Always Be My Baby

“Is your stomach hurting you?” Tony asked Peter, rubbing his belly as he whimpered for no apparent reason. He got a head shake in response so it wasn’t his stomach. It would’ve made this whole thing easier if it was so all Tony would do was give him some medicine and fix it. 

But Peter was whining for no reason. 

Tony sat up, looking at the time on his phone. It was 4:07am. It was another awful night. 

Hopefully today will be much better though. 

Tony debated on taking him downstairs to the couch and maybe if it were any other day, he would. But today, with having to take his pacifier before leaving the bedroom, Tony really wasn’t ready for the crying yet. He wanted to prolong it for as long as possible. 

So, he continued to lay there but didn’t bother putting Peter back to sleep, not really in the mood to deal with any outbursts. Tony really wished they could get over this whole weaning process, it would make their days so much easier. 

Although Peter didn’t go back to sleep, he did continue to lay there until 5:15am, blinking at Tony or looking at the ceiling. It was kinda peaceful if Tony was being honest. The sound machine was playing in the background, Peter wasn’t crying, everyone was okay at that moment. 

Eventually, Peter pushed himself up. “M’hungry.” 

“Okay. Let’s go eat.” Tony was pretty hungry too. He sat up, getting out of bed and stretching. He really didn’t feel like changing Peter’s diaper right now so he left it. If Peter minded, he could just say something. 

Peter sat up as well and slid off the bed, both of them looking back at Pepper. “Moms still sleeping so we have to be quiet.” 

“We do.” Now he had to take his pacifier. Hopefully it wouldn’t be this hard every single morning. Tony didn’t even want to imagine having to do this on a school morning while everyone ran around in a rush. 

He held his hand out, still trying to be quiet. “Can I have your paci now? You’ll get-” 

“Noooo. I don’ wan’ you to take it.” 

“You’ll get it back after lunch for nap time. Remember yesterday. You got it right back.” He wanted Peter to know what was going to happen. Maybe they should make a list today so it would be easier for him to actually remember. And the list might help calm his anxiety as well. 

“But… I still need it. Don’ take it.” He crawled back onto the bed, laying down. “I’m still going to sleep.” 

“Let’s go downstairs. We can make breakfast together or I can just make you som-” 

“But… nooooo! I need to sleep some more. Go ‘way.” 

Pepper stirred in bed, rolling over to try and help comfort Peter. “Baby. What’s wrong?” 

As easy as it would be to let Pepper deal with him and go downstairs and make a coffee and just try to forget about this for a bit, that just wasn’t an option. He just woke up, wasn’t even out of the bedroom yet and he already needed a break. Peter really did call all the shots here. 

“I’m going to use the bathroom, when I come out, I need your pacifier then we’re going downstairs.” With that said, Tony shut the door to the bathroom, taking an extra minute or two to himself. 

“He’s being a meanie.” Peter admitted, cuddling into his moms chest. “I wanna stay with you today.” 

“You can, baby, I’m going to drop Morgan off at school and then I’ll come home and we’ll spend all day together.” She combed the curls off his face. “How does that sound?” 

“Good. But… I can-I wanna come… drop Mo’gan off. Also. I come too.” 

Pepper really didn’t like his speech. Not only was his pronunciation awful, but so was his sentence structure. “I’ll be so quick. Plus… your car seat isn’t in the van.” She lied. 

“Oh. I’ll wait by the door then.” 

That was so sad. She kissed his temple. “I think daddy will need help in the kitchen. I want pancakes when I come back, and daddy needs your help making them.” It was a good distraction. He would probably start crying when she left, so making pancakes would definitely help keep him busy. 

The bathroom door opened and immediately Peter buried his face in Pepper's chest, thinking she would help him. But everyone wanted the pacifier gone here. “Peter. Can I have your soother? You’ll get it back at nap time. I promise you.” 

“I still need him!” 

“Buddy.” He sighed, turning to Pepper for help. “You don’t need it if you’re awake.” 

“Daddy’s right. Sit up. Can you hand it over.” 

Walking around the other side of the bed, Tony held his hand out for it. Day two. It definitely couldn’t be as hard as day one, right? 

Peter tried to keep it, he cried and begged, but in the end, he handed it over to Tony and threw himself backwards, releasing an ear piercing sob through the room. Tony put the pacifier on top of their dresser and lifted Peter up. He probably should have changed his diaper before taking his pacifier. Great. 

“It’s okay. You’re okay. Let’s go eat breakfast.” 

Peter was crying loudly so it was so surprise that when they left the bedroom, Morgan was standing in the hallway, her hair a mess and a blanket around her shoulders. “Good morning.” 

“He’s so loud.” She complained. Peter obviously woke her up. She woke up for school at 7am. And it was only 5:30am. Poor girl. 

“We’ll go downstairs. Go back to bed.” 

“I’m awake now.” 

Tony couldn’t help her then, he carried Peter downstairs, setting him on the couch and grabbing the diaper supply basket. “Do you want to sit on the toilet before I put underwear on you?” 

“No-nooooooooooooo! Pu’t… e’en i didn’, daddy!” He sobbed, his eyes already ten from all the rubbing. Tony truly didn’t understand how someone could be so attached to an object, especially a pacifier at this age. It made no sense to him. Tony thought that maybe it was more so of the principle of the matter. He took comfort from the pacifier, sure, but he also liked having something consistently with him. And that item was his pacifiers. 

“I’m here. I know this is so hard for you, but you’ll feel happier soon. What do you want to eat?” 

“Nothing! Paci.” 

“You’ll get your paci after lunch, for naptime.” He reminded him but apparently Peter didn’t care about that. He rolled onto his stomach, crying into the couch. Tony felt bad but he was grateful the couch stifled his cries. How awful of him to think that way. “I’m going to make you some pancakes. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” 

Tony left. Peter lifted his head up to look for him, watching him walk away. His heart was hurting him. He needed his pacifier, he liked the comfort it offered him and using it wasn’t hurting anyone. He looked around for something else to put in his mouth, grabbing one of Morgan’s dolls toys off the table and putting in his mouth to chew on, trying to find comfort in that. 

When his crying stopped, his dad walked over. “What’s in your mouth?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Peter. Give it. Stop putting things in your mouth.” Tony took it from him, causing the crying to restart. What the fuck. What the fuck does he do about this? He looked around for something else he could use but he can’t be encouraging this behaviour. He suddenly remembered what was in the freezer and walked over, digging inside until he found it. Yes. 

This should work. “Here, do you want a chewy?” He held it out for the crying child, hoping Peter took it and it helped him. Peter took it, carefully examining it. “Just try it. It might make you feel better.” 

“Paci will make me feel better. I’m so not happy.” 

That was so hard to hear. Breakfast forgotten, Tony sat on the couch, lifting him up and onto his lap. “I don’t like to hear that you’re sad, I’m sorry you are. I know this is really hard for you, you want your paci and I’m not giving it to you. I know that’s so hard. But it’s time that you say bye bye to it. You don’t need it forever, my baby. What can we do so you feel better?” 

Peter had put the frozen teether in his mouth by now and was chewing on it. It seemed to be doing the trick so far. 

“Umm… give me paci.” 

“At naptime. But before that?” 

“Ummm… I dunno.” He honestly couldn’t think of anything. 

“Do you want to help me make breakfast or do you want to stay here and watch tv?” 

“Stay here and watch tv. And-mmmm milk. I need milk.” 

“Okay.” Standing up, Tony turned the tv on, putting on Peter’s shows, appreciating that for the time being, Peter seemed pretty content. He was watching the tv with watery eyes still but at least he wasn’t crying. 

It gave Tony enough time to get started on breakfast, looking into the living room ever so often to make sure Peter was still doing okay. He understood why he was so moody and cranky but Tony wished he could get over the pacifiers sooner rather than later. 

Everyone was miserable. 

Especially Tony and Peter. Tony absolutely hated to see his boy in pain, and of course knowing Peter was hurting and Tony was essentially causing this pain, didn’t make things any easier. 

For once, Tony wanted to snap his fingers one week in the future to a time where Peter was fully, or almost fully, weaned off the pacifiers and wasn’t in such a bad mood. Maybe not for the very first time. 

Tony used to wish his life away every single day, wanting to fast forward to a time where he got Peter back or at least be on his deathbed, awaiting to pass over to the other side and see his smiling baby once again. 

To be honest, Tony never thought there would come a day he would have Peter back in his life alive again. 

A three year old simply doesn’t wander away and get lost with no trace. So it was obvious someone took him, and Tony always thought it was one of two things, a mentally ill monster took his child into the forest and once they were done with him, they buried his tiny body in a grave to hide the evidence, or he was sold into child trafficking. 

And Tony always expected a call one day saying they found Peter’s body, or at least his bones. That was an awful way to live. For 7 years. It definitely took a toll on Tony’s mental health which probably definitely still affects him today. 

Imagine waking up every single day, not knowing where your little boy was, if he was scared and alone and hurting, crying for you, then expecting a phone call answering your questions you might not even want answered. 

Tony’s grateful everyday that he has Peter with him. So this is like a walk in the park. 

Although Tony has to also remember that he’s allowed to feel fed up and want a break. 

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a thud followed by crying so he walked over, screwing the lid onto the sippy cup to find Peter on the floor and Morgan standing over him. 

When did she even get downstairs? 

“What happened?” 

“He fell off the couch. I didn’t even touch him!” 

Lifting Peter up, Tony offered him his milk, quickly checking his head over for any bumps. He wasn’t even going to bother asking how he randomly fell off the couch. “Can you sit with him while I get breakfast ready?” 

“I haven’t even gotten dressed yet though.” Morgan complained but sat down anyways. 

“It’s fine. I’ll make pancakes really quick. You’re okay with pancakes?” 

“Chocolate chip pancakes. Right, Petey? You want chocolate chips in your pancakes too?” She asked, wrapping an arm around him when Tony placed him back on the couch. 

He left to do that, looking back every so often at them. It wasn’t hard to make the pancakes, he could do them from scratch now, not having to follow a recipe. And his kids loved his pancakes so that was a pro. 

By the time he was done, Pepper came downstairs, dressed in a skirt and beautiful blouse for work. She always looked so stunning, Tony always wondered how he got so lucky. He was currently supporting his best bedhead, wearing track pants and a tank top with stains on it, definitely from Peter. 

“You look beautiful. What time will you be home from work today?” He didn’t want to be alone with Peter and no backup. 

“I have one meeting so I should be home around 11. But I’ll come home sooner if you need me to. How was he this morning?” 

Same old. What could Tony say? “He cried a bit but… I think he’s fine now.” He had two plates ready, so he brought them over to the couch, giving Peter the silicone blue plate and Morgan their normal ones. “Do you guys want anything else?” 

“Can I have a banana? But don’t cut it. I want to eat it whole.” 

“Got it.” He cut one up for Peter, dumping it onto his plate then handed Morgan one. He realized he forgot to make himself food but now that he was sitting down, he was way too tired to get up. He combed Peter’s hair back with his fingers, getting completely ignored but that was fine. As long as Peter wasn’t crying right now and was actually eating. 

“Morgan, after you eat, go get dressed because we have to leave in twenty minutes.” 

“I know.” 

“I’m just reminding you.” 

Just then, Peter leaned back to drink his milk but he dropped his plate, pancakes and bananas falling onto the floor. He sat up to look but Aiser was too quick and was already licking up his bananas. “Nooooo! No. Mine.” 

“Aiser. Stop. It’s fine, Pete. I’ll cut you another one. It’s okay. No need to cry.” He looked at Peter who seemed to be stuck deciding if this was deemable to cry over. His face looked like he just witnessed a murder. Yep. He was going to cry. “It’s okay-” 

Peter had tears streaming down his face before anyone could stop it. When they said kids could cry at the drop of a hat, they weren’t wrong. Peter was the definition of the emotional king. He could be an actor. 

“Honey. It’s okay. Come here.” Pepper held her arms out for him so he crawled over Morgan to get some comfort. He was upset and needed help. 

“I want paci. Get it.” 

“Shh, you don’t need it right now. Daddy will get you another banana. Will that make you feel better?” 

Peter sniffled, wiping his tears on his moms shirt. “No. I don’t know. I need… paci.” 

“I’ll go get it for him.” 

“Morgan. No, he doesn’t need it. Tony, is his banana ready?” Pepper knew Morgan’s comment didn’t help the second it left her lips. 

“Yeah. Go get it. Gooo! Go now, Morgan.” He tried begging her but Pepper placed a hand on the back of his head, telling Morgan no. “Yesss. Cause-cause I need it!” 

“Here. I cut up your fresh bananas.” Tony handed Pepper the new bowl with a fork this time. He would prefer to hold Peter on his lap while he ate but this would be a perfect time to drink his coffee and get dressed. “I’m going to be right back, you eat your bananas.” 

“Don’t go, stay daddy.” 

“Go, Tony.” Pepper reassured him that she had Peter. “Daddy will be back. Are you feeling hungry?” 

Once Tony left his sight, Peter picked up the fork to eat his bananas. “I’m not so hungry anymore. I was at one point… when I woke up.” 

“I’m glad. I know you love your banana, hmm?” It was nice to be able to talk to Peter like this. The pacifier restricted his speech so much, he often pointed and only used a few words to communicate. So it was so beautiful to actually hear her son's voice. “Are you and daddy going to have fun today together?” He nodded. “What will you do?” 

“Umm… maybe… watch tv. And play in the snow. It snowed yesterday night.” 

“Last night?” She corrected him. 

“Uh huh. I’m done.” Handing his mom his bowl of bananas, he slid off her lap and felt around on the couch for his pacifier but it wasn’t there. Force of habit. His dad was upstairs and so were his spotters. That was a two for one deal. “I’m going to go upstairs now.” 

He ran away before anyone could stop him. Running up the stairs, he walked into his parents room, the bathroom door was closed and he could hear the shower on so he snatched his soother off the bed, putting it in his mouth. What was the big deal that he had one? It wasn’t hurting anyone. 

He knew the others were in here somewhere. Last night he remembered his dad grabbing two from the top dresser drawer so he stood on his tippy toes, pulling himself up to try and see inside, if it wasn’t bolted to the wall, it definitely would’ve come crashing down on him. 

He stood in the bottom drawer, peeking his eyes inside the top drawer and grabbing three of them out. If he hid them around the house, he could get to them when his dad took it from him. 

Or at least he could but he stepped back onto the floor and saw Tony standing in the bathroom doorway. He was startled. “Oh. Hi.” 

“Hi. What are you doing?” 

“Ummm… just… getting… just looking around and… looking.” He ran onto the bed, covering himself with the blankets. “I’m tired.” 

“Peter. I’m not going to hide your soothers from you. But you can only have them at nap times and bedtime. Otherwise you don’t need them.” Tony took all three from his hands, feeling around under the blanket to take the one from his mouth but Peter screamed, trying to hide his face even more. 

“Bye dad bye Petey, I’m going to school now. I’ll see you later. Dad, will he be napping when I get home after school?” She came over to the bed to ask, completely oblivious to Tony’s growing frustration. 

“Uh, yeah. Maybe. I’m not sure, Morgan.” He waited for her to leave, saying bye, then pulling the blankets off of Peter, “Give me the pacifier.” 

“Go away.” 

Tony sat on the bed, staring at him. It was way too early to be dealing with this, but then again, it always was. Peter didn’t have a moment where he wasn’t difficult to deal with, even in his good moods, he seemed to always be getting up to something. 

Pepper must’ve seen what he was thinking when she walked into the room because she walked over to them, “I’ll take him. How about you take Morgan to school.” 

“I’ve got him.” 

“Tony. He needs to know he cannot have his pacifier right now.” At that, Peter lifted the blanket off his face, giving his mom a dirty look. He had his dad right where he wanted him but his mom just ruined that. He kicked the blankets off of him with a pout. “Why are you still wearing your nighttime diaper? You should be in underwear by now.” 

Tony knew that was directed at him. “Want to wake up with him at 5am?” 

Pepper squinted her eyes a little, shaking her head. “If you want me to. Are you taking Morgan?” 

“I want to come.” 

“No, you’re not suitable for outside, you’re half naked.” 

Looking down, Peter didn’t think he was. “Am not. But then stay, daddy. Stay at home.” 

“Okay, I’ll stay then.” Tony wanted to stay anyways. It was cold outside and he was still wearing track pants and hadn’t even put on a shirt yet. Plus Peter wanted him to stay, which made him feel good about himself in a strange way. 

Once Pepper left, Tony stood up to grab the wipes, digging in the drawer for Peter’s underwear. “Let’s get underwear on you then in two minutes, I need you to give me paci. Okay?” 

“No to both.” 

“Then I won’t ask. You’re putting on underwear and giving me your soother.” 

“Mmmmm noooo. Why are you being so rude?!” 

Tony didn’t want Peter to hate him. He was afraid that since he was the one always weaning the pacifier, Peter would associate him with sadness in the process. 

Being totally honest with himself, if it were only Peter and him, he would move someplace in Italy and let Peter do as he pleases. Although that would quickly backfire so while the idea seemed great at first glance, it was one of the worst ideas ever. Thankfully Pepper, Morgan and Harley did in fact exist. 

“I don’t need to go pee.” 

“That’s fine. Let me know if you do, or just go.” Tony had to remember himself to remind Peter to go. It was a lot at times but they were staying at home together in the morning then Pepper would be home for lunch and Morgan would be home around 3 or so. Tony had no idea what Harley was doing today. 

Since Peter wasn’t crying, Harley was most likely still sleeping as it was still only just after 8am. 

Tony tossed the diaper in the genee, washed his hands and held his hand out for the pacifier. “Can I have it?” 

“You said two minutes. It’s only been one minute.” 

“It took me two minutes to take your diaper off so can I have paci now, Pete?” 

“Noooo. I’m not ready yet.” 

“How about we go downstairs and we can get the painting supplies out from the basement and paint on the floor.” Tony was trying to make this as fun as possible but nothing about this was fun. “We can’t stay in bed all day. We-” 

“Yes we can.” 

“No. It’s so boring.” Tony was ready to get down on his knees and beg Peter to just hand over the pacifier. He was trying to remember what Karen said, let him hand it over. Tony was trying! 

With a groan, Peter rolled onto his side, facing away from Tony. “I need a minute.” 

Peter communicating that with him was way more important than handing over the pacifier, so Tony patted his hip. “Okay. I’ll be back in one minute.” 

“But where’re you goin’?” He asked, snapping his head up. 

“To make some toast. I’m hungry. One more minute.” Tony left once he was sure Peter wasn’t going to say anything. He headed downstairs, grateful for the little break. As a parent, grocery shopping alone felt like a vacation, even shutting the car door and walking to the driver's seat was like a little vacation. 

You had to take what you could get. 

Once his toast popped out, Peter walked downstairs, dragging behind the whole entire comforter from their bed. “What’s this?” 

“I brought bed down here.” 

“Peter, no.” It’s a wonder Peter’s first word wasn’t no, they’ve been saying it to him since he could crawl. He was the most active baby. And a vocal one. If Tony and Pepper had 100 more children, Gony knew for a fact that Peter would be their most difficult child. He was from the very beginning, starting with coming into this world 4 weeks early, that was scary. “What’s this?” 

“It’s bed but downstairs. I want to!” He stomped his feet, running into the living room and successfully knocking down the lamp off the nightstand table, drawing down a bunch of other random junk. 

“No. We aren’t making a bed from downstairs. I’m going to need your pacifier.” 

“Noooo.” 

“Yes.” 

“NO!” 

“Peter. Now. You had more than two minutes.” Tony kneeled down in front of him, holding his awaiting hand out. “Now please.” 

It would be so easy to snatch it from his mouth right now then stick an iPad in his face but Tony was better than that. “Peter.” 

“No no no. Don’t take it. Don’t.” 

“If you give it to me now, we can go paint a picture together.” 

“I don’t wan’ to do that.” He started crying now, tears leaking down his cheeks. Aw fuck. It was that pitiful, heartbreaking cry, that cry Peter did that really made Tony want to give in. Did Peter know that? Fuck. 

“You don’t need it right now-” 

“Noooo! I do.” He sobbed. 

The front door opened and Morgan walked in, Tony barely gave her a second glance since Peter was currently crying loudly on the couch. 

“Dad. Schools canceled today. There’s too much snow.” She tossed her backpack on the floor, sitting down next to her brother. “Why is he crying?” 

“Because he’s having a hard time giving up his soother.” Tony tried again. “Peter, give it to me then we can play. Morgan’s home, should we do something altogether?” 

“Noooo! I-I need to be alone! Go ‘way!” He turned so he could push Morgan away, causing her to scream. 

“Hey. Peter. Kicking is not nice. We don’t kick.” It wasn’t going to help that Morgan was here so Tony told her to go upstairs to change her clothes so he could focus on his youngest son. “Baby. Let’s do it together, I’m here to help you.” 

“Noooo. You-you don’- don’ even… wan’ me to ‘uck my ‘saddy.” He sobbed, barely making any sense. Tony was able to understand him though. It probably would’ve been best if he couldn’t, his poor baby boy. 

Pepper was at their side, caressing his curly hair. It needed a brushing but it always made it so frizzy so they tried to only finger comb it. “It’s okay, we can do it together. I know it’s hard but daddy and I will help you through it.” 

“But… no.” 

“Baby. You did it before, it’ll be okay, we’ll bake something together, or paint, go to the park. I think there’s lots of snow outside.” 

Curiosity getting the better of him, Peter looked over the couch, trying to see outside. “Mmm s’not ‘owing.” He cried, obviously not crying about the fact that it wasn’t snowing. 

“It did last night. Do you want to put snowsuits on and go in the backyard?” That would be a good idea, Tony thought, plus Peter all bundled up in a snowsuit was the most adorable thing. Tony just wanted him happy right now. This was so hard. 

“I can bring paci.” 

“No, paci needs to stay here.” 

Peter screamed, throwing himself onto the floor, crying so hard he had to hold the soother in his mouth so it didn’t fall out. Tony had a feeling letting go wasn’t just about the actual pacifier, it was more about Peter feeling helpless like he didn’t really have a say in the matter. Which technically, he didn’t. 

“Peter-” Pepper tried but even she didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t in any parenting books, all the books they read about pacifier weaning didn’t involve a child who could talk back so much and had such strong opinions like Peter did who knew how to manipulate. 

“Ahhhhhhhh!” 

“I need it, Peter. Time to give it to me. You’ll get it back after nap time.” Tony reached down, trying to flip Peter around but he was curled into a ball, blocking his mouth. “Peter, c’mon. You’re making this harder.” 

Letting out a loud cry, Peter took his pacifier out and placed the wet with spit soother in Tony’s hand, standing up. He stumbled over the blankets then turned back, looking directly at Tony when he spoke the three words that Tony was been fearing Peter would one day say to him, “I hate you!” Peter cried, turning and running upstairs. 

Tony’s heart stopped beating. 

He unconsciously held his breath, letting those words sink in. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Peter hates me. Tony’s second worst fear was coming true, Peter hates him. He fucked up so bad. 

He never should have taken away Peter’s pacifier he knew better than to take it away it was the one thing that actually helped to calm him down and make him happy and now he was taking his comfort item away from him it wasn’t like Peter knew any other way to self soothe and now Peter hated him he actually hated him that’s the one thing Tony was afraid of that Peter would choose Steve over him after everything and-

“Breathe, Tony. Hey. It’s okay. Look, he’s upset. He’s scared and he doesn’t know what to do so he lashed out-” 

“Clearly he means it because he said it. He fucking said it!” Tony stumbled towards the couch to sit down but realized he couldn’t just sit there and he couldn’t see Peter right now because his baby currently hated him. 

So, Tony got up and went into the bathroom, needing to splash some cold water on his face and stop his racing heart. 

This was not fun. 

Maybe it was that Tony felt like he had competition to beat. Pepper was Peter’s only mom, and although Tony was technically Peter’s only dad, the sad and heartbreaking truth was that he was Peter’s dad for 7 years, 4 of which Peter remembers, and Steve was his ‘dad’ for 7 years. Tony hated feeling like he was tied with the man for the number of years being Peter’s dad. 

And now he was scared that Peter would pick Steve over him. 

Tony needed to see Peter. His heart physically felt so so broken. 

He opened the bathroom door, turning and racing upstairs. He didn’t see Pepper so he assumed that she went upstairs to check up on him. The thing about Peter was that he never needed space, he never wanted space, he just wanted someone to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay, reassure him. 

And right now, Tony needed to hold him. 

He walked into the master bedroom, finding Peter lying on the bed and Pepper rubbing his back. 

“Peter.” 

Snapping his head back, Peter bursted out crying and crawled off the bed to get to Tony. “Daddy! I’m sorry! I don’t hate you! Don’t hate me!” He cried, lifting his arms up. 

Without any hesitation, Tony scooped him up, kissing his cheek. “Baby. I don’t hate you. I’ll never ever hate you. I love you so much.” 

“Are you mad at me? I didn’t mean it!” He cried, trying to cling onto Tony even tighter. His tiny arms were wrapped so tightly around Tony’s neck like he would die if he let go. 

“No, baby no. I was a little bit upset because I never want to hurt you, but I know that this is so hard for you, but I’m here to support you, baby. Okay?” Tony needed this. He rocked Peter, squeezing him just a little bit tighter. “I love you. So much. Daddy loves you so much.” 

“I love you too. I-I still want paci,” Tony heard sped up. “but I just-I’ll just have some milk. Mommy said-she said I can have a chewy.” 

Tony nodded. That’s a pretty good trade off. They had a ton of those in the freezer. 

He switched Peter so he was sitting on his hip, kissing him for good measure. “Are you feeling a little bit better?” 

“I like when you carry me.” 

That was Peter’s way of saying he liked being in his fathers comforting embrace. 

Carrying him down to the kitchen, Tony pulled a teether from the freezer, handing it to Peter to chew on, something to help keep his hands and having something in his mouth while he got over the need for wanting his pacifier. It was a huge change for him. It was even so weird to see Peter without it in his mouth. 

“Can we play in the snow? Are you still sad, Peter?” Morgan, who was eating a cheese string at the table asked. She cared for Peter but it was hard for her to know how to act around him. Morgan was younger but was more mature in some ways so recently, it’s been quite hard for her to bond with him, without upsetting him. 

“Mmm.” Peter turned away, not appreciating that question. 

“He’s feeling a bit emotional so can you be extra patient with him?” 

“I always am.” 

Not true. “Okay, so can you get his snowsuit out and lay it out for him? Pete, do you want to go with her?” He nodded so Tony set him on his feet, watching them walk down the hallway together, disappearing into the mud room. “Someone needs to watch them at all times, I’m worried they’ll start fighting.” 

“Morgan’s good, she will come tell us if he is acting up.” 

“Only after he bites her.” 

“Honestly,” Pepper laughed. “He won’t get through that thick snowsuit.” 

“Dad? I can’t find my boots! Dad!” 

Sometimes things weren’t that serious. Tony laughed, smiling felt so good. “Yeah… I’m going to go help them.” He walked down the hallway, already taking back what he said. “Why did you guys decide that we needed every single outfit out on the floor?” 

Peter had spit dripping down his chin from the frozen teether. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to take outside in the cold. It was so much easier when he had a pacifier. 

“Cause… we can’t find my boots.” 

“I found them. He wants to wear his rain boots though.” 

“No. No one is wearing rain boots. Peter, you can wear your black boots or your green boots.” Tony held both pairs up as Peter took ages to look at both. Why was decision making literally so impossible for Peter? 

“I-I-I can-I want to wear the black but I have no socks on. Oh no.” 

“Here.” Tony tossed one at him. They were prepared for this with a basket of socks in the mud room, even extra underwear and diapers. They were prepared. “Can you get dressed by yourself?” 

“I need help.” 

“Petey, I can get dressed by myself. Look, I’m already half ready.” Morgan just had to rub that in his face but it wasn’t just about that, it was the fact that Peter got distracted like a puppy dog, if they left him now, he would still be undressed by time they got home five hours later. 

So Tony helped him get his snowsuit on, tucking a few curls outside his hat to add to the cuteness, Tony could not handle it. He squeezed him, only stopping in fear he would break his bones. “How are you so cute? Huh? Huh?” 

“Too… tight. Dad.” 

“Sorry. Okay, you guys go play nicely, Morgan, be patient with him. I’ll come outside in a few minutes. The door will be open so yell if you need something.” 

“Ahhhhhh!” Peter screamed, a mischievous smile on his face. 

“No. Only if you need something. Go on.” 

They got about 4 and a half feet of snow overnight, Tony didn’t even know why Pepper bothered trying to get Morgan to school, but apparently they were in the driveway the whole time, Tony didn’t see the texts until later. 

They would make it a fun day though. 

Snowdays were always so much fun and getting the kids outside always meant less tantrums and more playing. For the most part. Today might be a bit of a different day in that sense. 

Outside, Peter picked up some snow with his teether, eating it. He loved fresh snow, who didn’t? He waddled his way through a path, kneeling down and sticking his face in it. “It tastes like cotton candy.” 

“Are you sure you aren’t eating Aisers pee?” Morgan tried her best to run over in the snow but it was way too high so she ended up falling into it a bunch of times, making her brother laugh. 

“I can run faster than you.” Peter challenged. He was always up for winning. “I used to do track and field in school. Remember I got second place once? And-and I would’ve gotten first but the other boy was two whole years older than me.” 

“I don’t remember that.” 

“Okay.” He pushed himself up. “Want to build a snow fort?” 

“I want to go to the park. The slides will be full of snow and it’ll be so cool to try and slide down them.” She suggested, knowing if Peter wanted that and wasn’t crying, their dad would say yes. She also didn’t want to listen to Peter cry today, he’s been in such a bad mood these past few days and it was irritating. 

Peter beamed at the idea. “Yeah! I’ll go ask daddy. Wait here, I’ll be back.” He hopped through the snow, walking straight into the house, tracking in a bunch of snow. “Daddy? Daddy? Can we go to the park?” 

Tony, who was cleaning up the kitchen and watching them from the window, turned to him, “You don’t want to play in the backyard?” 

“We do but we want to play on the slides.” 

“Okay. I can take you guys in five minutes. You need to go pee before we go.” There were bathrooms at the park but Peter never used public toilets anyways. 

“I don’t need to go.” 

“Peter, you need to try-” 

“Urggggg I don’t need to.” 

“Then we aren’t going to the park.” This wasn’t up for debate, they were trying to keep Peter dry throughout the day without having any accidents. And he’s been doing an amazing job but apparently this was the set back. He put the last dish into the dishwasher and held his hand out for him. “Let’s go together.” 

“I said I don’t need to go.” 

“I want you to sit on the toilet and try.” He had to get off all of Peter’s snow gear which was a pain but it was better than coming back in wet clothes. After putting the seat on the toilet, Tony encouraged him to sit. “After you pee, I’ll get ready and we’ll walk to the park. Aiser can join us there too.” 

“And-I think we need to bring shovels.” 

“I don’t know where they are.” Tony did. He just didn’t want to bring them. 

“I do. They're in… um, you know, actually when I was outside,” He gasped when his teether dropped. “Give it.” 

“I don’t want you taking this outside. It’s cold, buddy.” 

“No. That’s okay.” He didn’t have his pacifier so he needed something to chew on and the teether was the next best thing. 

Tony only hoped he didn’t start another bad habit. He thought of something else he could give to Peter that didn’t involve any nipple-like items. He had fruity gum, that might help. Tony would try it. Peter never really chewed gum, maybe once or twice but maybe it could help. 

After Peter peed, which was a lot, it worried Tony that Peter lied to him because had he believed him, he would’ve needed to go at the park, Tony helped get his snowsuit back on and told him to follow him. 

“To the park?” 

“Yeah, but first a pit stop in the kitchen.” Tony pulled out a package of fruit gum from the cabinet, handing one to Peter. “Chew it. I think it’ll help you feel better so you stop putting everything in your mouth.” 

Testing the flavour out, Peter decided he liked it. And keeping his mouth occupied really helped too. He nodded, walking to grab his dog's leash. “Time to go. Morgan! We’re leaving!” 

“Hey.” Harley was just waking up, he walked downstairs, heading into the kitchen for breakfast. “Where are you guys going?” 

“To the park. I’m chewing gum, Harley.” 

“Cool.” Weird thing to tell him. He grabbed a banana from the bowl as Morgan tracked in a bunch of snow, adding to the puddles on the floor. “Are you guys going sledding at Hilltop Park?” 

“We were going to the park down the street but we can do that. Do you guys-Peter, stop trying to tie the leash around your neck, do you want to go sledding?” 

“Yes! Yes we do!” He immediately tossed the leash down, jumping up and down. “We can play on the hills!” He was so excited and for once he wasn’t thinking about wanting a pacifier, normally, he would be bringing it with him so this was a huge step in the right direction. 

Thirty minutes later, they were at the park. It took them extra long to get there since the sidewalks were so thick with snow and of course Peter had to stop at every thing he deemed interesting but the journey was half the fun right? 

“Stay where I can see you guys. Do you understand that, Pete?” 

“Yes.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means… um,” He looked around, already getting distracted at everything around him. “Means… that I won’t go-it means if I can’t see you, you can't see me.” 

“Exactly.” Checking the time, Tony saw that it was 11:15. He wanted to get home before 12:30 so they could eat lunch then Peter would nap from 1-3 so they had to leave in about 45 minutes. Not too much time but it was good enough. 

Tony and Harley sat on the bench so they could let the younger ones play. Usually Tony would join them, he was a very active father but if he was being honest, he was fucking exhausted and the thought of running up and down a snowy hill made him want to cry. So, he was content to chill on the bench at the bottom of the hill with his oldest son. 

“Why don’t you join them?” He offered, giving the boy a nudge. 

“Maybe later. If you haven’t noticed, I just woke up and only ate a banana so I’m a bit low energy.” 

“Yeah yeah. I’ve been up since 4am.” 

“Oh,” Harley turned to him, amused, “want a gold metal?” 

Tony chuckled. He watched Peter crawl up the hill, stopping every couple seconds to shovel snow in his mouth. Hopefully he knew to only eat the fresh stuff but Tony would prefer him to not put anything in his mouth, but what was he going to do about it. He told him no enough these days. 

“So,” Harley started. “he’s done with the pacifiers finally?” 

That was a difficult question to answer considering they were only on day 2. “He can’t have them during the day anymore. Only at nights and naptime.” 

“I wish I could get naptime still. Geez. He doesn’t know how lucky he is.” 

“He isn’t a good sleeper. He’s usually up every two hours and then is awake for the day at 5am. Today it was 4am… so I put him down for a nap for our own sanity.” Without one, Peter would last until about 5 or 6 and would be the most miserable child. Then he would be too overtired to sleep and then when he finally did sleep, his whole schedule would be messed up and he would be awake at 3am, refusing to go back to sleep. 

“I remember him being like that when he was a toddler.” 

It was bittersweet to have those memories of the before Peter. He would’ve turned out like a normal boy, now he was so broken and struggled with so much. 

Tony wished Morgan had known him before, all she knew was the after Peter and he was very difficult. 

But they were still best friends. 

“Hmm. Yeah… he grew up way too fast.” He wasn’t going to talk to Harley about his fears about Peter growing up and the anxiety he got around each milestone, the next one would be puberty and Tony was not ready for that stage yet. He knew everything would change then and he needed to keep his little boy, but that was a conversation for his therapist. 

“Soo, I’m going to join them? Did you want to come?” Harley stood up, all this talk of his brother growing up was hard for him too. He especially didn’t like the babyish way Peter acts at times but he knew he couldn’t help it so he always tried his best to be supportive and if that meant playing with them, then he would. 

“You go ahead. I’m watching.” 

“Suit yourself.” He walked over to the hill, waiting for Peter to slide down on his sled. “Woah! You went so fast!” 

“I only went down half the hill cause… um… I see a black dog! There!” Pointing excitedly across the field, the black dog, two actually, really stood out in the snow. 

“Cool. Want to go down together?” 

“Yeah. But first I want to go down by myself. Stay right here. I want to try and hit you.” 

“Oh. Alright.” Such a Peter thing to say. Harley would step out of the way last minute though. 

Peter struggled to make it to the top like before. He stopped about halfway to catch his breath, making sure Harley was still standing there. “Make sure to stay!” 

“What?!” 

“Stay!” He yelled back, huffing. This was a workout. And his stomach was rumbling a little bit. He continued to run up, falling down on hands and knees when something knocked him down, he thought it was Harley but a tail smacked his face. Although it wasn’t Aisers. “Hey! You knocked me!” 

It was one of the black dogs. Peter was used to being around dogs, he’s had Aiser for four years now, so he didn’t necessarily mind this excited dog trying to lick his face. He only got upset when the dog grabbed his mitten, pulling it off his hand and running away. “My mitten!” 

That was his mitten his dad gave him and now it was gone. He sat on his bum, feeling tears fill his eyes. Now he only had one mitten and his hand was already getting cold. 

Aiser ran up the hill, sniffing Peter. “Get off. That’s my mitten.” 

“Hey, Midnight. Give it. That’s not yours.” Now there was a strange man approaching Peter with his mitten. He looked down the hill, already seeing his dad walking towards him so he stayed put. “Is this yours, kid?” 

Peter stared up at him. 

“My dogs are friendly, don’t worry. She just wants to play.” He handed Peter the mitten but Peter couldn’t get it on by himself so he just held it. 

“Hey, can I help you?” Tony asked once he made it up half the hill. Tony never understood why Peter attracted so much attention from strangers. It was probably because he stared at them with those big eyes looking lost and you couldn’t help but want to protect him. Or take him, according to some… 

“Hey, you his dad?” 

“I am. You good, buddy?” 

“That dog took my mitten.” He pointed at the dog currently sniffing with Aiser. Peter didn’t like that. He just wanted to slide down the hill and hit his big brother for fun. 

The man gestured to it in Peter’s lap. “Sorry about that. They’re good dogs, just working on training them.” 

“It’s no problem, thanks. Enjoy the rest of your day.” Tony said, signaling to the man it was time for him to leave them. He thankfully got the hint and called his dogs away, Aiser chasing after them until Tony called him back. From a distance, Tony could tell the dogs were friendly but it still wasn’t nice to see two dogs approach his son after what happened last time with that dog attack. 

“I don’t know why that dog took my mitten. I didn’t like that!” He waited for Tony to get his mitten back on. 

“I think he wanted to play.” 

“Yeah… maybe.” 

“Guys, we have ten more minutes then it’s time to go.” 

“I need to poop.” Peter admitted. 

Great. “Okay, let’s go back down then.” 

“Nooo I still need to go down two more times!” He threw himself down, liking how the soft snow felt on his head. He wanted to nap out here. 

“You aren’t wearing a pull-up. Let’s go home now-” 

“I don’t need to go anymore.” 

“Peter.” Tony punched the bridge of his nose. “Do not go in your underwear. I’ll be upset if you do, ten minutes and we’re leaving.” 

“Fifteen minutes.” 

“We need to get back for lunch.” 

“Twenty minutes.” 

“Want me to make it five minutes?” 

“No! Ten minutes is good.” He left after that, making sure Harley was still standing in the same spot so he could try and hit him. 

Tony sighed. He felt like they couldn’t go anywhere for more than an hour without having bathroom breaks. And they were only 45 minutes! He pulled out his phone to text Pepper. 

Tony 11:43am We’re leaving the park in ten minutes. I think Peter pooped his pants 

Pepper 11:43am oh no. Come home and check. I have lunch ready. Mac and cheese, apple slices and bits of chicken. Should I put protein powder in Peter’s milk? 

Tony 11:44am Let’s see how much he eats. We’ll see you soon 

He pocketed his phone, looking up just in time to watch Peter roll off his sled, sliding down the hill. Tony held his breath, waiting for the cry but he got up laughing. Thank god. “Guys! Time to go.” 

“Nooo I need to go down one more time.” He whined, already running up the hill. 

“Peter, no. Ten minutes is up. Let’s go.” 

“No no. I’m not ready to go yet. I need five more minutes.” He knew he wasn’t getting any extra time because he was already throwing himself to the ground and crying. “I want five minutes!” 

Tony walked over to him, kneeling down and taking Peter’s hands in his. “I know, hey, after you eat lunch and have a nap, we can do something fun at home? You can think about it when you sleep.” 

Peter was clearly tired. “I don’t know what to do!” 

“Morgan can think of some ideas. Right, Morg?” He turned around but didn’t see her. His heart didn’t immediately start beating faster and panic didn’t fill him. He knew she was around. 

“She’s waiting by the sidewalk.” Harley pointed as he began walking towards her. 

It was extremely difficult for Peter to leave the park. He wasn’t ready and he felt like he didn’t have a choice in what was happening so he struggled with that immensely. Thankfully Tony was there to reassure him and tell him that everything would be okay. 

By the time they walked back home, Peter decided he wanted to build a fort in the living room after he woke up. 

“Okay, everything off, put it all in a pile, I’ll hang it up to dry after. I don’t want- Peter, stop walking through the house. Come take off your clothes.” 

“Dad. My socks are already wet. And I can’t get my boot off.” 

“It smells good. What’s for lunch?” Harley was starving at this point. 

“Peter. Come here.” Tony was losing his patience. “Can you listen for two minutes?” 

“I always listen.” He was serious about that false statement too. 

It didn’t matter anyways since Tony already picked him up and carried him into the mud room, helping him get off all his snow gear. Pepper popped her head in, handing Peter a sippy cup of grape juice. “Did you guys have fun?” 

“Yeah. A-a dog stole my mitten.” 

“That’s not nice. Did he poop, Tony?” 

“No. He didn’t.” Tony was grateful for that. He pulled down his snowpants, seeing that he did in fact pee though. “Buddy. Why didn’t you tell me you peed yourself?” He was wet and cold and probably so uncomfortable considering this could have happened an hour ago. 

“Um… cause I wanted to play.” He wanted his pants off now though so after tugging all his wet clothes off, he ran towards the smell of food. “What’s for lunch?” 

“Don’t touch the pot! It’s hot.” That was close, Pepper almost watched as Peter pulled the pot handle down on himself which was filled with hot cheese. “Can you… Tony, can you take him? I’m almost done with lunch.” 

“Yeah. Pete, come into the bathroom with me.” He held his hand out but Peter ran into the dining room. Tony knew he was going to escape through the hallway and come out the other side so he rushed through the hallway and into the family room, grabbing him when he turned the corner. 

“Ahhhh!” Peter was not expecting that and he was too slow to turn and run away so he let Tony pick him up. 

“Your legs are so cold. Let’s go get you cleaned up and in cozy clothes.” He lifted him onto the stairs, making him walk up. “I think mommy made Mac and cheese for lunch. Does that sound super yummy?” 

“Obviously. I love Mac and cheese. So yummy for my tummy.” He turned into his parents bedroom, walking into their walk-in closet to find his section of comfortable clothes. “I wanna wear…” 

“Come into the bathroom first.” Grabbing wipes, Tony took a seat on the ledge of the bathtub, waiting for Peter to walk in but he got distracted and immediately went to Pepper's lipstick, opening it up. “Put it down.” Why was Peter such a menace? “No, close the lid and put it down. Good. Can you come here.” It was already 12:30. They needed to be quick. 

“After-after I sleep, I’ll bring every single blanket down.” 

“Yeah.” Tony noticed some red scratches on his thigh. “What’s this?” 

“I dunno.” 

Maybe Tony missed it from this morning? He wasn’t really paying attention, could the dog from the park accidentally scratched him? “Does it hurt?” 

“No.” 

“Okay. Try not to scratch yourself so hard, baby.” 

“Yeah, and then after lunch I can have paci.” 

“Yeah, because after lunch is nap time.” 

“Yeah.” Peter was excited. He was also really hungry so he was ready to sit down and eat some food. 

Once Tony got his body free of urine residue, he put Vaseline on him and secured a fresh diaper on followed by the pyjamas that Peter picked out. It was going to be a pyjama kinda day and Tony loved it. 

“I don’t like Vaseline.” Peter said as they walked downstairs. 

“I know but I don’t want you getting a rash.” He let go of his hand once they made it downstairs, following Peter into the living room where they were apparently going to eat lunch. Tony loved that idea. 

It was so much less chaotic. And Pepper already had all their bowls out and ready for them to eat. “Thanks, Pep. It looks amazing. Pete, can you take the dog toy out of your mouth.” 

“I love Mac and cheese.” 

“I know you do, honey. Tell me about the park.” 

“Me and Peter raced down. It was fun.” Morgan took a huge bite, “mmmmmm.” 

And Peter was back to chewing on Aisers rubber bone. “Give me that. Eat your food.” 

“I don’t want it in this bowl.” He pushed it away. He didn’t like the bowl so it would make his food taste bad. Not wanting an argument, Tony got up to switch the bowl out with one of Peter’s favourites. 

“This one is better. Fingers out of your mouth. Put food in your mouth instead.” 

“And at the park, me and Morgan eat-ate snow.” He took a small bite of his food, it was good so he took another bite. Tony let his shoulders relax now that Peter was eating. “It’s yummy. I was hungry. My belly- um, you know, when I went down the hill, when Harley was at the bottom and daddy said we had to go but I didn’t want to so daddy said we can build a fort after nap time.” 

“That sounds like an excellent idea.” 

Tony cut up Peter’s chicken, feeding some to him while he was actually willing to eat. “Is it good?” 

“Yeah. But no more.” Pushing his plate away, he felt done. He was bored of eating and was ready for his pacifier. “I want paci.” 

“Bubs, paci after lunch. I need you to eat more than just a few bites.” 

“No no no. I’m done.” He whined, faking a few cries to try and push the real tears out. 

“Five more big bites then we’ll go up.” 

That was too big of an ask for Peter. He cried into the couch, letting everyone know he was being serious and was actually done with lunch. Fuck. He only had three bites. That wasn’t nearly enough to fill him up and give him the proper nutrition he needed. Tony might book another doctor's appointment to discuss this and maybe they had to get help from a specialist here regarding health. 

“Okay. All done, let’s go have a nap.” Tony wasn’t done, his food was coming with him. “Say goodnight to everyone.” 

“No.” Peter just wanted his paci. He stood up, leading the way upstairs with Tony following behind him. It was about time he got his comfort item. He knew where it was and grabbed it right away, feeling so calm and content. “Mmmm.” He fell face first into the pillow, so ready to have a good rest. 

Tony was of course grateful that Peter found comfort in the item but he wished he didn’t. It was like Peter was counting down the hours until he got to have his pacifier again. 

It wasn’t any way to live. 

He shut the curtains and turned the sound machine on then got the baby monitor on, aiming it at Peter. He assumed he wouldn’t want any milk but he would try asking. “Did you want a sippy cup of milk?” A shake. “Okay. Close your eyes.” 

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. They weren’t expecting anyone. Maybe someone’s car broke down and they needed a boost. They would pretend not to be home if that were the case. 

“Stay here, I’ll go see who it is.” 

“It’s the boogeyman.” 

“It’s not, baby. Lie back down.” Tony opened the bedroom door, hearing a familiar voice. He walked down the rest of the stairs, surprised at who was standing at the door. “Natasha? What are you doing here?” 

“Hi Tony. How are you?” She smiled at him. Her hair was cut past her shoulders and dyed a darker red. She looked good. But seeing her always meant no good. At least Tony knew Peter was safely upstairs. 

“Good. I’m just putting Peter down for a nap. What brings you by?” 

Peter walked down the stairs, acting shy. He hid behind Tony’s legs, peeking over at the woman he knew very well. 

“Hi Peter, your hair has gotten so long. How are you?” 

Peter looked down, feeling too content with sucking on his pacifier to talk. 

“Hi Natasha, we have a snow day at school today. It’s so cool!” Morgan loved seeing her fake aunt. She was so badass. 

“I know, there’s so much snow. Did you guys go outside to play in it yet?” 

“Yeah. We went sledding.” 

“Hey, Natasha.” Harley, for the same reasons as his parents, didn’t particularly like to see the woman. Tony owed her so much, she helped them find Peter, but that’s the only reason they were friends so everyone knew they would rather not have to know her. 

“Hey, how are you? You’re getting tall. You’re almost taller than your father.” 

“Yeah, he’s dreading that.” 

Tony picked Peter up, setting him on his hip. “Are you here for something regarding,” He tilted his head down at Peter and when Natasha nodded, Tony’s heart sped up. “What is it?” 

“A video.” 

Tony nodded. Mentally preparing himself. 

“I’m going to put him down for a nap, I’ll be down in about fifteen minutes.” He was dreading this. What could the video possibly be of, and if it was anything good, Natasha would’ve sent it over email. 

Fuck. 

Tony didn’t know if he was ready.