But Smile No More

Rumors may have been spread already, but Loki knew bringing Thor out as he was would be…troublesome.  He covertly cast another deflection spell on Thor so that at least he would be less noticeable.  The pair walked from the dining hall in silence and Loki looked for a topic of conversation to bridge the gap, but Thor looked not the least bit interested anyway.  So instead, his gaze moved over Thor’s altered form as he again took it in with the light of day.  A Jotun, but not quite…even this way, it was hard to see Thor as anything but fetching.  It was almost like Thor was the one who had shape-shifted for a change, although the reality of the situation was sickening.

What was he really expecting would happen when [he refused to think ‘if’] his brother regained his memory?  They had already been on poor terms before Loki had wished him out of existence, so what would Thor think now?  Would Loki’s honesty and attempts to right things on his own accord have any bearing on his brother’s view of him?

Loki led them through a path that took them to the garden, thinking that Thor might like to see it in the daylight.  He was pleased when Thor did slow his steps as his gaze lingered on the garden, and his hand went to where the necklace Loki crafted was hidden beneath Thor’s tunic.  “You like flowers?”  Loki tried.

Thor sighed as if being reminded of something unpleasant, namely Loki’s presence, and cast a sideways glance at the other man.  “We have none on Jotunheim.”

“Of course.”  Loki said, and found another awkward lull in conversation as he started to lead Thor out.  “Is there any thing you wish to see?”

Thor shrugged.  “Wouldn’t know.”

Loki cleared his throat and exhaled slowly before he stopped in alarm as Thor suddenly jerked to a halt.

“You let such beasts roam here?”  Thor demanded.

“Pardon?”  Thor looked alarmed and Loki looked around in confusion, tensed and ready to defend them but seeing no enemy.  He followed Thor’s almost accusatory gaze to a small, decorative pond where a group of frogs were at leisure.  Loki looked from the pond to Thor who had taken several steps back.  “…The...frogs?”

“The trevols!”  Thor hissed as he pointed at the frogs and then took another step back as if pointing might incite a retaliation from them.

Loki confirmed to himself that Thor was indeed startled and alarmed by frogs, and he recognized that laughing would be a bad idea on all accounts.  He instead composed himself and said in a level tone.  “Those are frogs, the thing I threatened to turn you into, remember?  What did you think a frog was?”

“Some Asgardian thing.”  Thor said dismissively, not understanding why Loki wasn’t taking this seriously.  Trevols were monstrous beasts, did the Asgardians think to tame them by breeding them so small?

Don’t laugh.  Loki mentally reminded himself, remembering the larger context of the situation.  This was not his Thor being a silly oaf.  This was the Thor he’d cursed into a nightmare who lacked basic understanding of his home realm.  “I assure you, br-Thor, frogs are perfectly harmless.”  Thor didn’t look convinced so Loki took a few steps forward with the intent to pick one up.   To his surprise, Thor held an arm out in front of Loki’s chest to stop him.

Thor hissed.  “Are you mad?”

“Possibly.”  Loki said automatically as he bit his cheeks against a smile.  For some reason, Thor seemed to be at least a sliver of protective towards him, whether because of his own general nature or some other reason.  “Truly, they can do you no harm.  My brother and I often played with them as children.”

Thor’s expression shuttered at that as his brow furrowed and his arm lowered.  He cast an irked glance at the frogs before he walked around them with a wide berth, seemingly quite done with the detour.

Loki supposed the mention of their childhood was what had caused Thor to shut down and he sighed as he followed after Thor before he took the lead again.

“Frogs, bruh-er!”  An excited voice.

“I see them, Loki.”  A warm laugh.

Thor frowned against the echo of voices in his mind…happy children…them?  He cast a glance at Loki who offered him a smile, and Thor gave him a blank look in return as he looked away.  Was he actually starting to believe all of their nonsense?

But Frigga…he couldn’t deny that…she was his mother?  But she was not, Frigga was the queen of the Aesir, not the mother of a runt Jotun…

Unless Loki’s tale was true and he had wished Thor’s true life away…

But that was impossible…

“Tor, up!”  Loki insisted.

“Alright, alright, brother.”  Thor chuckled.

Thor’s hand found his chest as he gripped a fistful of his tunic.  The voices had names now in his mind…Loki and Thor…perhaps it was a trick from Loki’s sorcery, perhaps it was all a trick, even that with Frigga.  Even if it were true, what then?  Thor knew only his life as a son of Laufey, a Jotun…if he were to suddenly remember being something else, someone else…  A whole other life as a prince of the Aesir…it was madness…

“Thor.”  A hand found Thor’s shoulder and he jumped slightly as he pulled away only to realize he’d been so lost in thought he had nearly walked into a tree.  Loki’s face looked concerned and Thor wanted to hit the other man.  He didn’t need the concern of an As, least of all this one, that claimed so readily that he had tried to destroy ‘Thor’.

“Are you alright?  Should we go back?”  Loki asked carefully.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”  Thor said gruffly as he started to walk again, despite not knowing where he was really going, and Loki sighed as he joined him.

Loki thought silence would prevail again, but to his surprise, Thor asked a question and he thought he might have preferred silence after all.

“Why did you…wish your brother away?”  Thor asked, his tone skeptical and annoyed, like he both disbelieved the premise of the question and was irked to even be asking.

Loki swallowed hard.  “…As I said, I blamed him for a great many-”

“-Not that.”  Thor interrupted dismissively.  “A real answer.”

”I-That is a real answer.”  Loki said, mildly perplexed.

Thor came to a stop with a roll of his eyes as he faced Loki with a frown.  “People blame people for things all the time, they don’t wish they never existed.  But you did it to your own brother, supposedly.  So why?”

Loki inhaled slowly, not eager to address this topic but recognizing that denying Thor answers to questions would only make things worse between them even if honest answers might do the same.  “It’s complicated.”

”For a frost giant?”  Thor snapped.

“No.”  Loki said calmly.  “The history between my brother and I was over centuries.  It is not easily summed up in one event or moment…at the time I made the wish, I felt my life was…ruined.  And not only did I…put much blame on Thor for that, I was…envious.  Thor had everything while I had nothing.  Perhaps I thought I deserved it more than he did.  If nothing else, I wanted it…I thought I did, anyway.”

Thor studied him before he shook his head.  “You erased your own brother to steal from him.”

“That is an oversimplification-”

”-Is it wrong?”  Thor interrupted again and Loki felt a surge of irritation.  “You wielded strength against me and said you stole that from him too.”

Loki grimaced at his heat-of-the-moment words coming up in this way.  “I regret what I did.”

”So that makes it okay?”  Thor demanded.

Loki stared, struck by how much Thor looked and sounded himself as he asked that, so much so that he wondered if he wasn’t perhaps seeing a bit of Thor shining through.  He chose his next words carefully in either case.  “No.”  he said honestly.  “What I did was…probably unforgivable.” he heard Thor snort at ‘probably’.  “But I will do everything I can to undo what I’ve done.”

“Why?”

Loki felt he’d answered that question too, but clearly not to Thor’s satisfaction.  He could speak of his own feelings in missing his brother, or other sentimental reasons regarding their family or the wrongness of it all but he went for a simple truth.  “Because you don’t deserve what I’ve done to you, Thor.”

Thor stared, red eyes meeting green for a pregnant pause before Thor looked away with a heavy feeling in his chest.  The other man sounded sincere, either because it was the truth or because Loki believed his own wild tales, and in that it seemed that Loki held genuine remorse for what he’d [supposedly] done.  But so what?  Loki was right, wishing your brother out of existence and for such petty reasons…it was unforgivable.

“I am sorry, brother.”  Loki said softly, the words too heavy on his tongue to remain unsaid.  He waited for the inevitable snap back, the glare, the rejection, but it didn’t come.  Thor’s gaze slid to his for a brief second before Thor started walking again like the conversation hadn’t happened.  He might almost have hoped that he’d gotten through to Thor, but if he had, he suspected things would have gone differently.  There was a good chance Loki might be well off considering himself lucky if Thor stopped at simply beating Loki within an inch of his life given what he’d done.

They finally passed the last gate separating the palace lands from the city below and Thor seemed increasingly tense.  It occurred to Loki suddenly that Thor wasn’t likely used to crowds, save those at those damned parties of The Collector’s.  He was reminded of how Thor had expected to be caged again in his bedroom, or used as a party favor during dinner and felt a shudder of revulsion.  Loki would never let his brother come to such harm again, he would protect Thor, no matter what.

“Why…are your people so calm?”  Thor muttered after they’d passed several groups of people.

Loki hesitated and then admitted, having come to realize that lying to this Thor would do more harm than good as far as building a bridge between them.  “I put a deflection spell on you.  People are not likely to notice you unless you address them or they come into contact with you.”

Thor gave a bitter chuckle.  “So much for letting your people grow used to me.”

“I did not want your first outing here to be…chaotic, that is all.”  Loki said quickly.  “I will remove it if you-”

”-Don’t bother.”  Thor said as he cast his gaze around with a frown.  “Bad enough as it is.

Loki’s brow furrowed faintly at that.  “What do you mean?”

Thor fell silent at that before he stopped before an ornate fountain.  He seemed puzzled by it, particularly as he watched children tossing shining objects into it.

“A fountain.”  Loki said as he came up beside Thor.  “A decoration.  The children are tossing coins in to make a wish.”

”The fountain grants wishes?”  Thor sounded dubious.

Loki wasn’t even tempted to laugh that time, finding it more sad than anything that Thor knew so little of what should be his own realm.  “No, well, likely not.  Shall we say it is more for…good luck?  It pleases the children at any rate.”

Thor watched the giggling, eager children and Loki didn’t miss a faint, faraway expression that came over Thor’s face.  He knew now that Thor must be remembering his son, and sure enough, Thor’s hand slid absently towards the hidden necklace.

Loki considered it before he said.  “Thor.”   As the other man turned, Loki stretched his hand towards Thor’s ear with the intention of ‘magically’ pulling a coin from it but Thor caught and gripped his wrist tightly.

“What are you doing?”  Thor growled suspiciously.

Thor was still that on guard with him?  Loki kept still as he said calmly.  “A trick.  There is a coin in my hand now.”  he said as he nodded towards it and Thor released Loki’s arm as Loki showed him the coin.  He waved his hand and the coin disappeared, and Thor eyed his hand with a faint frown.  Loki waved his hand again and closed his palm before he opened it to reveal a coin which he held out to Thor.  When Thor made no move to take it, he took a humorous approach as he said.  “Come now, just a wishing coin.”

Thor took the offered coin, examined it, and glanced at the fountain before he put the coin into his tunic pocket.

“If you want to make a wish, you have to throw it into the fountain.”  Loki said, thinking perhaps Thor had misunderstood.

”Every time I hear the word ‘wish’ from your mouth, I want to strike you.”  Thor said bluntly, and Loki recoiled slightly at the words.

“Apologies.”  he murmured as he supposed that was more than fair, circumstances considered.  The pair continued on and Loki noted how intently Thor observed their surroundings.  The observation wasn’t curiosity, or at least not purely that, Thor was being hyper vigilant.  Perhaps taking him into the city, especially so soon, had not been the wisest idea.  He slowly steered Thor towards the outskirts of the city to where there were the few small farms of Asgard.  Thor might better understand the whole thing if he were to see it himself.  He noted at least that the further they were from the city and groups of people, the less tense Thor seemed.  Thor also seemed genuinely interested in the nature around them in a way that he never recalled Thor being.  But then again, Thor had grown up in the lushness of Asgard and other realms like Vanaheim and Alfheim…this Thor knew only the cold darkness of Jotunheim.  A land with no flowers and no light…

They passed a grazing pasture for cattle and an enclosure for horses, and Thor seemed leery of the latter.  The pair continued on and as they passed a herd of sheep, Thor paused before he pointed.  “That is where I hunted.”

Loki clicked his tongue.  “I suspected as much…I should reimburse them for the sheep.”  he said, half to himself as he sighed and steeled himself to put on a presentation face.  Thor seemed inclined to disagree but said nothing all the same as they approached the farmstead, not until they drew closer and Thor paused with a frown.  “What is it?”

Thor glanced around and inhaled slowly.  “…A bad smell.”  he muttered.

Loki’s brow furrowed but he didn’t have time to question it before a woman’s gasp drew his attention.

“Prince Loki, by the Nine!”  A harried looking woman came up to him quickly.  “You are Norns-sent!”

Loki straightened as he took in her appearance and semi-frantic state.  “You need assistance?”

“He is dead!”

“Who?”

“Norbert!"

“Marissa, where-”  A man drew up alongside of the barn and stopped short as he saw Loki, neither seemed to have noticed Thor yet.

“Lenk, Prince Loki is here!”  Marissa said.  “He will figure this all out.”  she said.

Lenk came up beside Marissa with a frown.  “Good afternoon, Prince.”  he said, not seeming much like he meant it.

“What happened?”  Loki tried to ask.

“Norbert tends the chickens around the farm.”  Marissa said, sounding aggrieved.  “Now he’s missing and there’s blood all over the barn!  And a dead chicken besides!”

”Enough about the chicken.”  Lenk said irritably.  “Missing man is trouble aplenty.”

Loki took that in as he kept his tone calm and authoritative.  “Show me?”  he asked, and he glanced at Thor who seemed content to follow silently so they proceeded on.  They reached the barn and sure enough there was a mess of blood on the floor, no man in sight, but a dead chicken.

“There’s money missing too.”  Marissa admitted.  “But Norbert was no thief!”

“So you believe someone else…killed this Norbert and stole from you?”

“Must be.”  Lenk said.

”Only a few people know where I keep my money though.”  Marissa said worriedly.

“Norbert among them?”  Loki asked.

“Yes, and a few relatives, a couple of my friends, maybe one or two of their friends, and…Lenk, of course.”

“Of course.”  Loki echoed and Lenk looked irked to be mentioned.  “That is all you know?  Norbert and the money are missing, and you found this scene in the barn?”

“Yes.”  Marissa confirmed.

Loki considered that a moment.  “Perhaps I could use a tracking spell to look for this Norbert…” he said, half to himself.

“You’re looking for the dead man?”

Loki glanced over as Thor spoke, while Marissa and Lenk jumped.

Thor speaking rendered the deflection spell null in their eyes and as they saw Thor, they both seemed frightened.

“A-A frost giant!”  Marissa shrieked.

“Audumla’s Teats!”  Lenk swore as he made a hasty grab for a pitchfork from the side of the barn wall.

“Stop-”  Loki started to order, and as Lenk made as if to strike Thor he prepared to snatch the pitchfork but Thor beat him to it.

Thor yanked the pitchfork away and snapped it in half without breaking eye contact with Lenk.  Marissa and Lenk looked further frightened and Thor kept a cool expression as he looked to Loki.  “The dead man is under the hay.”  he said as he pointed to a corner behind a few pallets and bags of grain.

“What?”  Loki asked, startled by Thor’s declaration.

“He did it!”  Lenk shouted.  “He killed Norbert!”

Marissa began to mutter a rapid prayer as she moved beside Loki.  “Prince, why do you not slay the wicked beast?”  she practically wailed.

Thor rolled his eyes which did him no favors in their eyes.

“Calm down, both of you.  This is my-cousin…born of Vili Borson.  Have you not yet heard?  This is Thor Vilison, nephew to the All-Father.”

Marissa gasped and Lenk looked stunned.  “Prince Loki, are you bewitched?”  she whispered.  “Say the word and I will-”

Thor had made his way to the corner where he knocked aside the debris blocking the hay he spoke of, and as he kicked at a pile, there did seem to be a human form beneath the remaining hay bits.

Loki watched as Thor confidently revealed the missing and dead man.  “…How did you know that?”

“I could smell him.”  Thor said, not seeming concerned in the least by the situation.

“Lying fucking frost giant.”  Lenk spat and Loki narrowed his eyes.

“Insults to my cousin are insults to me, and the All-Father besides.”

“He’s a murderer!”  shouted Lenk.

“Norns protect us.”  Marissa said.

Thor watched the pair and shook his head before he approached, and the pair more or less seemed to try to hide behind Loki.

Loki thought back to the morning where Thor had shown up covered in blood…he had skinned a sheep, one from this very farm apparently…  “Thor, may I speak with you outside a moment?”  he asked politely, both in hopes that Thor would comply and to keep the others calm.  Thor seemed pleased enough to leave and didn’t argue it as he headed towards Loki and then past him outside.

“He will murder you too!”  Marissa said frantically.

“Why are you defending that monster?”  Lenk demanded.

“What did I say?”  Loki snapped, and Marissa and Lenk both drew back.  “Remain here, I will return shortly.”  he ordered as he followed Thor out of the barn and a good twenty feet away where Thor wore a faintly disgusted expression.

“Everything smells bad here.”  Thor muttered.

“Thor.”  Loki said as he debated how to get to the issue.  “This is where you got the sheep, correct?”

”I already said it was.”  Thor said, and he sounded faintly impatient.

“Did you…skin it here?”

“In the room.”  Thor said.  “Why are you asking about the sheep?”

“What room?”  Loki asked.

“The one you put me in.”  Thor said tersely, like Loki had asked a stupid question.

Loki realized Thor was reticent to say ‘my room’.  There had been blood on the floor…but…the coincidence, and Thor smelling out the body…he was a fro-a Jotun, not a bloodhound.  “Is…is there any chance that you…hurt more than the sheep last night?”  he finally asked.

Thor stilled as his casually annoyed expression went slack before his eyes narrowed on Loki angrily.  “What are you really asking?”

Loki splayed his palms in a gesture of non-confrontation.  “Only what I asked, nothing more.”

“Now I know how you sound when you’re lying.”  Thor said icily and Loki felt a pit in his stomach at that.

“I only mean that-”

“-Dead Aesir.  ‘Frost giant’.  What more do you need to know?”  Thor asked sardonically with a look of disdain.  “Is this what your ‘protection’ looks like?”  he asked, referencing their conversation on the balcony when Loki promised to protect Thor going forward.

“It isn’t like that, Thor.”  Loki tried calmly although his throat felt choked, seeing that whatever hint of ground he might have gained in a civil relationship with Thor was crumbling and reversing rapidly.

“Then what is it like?”  Thor asked coldly.

“It is a reasonable question…you stole a sheep-” he saw Thor’s rising offense and amended.  “You hunted a sheep here last night, and now there is a dead man, and you knew exactly where he was-”

“-Because I could smell him, I told you that.”  Thor snapped.

Loki inhaled slowly as he tried to speak in a calm tone.  “On a farm filled with livestock, manure, and grain…you smelled exactly where a hidden dead body was, in nearly an instant?”

“It wasn’t ‘instant’.”  Thor said as his hands clenched at his side.  “Make your accusation, Asgardian.”  he snarled.

“I am not accusing you-”  Loki took a step back as Thor approached angrily, and the pair stood inches apart as Thor glared up at Loki.

”-Then what are you doing?”  Thor asked lowly.

“...”  Loki felt the heat rising in his face, something like a flush of shame mixed with the discomfort on the situation.  Thor turned abruptly and headed towards the road.  “Thor…Thor, stop!”  he cursed before he bridged the distance between them and stepped in front of Thor who immediately stepped around him.  “It is a reasonable question-” he tried to use logic again.

“What question then?”  Thor hissed.  “Ask it.”

“Did you kill that man?”  Loki bit out.

Thor leaned closer as he bared his teeth in a mocking grin.  “Yes.”  Loki grimaced until Thor continued.  “Is that what you want to hear, As?  You brought a monster into your pretty realm?”  he asked as he brought his face a scant inch from Loki’s to look him in the eye while Loki stood stiffly.  “I am the monster you tell your children about.”

“I am the monster parents tell their children about."

Loki’s own words, spoken seemingly a lifetime ago to Odin, came to his mind as Thor echoed them to his face then.

“I had to ask.”  Loki said, feeling a clench in his chest and a sting in his eyes as Thor gave him a look of disgust.

“No.  You didn’t.”  Thor said coldly before he grabbed a fistful of Loki’s collar.  “Come.  Let’s get this done with.”

Loki stumbled as he followed after Thor and decided to let it pass as he allowed Thor to tug him back into the barn where Marissa and Lenk were speaking.  As they saw Thor seemingly drag their prince in and roughly push him forward, they seemed only more upset by his presence.

Thor stepped closer to Lenk and Marissa who immediately moved back and looked ready to run.  He made a derisive noise.  “The man, you said he works with your chickens?”

Marissa looked pale as a sheet and didn’t reply, and Thor looked half-way to furious as he cast a gaze on Loki expectantly.

Loki took a few seconds but he straightened as he asked on Thor’s behalf.  “Norbert, he handled your chickens?”

Marissa looked between the two.  “Y-Yes.”

“Was he the only one?”  Thor demanded and Marissa looked fit to faint then.

“Thor, calm-”

“Do not tell me to be calm.”  Thor snapped as he cast Loki a thunderous glance, too familiar really, and looked back at Marissa.  “Was he the only one?”

“Yes!”  she blurted out.

“No one else should touch your chickens?”  Marissa shook her head.

”Why are you letting this frost giant speak?”  Lenk demanded of Loki.

Were this his Thor, Loki would have already taken steps to rein him in but he was reluctant to further upset this Thor.  His reaction made Loki think that he hadn’t killed the man, but then what was this about?

“No one else would kill your chickens?”  Thor asked of Marissa.

Loki wasn’t seeing a point to Thor’s questions and he took a step closer.

“No one else.”  Marissa said fearfully.

Thor made a quick movement and snatched Lenk by the shirt as he threw him to the ground.

“Thor!”  Loki exclaimed as he grabbed his brother, who slammed an elbow into his collar bone and caused Loki to stagger back.

Thor grabbed Lenk’s jacket and yanked it up with Lenk’s arms still in it as Lenk yelled with pain.

Loki cursed and grabbed for Thor who made to strike him, but Loki caught his wrist that time and twisted it abruptly behind Thor’s back.  When Thor made to spin, he gripped his brother’s upper arm.  “What are you doing?”  he hissed.  “Thor, why?”

“Blood on his jacket.  And his hands.”  Thor said through gritted teeth.

“What?”  Loki released Thor, taken aback even as Lenk began to protest.

Thor snatched Lenk’s hand and gripped it to the point of nearly crushing the bones as he held the man half-aloft by the hand and presented his fingernails.  Dirtied and with dried blood underneath several.  And as Loki used sorcery to make the jacket appear in his hand as he examined it, he found blood on the inner lining…and two chicken feathers.

“He smells like the bird and the man.”  Thor said as he dropped Lenk and wiped his hands as though to rid them of something unpleasant.

“Lenk?”  Marissa looked to her farmhand.

“Fucking frost giant!”  Lenk shouted.  “I will-”

Loki waved his hand as a length of rope from the wall slipped around Lenk’s mouth and then his torso as he was effectively bound and gagged.  “Does he live on the farm?”

“Y-Yes.”  Marissa replied.

“Show me where.”  Loki ordered, and in short order she had taken him to the small building where the farmhands stayed and his room in it.  An examination of the room turned up…a bag containing the missing money.

“He really did it.”  Marissa said.

Loki stared at the bag before he turned to look at Thor, only to find him gone.  “Thor!”  he went quickly outside only to find Thor headed for the road.  “Where are you going?”

“Somewhere else.”  he replied coolly.  “I can’t stand the smell.”

Loki faltered at that before he said.  “I need to settle the matter here…”

“I’m not going far.”  Thor snapped before he stormed off towards the road and then other side of it where he seemed to be heading for a group of trees.

Loki hesitated to let him go but thought the better of arguing the point as he resolved to quickly finish up the issue on the farm.  He summoned the city guard to take the man away and address the body, and he compensated Marissa for the sheep.  After that, he quickly made his way to where he’d seen Thor going and found Thor seemingly resting under a tree.  That was a little nostalgic, how many times had one of the brothers leaned against a tree while the other brother rested on their lap?  How many hours had they spent talking and dreaming, teasing and story-telling?  Simply enjoying each other’s company…  He approached and Thor’s eyes opened as he eyed Loki.  “Everything is settled.”

Thor shrugged and said nothing, looking like he might just close his eyes again.

Loki drew closer as he said.  “You showed up to your room this morning covered in blood, you knew right where the man was.  I was Jotun before, I did not have such a strong sense of smell.”  Never mind that his Aesir glamour made it a bit of a moot point either way.  “It seemed logical to consider it, but it was not because you are Jotun or I assumed you would do that.”  he heard Thor scoff and Loki crouched down a foot from Thor to meet his brother’s gaze.  “I would not have let you be harmed even if you had.”

“You would protect a Jotun murderer?”  Thor asked skeptically.

“I would protect my brother.”

“I am not your-”

“-I cannot see you as otherwise.”  Or was that strictly true.  If Thor, the Asgardian Thor, had done all of the same things would Loki still have considered him?

Thor gave him a sarcastic look as he rose.  “Putting your brother in chains, accusing him of murder, wishing him out of existence.  It’s a wonder you didn’t get along well.”  he mocked, playing along with the premise again just to jab at Loki.

“We didn’t always fight.”  Loki said lightly as he reminded himself Thor’s anger was justified.  He needed to accept, and deny in light ways, any vitriol Thor paid him.

“Wasn’t enough though, was it.”  A statement, not a question as Thor stretched and stepped past Loki as he ran his palm over a tree almost thoughtfully.

As Loki watched him stretch, it occurred to him suddenly that it wasn’t just about having lived on Jotunheim.  Thor had been caged by The Collector for two years, not able even to see his own hands.  Being able to move about freely, to ‘simply’ experience nature…and he had mentioned being hunted on Jotunheim.  That might suggest Thor’s time outside was always spent on the run, always…as hyper vigilant as he had been in the city.

Pity for his brother and remorse blossomed anew as he watched Thor brush the tree.  “Are you alright with continuing, or shall we return?”

Thor’s torso moved like he had sighed and then he replied.  “May as well finish.”  he muttered.

Loki took the faint lead again as they continued down the road, and he took occasional glances at Thor to see the other man taking in the sights with a quiet expression.  “You are welcome outside any time.”

Thor cast him a sharp glance.  “As long as you are taking care of me, right?” he asked sarcastically.

“I would like to accompany you for awhile at least, while our people-” he saw Thor frown. “-Grow used to you.  But otherwise, this is your home.  It can be your home.”  he amended as he saw Thor about to argue.  “I have told you, you are not my prisoner.  You are free to do as you please.”

”And if I want to go to Jotunheim?”  Still sarcastic.

“...Eventually.  If you still want to.”  Loki finally said.  “But I hope for Mother’s sake at least, you will give Asgard a chance.  Everything you have said of Jotunheim makes it sound like you were ill-treated.  It will not be so here.”

“Did you not here the As in the barn?”

“One was a murderer and one was frightened out of her mind.  Hardly a measure of all Asgardians.”

“And the rest will be so different?”  Thor said skeptically.

“Given time, yes.”  Loki said, perhaps more hopefully than confidently as he glanced at his brother.  “You have nearly the status of a prince now, it will be more official tomorrow but…no one can take you lightly without risking the wrath of the rest of us.”

“Rest of who?”

“...Your family.”  Loki chanced softly and Thor’s expression scrunched as he looked back towards the trees.  He considered it perhaps some tiny sliver of progress that Thor didn’t outright deny him on that, either for not bothering or maybe…just maybe…starting to believe it?

The passed by a mill and a waterwheel, and that seemed to mildly fascinate Thor for some reason.  Loki took it upon himself to lightly offer an explanation, and Thor asked a couple of questions as he examined the wheel.  They started to move on from there when Loki heard a wail, and he grimaced.  If there was another murder…

Thor had, somewhat to Loki’s surprise, already begun walking towards the sound and he quickly moved to catch up.  He didn’t want to offer any chastisement though, even telling Thor to stick by his side or wait for him might be construed as chafing to Thor.  Loki felt he’d damaged whatever tentative peace was between them with his ‘accusation’.  And Thor’s situation in general made Loki loathe to interfere.  Thor as an Asgardian had been reckless, nearly nothing had ever been denied him and he did as he pleased with Loki struggling to rein him in.  But this Thor…he had been denied practically everything, given few freedoms…he didn’t want to rein him in unless he absolutely had to.

The wail came from what seemed a farmer’s daughter, she had collapsed near a horse stall and was clutching her stomach.  An older couple, perhaps her parents, were gathered around her as well as what seemed another lady of the farm.  Loki realized quickly the woman was in labor.

“We must get you inside.”  The older woman said.

”I can’t!”  The lass wailed.  “Father go!”  she added as she wrung her hands about her face and the father seemed pleased enough for the ‘permission’ to leave while his wife huffed at his departure.

“A midwife is being fetched, Sura.”  The other girl said.

Sura gave another wail as she gritted her teeth.  “There’s no time!”  she noticed Loki then and her face turned a deep scarlet.  “P-Prince Loki.”  she stammered.

The woman and other girl jumped and then curtsied.  “A thousand pardons, your grace.” The woman said and Loki waved a hand.

“None needed, a midwife is already being fetched you said?”

“Yes, your grace.”  said the girl.

Loki realized Thor was approaching the girl and as he moved to set a hand on his brother’s arm, the other three noticed Thor.

The girl in labor paled while the older woman gasped, the other girl seemed faintly amazed.

Before Loki could stop him, Thor abruptly knelt near the girl in labor who looked terrified.  “Where is your mate?”

“W-What?”  The girl stammered.

“Why is there a frost giant here?”  The older woman asked , sounding frightened.

“It helps if your mate holds your hand.”  Thor informed the girl before he rose to snatch a couple of sacks of oats as he placed them behind her.  “Lean on these.”  he ordered.

The girl looked petrified at that point and looked to her mother and presumably her sister.

“Do as he says, Sura.”  Her sister encouraged.

“This is Thor Vilison, nephew of the All-Father, you need not be afraid.”  Loki added quickly, knowing it was well unorthodox to be presenting Thor this way and in this situation but there seemed little help for it.

Sura seemed overwhelmed but given Thor’s expectant gaze and another painful contraction, she leaned back against the grain bags.

“Where is her mate?”  Thor demanded of the standing women.

“Mate?”  The older woman repeated.

“Think he means Charlen.”  The sister suggested.

Sura looked distinctly uncomfortable as well as frightened, and Loki gently set a hand on Thor’s arm.  “The midwife will be here soon, Thor.”  he said gently.  “Men do not generally…witness births.  We should go.”  Thor shot him a strange look, like Loki had said something ridiculous, but he rose anyway.

“Find her mate.”  Thor ordered of the standing women for a final time, and with that, let Loki gently steer him away.

He waited until they were on the road again to address what had taken place.  Thor hadn’t seemed at all mystified by the birth, and he kept mentioning the mate…that was what he’d called the one who’d made his loincloth.  So perhaps he had held her hand while she gave birth to his…son.  “Do you have…much experience with birth?”

Thor gave him a faintly irritated look.  “You know about my son.”  he said gruffly.

“Of course, you just…seemed familiar.  It helped your…mate to hold hands when she gave birth?”

“My mate held my hand, she did not give birth.”  Thor said, a little tersely, like it was a topic he’d rather not discuss.

Loki’s brow furrowed at that.  “Then…where did your son come from?”

Thor came an abrupt halt, to Loki’s surprise, and gave Loki an incredulous look.  “They don’t teach where babies come from on Asgard?”

Loki spluttered.  “What?  Of course they do.”

“Then why is this confusing to you?”  Thor asked.  “My mate held my hand as I bore our son.”

Loki’s eyes widened.  “See, that’s...the one bearing the son, giving birth, that...can’t have been you.”

Thor blinked and an almost pitying look crossed his face.  “You really don’t know, do you?”  he gave a deep sigh.  “To make a child-”

“-Norns, Thor!”  Loki exclaimed quickly.  “Please, do not-I would…rather be set on fire than hear you describe that.”  he half-muttered the last bit.

Thor looked faintly disturbed.  “That is a terrible thing to joke about.  Fire is dangerous.”

Loki, mildly bewildered by the turn of the conversation, shook a dismissive hand.  “I wasn’t being serious.”  he ran a palm over his hair.  “You are a man.”  he stated, as if that should clear matters.

“So?”  Thor asked bluntly.

Loki clicked his tongue as he considered how to phrase his words.  “…Men do not give birth on Asgard.”

Thor’s brow furrowed faintly as he stared at Loki.  “Your men can’t.”  he said plainly.

“...Are you saying…Jotun men can?”

“You keep telling me you used to be one, but you’re asking me that?”

“As I also keep telling you, I spent only minutes in my birth form.  I knew next to nothing of the Jotnar.  Of…myself.  As one.”  Loki clarified.

Thor eyed him for a moment as if thinking Loki was putting him on but he finally said.  “The Jotnar can seed or carry.  We are made for both.”

Loki made a choked noise as he nearly gaped at Thor.  “I beg your pardon?”

Thor didn’t seem to care for that reaction as his eyes narrowed.  “Now what confuses you?”

“I-…”  Loki opened his mouth, closed it, then tried again.  “You mean that you have…ah…both…” he trailed off.

“Both what?”

”A sword and a sheathe?”  Loki tried and Thor gave him a look like he was questioning Loki’s intelligence.

“I carry no sword.”  Thor said, clearly unfamiliar with the analogy.

“Right.”  Loki said, and decided to let it pass and speak with his mother later.  Or maybe never think about it again.  “Right.  Shall we go?”  he said, doing a marvelous job of composing himself he felt in the face of the knowledge that his brother had apparently mothered a child.  They started walking again but his mind kept going back to it.  How would that even…why would Thor?

“We fight for who will carry or bear.”  Thor said, seeing Loki not as composed as he believed himself to be and assuming Loki was just shy of a full-on fool at this point.  “The weaker mate carries so the stronger may hunt and protect them.”

Loki took that in before he asked tentatively.  “You were…defeated?”

“No.”  Thor said, his eyes ahead on the road then.  “My mate, Jarnsaxa, was strong.  She might have beaten me.  But it was enough she accepted me.”

“...Accepted you?”

Thor gave Loki a fairly scathing glance.  “Most Jotnar would not deign to be with a runt.”

The words put another twist on Thor’s life in Loki’s mind.  He had considered before that no Asgardian would want him knowing he was technically a frost giant.  The thought had been aggravating, loneliness-inspiring, anger-inducing…Thor was a Jotun amongst Jotnar, but because he was a runt…he was an outcast.  An undesirable.  Alone.  And Thor had taken who would accept him for a partner…

Images flashed in Loki’s mind of the time Thor and he had been partners.  The stolen moments between them, the loving words, the little intimacies, the silly promises…he had been furious to think of Thor sharing such things with the mortal Jane.  But here Thor had a mate, and a son, and a whole life that Loki had no part in…a mostly terrible one, it seemed.  And now Thor was alone, or at least had been, now he had their family but did that mean anything to Thor?  Would it ever again?

“Their loss.”  Loki offered and Thor didn’t seem to think much of that as he scoffed lightly and looked away.  “…I’d like to show you something.”  he said suddenly, and Thor frowned.

Some twenty minutes later they were perched at the edge of one of the waterways where the water flowed over into seemingly endless sky.  Thor looked faintly alarmed as they approached the edge, and Loki chanced to set a hand on his arm.  He tensed at Loki’s touch but didn’t brush him off.  “What happens if you fall?”

“I wouldn’t recommend it.”  Loki said wryly, and Thor seemed to realize at least that he was joking.

Thor peered over the edge before he looked back towards the city.  “You came here with him?”

“Who?”

“...Your ‘brother’?”

Loki felt a flicker of hope at that, at what seemed perhaps an acknowledgment that his brother existed.  “A few times.  We were not let to play here as children, though we did sneak up here a couple of times…Mother was not best pleased, and Father tanned our hides…Thor and I often found places of our own, such as they were.”

“You were close?”  Thor asked.

“Inseparable once.”  Loki said lightly as he glanced over the waterway, caught in a reverie as he remembered his brother’s cheeky grin as he loped an arm around Loki who was nervous as a boy faced with the edge.

“I have you, little brother.”  Thor said.  “I would never let anything happen to you.”

Loki clutched at Thor’s waist even as he tried to seem brave.  “I am not a-afraid.”

“Are you n-not?”  Thor teased and Loki pouted, even as Thor pressed his cheek to the top of Loki’s head in a quick, fond hug.  

Loki leaned against Thor as he stared at the rushing waters, feeling safe in his big brother’s arms.

“From that to this.”  Thor muttered and Loki stared at him.  He seemed to feel Loki’s gaze on him and he added.  “Standing here with me.”  he said, like he hadn’t just implied a potential belief in Loki’s story and who they were to each other then and now.

“There is no one I would rather have by my side.”  Loki offered, and Thor’s expression scrunched again, something between a hint of confusion and perhaps pain before he started walking.  He sighed to himself, until he heard Thor speak.

”…I am…hungry.”  Thor said the words like he was admitting something large and he avoided Loki’s gaze.

Loki’s mind ran over a list of possibilities for why, mostly centered on Thor perhaps thinking he would be denied despite their reassurances, or embarrassed to ask.  He hastened to encourage Thor.  “Then we will eat at once.”  he said, and Thor looked almost surprised as he glanced at Loki.

“Frigga wanted us to eat dinner with her.”  Thor said, like it would change Loki’s mind.

“Not a problem.”  Loki assured him.  “If you are not hungry later, we will just join them at the table.  If you wish.”  he wasn’t going to make it sound forced even though he knew Frigga certainly wanted him there.

Thor considered that as he fell instep with Loki.  “If I wish.”  he repeated.

“Mother very much wants to see you, but you are never…required to do these things.  She-we-want you to be comfortable here.”  Thor made a non-committal noise at that as he turned his gaze back ahead, but Loki thought he may have detected the faintest trace of a softened expression.  Was Loki getting through to him at all, either softening the Jotun Thor or reaching his brother deep down?  But then, even if he did…he couldn’t expect a warm reception from Thor…  Still, Loki would take what he could get, and resolved to find more things to coax Thor out of his shell.

Thor had seen something on the waterway, a brush of memory perhaps, a sensation of warmth and a body pressed against his side.  Brother, he was with his brother…then or now?  But the question didn’t make sense, he had no brothers on Asgard, he was not Asgardian…

“Your heart remembers.”  Frigga’s words echoed in his mind.

Thor tried to ignore the strange feelings in his chest, the hints of familiarity that lingered the longer he spent in Asgard and with Loki at his side.