Juhani
Steven sat across from Master Zhar, feeling almost content after practicing with his new sabers and stopping by the courtyard to show Layla and Zalbaar, who were working on their ship. Layla had congratulated him and the Wookie had told him to not damage anything that wasn’t his the next time he came onboard. It was hard to tell with a Wookie, but he thought it might’ve been sarcasm. Pulling his mind back in, he focused on the master. This would be his last test and then they could get back to work.
“For every Jedi the threat of the dark side is always present. You must truly understand this before you are accepted into the Order. You must see the corruption of the dark side for yourself.” The Jedi said, his words sounding rehearsed. “Even here on Dantooine there are places where the dark side holds sway, twisting and tainting nature itself. The ancient grove once used for deep meditation by the Jedi is now tainted, a wave of darkness perverts the region around it.” He’d been to the grove himself once or twice, early in his training. It had been so peaceful there… How could it have picked up a taint?
“So, I should go look at it?” He asked, thinking that sounded reasonable if he was meant to see the dark side for himself.
Master Zhar nodded. “You must journey into the grove and confront the true source of the darkness. That is your task.”
“Confront the true source? How do I do that?” His brow knit in uncertainty. That was vague and also this sounded like it might be too serious to be used to test Steven. Surely someone more experienced should go, if the dark side had… infected somewhere they all used.
I can say no more; some things you must see for yourself. None of the other Jedi at the academy are permitted to help you in this task.” Zhar told him, shaking his head. “But remember this, my young apprentice: a Jedi acts with patience and care, and those on the dark path are not always lost forever.”
That tugged Steven’s curiosity. He’d wondered, but had thought it too rude to ask… Maybe this was a valid time to bring up the subject.
“What about Spector and Ammit? How did they get so lost that they couldn’t come back?” He asked, wincing internally at the way the Twi’lek master startled at the question. “Sorry. I guess that’s not-” He quickly began, but the Jedi shook his head, holding up a hand.
“It is alright. I am just… unused to hearing their names. Few mention them nowadays, but I suppose it is just as dangerous to deny they were ever part of the Order. I knew them both, taught Spector myself at times. His hunger to learn seemed insatiable. I should have recognized this as a warning sign. But I perceived the young Padawan's lust for knowledge as simple exuberance and eagerness.” Steven frowned at that. Why was seeking knowledge a warning sign? Must have been the sort of knowledge he wanted.
“Years ago, when the Mandalorian threat first arose, Ammit and Spector were eager to journey to the Outer Rim to defeat the enemy of the Republic, but the Council felt it best if we moved with care and caution. They would not be dissuaded. Spector was… awkward at times, but he was sincere and competent. Ammit had the charisma and experience. They were both powerful. Many of the Order flocked to their seemingly noble cause. Others soon followed, many of our youngest and brightest, intent on saving the galaxy from the Mandalorian threat.”
“What happened to them?” Steven knew how things had turned out and it was horrible, but in his head, he couldn’t fault the two fallen Jedi for wanting to stop the war. He was old enough to remember the start of the Mandalorian wars, for all things were blurry when he tried to think that far back. It had been beyond horrible. “The war needed to stop and… I remember a lot of people were hoping the Jedi would help.”
There was a flicker of… something in Zhars’s face. He was shielding his emotions from Steven’s passive examination. “They should not have disobeyed the council. The Order would have acted when the time was right.” And how many civilians would have died before that happened? Steven thought, but managed not to say. “As to what happened to them? No one knows. After the war, they took their followers to the farthest reaches of the outer rim, vanishing for a full year. Something… corrupted them. Their ideals became twisted, their spirits were tainted and they fell to the dark side. There is a lesson in this, a lesson you would do well to take to heart: the dark side can corrupt even the most noble of Jedi.”
Well… That had raised more questions than it answered, but now he understood Konshu’s task better; to find the source of whatever had corrupted the two Jedi and see if it had a connection to the Sith army’s resources. If he were organizing such a mission, Steven would’ve worried about sending Jedi on it. How could they know the corruption wouldn’t affect the searchers too? Maybe since Konshu, and now he, knew to be careful of that it wouldn’t catch either of them by surprise.
Zhar waved his hand a foot from Steven’s face, a motion most of his teachers had gotten used to when the man’s attention wandered. Steven flushed slightly and stood, straightening the loose robes that, while comfortable, he was having trouble getting used to.
“I’ll be back once I figure this out.” He promised and left the enclave for the second time in two days, headed for the grove.
Almost as soon as he was outside the walls, he felt Jake’s presence in his mind. The other wasn’t trying to be as subtle as before. The lothcat was out of the bag, afterall.
So. Last task. You need help?
No thanks. I’m supposed to do this myself. He thought back. It seemed neither one of them needed to use the body’s mouth to communicate.
I’ll be around. If you need.
You seemed tired earlier. Can’t you rest or are you always awake? Marc had said he himself was not always awake.
I can rest. I just only do it when you’re safe. The genuine care radiating through their bond actually took Steven’s breath away.
I’m not as vulnerable as I was before. He protested, right before tripping over a rock and barely managing not to fall. Jake cackled and Steven wasn’t sure if the laugh bubbling out of his mouth belonged to him or the… Force thing in his head. That was just bad timing.
Perfect timing, you mean.
Were you listening to Master Zhar? About the corruption of the Dark Side? He asked, wanting a second opinion without the judgment he knew he’d get at the enclave.
Not really. He felt a twist of discomfort from Jake. I’m not much for history.
That’s more like… current events, I think, since the war they started is still going on. Steven mused.
Whatever.
It was so easy to just… talk in his head like this. It shouldn’t feel so right, he knew. He would really have to do some research to find… well, anything about Force based people living in Jedi’s heads. It must not be very common, since it hadn’t come up in the basic modules he’d completed. That also indicated it wasn’t a danger, since the dangers of attachment, hate and the Dark Side had been drilled into his head repeatedly over the past weeks with no mention of fragments of the Force giving you advice and company.
They were coming close to the grove, the big, round trees that speckled the rocky planes getting thicker. Steven felt a shiver through the Force, feelings of unhappiness, grief and… shame?
Can you be quiet for a while? I really do want to do this myself and to learn the lesson, I think I should be paying full attention. Jake’s presence faded without protest, but Steven got the distinct impression the other was going to sulk in the back of his brain.
He stepped between two trees to see the space Jedi usually sat to meditate. The unpleasant feelings increased, his own shock and discomfort adding to them as he took in the scene before him. There were several corpses, probably Mandalorian bandits judging by their armor, sprawled around the meditation area and, standing in the middle, was the source of all the Bad Feelings.
The Cathar was on the younger side, but still an adult. Steven had seen her once or twice in passing around the Enclave, but since he was so busy and in so many remedial classes, they’d never spoken. She saw him the moment he came into the clearing, yellow eyes widening as she bared sharp teeth. With a snarl, she activated her lightsaber and leapt at him.
His sabers jumped into his hands at a thought and he caught her powerful downward strike on both blades, gasping at the mental and physical pressure of being so close to her. She wasn’t shielding her emotions at all, rather using them as an extra weapon to hit him with. She went for another cut, this time at his ribs, and he blocked again, taking the opportunity to kick her right in the stomach and send her staggering back. The fact he’d landed a hit only made her more furious and she was back on him in an instant, raining down a flurry of blows. He was glad he had more than one blade to block with.
“Hey, hey calm down. What’s wrong?” He managed to get out before he had to duck to avoid a kick. He really didn’t want to cut her and had no idea what was going on. Had the corruption of the grove gotten to her or was she the source of it?
She cursed him in Cathar and thrust a hand at him. He felt his muscles seize as she tried to use the Force to keep him in place. Instead of tensing to fight it, he went limp, dropping to the ground. It was a risky move, putting him in a terrible position to continue the fight, but it also broke her hold on him. She’d gotten too close and realized it too late as he kicked her legs out from under her. She fell and Steven surged up onto one knee. As soon as he could reach, he slammed one of his saber hilts into her wrist, numbing her arm from fingertips to elbow and causing her to drop her weapon with a yelp of pain. He drove his other blade into the earth next to her neck, not close enough to burn but as a present threat that made her go still. He doubted he’d be able to cut her throat, but she didn’t need to know that just yet.
She glared up at him with red rimmed, yellow eyes. “You... you are strong. Stronger than me, even in my darkness.” At least it was a full sentence this time instead of curses. Her voice was hoarse and he wondered if she’d been crying recently.
“Who are you? I mean, I’ve seen you but I don’t know your name…”
“I am Juhani, and this is my grove. This is the place of my dark power. This is the place you have invaded. When I embraced the Dark Side, this was where I sought my solace. It is MINE!”
Well. What should he say to that? “I think this grove is a communal space…” He tried. “Why did you embrace the Dark Side?” That seemed like the most important question just now.
She glared up at him, taking her gaze off the blade dangerously close to her skin. “When I slew my Master, Quatra, I knew I could never go back. And now I revel in my dark power. Power enough to crush the life from someone such as you... or so I had thought…” At the last statement, she turned her face away, clearly embarrassed.
“You slew your master?” He was shocked. He hadn’t heard word of someone being murdered! Was he that far out of the loop of current events?
“Yes, I struck her down in the middle of training, consumed by my anger, embracing the power of hate! But... it was not enough…”
“Oh. That’s too bad.” He was so far out of his depth… “But that doesn’t explain why you’re here and not, I don’t know, uh… running from the law or something? I don’t think you can just stay in this grove.”
“I have fallen and dark power courses through my veins. I can never go back to the Council, so here I shall stay.” She said it firmly, as it should fully explain the situation.
“Speaking of the Council,” Steven began awkwardly. His back did not like the position he was kneeling in to continue menacing her with the saber… “I was sent here to cleanse the grove of… the taint of the Dark Side. Which you say you embraced…”
Her eyes widened, gaze snapping back to his face. “The Council has sent you here to kill me? Why, then, when you bested me so easily, did you not simply finish your task? Is it not apparent that I can never be saved?”
Steven did his best not to physically recoil from the idea. “I mean, technically they didn’t order me to kill you!” He was quick to protest.
Juhani sneared up at him, unconvinced. “Thinking of using technicalities to do the deed and ease your conscience?”
“I don’t want to kill you. I think we should talk a little. But not in this position.” He switched off both sabers and sat back, grabbing hers off the grass so she couldn't call it back to her.
She jerked up into a sitting position, looking at him with total disbelief. “Talk?! You who have beaten me so easily just want to talk? I do not believe it. Kill me now, while you still have the power.”
“I’m not killing an unarmed opponent who I already beat!” He hadn’t killed anyone since the Endar Spire and he was pretty sure the credit for that went to Jake, for all he’d used Steven’s hands and blaster to do it.
“Even with your naive attitude you managed to beat me.” Juhani hung her head and Steven ignored the little jab at him. It was hardly the worst thing that had been said about what he chose to call his optimistic worldview. “I am pathetic. I sit here and think myself to be great by embracing the dark side, but I am nothing! There is no way I could be turned back! I always thought they held me back, were jealous of my power. But it is only because I was not good enough to meet their standards... I never have been.”
That was better than telling him to kill her, but she sounded so small when she said she was nothing that he instantly shifted his focus to consoling her.
“Standards can’t apply to everyone the same. All sentients are different, right?”
She shot him a venomous glare. “What?! What foolishness is this? Standards are MADE to apply to everyone. And if I cannot measure up to them... Well then, I am no one at all… Leave me.”
“I’m not leaving.” He had a job to do and also didn’t think Juhani should be alone just now. “Why can’t you come back? You clearly see that this isn’t the way to go, so…”
She was already shaking her head. “The Council may forgive a lot... But not this. Striking my Master down in anger is unforgivable! Even though I would repent, there is nowhere left for me to go!” She dropped her face into both hands, shoulders slumped.
“But you regret it.” He insisted stubbornly. “You were ignorant and angry, but that doesn’t mean you have to get yourself killed or starve to death in this grove.” What she’d done was horrible, but he was not going to be playing judge and executioner.
“I wish the cost of my ignorance had not been so high. I wish that my Master had not suffered because of me…” Her voice was muffled behind her hands. Her emotions were still in turmoil, but now hopelessness and regret outweighed anger. Steven had a panicked thought that he was not a mind healer, which was what she clearly needed. “If she were alive now, there would be so much I would say to her... So much I would apologize for.”
“Even though you can’t apologize, you can take responsibility.” He didn’t really know what the legal penalties for murder were within the Jedi order, but he doubted execution fit into their general philosophy. “Come back to the enclave. You don’t have to stay in the dark or be alone for this.” She didn’t respond, but he could feel her calming down, making a conscious effort to rebuild her mental shields. It was as good a sign as any. He sat with her in companionable silence for some time, not letting his guard down.
Finally, Juhani let out a long sigh and he felt her releasing some of her emotions into the Force. “I will return to the Council.” She said slowly. “I shall submit myself to their judgment, and hope that they will forgive me.”
Steven smiled brightly and scrambled to his feet, offering her a hand which she took after a moment of suspicious hesitation. He kept her lightsaber tucked into the back of his belt for the walk back to the enclave.
***
Jake watched the whole thing through Steven’s eyes. He’d awoken as soon as the Cathar woman had directed her lightsaber at their body, ready to shove Steven aside and finish the fight himself, memory gaps and Steven’s displeasure be damned. He hadn’t needed to. Not only had Steven won the fight, he’d talked her down.
Jake knew himself well enough to admit he wouldn’t have bothered trying. He’d never been a Jedi, never dedicated himself to their code. His priority was their safety and Juhani had been a serious, determined threat to Steven and their collective body.
He took a moment to wonder how Marc would have handled this. Probably better than Jake would’ve, but it wouldn’t have had such a non-violent outcome. The self-loathing dope had sometimes talked about Steven being the best of him, an argument neither Steven nor Jake had ever put up with. While he wasn’t buying into Marc’s shit on that front, Jake was thinking, somewhat wistfully, about how things might’ve turned out if they’d let Steven talk to more people before… everything.
As Steven and Juhani reached the entrance to the enclave, Jake slipped back to the place that held the sleeping Marc. It was the best hiding place in their mind, just in case some Jedi tried poking their nose where it didn’t belong.
***
Steven left Juhani outside the council chambers and went to find a place to meditate. The whole ordeal had gone well, but he was still unsettled. He was sure he’d done the right thing, but that didn’t alleviate his anxiety about what MIGHT have happened. Juhani was young and from their talk, he could see she was a bit emotionally immature, for all she made an effort to speak formally. Would she be alright? What would happen to her now?
He couldn't settle into meditation, so instead he went out into the little settlement to see if anyone was at the Ebon Hawk. It had been parked in the same place since they’d arrived and he knew that, whatever other business they had in the area, Layla and the others tended to come back to it at the end of the day. He wanted to talk to people who weren’t part of the Order, either about his trial or just as a distraction.
He found the whole group sitting in the main hold. Layla, Mission and Canderous were playing sabak on the central console and Zaalbar was snacking on what looked like an entire roast krath hound leg. Mission and Layla smiled at him, the Twi’lek girl waving for him to pull up a seat. Canderous just grunted, squinting at his hand and the cards before him.
“How’s the studying going?” Layla asked, gesturing at the deck to ask if he wanted to be dealt in.
Steven nodded. It would be something to do with his hands and at least part of his brain. “I finished my last trial. I think, once they’re done talking, I’ll actually be a Padawan.” He’d cleansed the grove after all and he couldn’t help but be a little proud he’d done it without spilling any blood. “There… there was another Padawan who, for kinda involved reasons, I had to fight. Nobody was really hurt, but it was still unpleasant.” Canderous muttered something about Steven being too soft for anyone’s good and laid down a +3 card.
“Congrats on passing!” Mission chirped. “We’d take you out to dinner if there was a cantina here and we had credits.”
Steven shook his head, but his smile felt more like it belonged on his face. “What have you all been up to? I don’t want to think about training anymore today.”
“[Raider hunting.]” Zaalbar growled from where he was leaning on the wall before taking another big bite of his snack.
Layla nodded in agreement. “They’ve got some problems here with raiders, particularly Mandalorian ones. It’s a good way to keep busy.”
Steven couldn’t help but glance at Canderous for his reaction, but the man just shrugged. “Don’t look at me. Not from my clan.”
“He’s helped out.” Mission added. “A guy was willing to pay for proof of the leader’s death. Canderous should be playing with credits, not ration bars tonight.” She currently had the biggest pile of ration bars, which she was dividing to give Steven something to bet. It was more a way of keeping track of wins than anything else, since it would all go back in the ship’s cargo hold after the game.
They played cards and chatted for a time. Steven liked hearing about their lives and particularly Layla’s news from the wider galaxy. She was still in contact with the Republic military after having informed them the mission was stalled.
“Taris has been a public relations nightmare for the Sith.” She told them all, sliding her wagered ration bar over to Mission after losing another hand. “It hasn’t stopped Czirka or Manaan from trading with them, but it's better than nothing.”
Steven hummed in agreement. He felt a presence entering the ship and looked up. It was someone from the Enclave, considering how bright their Force signature was, but he wasn’t prepared for who. Juhani, lightsaber back on her hip and back straight with new found confidence, strode into the room. Canderous twitched towards his weapon, but settled when Layla shook her head.
“Steven Grant. I was told to find you. They wish to speak with you before you retire for the night.” She said, looking curiously over the Ebon Hawk’s crew.
“Juhani, uh, it’s a surprise to see you. Did… did everything go okay with the council?” He asked uncertainty. He’d been pretty sure she’d be arrested or something after killing her master.
She nodded, actually smiling. “I have spoken to the Council, and they have helped me see the truth. The truth about myself, and the truth of my actions.”
“Truth?” Mission asked, frowning.
“Quatra's injuries were not so severe as I first believed. I was foolish to believe I could harm a Master such as she with my... my clumsy efforts. The fierce confrontation between us was nothing more than a part of my training. Quatra wanted me to understand the threat of the dark side, to see how easy it was to fall from the path of light.”
There was a long silence. Steven knew the others were trying to fill in the blanks, but he couldn’t find the words to explain just now. Juhani’s master had tricked her as a test? He remembered all the hurt and guilt pouring off the other Padawan in the grove and felt a little sick.
As if she were reading his mind, Juhani met his eyes and continued. “Quatra's methods may seem strange, but I trust her wisdom. The lesson has been difficult, but I am better because of it. Humility is never easy to teach, but now I truly understand my own limitations.”
“Where is your master now?” Steven asked, voice a little distant. He wanted to have a quick conversation. Nothing more, of course.
“After our last battle, Quatra had nothing left to teach me. I needed time alone to explore the turmoil of my own spirit. Only then was I ready to follow a guide – you – back to the light. When I left, Quatra knew her work with me was done. There are other disciples who need training throughout the galaxy, and she could not stay to see if I passed this most difficult trial.”
Steven had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from swearing and kept his mental shields up so Juhani wouldn’t feel his anger. He had been her guide back to the light? A stranger even less experienced than she was, who had been given vague instructions and could have easily just killed her. Who had decided that was an acceptable risk?
While he’d been thinking, Juhani had filled in the others on the day’s events as casually as telling them about the weather. She did seem to have made peace with the situation, deciding it was for the best. Steven wasn’t sure he agreed.
Layla was of a similar mind. “First the Jedi trick you into becoming an enemy, then they welcome you back as a friend. I can't say I approve of their training methods.” She said with a frown.
Juhani just shook her head, smiling like she knew something they didn’t. “I was not a very effective enemy.” Zalbaar looked between her and Steven and barked out a laugh. If he weren’t so upset about the whole situation, Steven would’ve been happy to get into a spirited discussion of how he was a better fighter now, so please cut the jokes you walking hair ball.
Canderous threw down his cards in disgust, losing his last ration bar to Steven. “Giving you a second chance like this is a clear sign of weakness. Sometimes I find it hard to believe the Jedi could defeat my people in battle.” He started with a grunt and Steven realized Mission had kicked him around the console, out of Juhani’s line of sight. In the weeks since Taris, Mission had become comfortable with the mercenary. He saw her as a child, much to her continued chagrin, but that also meant he didn’t get aggressive with her as he would with an adult.
Juhani didn’t dignify him with a reply as she had Layla, focusing back on Steven. “Will you come now?”
“Yeah. Of course.” He pushed back his chair, head still spinning. He squashed down his emotions. He didn’t need a lecture from the Council about self control tonight.
“It was good to meet you all.” Juhani bowed to the room before turning and leading Steven back out of the ship.
Don’t trust them. They would’ve left her to die. Jake whispered in Steven’s head.
She didn’t deserve to die. That was too much of a risk they let her take.
And you didn’t deserve to kill her. Be careful.
Steven couldn’t help but think Jake had a point. He knew the Jedi were not perfect; he’d read enough of the Order’s history to know, but he thought they never should’ve let things go so far for a training exercise. To set up both Juhani and Steven himself, they must have seen this coming. As soon as they entered the main building, Jake vanished again. Steven wished he’d stayed. He didn’t want to talk to the senior Jedi alone just now.