Adventure Guys

*Later that day, the royal family limousine drives Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Luffy and Morbius back to the hotel. Angel plays with the car window while Vaggie is visibly angry at him.*
Angel Dust: ...What?
Vaggie: What?", "WHAT?!" What were you DOING?!
Angel Dust: I owed my girl buddy a solid! Isn't that a "redeeming quality"? Helping friends with stuff?
Vaggie: Not with turf wars that result in territorial genocide!
Angel Dust: Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred. Ehahahahahah! It wasn't that bad, anyway.
Morbius: Maybe not for you. But I was trampled by a bunch of talking eggs. And I’m allergic to eggs.
Angel Dust: Sucks for you.
Vaggie: And you two, we told you to stay out of trouble and not cause a scene!
Morbius: I mean, the snake fella was starting to get the upperhand a bit, it was a tactical strategy-
*She hits Morbius in the head.*
Vaggie: I don’t give a shit!
Angel Dust: Heh. Maybe you losers can take the heat off me.
*He continues playing with the window roller but Vaggie throws a knife into it.*
Angel Dust: Aw, come on! I had to! My credibility was on the line! I mean, what kind of reputation would I have if people found out I was tryna go clean? It just throws out my entire persona!
Vaggie: Your credibility? What about the hotel's?! Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!
Angel Dust: No, no, no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look... uh, sad! And pathetic! Like an orphan... with no arms... or legs... Oh! With progeria! Great! Now I'm bummed thinkin' about it! This thing have any liquor?
*He begins to look around the limousine.*
Vaggie: Can you please just try to take this seriously?!
Angel Dust: Fine, I'll try. Just don't get your taco in a twist, baby!
Vaggie: Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?!
Angel Dust: Whatever pisses you off more. Is there seriously no liquor in here?!
Vaggie: I'm gonna kill 'im.
Angel Dust: Too late, toots. Wait! Would that make me double dead? Hah, and where exactly do I go? To Double Hell? Hahahahahahahaha! Sorry, you're stuck with me, bitch, get used to it
Vaggie: ¡Con una mierda, malparido hijo de-!
Luffy: Man, she can get just as angry as Nami.
Angel Dust: Listen, who cares if some jack-offs got hurt? Most of 'em are ugly freaks. Look around! You got a bunch a fuckin' Harlequin babies down here!
Vaggie: You're one to talk.
Morbius: You’re not exactly gonna attract anyone in the living world any time soon. Especially with Arachnophobia.
Luffy: Yeah, you’re weird looking.
Angel Dust: Hey! This body is flawless! Everyone wants summa me, and I've got the creepy fan letters to prove it!
*He takes out a fan letter from his chest fluff.*
Vaggie: Grrr…
Charlie: That was really uncool, y'know, Angel.
Vaggie: "Uncool"?! After that train-wreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel! All thanks to you and your selfish bullshit!
Angel Dust: Does that mean I don't have a free room anymore?
*Vaggie motions "What do you think?"*
Angel Dust: Ah...well, shucks.
Charlie: Hey, come on. *We don't know if things are over yet! Try to relax, Vaggie. I-it'll be okay!
Luffy: We all have bad days. But I’m sure you guys will get through it.
Morbius: Luffy’s right. We’ve faced some difficult obstacles on our journey as pirates. But we overcame them. I’m sure you’ll do the same.

*They all return to the hotel. Vaggie still irritated by the boys’ actions. Angel rummages through the fridge and finds a box of popsicles.*
Angel Dust: Eh, it's probably a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y'know, to feed all the wayward souls you got in here! Ahahaha! Ahaha...! eh... ah…
*He tries to comfort Charlie but backs away. Charlie then exits the hotel and tries to call her mother. But she only gets her voicemail.*
Charlie: Hey, mom. I know I keep calling and you must be busy... Really busy... But, um, the interview didn't go well, and... I don't know if I'm ever going to make a difference. I don't know what I'm doing. I could really use some advice, mom. I... I think dad was right about me... Ahah, oof. Eh, anyway… I'll stop talking before this gets long. Love you, bye…
*She then hangs up enters back into the building.*
Morbius: You ok, there?
Charlie: Yeah, I’m fine…
Luffy: Doesn’t sound like you are. Anything wrong?
Charlie: Well… you guys know who my dad is. But I didn’t tell you about my mom.
Morbius: Oh yeah, there's gotta be a lucky or unlucky girl.
Luffy: Who is she?
Charlie: Lilith.
Morbius: Lilith? you mean… THAT Lilith?
Charlie: Yeah.
Luffy: Who’s Lilith?
Morbius: Well according to Jewish folklore, Lilith was the first ever woman. Created to be Adam's wife. But when she betrayed Adam she was casted out and turned into a demon.
Charlie: Not entirely true. Adam and Lilith were created to be equal. But Adam wanted more control. And Lilith just wanted to be more free and equal with Adam!
Luffy: Oh, so she just wanted to be free! Wait… If she turned into a demon what happened to women?
Morbius: God created Eve, another woman for Adam. They were set to live in paradise. Then they both ate the forbidden fruit, when Lucifer told them to eat from the tree of knowledge.
Charlie: It wasn't just Lucifer. My mom was there too. They both gave her the forbidden fruit. My dad was always filled with ideas and dreams for creation. It inspired me a lot. Even if I wasn’t all that close to him. But when I told him I wanted to open the hotel… he wasn’t as suppprtive as I thought he’d be.
Luffy: What a jerk.
Charlie: Though, I don’t entirely blame him. The other angels thought of him as a trouble maker before he was banished. And the hotel isn’t garnering a lot of attention as I hoped.
Morbius: Now Angels exist!? HEAVEN EXISTS!? Does God exist!?
Charlie: … you mean to tell me after all this time you didn't put 2 and 2 together!?
Morbius: Well does it!?
Charlie: Everything else yes… Though, God himself… Come to think of it I've never heard from him aside from the old texts…
Morbius: Mmmm. Okay, well scratch that. What about your mom? What does she think about your goals?
Charlie: I haven’t seen her in a long time. So I don’t know. What do your parents think of your dreams!
Luffy: I don’t have any. At least, I don’t think I do.
Morbius: My mom died. And I was raised by nuns in an orphanage/hospital in Greece.
Charlie: Oh…
Morbius: But hey, just because your dad isn’t supportive of your dream for the hotel doesn’t mean he never will. I know I don't know who my father was but I'm sure he'd be like that!
Luffy: Yeah. He’ll probably come around to it sometime soon.
Charlie: I suppose so.
Morbius: Now if you’ll excuse us, me and Luffy are off to find rooms that don’t have asbestos.
*They walk off while Charlie leans against the door. Suddenly, she feels a knocking against it. She cautiously opens it to find a tall mysterious stranger at the doorstep.*
???: Hel-
*Charlie shuts the door in front of him before opening it again.*
???: -lo!
*She slams the door again.*
Charlie: Hey, Vaggie?
Vaggie: Whaaaat?
Charlie: The Radio Demon is at the door!
Vaggie: What?!
Angel Dust: Uh... who?
Luffy: She said someone called the Radio Demon is outside.
Morbius: Is it an actual sentient Radio?
Charlie: What should I do?!
Vaggie: Uh, well- Don't let him in!
*But she decides to let him in anyway.*
???: May I speak now?
Charlie: You may…
???: Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart! Quite a pleasure! Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on a picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929! Hahahahaha, sooo many orphans…
*Vaggie holds a spear up to him.*
Vaggie: Stop right there, cabrón hijo de perra! I know your game and I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone here, you pompous cheesy talk show shitlord!
Alastor: Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here…
*He starts taking in a more demonic appearance.*
Alastor: I would've done so already…
*All of them are frightened but Alastor returns into his normal form.*
Alastor: No! I'm here because I want to help!
Charlie: Say what, now?
Alastor: Help! Hahaha, hello? Is this thing on? Testing, testing!
Microphone: Well, I heard you loud and clear!
Morbius: Did that mic just talk?
Charlie: Um, you want to help? With...?
Alastor: This ridiculous thing you're trying to do! This hotel! I want to help you run it.
Charlie: Buuut... why?
Alastor: Hahaha, why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom! I've lacked inspiration for decades. My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless! I've come to crave a new form of entertainment! Hahaha!
Charlie: Does getting into a fistfight with a reporter count as entertainment...?
Alastor: Hahaha! It's the purest kind, my dear: Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment.
Charlie: So, does this mean you think it's possible to rehabilitate a demon?
Alastor: Hahahahaha! Of course not! That's wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! No, no, no, no. I don't think there's anything left that could save such loathsome sinners! The chance given was the life they lived before, the punishment is this! There is no undoing what is done!
Charlie: So, then. Why do you wanna help me if you don't believe in my cause?
Alastor: Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself! I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure!
Charlie: Riiiight.
Alastor: Yes, indeedy! I see big things coming your way and who better to help you than I?
Luffy: That guy sure does talk funny.
Angel Dust: Uh, so... uh, what's the deal with Smiles over there?
Vaggie: Wait, you've never heard of him before? You've been here longer than me!
*But he has no idea who Alastor is.*
Vaggie: The Radio Demon. One of the most powerful beings Hell has ever seen?
Angel Dust: Eh, not big on politics.
Morbius: That freako is a politician.
Vaggie: No, he’s an Overlord.
Luffy: What’s an Overlord?
Vaggie: They’re powerful sinner demons that control territory in Hell. And they gain their status by collecting souls. Mostly by making deals.
Morbius: And I’m guessing that guy is supposed to be the baddest of them all or something?
Vaggie: In a manner of speaking, yes.
Morbius: I mean I wouldn't be surprised if politicians would be in hell, but I am a bit surprised by the concept of Overlords. Why and how is he the baddest?
Vaggie: Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell, seemingly overnight. He began to topple Overlords who have been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his carnage all throughout Hell just so everyone could witness his ability. Sinners started calling him "The Radio Demon" (as lazy as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing's for sure: He's an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we can't risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased!
Angel Dust: Ya done? He looks like a strawberry pimp.
Vaggie: Well, I don't trust him!
Angel Dust: To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?
*Vaggie pulls Charlie away from Alastor.*
Vaggie: Charlie, listen to me. You can't believe this creep! He isn't just a happy face! He's a deal-maker! Pure evil! He can't be redeemed! ...And is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we're trying to do!
Charlie: I... we don't know that! Look, I know he's bad, and I know he probably doesn't wanna change, but the whole point of this is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better! Like how we’re giving Luffy and Morbius a chance to help us. How can I turn someone away? I can't. It goes against everything I'm trying to do. Everything I believe in. Just... trust me. I can take care of myself!
Vaggie: Charlie, whatever you do, do not make a deal with him!
Charlie: Don't worry, I picked up one thing from my dad! "You don't take shit from other demons!" Okay, so, Al. You're sketchy as fuck and you clearly see what I'm trying to do here as a joke. But, I don't. I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I'm taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no... tricks or voodoo strings attached.
Alastor: So, it's a deal, then?
*As he extends his hand, green energy bursts throughout the hotel.*
Charlie: Nope! No shaking! No deals!
Morbius: How’s she supposed to get him to cooperate if she won’t make a deal?
Charlie: I... hmm... As princess of Hell and heir to the throne, I, uh, hereby order that you help with this hotel. For as long as you desire. Sound fair?
Alastor: Hmm… Fair enough!
Charlie: Cool beans.
Luffy: I guess that’s how.
Alastor: Hmm hm hmm hmm... Smile, my dear! *He tickles the underside of Vaggie’s chin, annoying her.*
Alastor: You know you're never fully dressed without one! So where is your hotel staff?
Charlie: Uh, well-
*She looks over at Vaggie.*
Alastor: Ohohoho, you're going to need more than that.
Charlie: Well, there’s also our two new teachers.
*He looks over at Luffy and Morbius.*
Charlie: They’ll be helping me with lessons on how to be winners from time to time.
Alastor: Ah, the mortals. I remember your faces on that technical monstrosity you call television.
Morbius: You mean the tv?
Alastor: Of course. It’s been some time since I’ve seen regular non demon folk. Especially ones who look rather tasty…
*Morbius is frightened while Luffy is unphased.*
Morbius: Uuuuh, hehe, I'm sure uh…
Alastor: But, I suppose Princess Charlie wouldn’t like it if I started eating her staff. This isn’t the donner party after all.
Luffy: Wait, does that guy eat people?
Morbius: From now on, we should watch our backs when that psycho is around us.
Alastor: And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?
Angel Dust: I can suck your dick!
Alastor: HAH! No.
Angel Dust: Your loss.
Alastor: Well, this just won't do! I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up.
*Alastor snaps his fingers, which lights up the fireplace and summons a small cyclops demon covered in soot. Once its eye open up, the soot is gone.*
Morbius: The fuck?
Alastor: This little darling is Niffty!
Niffty: Hi, I'm Niffty! It's nice to meet you! It's been a while since I've made new friends! Why're you all women?
*She lifts Charlie.*
Niffty: Are there any men here? I'm sorry, that's rude.
*She spots Luffy and Morbius.*
Niffty: Oh, men! Oooh, man! This place is filthy! It really needs a lady's touch! Which is weird because most of you are ladies, no offense. Oh, my gosh! This is awful!
*She begins cleaning the room at a fast pace.*
Niffty: Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!
Luffy: That little girl is weird.
*A winged cat demon is then summoned.*
???: Hah! Read 'em and weep, boys! Full Ho-
*His field of vision is then distorted by illusions.*
???: tel? What the fuck is this?
*He sees Alastor.*
???: You!
Alastor: Ah, Husker, my good friend! Glad you could make it!
Husk: Don't you "Husker" me, you son of a bitch! I was about to win the whole damn pot!
Alastor: Good to see you too!
Luffy: Hey, he looks like that talking cat from that book. What was its name again?
Morbius: The Cat in the Hat?
Luffy: Yeah, that one. He looks like that cat.
Morbius: Or his grumpier cousin.
Husk: What the hell do you want with me this time...?
Alastor: My friend, I am doing some charity work so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that's okay!
Husk: thought it'd be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere?! You think I'm some kind of fucking clown?!
Alastor:… Maybe!
Husk: I ain't doing no fucking charity job.
Alastor: Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment!
*He shows a new bar he made with his demonic magic.*
Alastor: With your charming smile and welcoming energy, this job was made for you! Don't worry my friend, I can make this more welcoming! ...If you wish.
*He makes a bottle of Cheap Booze appear out of nowhere.*
Husk: What? You think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?! ...Well, you can!
*He starts drinking it.*
Vaggie: Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! No! No bar, no alcohol! This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of mouth…brothel…man cave!
*Angel launches himself at Vaggie.*
Angel Dust: SHUT UP! SHUT! UP! We are keeping this!
*He then attempts to flirt with Husk.*
Angel Dust: Hey.
Husk: Go fuck yourself.
Angel Dust: Only if you watch me!
Luffy: We outta being Zoro here. He’d love this place.
Morbius: He would love the free booze.
Charlie: Oh, my gosh! Welcome to the Happy Hotel! You are going to love it here!
Husk: I lost the ability to love years ago.
Alastor: So, whaddaya think?
Charlie: This is amazing!
Vaggie: It's... okay.
Alastor: Hahaha! This is going to be very entertaining!
*He then twirls Charlie and magically dresses her up in 1920’s clothing.*
Alastor: ♫You have a dream,♫
♫You wish to tell,♫
♫And it's just laughable♫
♫But, hey kid, what the hell?♫
♫'Cause you're one of a kind,♫
♫A charming demon belle!♫
♫Now, let's give these burning fools a place to dwell♫
*He then dresses everyone else in similar clothing.*
Alastor: Take it, boys!
*He then summons some shadow constructs that play music.*
Alastor: ♫Inside of every demon is a lost cause
(Ha)♫
♫But we'll dress them up for now with just a smile♫
♫Wicked smiles!♫
♫And we'll chlorinate this cesspool♫
♫With some old redemption flair♫
♫And show these simpletons some proper class and style♫
♫Class and Style!♫
(Oh!)
♫Here below the ground,♫
♫I'm sure your plan is sound♫
♫They'll spend a little time♫
♫Down at this Hazbin Ho-!♫
*Suddenly, one of the walls is destroyed by an explosion*
Luffy: Aw man. I wanted to hear the rest of that song.
*They look outside and see Sir Pentious in his war ship.*
Morbius: It’s that guy again!
Luffy: Guess we’ll have to beat him up again.
Sir Pentious: Hah! Well, well, well. Look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet yet again, Alastor!
Alastor: Do I know you?
Sir Pentious: Oh, yes you do! And this time, I have the element of SURPRISE! Ahaha! I'm so evil!
*His war ship prepares to fire a death ray. But Alastor summons a portal underneath that brings forth tentacles that begin to destroy it. He finds such satisfaction in inducing pain and torture onto Sir Pentious. He then finishes it off by having the war ship explode with Pentious inside. Everyone look at him with shock and horror.*
Morbius: Note to self, never piss him off…
Alastor: ...Well, I'm starved! Who wants some Jambalaya?
Luffy: Me!
Alastor: My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her! Hahaha! You could say the kick was right out of Hell! Ohoho, I'm on a roll! Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now…
*He uses his magic to change the sign of the building from Happy Hotel to Hazbin Hotel.*
Alastor: ...Stay tuned. Hahaha...!