Time to say goodbye
Here it was.
The big talk.
Tony was scared. Of course he was.
He just finished checking on Morgan, she was playing dolls in her bedroom and Harley was playing video games in his room. Peter was following Tony around the house like a lost puppy, like he usually did.
He brought him downstairs, nodding at Pepper. It was time.
Good god was Tony ever scared. He knew they would tell Peter and it wouldn’t end well. Peter would pretty much react like Tony if you told him he couldn’t see Peter anymore.
Although Peter had a right to be upset. His pacifiers were his only form of comfort at this point, so it was a scary thought for the boy. But it was Tony and Peppers fault for letting it get this bad. Mainly Tony, but he didn’t want to admit that. Pepper wanted to go cold turkey, deal with a week of crying then he over the problem, but Tony fought her on it for weeks, both scared to take the pacifiers from Peter and also not ready himself.
In hindsight, they should have dropped the bad habit a long time ago.
Tony would love to know if Steve gave him pacifiers. He knew Steve gave Peter bottles his whole life, but he wasn’t sure about the pacifiers. He had to assume he did, at least it was an option if Peter wanted them. Which was what made this so hard.
Steve broke Peter into a million pieces and now it was Tony’s job to build him back up.
But it wouldn’t feel that way in five minutes.
“Pete, come sit on the couch for a second. I want to talk with you.” He turned around, cupping the back of his head.
“Wha- am I in trouble?”
“No, baby. Never. I just want to talk with you and mommy. Let’s go sit.” Peter was nervous, Tony could tell. He sat down across from Pepper, having Peter sit in the middle of them. Aiser joined by Peter's feet, like usual.
Starting it was the hardest part. Tony reached a hand out to rub Peter’s knee. “So, mommy and I have been talking, and we decided that it’s time to say bye bye to your pacifiers.” Fast. Just like ripping off a bandage.
Peter pulled his feet up onto the couch, shaking his head. “No. M’ not saying bye bye.”
“Honey,” Pepper moved closer to him, rubbing his back. “You are too dependent on your paci’s. It’s time to say bye bye to them. Daddy and I will help you the whole way-”
“No!” He pushed them both off of him. How dare they even bring that up. It was incredibly rude and scary.
“It’ll be hard but soon, you won’t even notice you ever needed them. And we’ll-”
“No no!” Peter stood up and smacked Tony’s arm. “Don’t take them. Don’t!”
Okay. Tony took a breath. Don’t freak out. They knew he wasn’t going to agree with them and everything would be okay. They knew that. And they also expected him to get physical and hit one of them or both. They would have to make sure an adult was always supervising him with Morgan for the next few days in case he got violent with her too.
It was his way of communicating.
“Peter. Don’t hit me. That’s no way to communicate how you feel.” He reached forward to grab his skinny arms but Peter pulled away, kicking Tony’s shin. Fuck. That hurt. Peter got out of his grasp and ran away. “Peter. Come here, we want to work through this with you.”
Standing up, Tony rubbed his leg. That’ll definitely bruise later. He looked at Pepper. “Are we wrong for doing this? Maybe he’s not ready. I don’t think he’s ready.”
“Tony. We’re not backing out. We knew this wouldn’t be easy. We’re wrong for not doing it sooner.” She stood up, squeezing Tony’s hand as she passed by him. “Let me try.”
“No. I’m a part of this too.” Tony wasn’t going to stay back while Pepper took over.
“Please. Let me talk to him.” It was unspoken but Peter acted a bit younger with Tony because he knew he could get away with it and unconsciously or intentionally, maybe a bit of both, Tony gave him more attention that way.
Which probably had something to do with why Peter did it.
Pepper walked to his famous hiding spot, underneath the dining room table. She sat down, seeing his bum sticking out. “Peter, your daddy and I love you so so much. You’re our little boy. We aren’t doing this to hurt you. Do you know that?”
“You are hurting me. Go away.” He crawled further underneath the table. Pepper couldn’t see him but she knew he was still there and could hear him.
She looked up to see Tony watching from the doorway. Pepper could see how hard this was for him, probably harder for Tony than it was for Peter. Peter was his little boy, the reason he breathed, so to see him hurting and in pain from his doing, was hard. But it was necessary and Tony had to understand that.
“Peter, we are taking your Paci because you don’t know how to self soothe. You don’t know how to calm down without it and that’s not good, baby. But daddy and I will be there every step of the way.”
Half of that probably went way over Peter’s head anyways.
Tony walked over to the table and pulled Peter out, lifting him straight into his arms, only getting a bit of resistance from the boy. “My baby. I love you so much. I’m not doing this to hurt you. Please talk to me.” He repeatedly kissed his head. “What are you feeling? Sad? Hurt? Angry?”
“Angry. At you.”
Ouch.
“I’m sorry, baby boy. But you’re allowed to feel angry. You’re allowed to feel all the emotions. I know how important paci is for you.” Tony combed his hair back. Peter was giving him a death stare, looking so unimpressed. “It’s for the best. Mommy and I will be with you every step of the way. And we aren’t taking paci away forever.”
Tony felt bad seeing that small glimmer of hope in Peter’s eyes.
“You’ll still use paci for nap times and bedtimes, but we will take it during the day. Does that sound fair?”
“No. I want it all the time.” He had a hand over his mouth, in fear Tony was going to take it. Tony wanted to dig Steve up from his grave, bring him back to life only to kill him again. Fucking hell. Now Tony was afraid Peter was going to develop some sort of trust issues.
“Let’s start there. What do you think?” He tried to sound optimistic but Tony was dying on the inside.
Peter shook his head. He was already planning on hiding some around the house for emergencies. Yeah, he could hide them and use them in private where no one could take it from him. They were his favourite items, he wasn’t ready to part from them yet.
“I love you so much. You’re so brave, and strong, and more capable than you’ll ever know. I’m so so proud of you, my sweet, perfect boy.” Tony meant every word. He kissed Peter’s cheek, gently pulling his hands away from his mouth. “I promise I’m not going to take your pacifier tonight. You’ll have it all night. And tomorrow, you’ll get it at nap time too.”
Peter laid his head on Tony’s shoulder, sighing. Maybe it went better than expected… maybe? It was just the start. They just needed to constantly reassure Peter and let him know in advance what was happening so he didn’t freak out. Yeah, maybe they could do this.
“Would you like some milk before bed?”
Peter nodded, sucking harder on his pacifier.
He wrapped his arms around his dads neck, upset with him and his mom but it didn’t mean he could just run away, he needed the comfort. He couldn’t see his dad making a sippy cup for him but he heard the milk being poured and shut his eyes, suddenly feeling like he was back in Steve’s arms with a vivid memory.
He had just come home from school and it was a Friday, they would be driving up to Finger Lakes for the weekend, Peter remembered being so excited.
But Steve wasn’t paying any attention to him and was having a conversation with Bucky quietly in the kitchen. Peter got up to walk over, carrying his stuffed bear along with him. “When are we going?”
“Not now, Peter. Go play with your toys for a little bit.” Steve ushered him off, gently pushing him away to continue whispering with Bucky.
Humph. That wasn’t fair.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Peter marched back into the living room, plopping down on the floor, kicking his pencil case across the carpet. He crawled towards it, picking up the markers to throw again when they didn’t go far enough.
This was so stupid. He was ten years old! He was old enough to be a part of their conversation. He looked over at Steve, making eye contact with him. So dumb.
Peter grabbed one of his markers, opened the lid and began scribbling over the beige couch with it. He kept looking at Steve every so often to see if he cared but he didn’t. Peter sighed and tried to think of something to do to get his attention.
“Peter,” Steve walked over, breaking him from his thoughts, he glanced at the couch but didn’t say anything about it. “We’re going to be going to Finger Lakes soon so drink your bottle.”
Taking his milk from Steve, Peter hesitated. “I wanna stay awake.”
“No, you’re tired so you need to rest on the way up. Come on.” Steve leaned down, bringing the bottle to his lips. “We’re not leaving until you drink it all, little bear.”
Peter knew the milk always made him feel so fuzzy. Steve said it was because he was already tired and it relaxed him but he was wide awake. He enjoyed car rides, he wanted to stay awake for this one. He debated on dumbing the milk but the last time he did that, he was forced to take two nasty white candies.
He picked up another marker, drawing a sad face on the wall before drinking his milk.
Pretty soon, he was starting to feel sleepy. His limbs felt heavy and his eyes were drooping. It felt like he was falling from the clouds then startled himself awake. Don’t fall asleep don’t fall asleep… don’t fall…
He lost the fight.
Like he always did.
He passed out of the carpet, empty milk bottle rolling out of his hand and smacking against the wall, with his drawing of the sad face looking down on him.
Peter threw his sippy cup once Tony handed it to him.
“I thought you wanted one.” Tony was so confused now.
“Not that one.”
Huh? “Do you want it in a different bottle? I mean sippy cup?” He asked, setting Peter on his feet and picking up the thrown cup.
“Noo. In that one. But different insides.” He whined, opening the fridge.
Different insides? Think Tony. “You want different milk?”
“Yes.” Peter whined. He didn’t want milk that made him feel fuzzy. Why couldn’t his dad understand that? Realistically he knew Steve was the one who gave him the fuzzy milk and not Tony, but sometimes Peter got confused and the memories blended into one person.
“I can pour it into a different sippy cup-”
“Noooo! No! Uhhhaaaaaaaaa! No!” Why wasn’t Tony understanding him? He grabbed onto the counter and jumped up and down in frustration and now they were going to take his pacifiers away and why couldn’t Tony just understand what he was thinking! He didn’t know how to tell him with words.
“Peter. Take a breath. Throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to help anyone here. Tell me what you want.” Tony was trying really hard. He grabbed both of his hands, squatting down to get at his height level. “You sound frustrated. What can I do?”
“Get it-get it different ‘duzzdi mi’wk.”
Fucking soother. Tony didn’t understand half of that. “Dusty? Your cup is clean. Is that what you meant?”
“Noo!”
“That’s okay. Tell me again so I can help you.”
This was so irritating. Peter grabbed the milk with the sleeping candy off the counter, unscrewed the lid and dumped it on the floor.
“Peter. That was naughty. Why would you do that?” Tony didn’t raise his voice. Something was clearly bugging Peter. Tony always had to keep in mind that Peter had triggers that Tony didn’t know about and had yet to find out about. His child was still a stranger to him in some ways. And he was still a stranger to Peter in some ways too. Peter only had four years of memories with him.
“You put fuzzy in it.” He cried, stepping back as the milk ran across the floor.
Fuzzy? Tony wracked his brain for what that might mean. Fuzzy fuzzy fuzzy… ohhhhhhh. Fuzzy. Peter always used the term fuzzy to describe how he felt when Steve drugged him. Ohh. Oh. As a parent, that killed Tony to know. To know that Steve must have drugged Peter on a weekly or maybe even daily basis. So much so that Peter remembered it and was scared Tony was drugging him now.
Tony grabbed a dish cloth, placing it over the milk on the floor. “Baby. There’s nothing in that cup but milk. I promise I would never make you feel fuzzy and put bad medicine in your milk. Especially without telling you first.” Tony didn’t want to say drugs, which was what it essentially was. Specifically diprivan, ketamine and etomidate. At least those were some of the drugs found in Peter’s system when they found him after the second kidnapping. And later Bucky was forced to list off some more of the drugs they used on Peter, although Tony always felt like he was hiding something more.
Tony had never felt so complex with emotions, heartbroken, angry, sad and relieved at the same time. He had Peter in his arms now, his boy was safe. Never to be hurt again.
But Tony was left to pick up all the pieces now.
“I know how scary that might be to think something is in there but nothing is. I would never do that to you, my baby.” Lifting him up, Tony stepped over the spilt milk and grabbed another sippy cup, grabbing the milk from the fridge. “It’s just milk. Watch me pour it.”
Peter watched closely, feeling better now that he knew. It was just that flashback he had, he wished he could tell his dad about it. But he didn’t know how to explain that to him.
Instead, he took his milk and laid his head on his dad’s shoulder. He took his pacifier out, making sure to keep a tight grip on it while they walked upstairs. He knew his dad said he wouldn’t take it from him tonight but the thought of it getting taken away eventually was scary.
So, he popped the soother back into his mouth, hugging his sippy cup to his chest.
He yawned. But that didn’t mean he was tired. Tony had such a hard time getting him down for the night.
Every time he thought Peter was asleep, he’d move his hand away then Peter would lift his head up again, looking for him. Pepper tried to help out but Peter only wanted Tony so that’s where he spent the next hour and a half, trying to get him to fall asleep, one hand gripping his sippy cup and the other gripping two pacifiers. The sight hurt to look at.
He quietly left the room, ever so silently shutting the door behind him. “He’s asleep.” He whispered to Pepper. “I need to send some work emails since I won’t be going in all week.”
“We should tell Harley and Morgan about the pacifiers first.”
Right. “Oh yeah. I totally forgot. I can. Just so they know what to expect.” It would be less confrontational if he went in alone too. Just to not make it a big deal even though it was. He knocked on Harley’s bedroom door.
“Come in.”
“Hey-urg. It smells like cheese in here.” Tony spotted the open Dorito bag on the floor and wondered why. “Harley. This room is a mess. It needs to be cleaned up.”
“I will. Later.” He was too busy playing his video game to take a break to clean now. That can wait for much later. Like tomorrow.
“Okay. Well I’m just letting you know mom and I are weaning your brother off the pacifiers tomorrow. So he prepared for a lot of crying. And just be patient with him. You know his brain doesn’t think like we do. He’s trying his best.”
Harley paused the game to give Tony his full attention. “Seriously?”
“Obviously.”
“Well… I guess it’s about time. He talks weird now.”
Tony sighed. “Well… that’ll stop soon. Anyways. Just giving you a heads up. He’ll still use them for nap time and bedtime but not during the day. If you see him with one, tell me, don’t take it from him.”
“Yeah… I guess I’ll spend all day not at home tomorrow.”
Tony chuckled. “Bold of you to assume it’ll only last one day. Good night.” He blew him a kiss then went to check on Morgan. He knocked on her door before opening it. “Hey, pretty girl. Are you playing with your dolls?” Tony only assumed so since her whole bedroom was covered with dolls.
“Yeah. I wish Petey could play with me.”
“He’s sleeping, princess.” Tony stepped over some dolls to sit on the bed. “Hey. I have to tell you something.”
“Yeah?”
“So, tomorrow we’re going to take the pacifiers from your brother. That means that you need to be extra gentle with him and maybe share a bit more with him for the next few days.”
“Nooo. You shouldn’t take them from him.” She was panicking on behalf of Peter. “I know he’ll be so upset. You can’t. Plus I really don’t want to listen to the crying. He’ll be so upset, dad, you know it.”
Tony appreciated her protective side but it had to be done. “You’re such a good sister. But he doesn’t need them anymore. He will still use them for sleep times but if you see him with it during the day, just come and tell me. Don’t take it from him. Got it?”
“I guess. He’ll be so sad.”
Tony sighed. “I know.” It had to be done, he had to keep telling himself that.
Standing up, he pressed a kiss to the top of Morgan’s head. “I love you. Five more minutes then it’s time to clean up and get into bed.” As always, in thirty minutes, either Tony or Pepper would check up on her to make sure she actually followed through and 9 times out of 10 she did. She was mature like that.
Tony left her, leaving her door open a crack. He walked back into the master bedroom, his eyes immediately searching for Peter on the bed. He was still asleep but had turned onto his back now, his neck bent downwards. He looked so peaceful and to think it wouldn’t last long was painful.
.
.
.
Tony slept awful.
He was left lying awake at 4:45am.
Peter had one of his worst nights in weeks. He was awake between every hour to two hours and it was next to impossible to get him back to sleep.
He was whiny, miserable and at one point he didn’t want Tony to touch him and wanted to cry openly for fifteen minutes before he put himself to sleep from the over exhaustion.
The last time he woke up was 3:30am and since then, Tony’s had a hard time falling asleep so he tossed and turned for the next hour before finally deciding to stop and just lay there.
Out of all days, why did it have to be today Peter had an awful night, it would just make taking the pacifier even more difficult. Although it was no doubt that the reason Peter slept so awful was due to the fact that they were taking the pacifier from him today.
Hopefully he slept for another hour at least but Tony knew he wouldn’t get so lucky. It was approaching 5am and it was like Peter sensed that.
Tony got twenty more minutes of peace and quiet before Peter woke up, rolling onto his back and stretching.
He then rolled over, looking like he was getting ready to wake Tony up but he saw that his dad was already awake so he put his head back down. “Good morning.”
“Mm.” He pushed himself up, pointing to the door. “S’oh.”
“We’ll go down soon.” Do I ask for the soother now? Tony didn’t know. Him and Pepper should have discussed that. They just said they would take it from him after he woke up. But maybe the routine could be to take him downstairs, get him into underwear then take it.
Yeah, Tony thought that would be good.
He got out of bed, holding a finger to his mouth to tell Peter to be quiet. Of course Peter wanted to get carried downstairs, like he did every morning. It was a routine. Peter woke up at 5am, then woke Tony up, then Tony carried him downstairs where he placed him on the couch so he could make himself a coffee and get Peter some milk.
Tony lifted him into his arms, wondering if Peter remembered the conversation from last night. He didn’t seem to. Tony didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.
He combed his bed head hair back, kissing his cheek. “Are you hungry?” A shake. “Do you want some milk then?”
“Mmhm.”
“Okay.” As always.
Tony would offer the milk for the pacifier. Although it wasn’t a bottle so Peter wouldn’t take it. Urg. Tony really didn’t want to do this. He set him on the couch, handing him the remote. “Don’t play anything too loud. Everyone is still sleeping.”
“Mm.”
Tony mentally cursed the whole time he was in the kitchen. How the fuck does he do this? He’d admit, he was afraid of what Peter was capable of. The boy had lungs of steel and if Peter chose to ruin their lives today, he could.
He got his coffee ready and took a big sip, the hot liquid burning his throat. It should kick in soon and get him through till nap time.
“Lie down so I can take your diaper off real quick.” He placed both the coffee and sippy cup on the table then moved Peter’s legs to sit on the couch, hesitating at the strap. “Do you need to pee in the potty first? Because no more diapers until you sleep.”
“I don’ ‘eed ‘ou.”
“Okay then. Let me know if you do.”
“I said I don’t.”
“I know. And I said let me know if you do.” Wow. Sass at 5:18am. Lucky him.
After he was done, Tony tossed the dirty diaper in the genee and washed his hands, bracing himself. This was it. It was like he was going into the belly of the beast with zero armor. He’s fourteen. How hard can it be? But Tony knew Peter. Age wasn’t a factor here, he was stubborn and didn’t stop until he got his way. Tony couldn’t blame Steve for that, it was a Stark thing.
He sat on the couch, looking at him. Here it goes. “Do you remember what we talked about last night?”
And suddenly it dawned on Peter. He sat up straighter, kicking Tony away. “No no. It’s not tomorrow yet. No.”
“Peter. I said tomorrow morning yesterday. It’s time. Can I have your paci?” He held a hand out but it wasn’t going to be that easy. Peter wasn’t going down without a fight.
“Nooooooooooo! No no no! Go away! Go!” The tears started and now Peter was freaking out. All the books Tony’s read and the research he’s done said that it was best to be quick then distract them. But Peter would be inconsolable.
And now Peter was kicking him. “Hey. Do not kick me. Peter, just take a breath. And breathe. It’s going to be okay. I’ll take paci and put it somewhere safe until nap time. You’ll see it again.”
“Don’ take him!” He slid off the couch, landing hard on all fours then crawling to his hiding place but Tony grabbed him, lifting him into his arms. “Nooo! Go ‘way!”
Hating himself for causing Peter this pain, Tony yanked the pacifier out of his mouth.
The look of betrayal on Peter’s face, Tony would never forget that. But he hoped Peter would. He watched as Peter took a big breath and then went silent, holding his breath.
“Okay.” Tony sat him on the couch, trying to get him to take a breath in. He did this very rarely but it was always due to him being so overwhelmed, frustrated and upset. Usually when he didn’t get his way, and now, when Tony stole his one comfort item. “Breathe, Peter. You’re okay. You’re okay.”
His next breath was an ear piercing cry.
The first of many today.
And he just woke up the whole house.
Tony kneeled down in front of him, trying to remember that this was going to benefit Peter in the long run and not hurt him. It was his fault they waited so long and why Peter got so addicted to it. It was easy to shove a pacifier in his mouth any time he felt any emotion ever and now the poor boy didn’t know how to deal with it.
“It’s okay. Hey, do you want to play with your toys? You have a new Lego set.” They bought it just for this but Peter didn’t even glance at the box Tony grabbed from the toy bin.
Peter reached over Tony, trying to grab the pacifier he could see in Tony’s hand. “Give it! I need it!”
Distract him. That’s all Tony had to do. It would be easy. “Do you want to drink your milk?” In a desperate attempt to get him to stop crying, Tony poked the sippy cup at his lips but he didn’t take to it. “Baby. Tell me what you want?” Wrong question.
“Paci! I need it! Ahhhhh uh! Give it!” He screamed between sobs, desperately trying to reach over Tony to grab it so Tony had to put it somewhere he couldn’t see it or reach it. Out of sight, out of mind., right?
Standing up, Tony went into the kitchen, quickly unlocked the knife drawer and put the pacifier in there. Last night, he walked around the house and collected 23 of them. Under the couch, on the floor, on tables, in the bedroom, Tony had no idea they had so many but he knew there was more lying around somewhere so he just hoped he got to them before Peter did.
Peter stumbled after him, chewing on his fingers with tears and snot streaming down his face. It was pitiful. “I need my paci! Please. Please.”
“Baby.” He kneeled down in front of him. Tony would need to clean his face up. “You don’t need it. It’s important you learn how to self soothe. Okay?”
“Noooo no!” He tugged away from Tony, stomping his feet to the drawer he saw Tony put his pacifier in. “Open it! Nowwwww! Open open!”
“No. Let me show you something in the living room.” Tony tried to spike his curiosity but it didn’t work.
“No! Give me my paci! Daddy!” He begged, weakly attempting to get the locked drawer open. Tony would have to move it later when he wasn’t looking.
“I’m going to sit in the living room. Can you join me?”
“Noooo. Give me paci.”
Tony wasn’t a child psychologist. He had no fucking idea how he handle this particular situation. He would have to call Karen later today and see if Peter was up for seeing her tomorrow. Although maybe she would do a house call so Tony didn’t have to leave the house with him.
“Please come sit with me.” He turned to walk away, looking back as he sat down on the couch. Being a parent was the hardest thing you could ever do in your life. How was Tony ever expected to do this on his own? Pepper would be a great help right about now. And as Tony sat there, listening to his son sob miserably, he couldn’t help but think of what life would have been like if not for Steve.
Peter would probably be in his bedroom sleeping in before Tony took him and Morgan to school. If Morgan even existed that is, and Harley would probably be at college dorm instead of studying online at home.
The crying was so dreadful but Tony remained strong.
He will not give in. He will not give in. He will not-
“Dada.” Peter cried, walking over to him. He had one fist rubbing his eye and the other was making a grabby hand. Ohhh fuck. Tony could see three year old Peter in him so clearly right now.
Where was Pepper keeping him from giving in?
“C’mere, baby.”
Peter collapsed into his arms, crying. “Give me paci.” He asked desperately.
“You need to learn how to be without one. You don’t need it, Peter, you just think you do.”
“No! I do need it.” He smacked Tony’s arm.
“Don’t hit. How about we watch some tv, would you like that?”
“With paci.”
“Suck your thumb.” That was one thing they were okay with. They couldn’t take his thumbs from him so they discussed that allowing Peter to suck his thumb would be fine.
Although Peter did stick his thumb in his mouth and the crying stopped considerably, he was still whimpering and whining. Tony wished he could take all his pain away but he didn’t know what to do.
Tony turned on the kids channel and Wallykazam was playing. The colours and sounds seemed to always draw Peter’s attention and sparing a glance down at him, Tony could see that Peter looked content enough to watch it.
At least he wasn’t crying for now.
.
.
.
Tony had to leave the room to call Karen. Peter was long overdue for a session with her and in hindsight, Tony realized they should’ve called her before starting to wean Peter off the pacifiers.
Pepper was supposed to go to work today but had to take off to help Peter out. He was struggling more than Tony thought he would. He expected him to cry after taking the pacifier and then eventually moving on and stop asking for it but he was crying off and on all morning and absolutely nothing was calming him down. It was 12:30pm and he’s been up since 5am and hasn’t eaten or drank anything.
He turned the corner to better hear Karen. She could no doubt hear the crying in the background. It sounded like a baby with colic.
“As soon as possible. Honestly.”
“I can come by in thirty minutes. Is that okay?”
Tony was so relieved to hear that. “Yes. Thank you, Karen. We’ll see you in thirty minutes.”
He couldn’t be happier to hear that help was on the way. It was one thing to do this with Peppers help but nothing was calming him down. Peter even asked Morgan for a pacifier when she was getting ready for school today and then asked Harley the same thing as he rushed to grab breakfast before running out of the house.
Even Aiser was trying to be supportive but preferred to stay outside in the chilly cold air.
Tony would rather be anywhere but here- wait. No. That’s not right. He would take the screaming and crying over missing Peter with a massive hole in his heart.
This was a breeze compared to what Tony’s already been through.
He sat with Peter and Pepper, occasionally offering Peter some milk but he refused. Even lifting him onto his lap didn’t help as he didn’t want to be touched. Urg.
The doorbell rang and Tony was up like a child running to the ice cream truck. He opened the door, stepping aside to let Karen in. “Thank you so much for coming to our home. He would not have liked to go to your office today.”
“Of course, Tony. Anything for Peter.” They paid her well enough to do house calls even though it wasn’t something she would normally do but Peter was also her special case that she reviewed with her research assistant to try and get a better understanding of what’s happening inside the boy's head. “He doesn’t sound too happy.”
“Oh, he’s not. He’s been screaming for two hours. Off and on. 90% on.” He led her into the living room, the crying amplifying. “Peter, Karen’s here to see you.”
Tony walked over, combing his hair off his face. He looked absolutely miserable. His face was red and blotchy from the crying and his nose was all red from them constantly wiping the snot away. He was a pitiful sight. “Karen’s here to talk to you.”
He blinked up at her and when Pepper left him on the floor, he reached for his mother, crying harder than going to Tony for comfort. “Dada paci.” He sobbed, like he’s been begging for all morning.
“So he hasn’t eaten or drank anything all day. He’s going down for a nap…” Pepper checked the time. “now actually. But we need him to eat first.”
“And you took his pacifier away this morning?”
“Yeah, Tony did.”
Karen nodded. All she knew was that they were weaning him off the pacifier but that’s it. She gestured for Tony to talk with her elsewhere. “Tony.”
“I’ll take him. Come sit with me, my baby. Are you ready to eat now?”
The constant switching between parents was causing Peter so much extra stress. His dad was just giving him comfort and suddenly he was leaving him with his mom. They were coming and going and weren’t sitting with him. He was scared and anxious and this feeling felt way too familiar, bringing back a lot of memories.
He unconsciously reached for a pacifier that wasn’t there, letting out a frustrated scream. “Daddy!”
“I’ll be back.” It hurt to leave his son when he was needing him but Tony had to admit it felt nice to get a break on his ears.
Once the two of them were on the other side of the house so they could talk in peace, Karen sat down, pulling out her notebook. “I have to admit, Tony, I wish you confronted me before weaning him.”
“Do you think he’s not ready?”
“He was ready weeks ago. He should have been weaned a long time ago. He got too attached and dependent on them so now it’s going to be harder for him. But he should not be crying this hard.”
Now Tony was starting to feel anxious.
“So tell me what to do then. I’ve never weaned my kids off of anything. Harley and Morgan weaned themselves off of everything and Peter…” Well that was pretty obvious. He was taken from him before he got the chance to do anything.
“How did you take the pacifier from him this morning?”
God. Why did this morning feel like a year ago? “Oh um… Pepper and I talked with him last night, he slept god awful. Then this morning I took him downstairs and took it. He fought me and has been crying ever since.”
“And you’re giving him pacifiers for sleep times?”
“Yeah. Should we?”
“Yes, for now.” She wrote something down in her notebook. Tony wondered what it was. “After he eats something, bring him upstairs and give him the pacifier. You should be giving and taking away the pacifier in the bedroom so he’ll associate that with the only area and time he’s allowed to have it.” She explained to Tony. “If you give it to him to have in the bedroom, then let him have it down here, and in the kitchen, wherever, he’s assuming he can have it everywhere and it’s harder.”
Oh. Why did that actually make so much sense?
“Bring all the pacifiers upstairs, let him only have it in the bedroom he’ll sleep in. That’s it. Going to bed, give it to him. He wakes up, have him give it to you instead of taking it from his mouth.”
“He won’t hand it over willingly.” Tony chuckled sadly. He knew his boy.
“That’s why you need to talk to him. I’ll help you. If you take it from him, you’re essentially taking away his comfort and not providing it any other way that works for him. So have him give it up, even if he cries, he’s still being the one to willingly give it up. Then it’ll be a routine and it’ll get easier.”
Hearing that it will in fact get easier was comforting to hear. This was by far the most difficult age out of all his children’s ages. Even the newborn stage. Even caring for a newborn while grieving one child, okay, maybe not that hard. But Peter was strong willed.
“I really don’t think he’s going to give it up. He just… won’t.”
“Let’s see. Get him to eat then we’ll head upstairs and put him down for a nap together.”
Tony needed that. Sometimes being a dad felt so isolating. He loved it, don’t get him wrong. But he was mostly a stay at home father which meant 100% of his attention went to his kids and he often found himself lacking time for himself and for Pepper. He was more than just a father, he was also a husband and a friend. It just seemed impossible to find time for everything.
But to hear together, it felt nice. He wouldn’t be doing this alone.
Tony went into the kitchen to make some mashed banana with avocado and a little bit of honey. Karen stayed away from Peter, knowing anything she said to him in his state wouldn’t be helpful.
Next, Tony filled up a sippy cup of milk and brought it into the living room. “Hi baby. It’s nap time soon so you need to eat.”
“Nooo! Paci!” He cried, throwing his head back. He was so exhausted and needed his pacifier. But he was also starving. He saw what was in the bowl his father had and crawled across the carpet, opening his mouth for the spoonful Tony was giving him.
Hmmm. He was maybe hungrier than he thought.
“Yummy. Isn’t it good?”
Peter didn’t respond.
He opened his mouth for more, accepting another mouthful. Delicious. And also calmed his painful tummy a bit. He was probably just so hungry. Tony placed the bowl on the table, handing him the spoon so he could feed himself now. Tony would love to feed him but he wasn’t going to start another bad habit.
Once most of the food was gone, he rubbed his eyes, turning to his dad. “Want paci.”
“Okay. Let’s go upstairs and I’ll give you one for naptime.”
Peter’s eyes lit up, he stood to his feet, grabbing his dads hand. “Go faster.”
“You guys go, Tony. I’ll be up in a bit. I just need some time to myself.” Peppers has been sitting with him all morning since dropping Morgan off at school. She needed even just ten minutes to herself. Or two hours if Peter decided to sleep for the full two hours today. Which he probably would.
“He still sleeps with us so that’s where he’ll be napping.” Tony explained to Karen as he was led upstairs by Peter.
“And he’s still napping everyday?”
Tony knew this would lead to another conversation. “Yeah. 12 to 2.” Although it was 1pm so he’d nap until 3pm now. Peter turned the corner and looked around briefly then turned back to his dad.
“Where’s it?”
The fact that Peter wasn’t crying right now for the first time all day was nice but that changed once Tony thought about it only being because Peter knew his pacifier would soon be in his mouth.
He let go of his hand, opening up the dresser drawer where he hid them all last night and handed Peter one.
It was in Peter’s mouth in a second. Tony could only imagine the relief Peter felt. It was like they were depriving him of so much comfort and torturing him then finally giving him what he’s been needing. Why did this have to be so painstakingly hard?
Peter crawled onto the bed, ready for a nap. All this crying made him exhausted. Karen watched their dynamics closely. She’s been to their house a handful of times, well, maybe 3 or 4 other times, so it was different to see the way they are at home compared to in the office. Tony knew she was analyzing him as much as she was Peter.
He grabbed a diaper and rash cream from the box and walked over to the bed. Peter knew the drill and was just happy he had a pacifier that he didn’t even care what happened next. Tony tugged off his pants, sliding the diaper underneath him while Karen walked around the bed to go sit on the window seat.
“I’m going to nap now.”
Tony wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement but he answered anyway. “Yeah, you’re due for a long nap.” He wiped the cream off his finger with a wet wipe, securing the diaper on him.
Karen took the opportunity to talk with Peter now that he was willing to listen.
“Peter,” The boy sat up, looking at her. “I’m glad that you’re feeling a little bit better.” Peter blinked at her. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be to not have your soother but you’re doing so well. I’m sure your father is so proud of you.”
That was Tony’s cue to pipe in. He caressed his cheek, always wanting to touch his perfect boy without even thinking about it. “You know I’m always so proud in everything you do. And I know it’s not easy, saying bye bye to paci, but you’re so strong.” He didn’t expect Peter to say anything now. He needed the comfort and talking would interrupt that. “It’ll get easier, this morning was hard, wasn’t it?”
Peter nodded, lying down. He was ready to sleep.
“But you made it and you were so so brave.” Even though you screamed the roof off. Tony leaned down to kiss him. “Daddy loves you so much.”
“And after he wakes up,” Tony looked at Karen and she mimicked the action of taking a pacifier out, giving Tony a hint.
“And after you wake up from your nap, when you’re ready, I’ll take paci. Because you don’t need it anymore.”
Oh. The crying started again. Tony knew Peter. He knew it wouldn’t work like this. “Noooo. I do need paci!”
Now Tony didn’t know what to say because he’s been dealing with this all day and everything he said just caused more tears. He looked at Karen to bud in but she gestured for him to continue so he supposed he had to. Even though he had a slight feeling that Peter wasn’t the happiest with him right at this current moment.
“You don’t need paci, Peter. It’s important that you know how to go about your day without it in your mouth 24/7.” Ironic saying to him when he currently already had one in his mouth. He grabbed the blanket, pulling it up so Peter could get under and get comfortable. “You nap now. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”
“Stay… till I fall asleep.”
Tony probably would’ve stayed anyways. “I will. Make room for me then.”
“Have a good nap, Peter. I’ll see you later.”
Tony thanked Karen again, reaching over to turn the sound machine on to help Peter fall asleep. Tony had to admit, he got pretty used to it and now he even struggled to fall asleep without it on.
He wrapped an arm around Peter, both of them breathing in sync. It wouldn’t hurt if Tony took a two hour nap with him, he was pretty tired from last night… might as well.
.
.
.
The nap didn’t really do much for Tony.
He woke up 45 minutes later with Peter’s butt in his face. He never understood why the kid moved around so much in his sleep. He’d never forget that day he took his kids camping and every single night Peter woke up on the floor or squished between the tent and the blow up mattress.
Now he was sitting on the couch with Pepper and Karen, only half listening to what they were talking about. He was more focused on watching the baby monitor on the table in front of him, watching Peter’s chest rise and fall with each breath.
“Tony? What do you think?”
“Huh, sorry what?”
“Tony.” Pepper looked at him with that unimpressed expression she only showed him when he messed up. “This is a serious conversation and you’re not even listening.”
“I feel like we’ve had this conversation a million times.” He was done with it. Peter was messed up, that much was obvious. “What more can we possibly talk about.”
Pepper quietly shook her head at him, crossing her arms over her chest. “We need to know what to do to help make the transition easier for Peter. And us.”
“As we discussed before, Tony, you guys need to have him hand over the pacifier after he wakes up, in the bedroom, so he will only be allowed a pacifier when he sleeps. That’s it. And just keep him distracted throughout the day and talk him through his emotions.”
See, Tony already knew that. “It won't be easy but we can do it. But I’m the one who’s going to have to do it all.”
“Don’t say that like I don’t help out. You wake up with him, we decided that from… basically the start of having children. That was your decision, Tony.” Pepper wasn’t going to take any nonsense from her husband. “And let’s not pretend you’re happy about taking the pacifiers from him. We all know you like Peter using them because it gives the impression that he’s still that three year old baby who was taken from us.”
Tony thought Pepper was way out of line for saying that.
It wasn’t true. To some extent. Tony just… his child was taken from him, ripped from his arms, he never got to raise Peter from the start and missed out on so much of his life, losing his first tooth, that perfect toothless smile, his first time on a bike, his first day of kindergarten, his first day of elementary school, meeting his first best friend, there were so many firsts that Tony’s missed out on that he will never get back.
And it killed him to see how broken Steve left Peter.
Tony felt like he always had a harder job, he sometimes felt like he was competing against Steve for Peter’s love. Pepper had it easy, Peter was told his mom died, now he has a living mom. Tony on the other hand, Steve was his ‘father’ and Tony’s his dad, so it felt like he had to be better than Steve in the fear that Peter would hate him and choose Steve over him.
Realistically, Tony knew it wasn’t going to happen, but it was a fear he had and couldn’t help it.
He stared at the monitor, watching Peter roll onto his stomach, kicking the blankets off of himself. “I’m not trying to hold him back from anything.”
“Maybe not intentionally. But… he looks up to you, and he can pick up on your emotions and how you feel about certain things. Him peeing in the toilet, he only does it if he gets a positive reaction out of you.” Pepper could list a ton of other examples but Tony got the point.
“Are you serious? I’m always so proud of him and he knows it.” Tony let him know he was proud of him 100 times a day. “The pacifiers are easy, even your parents will admit that. He cries, give him a pacifier and he stops, fighting with Morgan, pacifier, separation anxiety, pacifier.”
Tony could see the problem very clearly now.
Karen seemed to notice it too. “Do you realize now?” Tony looked back at the monitor. “Peter does not know how to self regulate. No one ever gave him the chance. You can’t blame him for crying over small things because he hasn’t had the chance to learn how to communicate anything with anyone.”
“I’ll admit that’s partly my fault.” Tony could admit to that as hard as it was. He always felt like he was failing Peter.
“No. It’s my fault too. I know I don’t give you enough credit for everything you do. You’re such an amazing father, waking up with him at nights, giving him all the patience and support he needs. I know Harley and Morgan look up to you, they idolize you.” That felt good to hear coming from Pepper. Tony wrapped his right arm around her, kissing her briefly.
“Thanks, Pep.”
He needed a date night with her. They were due for one. And soon. They needed to have an identity outside of being parents which was hard when their whole lives revolved around being mother and father.
By the time Peter’s nap was over, Pepper had already left to pick up Morgan from school so that left Tony to wake him up and take his pacifier by himself. At least Karen was here to see how difficult Peter would be and hopefully change the rules here.
They walked in silence up the stairs before Tony opened the bedroom door, walking in.
Peter looked so peaceful. He hated waking him up sometimes, especially now. Tony had little to no hope for a peaceful afternoon but at least he assumed it couldn’t be harder than this morning.
They would play for a bit, eat dinner, take a bath then bedtime.
Tony sat on the bed, shaking him gently. “Time to wake up, bubs. Nap times over.”
Peter groaned, rolling flat on his back to stretch.
“Did you sleep well?” He rubbed his belly, pulling his shirt down after. “By the looks of your hair, I’d say you slept well.”
Peter did in fact have an amazing sleep. He sat up, looking at Karen but paying her no mind. She was in his bedroom, a bit weird but she was also there when he fell asleep. He didn’t question anything. He turned to pull himself up by Tony’s arm. “S’dare go-wen’ down.”
“What?” Tony couldn’t make that out. “Let me take your diaper off then we’ll go pee on the toilet.”
“‘Den eat.”
“Ohh. You’re hungry?” Peter nodded. That’s probably what he was saying before but his words were slurred from just waking up and the pacifier. He lifted him out of the bed, carrying him into the bathroom. “Then you need to let me know, baby. We’ll go pee then go eat some food. What do you feel like?” He asked, tossing his diaper into the genee and squatting down in front of him to keep him distracted until he used the toilet.
“Ummm… ‘cado.”
“Avocado?”
“Uh huh.”
“Yum. I can make that for you. Do you want it with banana?”
“Uh huh.”
“Okay. As soon as you pee, I’ll make it for you.” Tony looked over, seeing Karen watching them from the doorway. He gave her a weak smile. She better not think he’s about to take the pacifier away right now. If it were up to Tony, he’d take it away while Peter took it out to eat. But that would probably cause unnecessary separation anxiety between Peter and the unnecessary object.
Either Peter actually didn’t need to go or he was too hungry to wait, but he got off the toilet. “I don’t even need to go. I’m hungry.”
“Okay. But…” Tony grabbed underwear for him to step into. Now he had to talk him into giving the pacifier. “Peter.”
“Yeah?”
“You know how I took paci this morning?”
“No! Don’t!” He covered his mouth protectively with both hands. “Don’t take it.” He cried, tears falling down his cheeks in a matter of seconds.
“Baby. It’s going to be okay. Can you give me paci? I’ll keep it safe in the bed for bedtime.”
Peter walked away from Tony, climbing back onto the bed. “It’s bedtime now.” He cried, refusing to give up his pacifier.
“No, baby, you just woke up from nap time.” Great. Now Tony will somehow make him obsessed with sleeping because it’s the only find he’s allowed his pacifier. Real great.
“But… I’m tired again. I need to sleep!” Peter grabbed the blankets to pull up and over his head but Tony pulled them off of him, sitting down and accidentally trapping Peter’s legs underneath the blankets. “AHHHHH! Go ‘way! You- noooooo!”
“Hey. Stop screaming. Take a breath. You’re okay. You need to give me paci and we’ll have some fun today. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t… nothing!”
“Do you want to draw or paint?” Peter was interested in that so Tony continued. “I think mommy bought some new art supplies. Do you want to check them out with Morgan and me?”
“Morgans away.”
“She’ll be home soon.”
“Harley?”
“He’s out. But he can come home if you want him to.”
“He left cause I was so sad.” Peter admitted, having calmed down enough to have an actual conversation. See, Peter was capable of giving up his pacifier but he just needed that extra push.
“I can text him to come back. Do you want that?”
Peter tried to pull the blankets back up to cover himself up but Tony's big body was sitting on it. “Urg!”
“You’re not going back to bed but,” He gasped. “Do you hear that?”
“What? I don’t hear anything.”
“I think Morgan and mommy’s home.”
“Okay. I’m going to go say hi to them then come back so you don’t need to take my paci.” He said like he was the one making the rules.
Tony would allow it if Karen wasn’t here but she didn’t say anything so he made eye contact with Peter as he left the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Since Peter couldn’t see him, Tony released a big sigh.
“He can sense if you’re about to give in so you need to stay strong and in charge. Don’t let him call the shots, Tony.”
“I’m trying to do this without him screaming. You get to say goodbye and leave, I’m stuck here with the crying.” Not that Tony would rather leave. He’d much prefer to stay here with Peter no matter what his mood was.
“He’s going to cry. You know that. It’s expected.” Karen reminded him. “You also have to be prepared for Peter trying to manipulate you, trying to get you to do what he wants and to keep the pacifier, he knows how to use manipulation tactics so you have to expect that too.”
As unfortunate as it was, Tony knew that too.
Peter knew what to say and do to get what he wanted. Even going as far as saying he’ll withhold love and affection. The worst part was knowing how he learnt that and what he must have been subjected to; unconditional love.
And he was taking way too much time downstairs so Tony walked to the top of the steps and looked over. “Peter. Come back upstairs.”
“I can still stay on the steps because I’m still upstairs so I can keep my paci.” He decided, sitting on the landing of the stairs, looking down at Morgan. “How was school?”
“Good. Why are you sitting there?”
“Peter. Come upstairs or I’m going to come down and get you and I will not be happy.”
“I don’t care. You already made me not happy.”
Tony sometimes didn’t know how to respond to some of the things he said. His first reaction was to tell him it wasn’t nice to speak to him that way but that would send mixed messages since they were currently trying to get Peter to express himself with words. And that’s exactly what he was doing.
“I’m sorry I made you upset. The last thing I want to do is cause you any pain, baby, come upstairs and talk to me.”
“Nope. I’m sitting right here and you can’t stop me.”
Tony looked at Karen, shaking his head. He walked down the stairs slowly but raced down when Peter got up to run away. “Hey. No no, Peter.” He managed to catch his arm, preventing him from running away. “I said you need to give me paci before you can leave the bedroom. Let’s go back upstairs.”
He went to walk up but Peter threw himself onto the stairs, crying. He could’ve broken his arm with how hard he threw himself down. “Peter. You need to be careful.”
“Don’t take my paci! Daddy. Please!”
“You’re hurting him!” Morgan ran up the stairs in Peter’s defense, grabbing her fathers arm back to let go of her brother. He was crying when she left for school and was still crying now. Someone needed to stand up for him. “Leave him alone.”
“Morgan. I’ve got him. Go wash up and have a snack in the kitchen.” Tony didn’t need Morgan teaming up against him, making this even harder than it already was. All Morgan knew was that her brother cried if he didn’t have the pacifier and it hurt her to see her brother upset, so she would probably try to sneak one to him at some point, meaning Tony had to be sure that didn’t happen.
When Tony grabbed Peter, lifting him into his arms, he screamed, reaching back for Morgan in a desperate attempt for her help. “Morgan! Urg! Help me!”
“No. Morgan, go downstairs.” Tony ordered, causing Peter to release an ear piercing scream into his ear. Ouch. But probably deserved. He walked past Karen and I to the master bedroom, sitting Peter back on the bed.
He needed to watch Peter’s flying legs since Tony could already tell he was getting ready to kick him. “Daddy! Urggggg! Let me… go.”
Tony let him go, standing over him but he thought the position held too much authority over Peter so he decided to sit on the bed next to him. “Can I have your soother?”
Looking to his right, he tried to plan his escape but Karen was standing too close to the doorway. He could run into the bathroom and lick the door but it was boring in there. He could also run into the closet but that was even worse. So, Peter started crying. “I don’ wan’ you to take it!”
“Baby. You’ll get it back again for bedtime. I know this is hard, but it’ll get easier.” He placed a hand on his leg, rubbing his soft skin. Tony noticed a bruise on his inner thigh and briefly wondered how he got that. “How about we both put it in a safe place, and then we can go downstairs and see what mom made for a snack? Huh?”
Peter took a few seconds to consider that. “S’not ’cado.”
“If you want that… where should we put your soother?” Tony stood up, holding his hand out for Peter to try and encourage him to get off the bed.
“Here. I’ll put it under the blankets.”
Tony didn’t see the problem with that. “Okay. Put it safely under the blankets.”
“Actually I don’t want to.”
“Buddy. We need to take it out of your mouth. You don’t need it during the day, baby. Can I have it?”
“But… I do.”
The look on his precious boy's face was too heartbreaking for Tony. Why did life have to be so hard for him? He wanted to take on all of Peter’s problems so Peter didn’t have to live with such weight on his shoulders.
“Let’s try going downstairs without it.” Holding his hand out, Peter, ever so reluctantly, took it out of his mouth, immediately crying as he placed it in his dads hand.
Tony didn’t waste any time placing it on top of the dresser and lifting Peter up. He needed to distract him. That should be easy. “What do you think mom made you for snack?”
“Paci!” He cried, reaching back. He knew he wouldn’t get it again but it was worth a shot.
Grabbing his hand, Tony encouraged him to suck his thumb. “Suck your thumb. You’re okay.” At least the crying stopped but he still felt bad for Peter. Once they got into the kitchen, he placed Peter on his feet by Pepper.
“Hi honey. Are you hungry?”
“Yeah.” He reached onto the counter, grabbing a carrot. “Can I have… that?”
“What? Another carrot?”
“Noooo. That!”
“Use your words so I can help you.” She reminded him while also trying to remember that he was feeling extra emotional and impatient today.
“The… that. The… ball.”
“Babybell?”
“Yes.”
Tony watched the interaction, when Peter was in a bad mood, his patience was negative 1. It was very easy to upset him and to make matters worse, he slept awful last night. Without that two hour nap, he would be screaming the roof off. Probably quite literally.
“Tony. Let’s go talk.”
Nodding, Tony slipped out of the kitchen when Peter was busy peeling the cheese ball. He walked into the family room on the other side of the house, sitting down on the couch opposite Karen.
“So… he handed you the pacifier. That’s a big deal. Just make sure he always hands it over to you. Don’t take it. And keep him distracted after, he’s not even crying right now, that’s pretty good.”
“He might not be crying but he’s in a disgusting mood.”
“He’s not going to be laughing and jumping for joy. This is a huge deal for him.” Tony wasn’t impressed with the whole ordeal. “Another thing, don’t tell him to suck his thumb. If he chooses to, sure, but don’t always encourage that. It’s easy to get him to stop crying but we’re trying to work with him to come up with new ways to self soothe. Sucking his thumb isn’t one of those ways.”
It felt like Tony was making every mistake in the book here.
“Pepper and I decided we’re going to let him suck his thumb.”
“And that’s okay, but don’t encourage him to do it.”
Peter’s impatience was rubbing off on him. “Alright. I’ll keep that in mind. How long until we’re back to normal do you think? Until he’s not miserable all day.”
“Usually it takes children 3 days. But Peter’s a different scenario. I’ll say about a week. Maybe 3 to 5 days. But it will get easier. Just remember that he’s smart and he’ll manipulate you into getting what he wants. But you’re the adult here so you need to follow through. He’s a child, at the end of the day, he just wants comfort, in any way he can get it.”
That was always at the back of Tony’s mind. “Yeah. For the first time ever, I just want to fast forward a week with him.”
“You’re not alone. I’m a phone call away. And Pepper is here too, just keep trying and help him express how he’s feeling. It’ll be okay.”
It was nice to have Karen here. It definitely did help but everything she said, Tony didn’t want to do. He enjoyed life the way it was. Sure the constant wake up calls were frustrating after awhile and so was the crying over nothing, but it was all worth it. Now their cozy little bubble was being disrupted and Tony was having a hard time adjusting to that.
He walked into the kitchen, sitting on the stool. He watched Peter peel what looked like his third cheese ball, looking to be in his own little world.
At least he wasn’t crying or asking for a pacifier.
It gave Tony the hope that everything would be okay.