Atonement

Chapter Five

Ever since Tony saw his baby for the first time, he couldn't stop looking at the ultrasound picture of them. He'd given his uncles a copy, kept one for himself, and placed the third copy on top of the babygrow.

He still continued working in the garage even though he was starting to show. The owner, Guiseppe, didn't mind hiring a pregnant omega just as long as he was careful and would leave the heavier tasks to the others. Tony wasn't willing to risk it anyway. Even with Dr. Russo telling him his baby wasn't in any danger, he didn't want to test fate.

Tony's also starting to feel the baby inside his tummy. It wasn't strong yet but it was there, fluttering lightly within him. The first time he felt it, he had cried for a good whole hour. He cried for the amazing life forming inside him and the ache of not having his Alpha hold him through the experience. Steve would have cried with him. Possibly even for longer than Tony. His Alpha would have fussed and fussed until Tony would throw him out of the room.

But that is neither here nor there so Tony simply cried.

Regardless, his loneliness and moping could not deter the excitement he felt for his next check-up. He can choose to find out his baby's gender on the scan; though he still wasn't sure whether he wants to or not. Sometimes, he dreams his baby is a girl with dark hair and blue eyes. Other times, he sees a boy with blond hair and hazel eyes. Tony didn't want to let go of either dream, but he also wants to know so he can start preparing.

Both Lorenzo and Alberto accompanied him this time, much to his amusement. He did try telling them he'll be fine driving himself but the older couple kept giving him pleading glances and wistful smiles so he relented quickly. It was nice having someone with him wait in the clinic.

"It's nice to see you again, Mr. Carbonell. I see you brought more family this time," observed Dr. Russo jovially.

"Please, call me Antonio. Oh, you remember my Zio Alberto. This is my Zio Lorenzo. I'm staying with them for a while," explained Tony, gesturing to the Alpha with him.

The three greeted each other amicably, giving Tony a minute to calm his reign. He's full of nerves recently and wasn't sure if it had anything to do with his pregnancy.

"Alright, Antonio, we'll start off with a physical and some tests. I want to see if everything is as perfect as the last time you were here."

Like last time, he was poked and prodded but it wasn't as uncomfortable and long as it had been before. He knew what was coming.

"How is everything? Any weird cravings or increase in morning sickness?"

Tony shook his head. "I haven't had morning sickness at all. Cravings aren't also extreme. I'm not looking for peanut butter and ketchup on bread if that's what you're asking."

"I have to say, judging by your Alpha's history, I would never have thought you'll have the easiest pregnancy I've seen in my career. Your bloodwork is clean. Sugar levels are normal. You're gaining the supposed weight. This is all good," said the woman approvingly.

Lorenzo and Alberto, who were sitting quietly next to Tony grinned and squeezed his shoulders. Tony beamed.

Dr. Russo further explained his results and wrote him a prescription for his vitamins. When asked if the Alpha would join him soon in one of these check-ups, Tony almost faltered as he explained that his alpha was deployed in the military. It wasn't entirely untrue. Steve does get sent out to missions more than he ever was.

Tony ended up asking for the gender to be written on paper during the scan. He still wasn't sure if he wanted to know or not, but he'd like it if he had the option to find out at any time. Dr. Russo easily agreed, informing Tony many omegas have asked her the same before. The folded paper was now kept safe within the inner pockets of his jacket.

He still asked for three copies of the ultrasound picture, not bothering to correct the obstetrician when she guessed Tony would be sending the third copy to his alpha on deployment. She didn't know Tony plans on keeping them all inside a box with a tiny imitation of his Alpha's uniform, waiting to be acknowledged.

He’s been listing and crossing out names on his small leather notebook, trying to get a feel of what is perfect for his little treasure. So far, he has around fifteen different names for girls and seven for boys, none of which were definitive. He’s also been doing a bit of shopping. Tony made sure to visit Cesare’s shop again and picked up more than a few things. His baby wasn’t even born yet and Tony already bought several adorable toddler rompers. Nothing too distinctive yet that would clue whether it’s a boy or a girl.

It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that he finally lost the fight and decided to unfold the paper.

He was refolding all the bodysuits and baby towels one night when he was suddenly struck by the thought of Steve kissing his swollen stomach and telling their little prince or princess how special and loved they are. Tony couldn’t shake off the feeling of needing to find out exactly how his imagination should proceed. With one swift movement, he dug through his nightstand and picked up the folded piece of paper tenderly.

Time didn’t slow or anything like he imagined it would when he flipped it open. Tony found out he was having a boy just as quickly as he burst out in tears for the umpteenth time since the start of his pregnancy.

No wonder he didn’t go through heavy morning sickness. He knows it’s a myth and doesn’t have the necessary scientific evidence to back it up, but his mother always told him she knew Tony was a boy because of the same reason. His Zio Alberto said the same thing when he was carrying Marco and Gianni. He just always believed it had something to do with nature compensating for the emotional pain they made Tony go through.

Though that could still be valid. Who knows?

--

Weeks turned to months and suddenly, Tony has lived in Piemonte for nearly three months. At 20 weeks, his pregnancy couldn’t be hidden any longer. His little love was growing and growing wonderfully. Alberto had taken to calling the unborn pup ’little Antonio’, always making Tony grimace. He hasn’t decided on a name yet but Antonio was definitely out of the question. He was debating whether he’d give his son an Italian name or not. After all, his baby’s father was none other than Captain America. He wants him to have a connection to his dad even if a name is all he’ll have.

His coworkers in the garage had chipped in and bought him a plush toy tool set when he announced he was having a boy. Though, Tony was pretty sure they would have given him the same thing if it ended up being a girl. His customers all complimented his glowing aura and commended him for still doing a better job than most even though he’s five months pregnant. The neighbors he passes by every morning and afternoon to and from his job always greeted him with excitement. More often than not, he’d be stopped for a good hour or two on the way because Signora Valente just had to feed him her recipe for the day.

Life was so calm and laid-back that everything that happened with him and Steve seemed like centuries ago. He wasn’t stressed and worried about his future. He didn’t have to constant pressure to be perfect. Tony didn’t have to act like an eccentric superhero billionaire at all.

Instead, he puts all his time when he’s not working in the garage helping out in the vineyard. He doesn’t have to worry about anything other than the long list he’s been keeping to track of everything his mimmo needs. Peter and Harley had everything under control with the team’s gears and uniforms and Pepper already assured him the 300 or so finished projects he had on his backup server will be enough to satisfy the Board of Directions for the next couple of years. JARVIS doesn’t direct any of the team’s messages to him anymore but from the few updates he receives from his A.I., the Avengers hadn’t had a life-threatening mission in the past few months. The relief he felt when JARVIS confirmed Steve’s not badly hurt at any of those was unmistakable. 

Every day, he could feel his pain slowly seeping away. Part of him wanted to reach out to his Alpha again, especially when Pepper called him and told him that everyone was worried about Steve’s terrible coping mechanism. Tony didn’t have to ask to know it had something to do about his bondmate spending too much time in the gym.

But no matter how not-angry he’s been lately, he still can’t bring himself to pick up the phone and call his Alpha. He wasn’t sure if it was his pride talking or if he was simply afraid of what could happen. There are only two ways it could go if he ends up talking to Steve. Either they make up and be the happy family he always wished they’d be, or Steve will be furious Tony kept the baby from him. He didn’t want to try and find out. 

Thankfully, with the harvesting season finally arriving, Tony could redirect his focus on other things. The whole Carbonell clan was coming home over the course of the week. Lorenzo was right. When they found out Tony had been staying in the family home the past couple of months and would be staying for a while, everyone immediately confirmed their attendance. Even Lucas who hadn’t talked to his mother for sone time decided to go. Tony just about cried (again) when he found out. He hasn’t seen everyone in decades, yet they still act like it had only been for the summer.

Zio Diego, Oncle Philippe, and Stella were the first to arrive. Stella, who was seven years younger than Tony, ambushed him as soon as their car stopped outside the front door. Tony laughed, realizing how similar their reactions were to seeing family. It was amazing how much time had changed his little cousin. The last time he’d seen her in person, she only just turned five. Now, she was all grown up and making her name in the architecture industry.

“Stella! Be careful!” Oncle Philippe admonished his youngest. “You are 27 for goodness gracious. Don’t you see your cousin Antonio is delicate! Unruly child.”

“Not a child, papa!”

“I’m not delicate!”

Tony and Stella looked at each other and burst out in giggles, earning them slight swats from Philippe. Of all his aunts and uncles, Oncle Philippe was the most tetchy of them all. It didn’t help that Zio Diego acts like an overgrown child himself. Probably why the Frenchman is always annoyed.

“Oh, Antonio, it’s been so long!” Philippe pushed his daughter away and pulled Tony in for a hug, “How far along are you? Alberto didn’t tell me anything! Connard.”

Tony gasped, placing a hand dramatically over his heart and trying not to laugh. “Oncle Philippe! The mouth on you.”

The man waved his hand dismissively. “Now, tell me everything about this bebe before Diego steals you from me.”  

Tony laughed out loud, accepting the arm offered to him as they enter the house. When he glanced behind him, the sight of his Zio Diego pouting while carrying their luggage sent him into another fit of giggles.

Zia Luna, Marco, and Marco’s pups arrived a few hours later. They crossed paths at the airport and decided to head over together. Henry and Amara were a little shy at first, but a pregnant omega always puts pups at ease. The two little ones barely leave Tony’s side the whole afternoon. Marco had even pointed out how grateful he was that his little cousin was pregnant so he can actually have some time to himself and not have his pups follow him constantly.

One by one, the others also turned up. Sofia and her omega, Paul, brought with them Paul’s nephew which no one batted an eye on. Gianni and his alpha, Joaquin couldn’t take their dogs with them so they offered to babysit in case the parents (or guardians) want some time to themselves. Lucas arrived alone but carried with him a bag full of liquor, much to Tony’s dismay. It wasn’t like he could drink while carrying. The last one to arrive was Charles a few days later, who was still in his military dress uniform and admitted to heading straight to Piemonte from the base.

Everyone was in high spirits even though there was an obvious rift between Lucas and Zia Luna. Marco also seemed to be avoiding all questions about Adrianna, and Tony refused to acknowledge his missing Alpha.

It’s going to be quite an interesting month for sure.

--

Today marks the fourth month since Tony disappeared. Steve was running himself dry trying to get JARVIS to give one clue as to where his mate went. The A.I. was warming up to him again but all mentions of Tony’s whereabouts seem to shut JARVIS off. He heard Pepper and knows enough that Tony didn’t want to be found. Steve won’t come after him. Not yet. He just wants to know.

He wants to know how Tony is doing. He wants to know if he’s eating and sleeping well. Their bondmark hadn’t faded. In fact, it had darkened a little. No one would notice unless they look at it every day. Steve had. Every morning and before he goes to sleep, Steve would look in the mirror and stare at their bondmark, assuring himself that it’s still there. Darkened marks are normal and could mean several things. But ultimately, it means that his omega was yearning for the alpha.

It gave Steve hope if nothing else.

Most days, Steve spends all hours inside Tony’s workshop. When he’s not, he’s in the gym punching his frustrations away.

“This isn’t healthy, Steve. I thought we already made that clear.” Sam’s voice interrupted the rhythmic thumping sound of fists hitting bags.

Steve paused and panted. “I’m not hurting myself, Sam. I haven’t broken anything the past two weeks,” he convinced bitterly.  

“That’s great. But would it kill you to join us for dinner sometime? You’re barely here anymore. I see Barnes more often than you and that’s saying something.”

“How’s Bucky?” Steve asked instead.

The Air Force sergeant rolled his eyes and stepped into Steve’s view. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

Steve huffed and rewrapped the bands on his knuckles. The thing was, he can’t stand being near his best friend without feeling guilty. It was stupid considering that was exactly what landed him in this mess in the first place.

“You can’t keep punishing Barnes for what happened, Steve.”

“I’m not!”

“Then why won’t you talk to him?” prodded Sam. Jesus, he wouldn’t stop talking.

“It’s not that easy,” grunted the blond. “I just need time, okay? How is Bucky?” Steve asked again.

Sam sighed defeatedly. “He’s fine. He’s doing well with therapy. As well as it can be for a brainwashed POW, anyway. Psych eval cleared him to join us next training if he wanted.”

Steve nodded gratefully. At least there’s some good news this week. He knows Bucky would want to join training. He's alluded to such several times before. It'll be good for him to be occupied. Maybe then Steve would feel less guilty about avoiding his best friend.

He'll have to talk to him at some point. Bucky deserves an explanation, though Steve can tell the brunette already knows. He would have cornered Steve a long time ago if he didn't.

Steve couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. It seemed like he was destined to destroy every good thing he has in his life. He was so happy when Bucky finally agreed to get help and stay in the tower. He wanted his best friend and his boyfriend, the two most important people in his life to be friends. But he'd gotten it stuck in his head that Bucky would leave as soon as Steve takes his eye off of him so he did everything to keep him in sight. Unfortunately, he hadn't realized he had neglected his mate doing so.

And now his mate was gone and he's avoiding his best friend. Things were so messed up.

"I don't know what to do, Sam," whispered Steve in a shaky, beaten tone.

The man reached an arm to wrap around Steve's shoulders. "First, you get yourself cleaned up and join us for dinner. Then, go talk to your buddy. I can't watch you lose both of them at the same time, Steve. And lastly, I want you to come with me to the VA this Friday. It's about time you accept help."

"Tony's been trying to get me to see a therapist for a year. He's finally getting what he wants and he's not even here," said Steve, bitterness creeping in even though he tried not to show it.  

"Well, at least he'll have something to be proud of, right?"

Steve shrugged. There is that. "Yeah. Thanks, Sam. I know I've been hard to deal with recently. I appreciate you and everyone being so understanding."

Sam smiled brightly at him. "Of course, man. You're our family. We'll always have your back."

Steve smiled a fraction but froze when a sudden thought came to mind. Family.

Family.

"Shit," cursed Steve, immediately stepping back from the punching bag and running out of the gym towards their room.

He can vaguely hear Sam yelling after him and trying to catch up, but Steve was on a mission and there was nothing that could stop him. He hadn’t bothered waiting for the elevator. He jumped up the staircase, four steps at a time.

The smell that hit Steve the moment he stepped through his and Tony's room almost made him pause but adrenaline was still pumping through his veins. He quickly ransacked through the drawers both in their room and the walk-in closet. He knew it had to be here somewhere. Tony showed it to him the night they bonded.

Tony rarely talks about his family. Everyone always assumes it's because he didn't have the best relationship with his father. While that part is true, Steve knew the real reason the billionaire avoids such discussions. It's because he wanted that part of his life kept private. He didn’t want the world to destroy it as it did to everything else in his life.

"Steve! What the hell?" Sam burst into the room, out of breath. He wasn't the only one. Bucky and Nat were with him, also looking confused and concerned by the state of the room. Drawers were turned upside down and clothes were thrown all over the place.

"Not now, please," pleaded the Super-soldier as he continued digging through the shelves. While it would be so easy to ask JARVIS where Tony hid it, he knew the A.I. would never give him an answer.

"Tell us what you are looking for. Maybe we can help," suggested Natasha in a calm tone.

Nodding absentmindedly, Steve gestured for them to enter. Without turning his head to face the three, he said, "An old record book. It's brown and has a weird symbol in front. Sort of like a coat of arms. There's an inscription written in Italian. la famiglia è la famiglia."

Steve heard things being moved behind him, letting him know his friends had already begun searching. He felt stupid for not realizing it sooner. The chances of Tony going back to his family were high.

It took another few minutes before Bucky finally said the words Steve was aching to hear: "Found it!"

Steve instantly pounced and grabbed the record book from his best friend's arm, holding it like it was the damn bible for a second before flipping through the pages. Tony had only let him see the photos but had never said anything about when or where those were taken. They were all in polaroids but most had no captions whatsoever. Steve hadn't asked back then. It didn’t seem very important to know the details. At that time, he was just happy Tony shared something special with him.

"What is that, Steve?" asked Sam curiously, trying to take a peek at the item in Steve’s hand. Steve didn’t budge and turned on his side so none of the others could see. It wasn’t his to show, but he can’t force his three friends to leave him be.

"It's Tony's. I think I know where he went."

That obviously garnered more attention than he already has, judging by Sam's sharp intake of breath. He continued carefully flipping through the pages and glancing at the photos of child Tony every once in a while. It wasn't until he found the photo he was looking for that he finally breathed in relief. It was the only polaroid with a time and a place written below it.

Summer of 1993. Carbonell Family House, Alba, Piemonte.