Adventure Guys

Security Guard: You fell out of the sky.
*Bruce Banner wakes up, in human form. He looks around and sees that he’s sitting in a pile of debris after crashing through the roof of a building and without any clothes on.*
Bruce: Did I hurt anybody?
Security Guard: There's nobody around here to get hurt. You did scare the hell out of some pigeons though.
Bruce: Lucky.
Security Guard: Or just good aim. You were awake when you fell.
Bruce: You saw?
Security Guard: The whole thing, right through the ceiling. Big and green and buck ass nude. Here…
*He tosses Bruce some clothes.*
Security Guard: I didn't think those would fit you until you shrunk down to a regular size fella.
Bruce: Thank you.
Security Guard: Are you an alien?
Bruce: What?
Security Guard: From outer space, an alien?
Bruce: No.
Security Guard: Well then, son, you've got a condition.

*In the medical bay on the Helicarrier, Clint is strapped down and tries to fight Loki’s mind control.*
Natasha: Clint, you're gonna be alright.
Clint: You know that? Is that what you know? I got...I got no window. I have flushed him out.
Natasha: You gotta level out. It's gonna take time.
Clint: You don't understand. Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Pull you out and send something else in? Do you know what it's like to be unmade?
Natasha: You know that I do.
Clint: Why am I back? How did you get him out?
Natasha: Cognitive recalibration. I hit you really hard in the head.
*She begins to unstrap him.*
Clint: Thanks. Natasha, how many agents-
Natasha: Don't. Don't do that to yourself, Clint. This is Loki. This is monsters and magic and nothing we were ever trained for.
Clint: Loki, did he get away?
Natasha: Yeah. I don't suppose you know where?
Clint: I didn't need to know. I didn't ask. He's gonna make his play soon though. Today.
Natasha: We gotta stop him.
Clint: Yeah? Who's we?
Natasha: I don't know. Whoever's left.
Clint: Well, if I put an arrow in Loki's eye socket, I'd sleep better I suppose.
Natasha: Now you sound like you.
Clint: But you don't. You're a spy, not a soldier. Now you want to wade into a war. Why? What did Loki do to you?
Natasha: He didn't, I just…
Clint: Natasha.
Natasha: I've been compromised. I got red in my ledger. I would like to wipe it out.

*Morbius sips a blood bag from the medical bay.*
Morbius: Hey, sorry again for going all crazy on you.
Luffy: No need to apologize. It happens.
Morbius: It’s funny. When you said you’d let me drink your blood if I needed to, I didn’t think you would actually do it.
Luffy: I always keep my word.
Morbius: That you do… Shame about what happened to Agent Coulson. We may not have started out on great terms when we first met him, but he was just doing his job.
Luffy: Yeah. Which is another gotta stop Loki.
Morbius: You’re not serious? Loki lured us all into a trap and we fell for it. Banner and Thor are who knows where and Nick Fury is probably going to arrest us. And you want to fight an army of aliens from outer space to avenge a guy we barely knew?
Luffy: It’s not just that, Morbius. If Loki wins, then everyone we know could either die or be his slaves. People like Loki are the kind of people I hate the most. People who think they’re above everyone else and think they’re gods.
Morbius: But he is a god, Luffy. He’s the Norse god of mischief.
Luffy: All the more reason to kick his ass. I’m gonna defeat Loki or die trying.
Morbius:… Well, if you’re dead set on going on a suicide mission then I guess there wouldn’t any reason not to bring me along. After all, gotta make sure the captain comes back.
Luffy: Thanks.
Morbius: I hope the others still have some fight in them.

*In the detention level, Tony looks down at the closed doors where the cell container used to be.*
Steve: Was he married?
Tony: No. He was a uh...cellist, I think.
Steve: I'm sorry. He seemed like a good man.
Tony: He was an idiot.
Steve: Why? For believing?
Tony: For taking on Loki alone.
Steve: He was doing his job.
Tony: He was out of his league. He should have waited. He should have…
Steve: Sometimes there isn't a way out, Tony.
Tony: Right. I’ve heard that before.
Steve: Is this the first time you've lost a soldier?
Tony: WE ARE NOT SOLDIERS! I am not marching to Fury's fife!
Steve: Neither am I! He's got the same blood on his hands as Loki does. Right now we've got to put that aside and get this done. Now Loki needs a power source, if we can put together a list-
Tony: He made it personal.
Steve: That's not the point.
Tony: That is the point. That's Loki's point. He hit us all right where we live. Why?
Steve: To tear us apart.
Tony: Yeag, divide and conquer of great but he knows he has to take us out to win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us and he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.
Steve: Right, me and Luffy caught his act at Stuttgart.
Tony: Yeah. That's just a preview, this is opening night. And Loki's a full-tilt diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered…
*Tony realizes something.*
Tony: Son of a bitch.

*Atop Stark Tower in New York City, Dr. Selvig works on the CMS machine, almost prepared to be activated.*

*Steve enters the medical bay.*
Steve: Time to go.
Natasha: Go where?
Steve: I'll tell you on the way. Can you fly one of those jets?
*Clint walks out of the bathroom.*
Clint: I can.
*Natasha nods to Steve, assuring him that Barton is back on their side.*
Steve: You got a suit?
Clint: Yeah.
Steve: Then suit up.

*Thor picks up Mjolnir and summons large thunderclouds, which then makes lightning strike the hammer.*

*Steve picks up his shield and helmet.*

*Tony repairs his Iron Man helmet, its eyes glowing once he’s finished.*

*Natasha attaches a glove gauntlet to her wrist.*

*Clint loads his quiver with arrows.*

*Luffy eats a large drumstick of meat while Morbius slurps a packet of blood.*

*Captain America, Luffy, Morbius, Black Widow and Hawkeye approach a Quinjet.*
Pilot: Hey, you guys aren’t authorized to be here-
Captain America: Son... just don't.

*Nick Fury looks over Coulson’s Captain America Trading Cards on the bridge.*
Hill: Sir.
Fury: Agent Hill?
Hill: Those cards, they were in Coulson's locker, not in his jacket.
Fury: They needed the push.
*He then sees a Quinjet and the Iron Man suit leave the Helicarrier.*
Agent: We have an unauthorized departure from Bay 6.
Fury: They found him. Get our communications back up, whatever you have to do. I want eyes on everything.
Hill: Yes, sir.

*Tony uses his suit to fly to Stark Tower. It having minor malfunctions as he approaches the building.*
JARVIS: Sir, I took off the arc reactor, but the device is already self-sustained.
Iron Man: Shut it down, Dr. Selvig.
Erik: It's too late! She can't stop now. She wants to show us something! A new universe.
Iron Man: Okay.
*Iron Man shoots repulsor beams at the CMS machine, but an energy surrounding it bounces them off. Knocking him back a little.*
JARVIS: The barrier is pure energy. It's unbreachable.
Iron Man: Yeah, I got that. Plan B.
*He looks down on the balcony and sees Loki.*
JARVIS: Sir, the Mark 7 is not ready for deployment.
Iron Man: Then skip the spinning rims. We're on the clock.
*He lands the balcony and has the suit removed piece by piece as he and Loki enter the penthouse.*
Loki: Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity.
Tony: Uh actually, I'm planning to threaten you.
Loki: You should have left your armor on for that.
Tony: Yeah, it's seen a bit of mileage. You've got the blue stick of destiny. Would you like a drink?
*He walks over behind the minibar.*
Loki: Stalling me won't change anything.
Tony: No, no, no! Threatening. No drink? You sure? I'm having one.
Loki: The Chitauri are coming, nothing will change that. What have I to fear?
Tony: The Avengers. It's what we call ourselves. We’re sort of like a team. “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” type of thing.
*He pours a glass of whiskey.*
Loki: Yes, I've met them.
Tony: Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But, let's do a head count here. Your brother, the demigod; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a wanted pirate with rubber band talent, count Dracula's real life counterpart, a couple of master assassins, and you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them.
*He secretly slips on a small bracelet.*
Loki: That was the plan.
Tony: Not a great plan. When they come, and they will, they'll come for you.
Loki: I have an army.
Tony: We have a Hulk.
Loki: I thought the beast had wandered off.
Tony: You're missing the point. There's no throne, there is no version of this, where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it.
Loki: How will your friends have time for me, when they're so busy fighting you?
*Loki places his scepter on Tony’s chest in an attempt to mind control him, but it doesn’t work because of the Arc Reactor. He tries it again but it still doesn’t work.*
Loki: This usually works.
Tony: Well, performance issues. You know? Not uncommon. One out of five-
*Loki grabs Tony by the throat and tosses him aside.*
Tony: Jarvis. Anytime now.
*Loki picks him up again.*
Loki: You will all fall before me.
Tony: Deploy! Deploy!
*Loki throws Tony out the window. But a red pod flies out the window and scans Tony’s bracelet. The pod then attaches itself to Tony and transforms into the Mark 7 Iron Man armor, saving his life. He then flies back up to the penthouse floor.*
Iron Man: And there's one other person you pissed off! His name was Phil.
*Loki aims his scepter at him, But Iron Man shoots a repulsor beam at him. However, the CMS machine activates, creating a large portal in the sky for which the Chitauri are able to enter. They fly down on chariots and armed energy rifles.*
Iron Man: Right. Army.
*Iron Man flies up and begins shooting at several of the chariots and soldiers with repulsor beams and missiles. But more keep going through the portal and begin firing upon the civilians. Loki manifests his armor and watches the Chitauri attack the people of New York. Thor lands on the balcony.*
Thor: Loki! Turn off the Tesseract or I'll destroy it!
Loki: You can't. There is no stopping it. There is only the war!
Thor: So be it.
*The two brothers fight each other, destroying one of the letters on top of the tower.*

*Several police vehicles arrive as more and more Chitauri keep firing upon the city. Luckily, the Quinjet containing the team arrives.*
Luffy: Woah, look at that!
Morbius: Guessing Loki opened that space portal and brought that alien army.
Black Widow: Stark, we're on your three heading north east.
Iron Man: What? Did you stop for drive-thru? Swing up Park, I'm gonna lay 'em out for you.
*He banks around the tower and swoops down, making some Chitauri craft crash. Black Widow then uses the mini gun on the Quinjet to take out some more of the Chitauri craft.*
JARVIS: Sir, we have more incoming.
Iron Man: Fine. Let's keep them occupied.
*The Quinjet continues shooting more Chitauri ships at the same time as Thor and Loki are fighting.*
Hawkeye: Nat?
Black Widow: I see him.
*She shoots the mini gun at Loki, but he shoors the Quinjet with his scepter.*
Morbius: We’re hit!
*Thor gets angry and tackles Loki. The Quinjet begins losing altitude.*
Luffy: We’re gonna crash!
*The Quinjet drops down from the sky and crashes in the street.*
Morbius: Is everyone ok?
Luffy: I’m good.
*Everyone gets out.*
Captain America: We got to get back up there!
*As they head towards the tower, they see not just more Chitauri ships emerging from the portal but a large flying Leviathan like creature.*
Luffy: Holy cow!
Morbius: That ain't no sea cow…
*Chitauri soldiers clinging onto it eject themselves from the Leviathan and land inside several buildings to attack people.*
Morbius: Great. This job just got a whole lot harder.
Captain America: Stark, are you seeing this?
*Iron Man flies beside the Leviathan.*
Iron Man: Seeing. Still working on believing. Where's Banner? Has he shown up yet?
Captain America: Banner?
Iron Man: Just keep me posted. Jarvis, find me a soft spot.

Thor: Look at this! Look around you! You think this madness will end with your rule?
Loki: It's too late. It's too late to stop it.
Thor: No. We can. Together.
*But Loki pulls out his dagger and stabs Thor.*
Loki: Sentiment.
*Thor grabs onto Loki’s horns and then kicks him in the head. He then picks Loki up and slams him on the floor, making him drop his scepter. However, Loki rolls off the edge of the building and lands on a Chitauri chariot that flies by.*

*The team on the ground hides behind a taxi.*
Hawkeye: We’ve got civilians trapped up here.
Luffy: Look!
*Loki and a few other chariots pass them.*
Captain America: Loki.
*They then begin to fire upon the citizens.*
Captain America: They’re fish in a barrel down there.
Morbius: We gotta help them.
*Several Chitauri soldiers appear and begin firing upon them. Black Widow and Hawkeye pull out their weapons.*
Black Widow: We got this. It's good. Go!
Captain America: You think you can hold them off?
Hawkeye: Captain.
*The quiver selects an arrow head.*
Hawkeye: It would be my genuine pleasure.
*He pulls out the arrow and shoots it at Chitauri. It then fires projectiles that hit other Chitauri soldiers.*
Luffy: Glad to have you on our side!
*Captain America, Luffy and Morbius jump off a bridge and land on a bus. They are soon greeted by two Chitauri.*
Luffy: Gum gum pistol!
*Luffy punches one of them while Morbius leaps at the other and slashes its throat out. While Black Widow shoots several Chitauri with pistols, Hawkeye helps several people get out of a bus before assisting her.*
Black Widow: Just like Budepest all over again!
Hawkeye: You and I remember Budapest very differently.
*As the other three keep running, several police officers shoot at the Chitauri chariots but have no effect.*
Police Officer 1: It’s gonna be an hour before they can scramble the National Guard.
Police Officer 2: National Guard? Does the army know what's happening here?
Police Officer 1: Do we?
*Captain America jumps in front of them.*
Captain America: You need men in these buildings. There are people running into the line of fire. You take them through the basement or through the subway. You keep them off the streets. I need a perimeter as far back as 39th.
Police Officer 2: Why the hell should I take orders from you?
*Some Chitauri soldiers appear and attack him: but Captain America is easily able to fight them with his shield.
Police Officer 2: I need men in those buildings. Lead the people down and away from the streets. I need a perimeter as far back as 39th.

*Iron Man swerves around a building and faces the Leviathan. He then fires multiple mini rockets at it, causing the creature to follow him.*
Iron Man: Well, we got it’s attention. What the hell is step two?!