Adventure Guys

Zoro: Ah, damn it. Luffy and Morbius are trapped. I’d better go do something about it.
Igaram: Go on! Princess Vivi, you have to escape!
*Igaram shoots at Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine.*
Nefertari Vivi: Igaram!
*Mr. 5 flicks his finger, which somehow causes Igaram to be hit by an explosion. He then collapses on the ground.*
Vivi: Igaram!
Mikita: Don’t bother. Kyahahaha!
*They look up and see Miss Valentine floating in the air. She then descends and tries to kick Vivi, but misses only managing to break her hair braid, letting her hair down. Vivi tries to attack her with her peacock slashers but Miss Valentine dodges it.*
Vivi: Dirty monsters!
Mr. 9: You mean you’re really a princess, Miss Wednesday?! Oh, wow!
Vivi: A very busy princess right now, Mr. 9!
Zoro: Well, I’ve had enough fun for one night. See ya!
*Zoro runs away from the confrontation while dragging Luffy and Morbius.*
Igaram: Princess Vivi…
Vivi: Oh, Igaram. You’re hurt!
Igaram: Vivi, please… forget about me. You must get away from here. For our… homeland… If you were to be harmed, Alabasta Kingdom would suffer. Please princess, you must hurry!
*Mr. 5 picks his nose.*
Gem: If you think you can escape from us, you’re mistaken.
*Vivi spins her peacock slashers around.*
Vivi: Let’s see if you can take me!
*But then, Mr. 9 steps in front of her.*
Mr. 9: This whole princess thing is pretty confusing, but we’ve been fighting together for a long time. So get going. I’m gonna buy you some time for a head start.
Vivi: Thank you, Mr. 9.
Mr. 9: Pretty manly of me, don’t you think? Bye bye, baby! I hope you’re prepared for this!
*He then performs several front flips towards Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine.*
Gem: All that is asked of us agents is to do our jobs and to do them well. Forming such pathetic friendships is for the weak, it’s time that you learned that my nose fancy…
Mr. 9: Bloody bat!
Gem: Cannon!
*He then flicks a booger at Mr. 9 that explodes upon impact and sends him flying into the water.*
Vivi: Oh, no! Mr. 9!
Zoro: Wait, hold on a second, did that just come out of his nose?
*Igaram grabs onto Zoro’s foot.*
Zoro: Hey, what are you doing?!
Igaram: Swordsman I have a most unreasonable request, but I need someone with strength such as yours!
Zoro: Yeah, right! You gotta be kidding! Would you let go of me?!
Igaram: Both of those villains possess devil fruit powers, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them. That is why I’m begging you now. Please protect Princess Vivi of Alabasta in my place!
Zoro: Let go.
*Vivi climbs onto Karoo.*
Vivi: Karoo! Run!
*Karoo runs away with Vivi on his back.*
Mikita: And off she goes.
Gem: She won’t get very far. Let’s go, Miss Valentine.
Mikita: Right behind you, Mr. 5!
*They chase after her.*
Igaram: Surely you will be rewarded if you can deliver the princess safely to our noble home of Alabasta. I am just a humble servant, but I am begging you to do this. Please, protect the princess! I beg you!
Zoro: Forget it! I’m not helping you! Until a few minutes ago, you were still trying to kill me! What do you think I am a fool?!
Nami: So, about this reward…. I’ll take it. Alright. How does a billion dollars sound?
Zoro: Huh?! Nami?!
Igaram: Huh?! What did you say?! *Cough* Ma ma ma.
Zoro: I thought you were asleep?
Nami: Gimme some credit. Who in their right mind would go to sleep in a town that welcomed pirates like Whiskey Peak. It was all an act, a charade, a pretense. Oh, I can’t drink anymore but I have to win the contest. I’m surprised with how smart Morbius is, he couldn’t come to the same conclusion I did.
Zoro: Whatever.
Igaram: Ma ma ma.
Nami: So, why don’t you go ahead and promise us that one billion dollar reward, huh, Captain? Cause if we don’t agree to help your precious princess, then she’s probably gonna die.
Igaram: I’m just a simple soldier. I cannot promise such an immense reward.
Nami: Surely you aren’t suggesting your princess’s life is worth less than that. Right?
Zoro: Doesn't really fight fair, does she?
Igaram: I can’t promise anything, but if you’re willing to deliver the princess to Alabasta, then you had best negotiate the terms of the reward directly with her.
Nami: Heh. Which means I have to save her first, huh?
Igaram: Please understand. Her life is in danger!
Nami: Oh, alright. I’ll go ahead and save your darling princess for now. Well, Zoro, go get her!
Zoro: Screw that! No! If you want to make money, then fine, but you don’t have to involve me in it!
Nami: Don’t be stupid and stubborn. The money I make is certainly mine, but the contracts that I land benefit all of us. Why can you not see that?
Zoro: Do you seriously expect me to buy into that crap?!
Nami: What? All you really have to do here is cut up a few guys.
Zoro: Oh, really, is that all? Don’t boss me around like you do that idiot cook!
*Luffy wakes up.*
Nami: Oh, I see, you’re just afraid that you’re gonna end up losing to them.
Luffy: I don’t know.
Zoro: You wanna try saying that again, you greedy brat?!
Nami: You’re a big baby who’s afraid of losing.
Zoro: You'd better shut your mouth right now.
Luffy: Yeah. I gotta go to the bathroom.
*He starts walking away.*
Nami: Besides, did you forget? You still owe me some money from a while back.
Zoro: What? I don’t owe you anything.
Nami: Yeah, I lent you a hundred thousand dollars for some swords in Loguetown.
Zoro: And I gave you the hundred thousand back almost right away. Someone gave me the swords, so I didn’t even need your stupid money.
Nami: Maybe so, but you agreed to pay me 300%, bringing your total to $300,000.

*Flashback*
Zoro: I need to borrow some money.
Nami: Sure! For 300%.

*End flashback*
Nami: And you agreed to it, you still owe interest.
Zoro: I gave you the 100,000 back the same day! You can’t really expect me to pay you interest!
Nami: Sure can. Come on. Can’t you even keep one little promise?
Zoro: Ggrrr…
Nami: Now, just do what I say, and I’ll consider calling us even.
Zoro: Someday you’re gonna die a horrible death.
Nami: Oh, yes. And I’m sure I’ll go straight to Hell.
Zoro: Damn woman!
*He chases after Vivi and her pursuers.*
Nami: Thanks Zoro!
Zoro: Shut up!
Igaram: I’m so ashamed. If I had been stronger, I could have protected Princess Vivi like she deserves.
Nami: Oh, she’ll be fine. He looks stupid, but he’s really strong.
Igaram: If anything were to happen to Princess Vivi, the kingdom of Alabasta would be… it would be done for! She must escape! She has to…

*Karoo keeps running away from Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine with Vivi on his back.*
Vivi: Run, quickly! Run, Karoo! There’s a ship docked back behind the cactus rocks. We’re going to take it and escape from this place. Then we’ll be on our way to Alabasta.

*Meanwhile, Luffy finishes going to the bathroom.*
Luffy: Much better! Now back to sleep.
*But he sees all the people Zoro defeated laying on the ground. Unaware they’re bounty hunters.*
Luffy: What the heck happened here?!

Vivi: Hurry, Karoo!
Karoo: Quack!
*But they are blocked by an explosion.*
Vivi: Karoo, stop!
*Karoo stops in his tracks. Vivi sees the shadow of Mr. 5 from the smoke.*
Vivi: Oh, no, it’s Mr. 5. They found us! Hurry, Karoo. Move!
*They run in a different direction but pass by Miss Valentine.*
Mikita: Kyahahahaha.
Gem: It’s kinda cute that she’s trying.
*Vivi is then confronted by Miss Monday.*
Miss Monday: Miss Monday!
Karoo: Quack!
Miss Monday: Go on. You can reach the ships by going through there. I’ll stay here and hold off the others.
Vivi: You sure?
Miss Monday: After losing to that green haired swordsman, we’re all going to be punished for failing our mission anyway. At least if I do that, I can do that, I can do down while helping to protect a friend.
Vivi:…
Miss Monday: What are you waiting around here for?! If you get killed or captured, Mr. 8 and Mr. 9 will have sacrificed themselves for nothing. Now get going!
Vivi: Thank you.
*They keep going while Miss Monday stays behind to fight Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine.*
Gem: First Mr. 9 defected, and now you. Miss Monday.
*He rolls up his sleeve.*
Miss Monday: I am not going to let you pass. Because I made a promise to a friend.
Miss Valentine: Kyahahahaha. That’s adorable.
*Mr. 5 runs towards her.*
Gem: You are an utter disgrace….
*Miss Monday tries to hit him with a large wooden log, but he dodges it and clotheslines her.*
Gem: To the name of Baroque Works!
*An explosion then goes off, defeating Miss Monday again.*
Vivi: No… Miss Monday… How could they?!
Gem: That’s why they call me the Bomb Man. You see, I can make any part of my body explode, and thanks to my bomb bomb fruit power, there hasn’t been a single mission that I have failed to complete.
*Miss Valentine is now floating in the sky.*
Mikita: Kyahahahaha. And thanks to the kilo kilo fruit power that I possess, I can bury that traitor, Miss Monday, in the ground forever. I can change how much I weigh whenever I want. Right now I’m light enough to be lifted by a slight breeze. But I think it’s time to start gaining weight. Five kilograms…
*She begins to increase her body weight and descends from the sky.*
Mikita: A fight kilograms. A hundred kilograms. Five hundred. A thousand. Ten thousand kilogram press!
*Miss Valentine increases her body weight to 10,000 kilograms and falls on top of Miss Monday.*
Mikita: So, do you really still think you can escape us?
Gem: You don’t have a chance of getting out of here in one piece.
Vivi: I will survive. I will escape. I will make it back home to Alabasta.
*Mr. 5 picks his nose again.*
Gem: Take this! My nose fancy cannon!
*Mr. 5 flicks a booger at Vivi, but Zoro cuts it with his sword.*
Vivi: Mister Bushido!
*It then explodes behind them.*
Vivi: That could’ve been me!
Gem: So who is this clown?
Zoro: Aaaaahhhh! I just cut someone’s snot!
Vivi: Damn it! I don’t have time for this. Don’t you ever give up?!
*Vivi pulls out her peacock slashers, but Zoro knocks them out of her hand.*
Zoro: I’m here to help. So just calm down.
Vivi: What? You’re helping me?
Gem: Heh.

Nami: Tell me, Baroque Works. Exactly what kind of company is it.
Igaram: It’s a secret crime syndicate. It specializes in assassinations, espionage and bounty hunting. The “company” is so secretive that none of its members know the boss’s name or face, but they will still do anything that the Boss commands them to.
Nami: I don’t get it. Why would any rational person listen to some big boss who’s identity they don’t even know?
Igaram: The ultimate objective of Baroque Works is the creation of an “ideal” nation. And everyone who does well within the company now will be guaranteed high social standing within this nation. This is the promise that drives them to blindly follow.
Nami: Now that makes more sense.
Igaram: The agents all have numbers as their code names. The boss’s code name is Mr. 0. So, the closer an agent’s number is to zero, the stronger and more skilled they are, and higher their future standing will be. The agents from Mr. 5 and above are especially powerful. Incredibly so.

Mikita: I take it that you must be the swordsman who beat up all the lowly employees who were stationed out here.
Gem: Why would you want to protect the princess of Alabasta?
Zoro: Let’s just say that I have my own reasons.
Gem: Well, one way or another, we’re gonna have to eliminate you. You see. You’re in our way.
Mikita: Kyahahaha! Aw, what a shame.
*But as Zoro prepares to fight the Baroque Works agents, they are found by Luffy.*
Luffy: I found you! Zoro!
Mikita: What is it now?
Zoro: Luffy! Thanks for coming but I got this one. Unless that greedy brat dragged you into this, too.
Luffy: You are gonna pay for what you did! I’ll kill you!
Zoro: What?! What kind of nonsense have you gotten into your head this time?!
Luffy: Shut up and get ready! Because I’m about to kick your ungrateful little ass!
Zoro: Un…grateful?
Luffy: That’s right.

*Flashback*
Luffy: What happened? Who did this to you?
Bounty Hunter: It was that friend of yours… The mean swordsman with the green hair.
Luffy: Zoro?

*End flashback*
Luffy: Everyone here was nothing but nice to us. They welcomed us and threw us a party and they gave us food, and you repaid them by cutting them all up with those swords of yours!
Zoro: Yeah, but… There’s something you don’t know.
Luffy: Just shut up, and fight me!
Vivi: This guy’s just a complete idiot.
Karoo: Mm.
Gem: Heh. And now they’re fighting amongst themselves. How pathetic.
Mikita: Kyahahaha. If we wait long enough maybe they’ll kill each other and we won’t have to bother with them.
Zoro: Hold on Luffy. Can you just listen to me for a second? They were actually-
Luffy: No excuses!
*Luffy jumps towards Zoro with intent to attack him.*
Zoro: Wait! No!
*Luffy tries to punch Zoro but misses and hits a rock instead.*
Zoro: You trying to kill me?!
Luffy: Uh huh! Die!
Zoro: Damn it, listen!
*He then tries to kick Zoro, but he moves out of the way and kicks a rock. He then tries to ram himself into Zoro but misses again.*
Zoro: He’s gone crazy! Luffy, stop this!
*Luffy continues trying to hit Zoro for fighting the bounty hunters.*
Mikita: Well, Mr. 5. It looks like they’re too busy beating each other up to cause us any trouble.
Gem: Apparently. So why don’t we leave those two idiots to the fight, while we do the job that we were sent here to complete. Eliminating Princess Vivi of Alabasta.
Luffy: Hey, tough guy, quit running away.
Zoro: Listen to me!
Gem: Shall we, Miss Valentine?
Mikita: Yes, Mr. 5.
*They charge towards Vivi.*
Zoro: Quit screwing around, damn it!
*Zori kicks Luffy away, causing his large body to fly backwards and crash into Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine. And then they all crash into a wall.*
Zoro: Ya dumbass!

Gem: Now you and your friend have really managed to get in the way of our plans.
Mikita: What happened? What’s going on?
Gem: Since you two want to kill each other so badly, I tell you what. We’re gonna do you a favor. We’ll kill you both ourselves. Ok?

*Zoro and Vivi see explosions from afar where Luffy and the Baroque Works agents crashed. They then see Miss Valentine float high into the air.*
Mikita: Now I’m really annoyed! I hope you’re ready to experience my kilo kilo fruit power! Kyahahaha! Prepare to be smashed into a thousand tiny pieces and buried a hundred meters in the ground.
Vivi: Mister Bushido! You have to get out of the way-
Zoro: Be quiet. I have more important things to worry about right now.

*Luffy finishes beating up Mr. 5 and returning his body to normal size.*
Luffy: That was a good workout. I’ve finally managed to digest some of that food.
Vivi: He… He fought Mr. 5… and won?! He took out one of Baroque Works’ best agents!
Luffy: Alright, now let’s finish this.
Zoro: Ok, Luffy. Just calm down.
Mikita: Here I come!
Zoro: Everyone who lives here in Whiskey Peak is really a bounty hunter. Which makes them our enemies.
Mikita: Hey, pay attention to me, you Jackass!
Luffy: You’re just lying! Enemies wouldn’t give us tasty food, would they?!
Mikita: Taste my 10,000 kilogram press! Kyahahahaha!
*She increases her body weight to 10,000 kilograms and begins falling towards Zoro.*
Zoro: Fine, then.
*But he moves out of the way a little, causing Miss Valentine to miss and crash into the ground instead.*
Zoro: It doesn’t look like there’s any sense in trying to talk to you.
*Zoro puts in his bandana.*
Zoro: You know, you’re really a moron. This time I’m not gonna hold back. It’ll be your own fault if you die.
Luffy: Sounds good to me!
Vivi: Just a sec. What’s going on here? I thought you guys were on the same side!
Luffy: Ready for my gum gum…
*While Luffy runs towards Zoro, he stretches his arms back.*
Zoro: Oni…
*Zoro charges at Luffy with all three swords in hand and mouth.*
Luffy: Bazooka!
Zoro: Giri!
*They both strike the other with their attacks, but end up colliding with each other.*
Zoro: Let’s see which one’s stronger. Your rubber hands of my steel, whaddya say?
Luffy: Yeah, let’s settle this once and for all. Tastu maki!
*Zoro spins his swords to create a small dragon shaped tornado to blow Luffy away.*
Luffy: Gum gum pistol!
*Luffy punches Zoro in the face. They both crash into walls facing apart from each other.*
Vivi: Well now what am I supposed to do? I don’t know how safe we’ll be going through there.
*Vivi and Karoo try to walk away but are spooked by Luffy and Zoro getting back up and attacking each other again. Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine manage to recover at the same time.*
Gem: Damn it. Those two are making fools out of us all on our own turf. The name of Baroque Works will be shamed if we fail in our mission here.
Mikita: Mr. 5, we can still defeat them. We haven’t failed yet.
Gem: Let’s go, Miss Valentine.
Mikita: Right, Mr. 5.
*They both run towards Luffy and Zoro as they continue fighting.*
Gem: You can’t beat us! Prepare to die at the hands of Baroque Works officer agents!
Luffy and Zoro: Shut up and go away. You’re interfering with our fight!
*They then punch Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine out unconscious.*