Chapter 1
Prologue
On the day Tony Stark decided to leave, the whole team was watching a documentary about the space. He knew that because Sergeant Barnes mentioned wanting to see it over breakfast.
It’s fine. Really, it is. It didn’t matter that no one remembered it was the root of his nightmares 7 times out of 10. Didn’t matter that no one was curious why he wasn’t sitting next to Steve like he always does.
He tried not to flinch every time the screen flashed a scene of the same dark, empty space. He tried not to react whenever Steve glances at Bucky looking for any sign of discomfort. This is now how life is for Tony Stark, it seems.
Ever since Steve brought Bucky home a month ago, his and the Captain’s relationship seemed like it was metaphorically placed on a pause. Tony understood. Steve always talked about Bucky like he hung the stars in the sky. He told himself many times before that Steve’s love for his best friend wouldn’t affect their bond so much, and he forced himself not to feel jealous. After all, Steve never alluded it was more than brotherly affection.
Steve still joined him in their bed some nights. He still believes his bondmate loves him. The bond would have suffered so much more if it weren’t the case. It was all Tony held onto these days. He knew—he wished Steve’s lack of attention was just because he was worried about his brainwashed best friend. With the recent discovery he made, Tony didn’t want to think otherwise.
Halfway through the film, Tony knew he couldn’t watch it any longer. The documentary or his Alpha clinging to another? He wasn’t sure which was worse. So, Tony excused himself and told the rest of the group he left an experiment in his lab. They waved him goodbye and sent him luck with his latest project.
It was fine. He escaped the awkwardness and the stabbing pain of betrayal. One day at a time, thought Tony. Maybe tomorrow Steve will come back to him. He still has hope. With that thought in mind, Tony focused the rest of his attention to the data in front of him. He still has months to go before the final stages commence but Tony wanted to prepare. This project will change the world and damn if he allows any error to arise.
“Sir, Captain Rogers is asking permission to enter,” JARVIS announced suddenly, shaking Tony out of his concentration.
“Huh?” mused the engineer. It’s been a while since his bondmate visited him in the lab. Maybe Tony was right to feel hope. Maybe Steve can finally come home. “Let him in, J.”
Tony quickly hid all his research and data, cleaned up Steve’s designated seat a bit, and placed a welcoming smile on his face. “Hey, Steve,” he said.
Steve smiled back but it didn’t reach his ocean-blue eyes. Tony felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. Suddenly, he didn’t feel as hopeful anymore. “Hey, Tones. Mind if we talk?”
Tony shook his head even though it was the last thing he wanted. Steve hadn’t said anything yet but the bond can feel. This is it. Nevertheless, if there is one thing Tony Stark is, it’s that he never lets people see him hurt.
Steve must have thought it wouldn’t be as painful if he put it out directly. Less time to panic, he guesses. Tony surely didn’t have the time.
“I think we should have a break for a while. I haven’t been fair to you this past month. I’m always away and I hadn’t given you the attention I’m supposed to. It’s just that… Bucky needs me right now. He’s… he’s not doing well and I’m the only one who can help him. It’s not fair to you that you should be on the sidelines while I take care of him. I still love you. I will always love you, but I can’t take care of you right now, Tony. Not right now. Fuck, I’m sorry.”
His throat felt dry hearing those words. What good does love mean if it’s spoken as a goodbye? He should have known, but he was too caught up with everything else to constantly worry about his Alpha leaving him. “Not fair for me?” Tony’s hurt voice echoed through the silence of the lab. He was smart to wear scent blockers or his distress would have reached even the ground floor of the tower, “or not fair for you?”
“Tony, sweetheart, please try to understand,” pleaded the Super-Soldier looking so heartbroken and sad like he hadn’t just told his omega they were basically breaking the bond.
Tony closed his eyes and breathed. When he opened them, all the hurt was pushed back behind the carefully structured wall. “I understand, Steve. Barnes needs you and you need him. Okay. This is it for us, I guess.”
He wasn’t sure if Steve realized the huge mistake he did right then because the blonde’s eyes widened in alarm. What did he think? That Tony would cry and fight and break down? Did Steve not think beforehand that asking him for a break meant he couldn’t just come back when all is well?
“Tony, no—”
“You can leave now, Captain.” His tone was empty, calm, and dull. Nothing like the animated voice filled with life Steve was so used to hearing.
Steve shook his head. “It’s just for a while, Tony. Not… not forever. You’re the love of my life. I can’t— You’re my future, sweetheart!”
Tony turned his eyes away from the blue he loved so much. “Well, you should have thought of that before coming down here. JARVIS, escort our dear Captain out of the lab if you will.”
Protest as he might, the Super-soldier cannot win against a furious A.I. intent on keeping Tony safe and happy. His objections and pleading fell on deaf ears. It took long minutes before the mechanical door of the lab locked in place and for Tony to finally break down in tears.
“It’s just you and me now, little one,” sobbed Tony as he clutched his stomach protectively. “Just you and me.”