Adventure Guys

*Hell. A place for eternal damnation. An afterlife where the souls of the damned are sent when they have sinned in life. Ruled by the first fallen angel Lucifer, a man with big dreams but was sent down for the crime of unleashing evil onto the world. Now, he has lost the will to dream. But Lilith, the first woman and first wife of Adam, empowered demonkind with her voice and songs. As Hell continued to grow, Heaven grew worried of a potential uprising and enacted a harsh and drastic measure. To send angels down once a year and kill all sinners so that they could never rise up. But Lilith’s hope remained. And her dream passed down to her precious daughter, the princess of Hell.*

*At the Hazbin Hotel, Charlie Morningstar, daughter of Lucifer and Lilith, looks out the window of her room at the burning city. Just one week after the most recent extermination. She looks at a story book about Hell.*
Charlie: Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud.
*Vaggie walks in.*
Vaggie: Charlie?
*A key Charlie is holding turns into a cat and scampers off away as Charlie is startled a little.*
Charlie: Aah! Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?
Vaggie: Uh, yeah. I was right there.
Charlie: Sorry. I get pre-tty worked up after an extermination happens. The story helps…
Vaggie: I know. Don't worry, I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay?
Charlie: I'm fine. Just... thinking, ya' know? Family stuff.
Vaggie: Did you hear from your mom yet?
*Charlie shakes her head in dismay.*
Vaggie: Oof… how long has it been now?
Charlie: Not that long, only...seven....years, off doing something important, I'm sure! But, this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about.
Vaggie: Well, at least you aren't alone.
Charlie: I just hope what I'm trying to do here will work.
Vaggie: It will. I have faith in you.
*The cat, KeeKee, jumps into Charlie’s arms.*
Vaggie: Alright, come on. Alastor says he has something to show us.
*As Vaggie leaves, Charlie hears a loud bell ring coming from an angelic bell tower at the Heaven Embassy.*

*In the human World, the Going Merry sails on a clear sunny day.*
Nami: It looks like we’ve lost the wind again. If this keeps up, just getting to Little Garden is gonna take forever. We won’t be moving for a while.
Vivi: We’re starting to run out of time. We need to go.
Nami: Try not to worry so much. We’re gonna get you to Alabasta as quickly as we can. The wind will pick up soon.
Luffy: Right! Now it’s time to fish!
Karoo: Quack! Quack!
Sanji: Hey guys. Do any of you know where the bait went?
Luffy: The bait? Oh, you mean the stuff in there? Yeah, I ate that.
Sanji: You ate it?! Those were bugs!
Luffy: That right? They were good!
Usopp: Oh, yuck! That’s gross!
Morbius: You need to get your eyes checked or something, dude. You just ate a bucket full of worms.
Sanji: Well done! How are we supposed to fish now that you’ve scarfed down all our bait?!
Luffy: Try using this.
*He holds out a coconut.*
Sanji: We can’t fish with that!
Morbius: Yeah, you can’t catch fish with a coconut!
Luffy: Those are some picky fish. How about him?
*He points to Karoo.*
Sanji: That could work.
Morbius: Perhaps it'll attract some larger carnivorous species.
Luffy: REALLY!?
Karoo: Quack!
*Karoo runs around the ship with Luffy, Morbius and Sanji chasing after him.*
Luffy: Hey, get back here, bait!
*They all run over Zoro who was taking a nap.*
Zoro: Ow, damn it! Knock it off, you guys!
Nami: I guess it’s too much to ask… for you guys to be worried!
Luffy: What should we be worried about?
Sanji: Ah! You are simply beautiful when you’re angry, Nami!
Nami: Come on!
*Morbius gets a call.*
Morbius: Hello. Uh huh. Right now? But we’re… Ok, fine. We’ll be there shortly.
*He hangs up.*
Sanji: You still have your phone? I thought you got rid of it, what if the marines track it?
Morbius: VPN, Sanji. VPN…
Luffy: So who was that?
Morbius: Right. Our one eyed lady friend from Hell. She said that the radio guy has something to show and Charlie wants us to see it and give our opinion on it.
Luffy: Cool. Hey, Nami! We need to go to Hell!
Vivi: … Huh?
Nami: Again? At this time?
Morbius: it'll be quick last time!
Vivi: Um, what are they talking about?
Nami: A while ago, Luffy and Morbius got transported to Hell and apparently made some kind of deal to help their princess with some hotel or something.
Vivi: They’ve… been to Hell? You're joking right?
*Nami looks dead serious*
Vivi: … You're not joking… you can't be serious though right!?
Nami: Look, I’ll tell you later. Right now, I gotta help those two get there and help with whatever it is that Princess wants.
Vivi: How long do you suppose they’ll be gone?
Nami: I’m sure it won’t be long.
Vivi: … hell… is real
*Vivi is left to ponder the fact that Hell actually does exist. And Christianity was right the whole time*

*A tv turns on to a shot of a demon stabbing another demon to death.*
Alastor: Well, hello there, you wayward Sinner! Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do, that's why you're in Hell! But what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that?
*It then cuts to a shot of the hotel.*
Alastor: Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucifer's delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar!
*It then cuts to a shot of Charlie, who looks at the camera while Angel Dust makes bunny ears on her head and then to her interview with Katie Killjoy.*
Alastor: Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands, as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you!
*It then cuts to a shot of Husk working at the bar and Nifty killing some bugs.*
Alastor: Here we offer fun things, such as somewhat functional staff and 24-hour pest control.
*Then it cuts to Angel sitting in the palor and a support beam nearly falls on KeeKee. Angel then flips off the camera man.*
Alastor: Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident. Wow! All this, and more at the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!
*The commercial ends and Alastor turns the tv off.*
Alastor: So, what do you think?
*Charlie, Vaggie, Luffy and Morbius are surprised by the misleading commercial.*
Vaggie: I'm sorry. What the fuck was that?
Luffy: That sucked.
Morbius: Worst commercial I’ve ever seen.
Charlie: Uh, Yeah. One note, Alastor, I mean, first off, thank you so much for making this seriously amazing, but um, maybe the tone is a bit... off? We want people to want to come here. This makes it look, um…
Vaggie: Bad. The word you're looking for is bad.
Alastor: Funny. I was going for hilarious.
Vaggie: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.
Charlie: Vaggie is right, Alastor, the commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them.
Alastor: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in Hell for some time and everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself. But, you insisted on this noisy picture box advertisement. So, I had a little fun with it.
Vaggie: Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time.
Morbius: Now you guys are gonna have to make a new one.
*Angel raises his hand.*
Vaggie: What?
Angel Dust: If'n you're filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?
Vaggie: Angel, you're a porn star.
Angel: A famous porn star. I'll have the horniest sinners knocking these walls down to get in.
Vaggie: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.
Angel Dust: Why not? Sex sells, don't it?
Luffy: Uh, what exactly is porn?
*Everyone stares at Luffy and his obliviousness to anything sexual.*
Morbius: I take it you’ve never been properly educated about the birds and the bees?
Luffy: I know all about birds and bees. They have wings and they fly around and stuff.
Vaggie: That's not what… Uh! Nevermind.
Angel Dust: I swear if you film me goin' at it with mister fancy talk-creepy voice here, you'd be rollin' in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel.
Alastor: Haha! Never going to happen!
Charlie: Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but I really don't want to exploit you in that way.
Angel Dust: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity. Oh, I got the legs. The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits.
*Charlie gets a call from her dad.*
Charlie: Hold that thought! I'll be right back.
Angel Dust: I could keep going all night, baby.
Luffy: Wonder what that’s about.
*Charlie leaves to take the call.*
Charlie: Hello? Dad?
Angel Dust: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?
Alastor: Oh, trust me, I can.
*He smiles mischievously.*
Husk: Why do you think I'm here? You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcing me?
Nifty: I like being forced.
Husk: Keep that to yourself, Niff.
Angel Dust: What? You don't love being here with me, Whiskers?
Husk: Call me Whiskers again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat.
Angel Dust: Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty.
Vaggie: Angel. Let Husk do his job. And, no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.
Morbius: Yeah, you can’t exactly force redemption on people.
Angel Dust: I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?
Vaggie: Well, Maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible.
Luffy: Yeah, we came here and we got to leave.
Vaggie: That’s because you didn’t die, Luffy.
Angel Dust: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent-free. Crack is expensive.
Charlie: Yeah, I can totally, yeah. I'll head over there right away. Okay?
*She hangs up.*
Charlie: Yes... YES!
*Charlie frantically waves Vaggie over.*
Charlie: VAGGIEHOLYSHIT!
Vaggie: Ah! What?
Charlie: Get over here!
*Vaggie goes to Charlie who is jumping around in happy mode.*
Vaggie: What's going on?
Charlie: My dad just called, he said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. He asked if I could go instead.
Vaggie: But-but, the extermination just happened. What could they want this soon after-
Charlie: ♫ I can do this! Somehow, I know it! ♫
♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫
Vaggie: Charlie, hold on…
Charlie: ♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫
♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫
Vaggie: It's just a meeting.
Charlie: ♫To change their minds ♫
♫ And touch their hearts♫
♫ Or... whatever angels have! ♫
Vaggie: This could be bad…
Charlie: ♫Cheer up, Vaggie! ♫
♫ This could be swell! ♫
♫Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell! ♫
Vaggie: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.
*But Charlie is already gone.*
Angel Dust: That bitch is halfway down the street!
Vaggie: Is she-
Angel Dust: Oh, she's dancin'!
Luffy: And still singing.
Morbius: She’s entered Disney princess mode.
Vaggie: Ugh no...

*Charlie makes her way down the streets of the city, massive amounts of destruction and bodies lie everywhere as she continues to sing.*
Charlie: ♫ There's a warm, fuzzy feeling. ♫
♫ That wafts through the air. ♫
♫ Every street so revealing. It's hard not to stare! ♫
*She looks through the window of a sex dungeon and sees two demons having sex.*
Charlie: ♫ It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhеre. ♫
♫ If you don't mind the smell...♫
*She accidentally steps on a dead sinner demon but continues down the street.*
Charlie: ♫ It's a happy day in Hell! ♫ Hi, mister!
Demon 1: Go fuck yourself!
Demon 2: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul ♫
Charlie: Hello!
Demon 3: ♫ And a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole! ♫
Charlie: Ah, excuse me.
Demon 4: ♫ Doing what is required, we all have our role. ♫
Demon 5: ♫ I'm not doin' well! ♫
Demons: ♫ Another shitty day in Hell! ♫
Charlie: ♫ If I can show them the dream I've dreamed. ♫
♫ That any soul can change! ♫

*Vaggie climbs atop the watchtower of the hotel.*
Vaggie: ♫ Those angels' minds are hard to change. ♫

Charlie: ♫ Then they will know everyone can be redeemed. ♫
♫ From the evil to the strange! ♫

Vaggie: ♫ They're bloodthirsty and deranged! ♫

Charlie: ♫ I can hear all their stories. ♫
♫ The lost and displaced. ♫
♫ And I know that they're more of an acquired taste. ♫
♫ But! if I open the door and I give them a place. ♫
♫ At my Hazbin Hotel. It'll be a happy day in Hell! ♫
*Charlie climbs onto a truck and hitches a ride through a part of the Pride ring called Porn Studios.*
Charlie: ♫ From the porn studio. ♫
♫ Where the cinephiles go. ♫
♫ To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows! ♫
*It then stops at another part of the city called Cannibal Town, where Charlie gets off and continues singing.*
Charlie: ♫ To the Cannibal Town. Where they don't wear a frown 'cause. ♫
*She then stumbles upon two sinners eating a corpse of a dead demon and some of its brains gets in her eye.*
Charlie: ♫ Holy shit! Ew, my gosh! WHY?! ♫
♫ And I don't give a crow that. His brain's got in my eye! ♫
♫ Cause I know I can spare them. From Heaven's genocide! ♫
♫ I can do this, I just know it! ♫
Demon 2: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul. ♫
Charlie: ♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫
♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫
Demon 6: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole.
Charlie: ♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫
♫ To change their minds. ♫
*Suddenly, a slug like demon wearing a trenchcoat flashes his body to her.*
Flasher Demon: ♫ And touch my parts! ♫
Charlie: Uh... No thank you. I'm just gonna…
♫ Fulfill my destiny!♫
Flasher Demon: Your loss, bitch!
Charlie: ♫ I can already tell! ♫
♫ Today is gonna bе a fuckin' happy day in Hell!♫
*After finally arriving at the Heaven Embassy, Charlie enters the bell tower and finds the whole place is empty.*
Charlie: Hello! Hello? Creepy…
*She approaches the front desk and rings the bell. Which summons a a golden scroll and a feathered quill.*
Charlie: Oh, okay... Also creepy.
*After signing it, the feather and quill disappear and a door opens. Leading into a dark room. She then walks inside.*
Charlie: Uh...hello? Is anyone here?
*The lights suddenly turn on, revealing two angels sitting across a table. One being the Angel army leader, who is eating a plate of ribs, and an exorcist.*
Angel: 'Sup!
Charlie: Holy, shit! Hi, I'm Charlie. My dad asked me if I could meet you.
Angel: Yeah, I know.
Charlie: Okay, well. It's nice to meet you.
Angel: Totally. It's nice to meet you, too.
*Charlie attempts to shake his and, but it goes right through his. As it is actually a hologram.*
Angel: Ha! I fucking got you. Did you see that? Ha. Good shit.
Charlie: Uh...so, wait. You aren't here?
Angel: No, you think I'd come down there? Hahaha! No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fucking hardcore, don't get me wrong. But! it's such a bummer! man. Everything down there's just so "eugh", ya know? Ew.
Charlie: Right. So, I'm happy we've got this opportunity to meet. There's a project that I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about-
Angel: Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. We've got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm. How about lunch? You hungry? I got you. Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it.
Charlie: Uh...thanks.
*He offers a plate of ribs to Charlie. But when she tries to grab them, her hand goes right through them too.*
Angel: Hahahaha! I got you again, bitch! Hahahaha! Fuckin' hilarious!

*Back at the Hotel, everyone is gathered around for a meeting by Vaggie.*
Vaggie: Okay, so, Charlie is dealing with something very important, so while she's gone, we are making a new commercial. One that represents her vision and what we're doing here. So, we need a camera. Alastor?
*Alastor summons a 1930’s camera in her hands.*
Vaggie: A video camera?
Alastor: Hmmm.
*He then makes a modern day video camera appear in her hands.*
Vaggie: Alright! Let's do this!
Luffy: Question! Do me and Morbius have to be in it?
Vaggie: Yes, both of you need to participate.
Morbius: Ah, what? We gotta be a part of this? Why?
Vaggie: Because you’re instructors here, remember? Everyone here that plays a part in the hotel has to be in it, including you two.
Morbius: Fine. But don’t expect an Oscar worthy performance out of me. I’m not that good an actor.

*Angel and Husk are at the bar, with Husk behind the counter with the script in his hands.*
Vaggie: And… Action!
*She starts recording.*
Husk: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help you with anything?"
Angel Dust: "I've been a bad boy, and I need a big, strong daddy to put me in my place…on the path to redemption!"
Husk: "Well, you come—"
Angel Dust: "Oh, yes!"
Husk: …"to the right place."
*Vaggie stops recording.*
Vaggie: Cut! Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk, can you maybe not have the script in front of your face?
Husk: I ain't no actor! I can't memorize this shit!
Angel Dust: Well, we could improv this shit, baby cakes. Rrawwr.
*Husk pushes him off the counter.*
Husk: Whoops.
*He then begins to drink a bottle of booze.*
Vaggie: Husk, come on.

*Back with Charlie, she is bored listen to the angel leader’s stories. Especially the ones about his sex life.*
Angel: So, I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it's like, "do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick!" All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick? No way! I'm the Dick-fuckin' master! So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?
Charlie: Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam, that means you…Oh…. That explains so much.
Adam: I know. I fucking rock.
Charlie: Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir.
Adam: Call me, Dickmaster.
Charlie: Adam. You seem like a smart …well, stand up guy.
Adam: Uh-huh.
Charlie: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A- A genius!
Adam: I mean, your words, babe.
Charlie: Who would really love to put his name on something.
Adam: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!
Charlie: It's a solution to our biggest problem!
Adam: Oh, herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.
Charlie: No! Our... other biggest problem.
Adam: Oh…uh..ugly people? Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that's Earth's problem. Ummm…

*Back at the hotel, Nifty tries to repeatedly stab a bug but keeps missing.*
Nifty: Stab! Stab! Stab!
Vaggie: Alright Niffty, Niffty. Niffty! Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms", okay?
Nifty: Got it. I'm ready.
Vaggie: Action!
*Vaggie turns the camera to her and presses record. But all Nifty does is stare blankly into the camera without breathing or blinking.*
Vaggie: Uhh, cut.
*Once she stops recording, Nifty snaps out of it.*
Nifty: How was that?
Vaggie: Well, Niffty, you actually have to say the line, so let's roll again.
Nifty: Ok!
Vaggie: Action!
*But when she tries to record her dialogue again, Nifty does the same thing.*
Angel Dust: You're doing great, Vagina.
Vaggie: Cut! Alright, uhh… maybe we can try to… fix it in post.
Angel Dust: Do you even know what that means?
Vaggie: I'll figure it out!

*Vaggie looks over all the footage, which is all poorly edited and acted.*
Morbius: I’m no video expert, but in my opinion… this is even worst than Alastor’s. You somehow even included me and Luffy’s terrible take.

*Flashback*
Luffy: “Here at the Hazbin Hotel, you’ll-“
*But Luffy gets a stomach and quickly runs over to a trash can to vomit.*
Vaggie: Are you ok?
Luffy: I’m fine. Just had a bad batch of worms earlier.
Vaggie: Huh?

*Flashback end*
Vaggie: If all you’re gonna do criticize, then please leave.
Morbius: Fine by me.
*Morbius leaves her alone, but Vaggie is soon joined by Alastor.*
Alastor: Seems like you're having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?
Vaggie: Ugh, este pendejo... Why are you even here?
Alastor: For the entertainment. I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly, like you are doing now. Good job!
*Vaggie gets angry and begins recording Alastor.*
Vaggie: And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that-
*As Vaggie is panning the camera scene up to Alastor's face, the video camera glitches violently from green to red and Vaggie freaks out, dropping the sparking camera onto the floor.*
Vaggie: UGH!
Alastor: I wouldn't try that, my dear. This face was made for radio…
*Alastor’s face changes briefly to his full demon form.*
Vaggie: That's it. I don't care who or what you are. If you're staying here, you're going to make this work, because it won't be so "entertaining" to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?
Alastor: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.
Vaggie: Pfft, you think I'm that stupid, making a deal with a demon like you?
Alastor: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again. Or…Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.
Vaggie: Fine.
*Vaggie gives the video camera back to Alastor who evaporates it into thin air.*
Alastor: Now then!
*He then summons Luffy, Morbius, Angel, Husk and Nifty and dresses them all in roaring twenties clothing. He also conjures shadow demon constructs to act as the film crew.*
Vaggie: Alright everyone, let's make a fucking commercial.

*Back with Charlie, she is exasperated with another one of Adam’s rants while being oblivious to the problem Charlie is referring to.*
Adam: You know when you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check but you're like, "Hey, I thought you wanted equality."
Charlie: NO! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!
Adam: Ohh. Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered! Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?
Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.
Adam: 275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it.
*They fist pump each other.*
Charlie: Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people. You know that, right?
Adam: Oh yeah. That must suck for you! Hahahahaha!
Charlie: But these are souls...Human souls just the same as the ones you have up in heaven.
Lute: They are not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.
Charlie: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.
Lute: Angels don't make mistakes.
Charlie: You really think that.
Lute: I know that.
Adam: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin' life.
Lute: The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?
Adam: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.
Charlie: Oh, fuck!
*Charlie rushes to present her plan as fast as she can, summoning a stack of papers. Which is mainly a bunch of drawings she made to show what she’s talking about.*
Charlie: Okay, I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time, and I feel like you weren't hearing me before, so here it goes. ♫ I know Hell’s population is out of control. ♫
♫ It's a bad situation. ♫
♫ It's taking a toll. ♫
♫ If we rehab these Sinners. ♫
♫ And cleanse all their souls. ♫
♫ At my Hazbin Hotel-♫
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!
♫ Right! Extermination! ♫
♫ I know you guys fly down. ♫
♫ Just to kill once a year. ♫
♫ And it must be annoying. ♫
♫ To schlep all the way here. ♫
♫ If they join you in Heaven. ♫
♫ That trip disappears! ♫
♫ You can wave that chore farewell. ♫
♫ *deep breath* It'll be a happy day in-♫
Adam: ♫ Let me stop you right there. ♫
♫ Save us all precious time. ♫
Charlie: Ok…
Adam: ♫ If what you're suggesting. ♫
♫ Is letting them climb. ♫
♫ Up the ladder. ♫
Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates? ♫
Charlie: Well, uh-
Adam: ♫ Sorry, sweetie. But there's no defyin' their fates! ♫
♫ 'Cause Hell is forever. ♫
♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫
♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫
♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫
♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫
♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫
♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫
♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫
Charlie: Ok, but-
Adam: ♫ Just try to chillax, babe. ♫
♫ You're wasting your breath. ♫
♫ Did I hear you imply. ♫
♫ That they don't deserve death? ♫
♫ Are they Winners? ♫
♫ Are they Sinners? ♫
♫ 'Cause it's cut and dry. ♫
Charlie: Well, actually, if you take a look-
Adam: ♫ Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! ♫
♫ And when all's said and done (Said and done) ♫
♫ There's the question of fun (Fun) ♫
♫ And for those of us with Divine Ordainment. ♫
♫ Extermination is entertainment! ♫
*He plays air guitar.*
♫ Bow-now-now-nownow ♫
♫ Guitar solo, fuck yeah! ♫
♫ Bow-now-now-nownownow! ♫
*Four golden exorcist angel constructs appear and surround Charlie.*
Adam: ♫ Hell is forever. ♫
♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫
♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫
Charlie: Where the hell did you people come from?!
Adam: ♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫
♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫
♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫
♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫
♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫
*Adam then summons a golden guitar to play.*
Adam: ♫ Fuckin' Hell is forever. ♫
And it's meant to suck a lot. ♫
♫ So give up your dumb endeavor. ♫
♫ 'Cause you don't have a shot! ♫
*Charlie begins to get angry and transform into her demon form.*
Adam: ♫ Long as I've got your attention. ♫
♫ I guess I should probably mention. ♫
♫ That we've made the determination. ♫
♫ To move up the next Extermination! ♫
*He then summons a golden scroll that says, “FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT!!”*
Charlie: What?!
Adam: ♫ Can't wait a whole year. ♫
♫ To slaughter those little cunts. ♫
♫ I know it's just been a week. ♫
♫ But we'll be back in six months! ♫
*Adam then grabs Charlie, despite being a hologram, and throws her out the door.*
Charlie: Um, wait, you-you-
*But as Charlie tries to get back inside, the door closes.*
Charlie: Ugh, SHIT!

*Later, Charlie returns to the hotel. Vaggie runs up to her and hugs her.*
Vaggie: Charlie! How did it go, did they listen?
Charlie: Oh, they sure did… hear it. But, um-
Vaggie: Oh, come here! We have something exciting to show you.
Luffy: Yeah, you’re gonna like it!
Charlie: Like what?
Vaggie: Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air.
Alastor: I pulled a few limbs too, hahaha!
Charlie: Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?
Angel Dust: Yeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself.
Morbius: Luffy kept forgetting his lines, even when we were using cue cards. But aside from that, it went pretty smoothly. For the most part.
*Charlie begins to get teary eyed.*
Charlie: That's... that's amazing.
Angel Dust: Sshh, it's starting.
*Luffy eats a bowl of popcorn as the commercial plays on tv.*
Vaggie: Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel-
*But it is suddenly interrupted by a news report.*
Katie Killjoy: Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?
Tom Trench: No, what does that mean, Katie?
Katie: It means we're all royally fucked!
*It then shows the clock tower at the Heaven Embassy reducing its numbers to 176 days. Meaning only 6 months until the next extermination.*
Angel Dust: Wait, what? Why?!

*A drone scours an area of the Pride Ring and finds the corpse of an exorcist angel without head missing. The footage is relayed to Adam and Lute.*
Lute: We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!
Adam: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry. When we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!
*Adam slams his fist on the projector, smashing it to pieces. Leaving only his glowing evil smile in the dark.*