woman opened her arms and waited, after a moment that seemed to stretch on the girl sniffled and leaned into the woman.
Ellie stayed stiff until Maria rubbed her back, “what do you miss about her?”
The girl started to cry, relaxing into the kind touch as the woman walked around the apartment. She knew how hard it was to miss a person who was “gone gone”, she remembered the terrible feeling when she was a child and one that she experienced again as an adult, the missing of a person you could never talk to in person again. Maria missed old agents, she missed the people she had lost in the military, she missed her mom.
“Did hair good, and and knew stories,” the girl blurted out between cries, “Miss that she help tie shoes and would make me feel better when I was sad and didn’t make me hurt people because she did it for me, and wouldn't let other littles be mean to me, and how she smells nice.”
The words were coming quickly in Russian and while Maria did her best to understand, she was mainly just a listening ear to the girl who had seen so much horror in the world. Her heart broke at the sobs that continued to wrack the girl's body even after she had stopped talking. The woman made her way over to the child's backpack and got out the flashlight which was quickly brought into Ellie's grasp.
“Are going to make me leave?” the child had calmed herself down enough to ask a question that was clearly weighing on her mind.
It was a question Maria didn’t fully know the answer to. She knew she would never send her back to Russia or any other country for that matter, but she was the Deputy Director, she was busy, she lived alone, and didn’t know the first thing about raising a child. But the weight of the child in her arms settled into her chest in a way that she didn’t know was possible.
“No, sweet girl, I’m not going to make you leave. You can stay here with me but we can talk more about that later,” she needed to buy time while still reassuring the girl.
“Okay,” the girl whispered, tucking her head into the woman's shoulder.
Maria walked around her apartment, finding out that it took 23 strides to get from one side to the other until the child in her arms had calmed herself down enough to sit back up. Even then the woman continued to pace until she found herself in the bathroom drawing a bath for the girl.
“Tasha always says a bath makes everything feel better,” she was pretty sure the spy was referring to sore muscles, but the heart was a muscle too right?
Ellie sat on the countertop and stared at the water that slowly filled the tub, eyeing the addition of body wash suspiciously. She sat and watched until the tub was nearly full before stripping down and looking at Maria.
“Ready to get in?” the blue-eyed woman watched as the girl approached the side and gave one curt nod.
Ellie raised her foot and put it into the water where she pulled it out immediately and stared at the woman next to her.
“What’s wrong? Is it too hot?” Maria felt the water unsure of what an appropriate temperature was for a 5-year-old.
“Warm?” the girl looked towards the woman who was perched on the side of the toilet.
“Want it warmer? Or colder?” the brunette asked, flipping the controls one way and then the other.
“Not cold-” the girl said quickly, wide-eyed.
The two occupants of the bathroom stared at each other for a moment, both trying to better understand what was happening. It was the child who made the first move, once again pulling her leg up and placing it into the tub, looking back towards Maria before adding the second leg. It was an odd process to watch as the child got into the water, something that millions of children did every day. Maria remembered her own childhood when she was drawn a warm bath after-
“Have you ever had a warm bath before?”
Ellie shook her head, easing her body into the bubbles as she did so.
“Well… how do you like it?” Maria asked, sadness creeping in as she remembered just how different the girl was from so many other 5-year-olds.
The child nodded, “good.”
Maria scooted closer to the water and the bubbles that floated on the surface, “when I was a kid I liked to see how tall I could make a tower of bubbles.”
She scooped up a handful and stacked it on another group that had formed. The curly-headed child watched as the tower started to form, slowly she pushed herself over to the bubbles and added her own handful.
“It’s kinda fun, right?” Maria smiled as she watched the girl go for another handful, she grabbed the cup that was sitting on the side of the tub and filled it with warm water.
The plastic cup was old, the SHIELD logo on the side had nearly worn off but the woman had learned earlier that week that Ellie hated having her face wet (other than when she tried to drink the shower water which still grossed The Commander out). They had come up with a system of letting Maria have 25 seconds to wash it at the end of the shower after the girl had repeatedly dried it off every time it was wet in the shower.
She continued to wash the girl's hair, running her fingers through the wet curls until the conditioner was fully worked in. Ellie took the cup that was handed to her and dunked it in the water, pouring it over the bubble tower that she had created until it disappeared. At that moment, the girl in the tub was nothing more than a 5-year-old having a bath. The tears that streaked her cheeks less than an hour before had washed away. The fight she had gotten into at The Center wasn’t important. The horrors of her life were forgotten as she started on a new bubble tower.
Maria sat back and realized, only after she caught her reflection, that she had been smiling at the sight in front of her. Ellie hummed as she moved around in the tub, the tune was unrecognizable but it seemed to make the girl happy.
“What song is that?” Maria asked the same question she had asked the girl in the shower all those weeks ago on the carrier.
Just as she had done on the ship, the girl shrugged and continued to hum. Maria sat and watched the girl until she figured she was probably pruney, a guess that was confirmed as the child showed her fingers.
“Alright, you gotta get out,” the woman held open the child towel, “We don't want you to turn into a raisin.”
Ellie seemed to take the joke very seriously and got out of the bath quickly, letting Maria wrap her in the overly large towel. The woman stood up and let the bath water out which fascinated the child who stood next to the ledge, watching as the bubbles and water made their way down the drain.
“Strong?” she tilted her head and asked the woman next to her.
“Um, no. I mean it's strong enough to take the dirt and bubbles down but not strong enough to take you down if that’s what you're concerned about,” Maria watched the girl nod.
It was another 20 minutes until the child was dressed in her pajamas, her teeth brushed, and tucked into bed. Maria had just sat down on her couch before her phone buzzed.
“Hey Laura,” the woman kept her voice down as she answered the phone.
“Hi, Ria,” Laura’s voice was also low as she answered, “I just put the kids down and figured you had done the same.”
“Yeah, Ellie just went to bed,” Maria could see a faint light from under the girl’s door that indicated she was still awake with her flashlight, her “алена” as she had named it.
“How’d the first week at daycare go? I was keeping you both in my thoughts,” Laura asked.
“It- ugh,” the woman sighed.
“That bad huh?”
“The latest she stayed was half a day,” Maria leaned her head back on the couch.
“Oh honey, don’t even worry about that kind of stuff. When I first started taking Coop to daycare one of us would cave and do early pick-up for a few weeks,” Laura chuckled into the phone.
“It just makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong like I’m a bad-” mom she thought, too afraid to say the word out loud.
“Mom,” Laura filled in the missing word, “you can say it, Ria. You might be scared, or in denial, or whatever else you’re feeling. But you can say it. You’re that little girl’s mom.”
Maria didn’t know what to say, she was The Commander: a woman who had worked from nothing to get to the top, losing people and friendships along the way. She had hurt people, she had led people into warzones, she had killed people.
“Don’t go there,” the woman’s voice cut into her thoughts, “I know that you’re overthinking right now. Ria that little one doesn't care about any of the things you’re thinking about right now. All she knows is the bad parts of life but I know you, you’re going to show her all the beauty. If you have some bumps along the way, it’s okay. What’s Fury always saying about your best qualities?”
“I’m quick on my feet and know how to adapt,” Maria answered before she had time to think.
“I’m sure that you’ve only ever thought about that at work, but let me tell you, those are the best qualities to have as a parent,” Laura laughed, “I don’t want you to force this choice and do something you really don’t want… but Maria Hill you are going to be an amazing mom to that girl if you so choose.”
“Thanks, Laur,” the brunette let out a breath, so thankful for the woman on the other side of the phone.
“Of course sweetie, now let me see a picture of the munchkin, don’t pretend like you’re too tough to have taken one.”
Maria smiled, she had a handful of them on her phone now but sent her over the one she knew would get the biggest reaction. Sure she was feeding into the monster by sending it, but it was a good picture.
“Oh my goodness, RIA!” it was a squeal, that was the only word to describe the reaction from Laura as she looked at the picture that had just been delivered to her phone, “she is so cute, oh she’s just a little love, isn’t she? Maria forget everything I said before about being a mom, you send her my way so I can spoil her rotten!”
The sheer amount of words that came out of Mrs. Barton’s mouth made Maria snort laugh before she looked at the picture again, it was a good one.
“I only saw the one of her in that god-awful police report, I’m going to yell at Tasha next time I talk to her for not telling me how cute she is. Speaking of which, have you heard from her recently?”
“Not much, I got an email earlier but she’s working,” Maria once again was forced to remember that Phil was no longer around to be the Russian's handler and so her information flow had been halted.
“She’s always working,” Laura sighed, “One day Ria, one day you two will figure all of this out just like Clint and I did and you can both take a step back from work.”
“We’re just friends Laur,” the Commander rolled her eyes.
“mhmm, you keep telling yourself that” the woman hummed before being cut off by her husband, “Hi Ria!”
“Hi Barton,” she smiled as she heard the man enter the room.
“Hey, we're going to watch a movie so I’ll talk to you later, but send me more pictures! Also, I think we have some shirts that Coop doesn’t wear anymore that are space themed. I know that hand-me-downs aren’t… well… kids are expensive so if you want them…”
“I’m sure she would love them, thanks, Laura.”
“I’ll get them in the mail next time I go, bye Ria. Love you!” the woman laughed, “Clint says he loves you too.”
“Love you both, talk to you later,” Maria hung up the phone and looked under the door of the girl's room, it was darker now than it had been before.
She walked over to her desk and sat down in front of the computer, her mind was going too fast for her to fall asleep now. But rather than open up a SHIELD document or field report, she clicked on her to-do list and added a new column “E”.
The list had already been started by Phil, most of the things she had thought of, and some she hadn’t, sat on the man’s list that he had shared with her on the carrier. She transferred the data and added her own items (see: get a library card and visit Fitzsimmons) before sending off a quick text to the only other person who had access to the original list.
Ria: Hey May, just wanted to check-in. Hope you’re okay, call me when you can.
The Commander leaned back and looked at the work she had completed. If she was going to be the girl's parent, she was going to do it right.