Chapter 15
Knowing what Clarke’s body felt like against her own was Lexa’s new favorite discovery. She had a feeling nothing would top that for a long time. The way Clarke’s heart pounded against her chest was intoxicating. She wanted to feel more, feel her skin on Clarke’s, but understood that it was not a possibility. At least, not right now. She was fine with where they were, knowing Clarke felt the same way, and feared what their future held. However, a future with Clarke was her entire motivation.
“Want to go out this weekend?” Raven asked. “Anya’s off Friday and wants to do something. It was my idea to invite you.”
“Well, thanks for that,” she said. “I’m not sure though. I’m working that day.”
“Yeah, me too. We probably won’t stay out late.”
“I’ll think about it and let you know.”
With her back turned she never saw Clarke’s approach, but there was suddenly another person’s arm pressed against her back discreetly.
“She invited you out, too?” Clarke asked, staring down at a patient chart.
“Yep,” she said over one shoulder. “Think it’s a setup?”
“I’m positive it is. Messing with them could be fun though.”
“Oh? What’re you thinking?”
“Let me come up with a plan.”
Her skin was freezing once Clarke walked away. She had known their weird conversation a few nights ago would make things even more complicated, but she was happy for the small moments that now came along with it. They made sure to keep things professional when surrounded by coworkers, peers, and even friends. When they were alone, gazes seemed to linger longer. Their touches were less careful. Despite never quite touching Clarke the way she needed, she lived for those stolen moments that left her breathless. But it was also depressing.
She was losing focus. An ambulance had arrived without her noticing. She rushed through the doors to meet the paramedics and learn any information they had while taking their place on chest compressions. The man had been in a car accident which left him unconscious and hanging upside down for an undetermined amount of time. She ordered chest and brain scans to determine internal injuries. She assumed he would require a fair number of surgeries on his road to recovery.
She stayed out of the way of the nurses as they set up IVs and inserted medications into his line by her orders. She asked Indra to prepare an OR where she would spend the next few hours due to the damage to his torso. A large bruise covered his chest and stomach which might have ruptured any number of organs. He had a fair number of broken ribs, which was common in car accidents.
Once sedated, she followed his gurney to the OR. Octavia volunteered to assist if she needed. She accepted the offer. His lungs would need to be repaired first if he had a chance of survival. Having Octavia meant she could work on the lungs while the other doctor began the other repairs.
Raven found Anya leaning against her car in the parking lot. She looked up from her phone as Raven approached and slid it into her back pocket.
“Hmm, this is a surprise,” she said. “I thought you worked all day.”
“I did,” she said. “A very long day, too.”
“What happened?”
Anya shrugged. “Lost a patient, removed an appendix,” she said. “The usual.”
She placed her hand on Anya’s arm and squeezed. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“Me too. Anyway, want to come over?”
“Why don’t you come to my place? We can take a bath.”
Anya rolled her eyes but there was a small smile on her face. As much as she complained, Raven knew she liked sitting in the tub together. Her apartment only had one shower. Raven could not understand how the woman survived without a bathtub.
“Fine,” Anya said. “Is Lex done? I wanted to say hi before we left.”
“Umm… not sure actually. I think so.”
They stared at the doors when Lexa and Clarke walked out of the hospital together. She watched for any flirtatious movements but there were none. They were talking about something which Raven assumed was work-related.
“This is starting to piss me off,” Anya said as she stared.
“What is?”
“This whole will they won’t they bullshit we have to witness.”
Raven chuckled. “Yeah, I have to live it daily,” she said. “But you know as well as I do that it’s against the rules to date…”
“Yeah, I’m aware of the rules,” she interrupted.
“Don’t get snippy with me because I’m pointing out the facts.”
“You say the same shit every time we have this conversation, Raven. You’re telling me she’s going to fire herself?”
“Anya, it’s a little more complicated than that and you know it.”
“So, now you’re against them dating?”
When Anya lost a patient, she tended to get upset more easily. She would never admit her feelings of loss, but Anya struggled more than most doctors to recover from a death. Raven wanted to know more about her emotional reaction. Asking Anya to explain would lead to another fight when she was already fragile.
“I do want them to date because I think they’re perfect for each other,” Raven said. “And because Clarke is my best friend and I actually like Lexa which is a change from the usual routine. Her last boyfriend, many years ago, was a cheating dick who I should have beat up when I had the opportunity.”
“But?” she asked.
“I also know how hospital politics and drama are correlated. I understand that dating will create waves in the entire system because every decision Clarke makes would be looked at differently. If Lexa performs a certain surgery or is promoted or given a day off, they’ll think it’s because they’re together. We know that wouldn’t be true, but everyone else will question her. They already do.”
“Whatever, Raven. Personally, I think it’s a cop-out. I think she’s scared and acting stupid.”
“Anya, please. You're talking about my best friend. She's practically my sister. She isn’t stupid.”
“Did I say she was stupid?” Anya asked, hands on her hips. She was angry, which was not surprising considering the mood she arrived in. Raven refused to walk on eggshells the entire night.
“I think I should go home,” Raven said. “You’re getting upset over Clarke and Lexa? We can’t control what they do, An.”
“I’m not getting upset,” Anya argued. Her tone suggested otherwise. “I’ll be right back, okay? Don’t leave yet.”
Raven folded her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes, but she leaned against her car rather than get inside.
Lexa and Clarke were discussing their weekend plans and determining if they were going out with Raven and Anya when her best friend appeared in the middle of the parking lot. She stopped and instinctually wrapped her hand around Clarke’s arm to make her stop as well. She dropped the hold as soon as her brain caught up with her body.
“Hey, Anya,” she greeted. “Where’s Raven?”
“Back there somewhere,” she said. “I wanted to say hi before we left. I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Well, you’ve been busy.”
Anya shrugged one shoulder. If she were a sentimental person, she guessed Anya would say not busy enough for you, but her best friend was unable to express her emotions like a normal person. Raven was the same way.
“You two are coming out with us this weekend, right?” Anya asked.
“I probably will if I’m not too exhausted,” Lexa said.
“Clarke?”
“I don’t know yet,” she said. “I’m supposed to work a double the next day.”
“Don’t you make the damn schedules?” Anya asked.
Lexa raised an eyebrow at her best friend’s tone. “What’s your problem?” she asked.
“I would like to see my best friend once every five years.”
“And I said I would probably go.”
Raven wrapped her arm around Anya’s waist and plastered a big smile on her face. Lexa glanced at Clarke to gauge her reaction which was the same look of confusion as hers. She was frustrated with Anya’s treatment of Clarke who had been nothing but kind to her since they met.
“She’s had a hard day,” Raven said. “I’ll see you both tomorrow, yeah?”
Anya rolled her eyes but followed Raven toward her car once again. Lexa had no idea what to make of their interaction. She faced Clarke fully, back to Raven and Anya, before reaching down to take Clarke’s wrist in her hand.
“I’m sorry about her,” she said.
“It’s fine. She’s never really warmed up to me anyway.”
“I have no idea why. She’s going to have to if she’s going to date your best friend.”
“I’m tougher than I look. I can handle a little attitude.”
Clarke smiled brighter than the sun as they stared at each other. Lexa had not let go of her wrist and she felt the woman’s heart pump faster. Before Lexa could do something stupid, Clarke slowly pulled her hand away. They had talked on Clarke’s porch less than a week ago. Lexa was already feeling her resolve diminish. How was she supposed to behave herself when Clarke made her feel like nothing else in the world mattered?
“I should get home,” Clarke said.
“Me too,” she said. “Goodnight, Clarke.”
“Goodnight, Lex.”
Her body buzzed the entire drive. She took a long shower as soon as she got home. She had never experienced the type of sexual frustration she felt the past week. Not even in her last relationship when they stopped having sex had she felt as desperate.
When she lay in bed that night, she wondered if Clarke was thinking about her too. She hoped she was not the only one being affected this way.