Crystals and Half Truths
Steven was trying very very hard not to panic. He’d heard the voices as soon as he'd entered the cave. He’d ascribed them to the little whispers of the Force he’d been getting used to around the enclave, especially when he was somewhere emotions were running high. He hadn’t realized it was something else until the voices started arguing, very much not in the physical world. He felt his anxiety spiking and knew that wouldn’t help with what he’d come to do, the reminder of which was looming in front of him in the form of a crystal cluster.
“Be quiet!” He said out loud, unable to think of anything else to make the voices stop so he could focus on finding a crystal and getting this over with. He was not expecting his reflections in the multiple surfaces of the cluster to move independently of his own stance, one instant turned partially towards each other and the next whirling to face him, as he was facing them. Both looked like him, of course, they were his reflections, right? But they weren’t mirroring him and they looked… different too.
The left hand reflection, which was regarding him with an almost sheepish look, stood straighter than Steven ever did, shoulders back and arms relaxed. He looked tired, the shadows under his eyes were even more pronounced than those Steven had seen in the mirror while shaving that morning.
The right hand reflection looked downright ill. His face was pale, shiny with sweat and drawn tight with pain. Frightened and beyond confused as he might be, Steven couldn’t help worrying about… himself? The not-him looked dead on his feet.
They were both looking right at him, holding still as if he hadn’t already seen them.
“Who are you and why are you in my head?” He managed to keep his voice from shaking, but it was a near thing. There was no other place they could be and the thought he might be insane was clawing at his throat. He’d have been hyperventilating if it weren’t for all the meditation over the last few months.
The silence stretched out and the left hand reflection shifted uncomfortably, looking between Steven and the other reflective surface. The sick-looking him shook his head, just a little. “I can see you doing that.” Steven snapped and the man actually flinched.
“Of… of course.” It’s the left hand one. His voice is technically the same as Steven’s, but the accent was different, the pitch slightly lower. “We just aren’t used to… being seen.”
“How long have you been here?” He shouldn’t be asking. He should be running back to the temple to tell Zhar something was wrong and he needed to see a healer.
“We’re not here-here. In the cave I mean. We’re with you. And it’s been a little while, but that’s okay.”
“Jake-” The sick him looked almost as anxious as Steven felt.
“Hush. He’s just asking.” The now identified Jake said, waving a hand at the other reflection but keeping his eyes on Steven. “Don’t worry. We’re not going to hurt you.”
“You’re not real.” He said it flatly, but he wasn’t trying to argue with them, just remind himself. Of course this wasn’t real.
“Of course we are.” There was a flicker of something in Jake’s eyes. Had Steven hurt his feelings? “You’ve been training, right? Check. You’ll feel us in the Force.”
The other not-him groaned and covered his face with one hand.
Against his better judgment, Steven took a deep breath and reached for the Force. It’s presence was thick in the cave, but a reassuring presence all the same. It wasn't pressure, he felt no warning. He did, however, feel its current moving through him very strangely. Two connections he’d never noticed in all his meditating, bonds that didn’t stretch beyond his own skin. That was actually a little reassuring. If this was a Force thing, then he probably wasn’t crazy and there was a clear course of action to take. He could tell Zhar and if it was a problem, the Jedi would help him fix it.
“I… feel you. You’re in me.” He admitted slowly.
“Told you. We’re here to help. Right, Marc?” Now that Steven was looking inwards as well as at the reflection, he felt something in his head that reminded him of an elbow to the ribs. Marc’s reflection certainly started like it had been nudged a little too roughly.
“Why are you here now?” He was still suspicious, but no longer on the verge of sprinting out of the cave.
“Because the Force is strong here.” Marc sounded decidedly grumpy. “It’s making us- me stronger.”
Steven wasn’t sure that was a good thing. “Stronger in what way?”
“I can be awake.”
“So you haven’t been awake until now?”
“No. I have, though.” Jake cut in, looking a little proud of himself. “And I’ve done nothing but be helpful!”
“Can I have an example?” Steven asked carefully.
“Well, I shot those soldiers for you.”
Marc had now just hidden his face in both hands and Steven could almost feel the wave of resignation and something like despair coming off him. He himself took in a sharp breath. He wasn’t a good shot, he knew. On the Endar Spire, and later on Taris, he had been a better marksman than he had any right to be.
“Y-you can make my body move.” That opened up a horrifying can of worms.
“Only when you’re in danger.” Jake’s sincerity flooded the bond underneath Steven’s skin. “I wouldn’t try and take over permanent like!”
“He hates being in control long term.” Marc added, sounding exhausted.
Steven was silent for almost a minute, processing this. Both the other men, for now that he could feel the bonds he knew they were separate from his consciousness, watched him. He could feel their anxiety in his head through the bonds. Worry, desire for something and maybe affection. One of the bonds was also alight with irritation, but it wasn’t directed at him. If he had to guess, he’d say Marc was not happy with Jake…
“Wait. You were arguing with each other. What about?” Both reflections flinched in unison. “It was something about me.” He wished he hadn’t been trying so hard to ignore them so that he could’ve caught more words.
“It’s complicated.” Marc started, eyes on his feet.
“It’s really not.” Jake interrupted. “Marc was worried you’d get hurt.”
“I’ve practiced with a live blade! I’m not gonna cut myself!” Steven protested. His friends outside the enclave had already made several jokes about his usual clumsiness mixed with a Jedi’s weapon. The tone went from gentle teasing to condescending, depending on who was bringing it up.
He felt dual exasperation from them, tinged with… affection? Now that he was aware of them, he was picking up trace emotions more than he did with anyone else. Hopefully that would mean he’d know if either one lied to him.
“If you were with me before Taris, why are you only talking to me now?” After I caught you . He added silently. They would still be hiding if they’d had any say in the matter.
“We couldn’t. Not like this.” Marc spoke up. “You weren’t connected to the Force as strongly as you are now.” He ran a hand distractedly through his hair, pushing it out of his face. It stayed back and Steven felt a little disoriented by it, the way it only affected the man in the crystal.
“Plus you’d have thought you’d gone nuts.” Jake quipped. “So would anyone you told. That’s something to avoid.”
“You haven’t just aimed my blaster.” Steven said suddenly. “You’ve talked to me. I recognize your voice.” It hadn’t felt like Marc lied, but here he was catching Jake in one.
“But you thought I was you.” Jake’s tone was dismissive. “And you couldn't see me.”
“And I couldn’t talk to you at all.” Marc looked even more sickly than when they’d started, swaying a little on his feet. “Yes, we were hiding from you, but just because we didn’t want to scare you.” Okay that was a little valid. If they’d been revealed before his training at the enclave, he would’ve had a full breakdown.
“Weren’t you in here for a reason?” Jake reminded him gently, his eyes on Marc. He was worried about something… “It’s not- not good for him, being down here.”
“Shut it, Jake.”
“How can it not be good for him if he’s only just now able to be awake because the Force is strong? I feel good down here and it's my body. It’s a little creepy, yeah, but-”
“Stevie, come on. You needed a crystal.” He prodded. Steven felt deep displeasure from the bond that went to Marc, but Jake was right.
“We’re not done talking about this.” He warned. “And you know damn well my name isn’t Stevie.” A tingle of amusement, more affection, from both of them this time. Could they feel his emotions like this? He really hoped not.
It shouldn’t have been as easy as it was to focus on finding a crystal. Marc and Jake had gone quiet, but they were still there, flickering in the reflections off crystal clusters and letting emotions slip into Steven’s awareness. It didn’t feel wrong, just very weird. Yet another thing to worry about later.
He ran his hands over a few crystals, but aside from the pleasant feeling of the Force magnified through kyber, nothing felt right. He thought about meditating, but remembered Jake’s request to leave soon. He was definitely feeling more distress from Marc the longer they stayed, though he got the distinct impression the man was trying to be quiet about it.
What do you want from the weapon? The thought he now knew was Jake’s voice whispered in his mind. Start there. It felt different from when they’d been talking earlier, for all the voices had still certainly been in Steven’s head.
What did he want from his lightsaber? Well, it was the next step to becoming a Padawan. Which would allow him to help Konshu to stop Ammit. Which would stop more people from dying, at least from Sith attacks. So he wanted the weapon to protect others, maybe. That sounded cheesy in his own mind, but he couldn’t imagine using a lightsaber for anything else.
Twin points of light flared in his Force sense, just to his left. Reaching out physically and mentally, he wrapped his fingers around something that reminded him of sunshine. There was a soft crunching noise and the crystal came away from the wall in his hand. Crystals, plural, he found upon opening his hand. They glowed a soft yellow against his palm.
“Should… I put one back?” He asked out loud. He’d been told to go find one, not two.
“It really doesn’t matter if you bring back both. They chose you.” Marc sounded so defeated that Steven flinched, looking up to meet the reflected dark eyes. Unable to help himself, he tried sending an emotion of his own down the bond between them. Reassurance, though he didn’t know what for. Marc started to relax, almost leaning into the mental touch, but then stiffened and Steven felt their bond being blocked from the other end.
“What’s that about?” He frowned. It felt like rejection, somehow.
“Forgot to keep my walls up.” The man grumbled. “It’s been so long since I was awake. “You shouldn’t have to worry about everything I feel.” He moved as if he were glancing around the cave. “Can you get out of here now?”
“No. We’re not done talking.” He backed up so his face would be reflected in more than one surface and there was Jake again. His bond was still open and Steven could feel worry, though it wasn’t directed at him this time. He was concerned about Marc. “So, if you’re some… some Force thing I haven’t had time to read about, why would you be fully formed before I started training?”
“How would we know?” Jake said smoothly.
“I guess I can ask Master Zhar-”
“NO!” They both cut him off as one. “They won’t understand. They’ll know what it is, but they’ll delay and test and you and Konshu won’t get anywhere with your quest. Ask them afterwards. They’ll explain everything.” Jake’s bond was still opened and he believed everything he was saying with full, truthful conviction. “Konshu knows about me anyway. I talked to him on Taris and he’s got no problem because he’s not all… academic about this shit.”
“You what?” This time Marc and Steven spoke at the same time, glaring at Jake. Marc’s face was twisted in dislike at the mention of the rude Jedi.
“You said you didn’t take control of my body!” Steven accused.
“It was for less than 5 minutes and you were sleeping. I had to talk to him to keep us out of danger, alright?” He still was projecting honesty, but Steven wasn’t so confident in his new abilities to think he’d catch any deception.
“You shouldn’t have been talking to him anyway. He doesn’t like us.” Marc growled.
“None of them like you.” Jake shot back. Marc wasn’t the only one who flinched. Steven knew the other Jedi were a little cold towards him, but he’d been telling himself it wasn’t about dislike, just that he was different. “Look, Steven, you can tell them after the mission. Ask them about it all you want, but please, until then, just talk to Konshu about it.”
“Working with him is… necessary.” Marc conceded.
They weren’t telling him everything. They might not be lying outright, but they were definitely hiding something and Steven didn’t know what to do about it. He allowed his feet to steer him towards the entrance of the cave, feeling Marc relaxing in his head. He’d have to do some research in the archives, even if he couldn’t tell the Jedi about this. Yet. He would tell them, of course. Just not yet. That seemed important.
As they reached the cave mouth, Marc began fading out of his awareness and he froze. Something about Marc not being here was wrong, but he couldn’t have explained why. Most likely, it was because his reflection had looked so sick and Steven hated seeing others in pain.
It’s okay, buddy. The voice in his head was a sigh. I’m just not very strong right now… And he was gone.
Jake was still there, but also less noticeable. I’ll have to hide for a while. Till it’s just you and Konshu. I know you’ll be safe at the enclave. Remember not to tell the council. Don’t trust them too much; they’re not telling you everything.
“Neither are you.” Steven said aloud.
Right, but at least we admitted to that.
Shaking his head, Steven pocketed the crystals and started walking back towards the enclave. Now he knew the two bonds inside were there, he took a moment to block them off, not wanting the two… not-hims to eavesdrop on his emotions. He wasn’t sure that would keep them from interacting with him, but it was the only step he could take just now. Short of betraying them to the council. Wait. Why would that be a betrayal? No answer.
***
Zhar was a little surprised he’d brought back two crystals, but agreed that they were both well attuned to him. A few hours later, Steven sat looking at two lightsabers, their hilts a little shorter than standard. They fit comfortably in his hands, silver hilts still shiny and new. Stepping back from the work bench, he activated one, then the other. Two yellow blades sprang into life, humming dangerously.
“Feels a more… natural than the practice saber.” He told Zhar, smiling. It honestly felt perfect. Made for him. Well, of course they were made for him; he’d done it himself.
“Feel free to test them out. Then come meet me to receive your final test before being officially admitted to the order.” The Twi’lek said, offering Steven a smile of approval.
As soon as the training room door closed behind him, Steven heard a whisper of Suits you, even if I liked blue. Good job, Stevie. He looked back down at the twin lightsabers and saw his reflection in one wink. He couldn’t help but offer a half smile in return before he headed off to practice with the new weapons. He might not trust them, but it was nice to not feel alone.