Adventure Guys

*Hellboy and the others arrive at the bunkers and see dozens of dead B.P.R.D. agents that are torn to pieces or were infected with Nimue’s plague. They search everywhere but can’t find anyone alive down there.*
Alice: We'll find your father. He's not dead. Trust me, I'd know.
Luffy: What happened to all these people?
Morbius: It must be the Blood Queen’s plague.
*He examines one of the infected bodies from a safe distance.*
Morbius: I’ve never seen or heard of anything like this before. It’s like a flesh eating virus that also gives you leprosy. I assume once you’re infected with this, there’s no way to be cured. If we don’t find her, this is gonna be the Black Plague all over again.
Luffy: So where is she?
Daimio: Have a look at this.
TV Reporter: I'm outside St. Paul's Cathedral, and right over there, hundreds of armed police continue a shootout with an unknown assailant.

*Daimio drives an armored van through the city with everyone in it. Large bat-like creatures can be seen flying in the sky. They finally arrive at St. Paul’s Cathedral. When Hellboy gets out of the van, he is nearly shot by one of the police officers.*
Hellboy: Hey! I'm on your side!
Police: Sorry. My bad.
Daimio: M-11! No one enters under any circumstances!
*They all enter the church and see that it's vacant.*
Hellboy: Where is she?
Luffy: Maybe they left?
Morbius: No, something is definitely here. My echolocation doesn’t lie.
Hellboy: Dad!
Gruagach: Hello, Hellboy. Sorry my queen couldn't be here to greet you in person.
*Gruagach steps out from behind a pillar and is now much bigger.*
Morbius: You’ve gotta be kidding me.
Luffy: The pig guy got stronger!
*Hellboy and Daimio shoot Gruagach but their bullets simply bounce off him.*
Daimio: That's not a good sign.
Alice: How did he get so fucking big?
Gruagach: Hellboy, as you can see, she's made sure you receive a proper fucking welcome. You've no idea how long I've been waiting for this.
Hellboy: I have some idea! You know, I was the guy that sent little piggy squealing all the way back home.
*Gruagach gets pissed off and runs towards Hellboy.*
Daimio: Take cover!
*Daimio moves Alice out of the way to allow Hellboy, Luffy and Morbius to fight him.*
Gruagach: I'll rip your fucking heads off!
*Hellboy throws a chair but it simply smashes against his body. He then punches Gruagach, but it hardly affects him and gets punched into a stone pillar. Part of the ceiling collapses and is about to fall on Alice.*
Daimio: Look out!
*He pushed her out of the way and the debris falls on him instead.*
Luffy: Gum gum pistol!
*Luffy punches Gruagach in the face but his fist bounces off him.*
Gruagach: Haha! That tickled!
*He then grabs Luffy’s arm and pulls him closer, then proceeds to stomp him into the floor. Morbius tries to scratch him with his claws, but he stomps on him too. He then proceeds to charge headfirst into Hellboy, but misses and briefly gets stuck in the pillar.*
Hellboy: Little piggy, I brought your favorite! Iron!
*Hellboy tries to pin him against the pillar with a large iron candlestick, but it doesn’t work and Gruagach flings him away.*
Gruagach: That's not gonna work this time.
*Luffy climbs on top of Gruagach and tries punching him but this irritates him.*
Luffy: We’re gonna turn you into pork, pig guy!
*Gruagach then grabs Luffy and starts pulling him like a rubber band.*
Gruagach: Let’s see how far you can stretch, kid!
*Morbius tries to punch him but that doesn’t work.*
Gruagach: What a wimp!
*He then slams Luffy on top of him. Alice tries to free Daimio from the debris.*
Alice: It won't budge!
*After they headbutt each other, Hellboy tries to shoot him, but Gruagach knocks his gun away and tosses him into a wall.*
Gruagach: Take that, you fucker!
*He then rams himself into Hellboy.*
Gruagach: Come here, you fucking bastard.
*He then starts beating Hellboy senselessly. Daimio takes out another injector but he sees Hellboy losing the fight and tosses it aside.*
Daimio: Get out of here.
Alice: I'm not just gonna leave you!
Daimio: Go!
*Daimio manages to free himself from the debrief as his body starts convulsing. Luffy and Morbius rejoin the fight to assist Hellboy.*
Morbius: Pick on someone your own size, Porky Pig!
*He attempts to slam his fist into Morbius’s face, but Morbius uses his super speed to avoid being hit and scratches him.*
Gruagach: You little-
*Luffy stretches his arms and grabs onto Gruagach’s tusks.*
Luffy: Gum gum bell!
*Luffy stretches his head back and retracts it to deliver a headbutt to him. But he then rams Luffy into Morbius and body slams them both.*
Gruagach: Fuck off!
*Gruagach picks them both up and throws them across the room. He then begins to beat Hellboy again. He slides him across the floor and then impales him with one of his tusks. Hellboy breaks off another tusk and stabs Gruagach in the eye with it. Daimio’s body begins to change into some kind of jaguar-like creature.*
Gruagach: Look at ya. You got a face like a baboon's ass. Now just lay there and bleed while I finish you off.
*He grabs a large candlestick.*
Hellboy: Oh, yeah? Good luck with that, pal!
*They all hear some kind of roar. Daimio as a Jaguar attacks Gruagach.*
Gruagach: Fucking mutt.
*He tosses Daimio aside.*
Hellboy: Daimio?
*Luffy and Morbius recover.*
Luffy: You can turn into a cheetah?!
Morbius: I think that’s a Jaguar.
Hellboy: Let's eat some barbecue!
*The 4 of them charge Gruagach. Hellboy and Luffy punch his body while Daimio and Morbius climb up to his face and start starching it. Daimio even pulls on his tongue.*
Alice: Hellboy!
*She tosses Hellboy his gun.*
Hellboy: What am I supposed to do with that?
Alice: Improvise!
*Gruagach kicks Luffy away and rips Daimio and Morbius off his face. Hellboy proceeds to beat him in the face with the bud of his gun. Daimio tries to leap onto Gruagach, but gets knocked away. Morbius slides between him and attaches his legs.*
Gruagach: Ow!
Luffy: Gum gum bazooka!
*Luffy stretches his arms back and retracts them, double palm strike Gruagach in the chest. Daimio attempts to leap onto his face again, but Gruagach throws him into a pillar. Morbius tries to attack him, but Gruagach slams his fists into his head.*
Morbius: Ow…
*Luffy runs and leaps towards him, but Gruagach catches him and then headbutts him before tossing aside. Hellboy tries to beat him but is quickly overpowered by Gruagach and lays defeated on the floor.*
Gruagach: I'm gonna squash your fucking head now. Here, you red-faced twat!
*Gruagach grabs a large holy water pool and is about to crush Hellboy with it.*
Nimue: Enough!
*Nimue appears.*
Gruagach: Your Majesty.
Nimue: Let him go, my pet.
*He tosses the pool onto Morbius, trapping him.*
Gruagach: I set all this in motion! I was the beginning of it all.
Nimue: And I am the end.
*She then starts to make him smaller.*
Nimue: Forgive me. I needed someone to challenge Hellboy, push him to the edge.
Gruagach: But you promised!
Nimue: To make you whole again. Powerful beyond compare. And for one brief, shining moment, you were.
Gruagach: This ain't fair! Fuck you, Hellboy!
*Gruagach is turned into a baby and runs away.*
Hellboy: Yeah, fuck you back.
*Hellboy and Luffy get up.*
Hellboy: Alright, time to finish this.
Nimue: But I don't want to kill you. We are not enemies. We are bound together by fate!
Hellboy: Not this crap again, lady!
Luffy: Shut up and fight!
*Hellboy and Luffy prepare to attack her, but she lifts them both in the air telekinetically.*
Nimue: Some lessons bear repeating.
*First she slams Luffy against a wall and bends an iron candlestick to keep him pinned. She then slams Hellboy into the floor, causing it to break. It reveals a room hidden under the cathedral that is King Arthur’s tomb.*
Nimue: Just think how many spent their lives searching for Arthur's tomb.
*Hellboy sees Excalibur in the stone.*
Nimue: It's been right here all along. Go ahead. It's yours by right. You can feel it, can't you? How it calls to you. Stirring the thing at the core of your being. The thing you're destined to be. Go ahead, take it. You want to kill me, don't you? Pick up the sword. Take it!
*Hellboy nearly takes the sword but stops himself.*
Hellboy: No! I don't know what your game is here, but I'm done playing!
Nimue: Very well.
*She pulls Broom to her.*
Hellboy: Dad! Dad!
Broom: Don't worry about me. You do what you have to do and take out this bitch!
Hellboy: No! Nimue! Nimue, no! Let him go, Nimue! Let him go! It's me you want! Take me!
Nimue: I already have you. You just don't know it yet.
*She then proceeds to slit his throat, killing him.*
Hellboy: No! No! No! Dad! Dad? No. Please don't go.
*He holds his father’s dead body in his arms.*
Hellboy: No!
*Alice watches from a distance and is joined by Daimio, who turns back to normal.*
Alice: Jesus Christ, mate. You're a mess. Well, at least now I know why you've been acting like such a fucking dick. I need you to pull it together now! He needs our help.
Nimue: Save your tears. His death is a mercy compared to what I have in store for the rest of mankind. All because you were too cowardly to use Excalibur when you had the chance. Both your fathers would be ashamed!
Hellboy: Nimue!
*Hellboy grabs onto Excalibur.*
Morbius: Oh, no!
*Hellboy manages to pull the sword from the stone, setting it on fire and incinerating Arthur’s corpse. His horns grow longer and gains a flaming crown.*
Nimue: Come to me.
Hellboy: Ggrr…
Nimue: Come to me. Come.
Luffy: What the…
*As Hellboy approaches Nimue the ground cracks beneath them.*

*In the city, the ground cracks and opens small portals to hell. Demons begin to exit out of them and start brutally killing people in horrific ways.*

Nimue: You're so beautiful. Now you see that we were born to rule together. Arthur was just a man. In his hands, Excalibur was an instrument of death. But in yours, you can build a new world, a better world for all our kind.
*Alice sneaks over to Broom’s body why Daimio aims a gun loaded with the special holy bullet.*
Luffy: Stop this, Big Red!
Morbius: Can’t…move!
*Luffy and Morbius try to free themselves but are unsuccessful. Just as Daimio attempts to shoot him, Alice regurgitates Broom’s spirit from her mouth.*
Broom: Stop! This isn't you, Hellboy. You're better than this.
Nimue: Don't listen to this old fool. You were meant for this.
Broom: She wants to use you, make you into something you're not. So stop being a whiny little shit and show her she's wrong.
Nimue: Go forth and embrace your destiny. Destroy your enemies!
Broom: All this bitching and moaning about destiny. Grow a pair! You're a man! And a good one! Act like it. Don't let a prophecy tell you who you are. You decide for yourself.
Nimue: He's lying! You are the great beast of the apocalypse. This is the real you! It always has been. Burn out the past. Be rid of the weakness. My King.
*Nimue tries to appeal to Hellboy, but he slices her head off. This releases Luffy from his binds and he falls to the ground. Hellboy plunges Excalibur into the floor, sealing the cracks in the earth and sending the demons back to hell. Luffy manages to lift the holy water pool off of Morbius with help from Hellboy. Hellboy then rips his horns off and grabs Nimue’s head.*
Nimue: This isn't over! We are destined for one another! We will meet again on the last day of the ending of the world! Hahahaha!
Hellboy: Lady, quit while you're… A head.
Nimue: No! No!
*He tosses Nimue’s head into one of the cracks to hell before it closes.*
Hellboy: You knew, didn't you? This whole time. This beast inside me. My inner nature! My destiny!
Broom: So did you.
Hellboy: Why didn't you kill me all those years ago? You had a job, to protect the world from monsters! I have never, ever regretted the decision I made that night.
Hellboy: Dad…
Broom: Shut up and listen to me. There's things I need to say. I tried to be the best father I could. What the hell did I know about raising a kid? I was a killer, and damn good at it. Some beasts deserved it, some didn't.
But I did what I believed was necessary. And if I have any chance of growing wings, it's because of you. You changed me. You changed everything. And if there is ever an end in this seemingly forever war, it will be because of you and your strong right hand.
You are mankind's best and only hope, my boy.
Hellboy: Please. Please don't go. I'm not ready.
Broom: Oh, yes, you are. Being your father was the best decision I ever made. I love you, Hellboy.
*His spirit retreats back into Alice’s body.*
Morbius: I’m sorry, Hellboy. Professor seemed like a good guy from the short time I knew him.
Luffy: He was nice enough to not arrest me and Morbius.
*Daimio rejoins the others and removes the holy bullet from his gun.*
Alice: What's that?
Daimio: A mistake.
*He tosses the bullet aside, destroying it.*
Alice: I like cats.
Daimio: I've always been more of a dog person.
Morbius: Well, now that this whole ordeal is over, Luffy and I should be getting back to our friends and ship now.
Luffy: But how will we get to them?
Daimio: I might be able to get you both a one way ticket to the states. Or as far as I can get you there anyway.
Morbius: You’d do that?
Daimio: The Professor promised you’d both walk free, didn’t he?
*Hellboy grabs his gun.*
Alice: So, you're the king of England now.
Hellboy: Yup.
Alice: Well, I didn't see that coming.
Luffy: So you gonna rule this place?
Hellboy: Nah, I’m gonna let parliament or whatever keep running the country. Being king’s just too much work.

*2 weeks later, Hellboy infiltrates a hidden facility in Siberia. He tries to call someone on a walkie talkie.*
Hellboy: Okay, yeah, we're here. Does anybody copy? Does any… Worthless piece of crap!
*Alice beats up a goon with some silver brass knuckles. Who is now an agent of the B.P.R.D.*
Hellboy: Ah, the Oannes Society. They make Osiris look like Cub Scouts.
Alice: Christ! Another secret boys club?
Hellboy: Bunch of lunatics. What are they doing here? And where's our back-up?
*Daimio suddenly appears behind him. As he too is a B.P.R.D. agent now.*
Hellboy: Ah! Come on! Do not sneak up on me like that!
Daimio: Don't you ever stop bitching?
Alice: I'm glad you could join us.
Hellboy: Yeah. Okay, come on, let's get your game face on.
Daimio: It's not something I can just turn on and off like a light switch. The transformation is an electro-chemical reaction to pain and emotional…
*He punches Daimio in the face.*
Daimio: I'm sorry to say, it's a bit more complicated than that…
*He punches him again.*
Hellboy: Welcome to the B.P.R.D. Yeah, come on, let's do this.
*Daimio transforms into his werejaguar form and they break down a door to the main laboratory.
Hellboy: Ah, nobody told me there was a dress code.
*They then proceed to kill all the Oannes Society members in the room.*
Alice: Hey, guys, check it out.
*They find some kind of glass tank filled with water. Alice rubs some dust off the name plate that reads “Icthyo Sapien”.*
Alice: “Icthyo Sapien.” Anyone know what that means?
*A fishman-like creature pushes its hand against the tank.*

Starring
Hellboy: David Harbour
Nimue: Milla Jobovich
Monkey D. Luffy: Colleen Clinkenbeard
Morbius: Jared Leto
Alice Monaghan: Sasha Jane
Gruagach: Stephan Graham

With
Ben Daimio: Daniel Day Kim
Lady Hatton: Sophia Okonedo
Lord Adam Glaren: Alistair Petrie
Merlin: Brian Gleason
Ganeida: Penelope Mitchell

And Ian McShane as Professor Broom