Of Duty and Desire
So began a beautiful affair, and not a day passed without the two of you seeing each other. You somehow always managed to find yourself wandering by Halbrand's work, regardless of what errand you were actually supposed to be doing. And your father didn't care too much if you were late home, just as long as you accomplished what he asked. Halbrand would cease his tasks the moment you made eye contact. Shooting him a cheeky grin, you would then make your way into that same alley where your love began. Each time he joined you there was different. There were occasions where all he wanted to do was ravage you, and you him. Where you thought you might die without his touch constantly upon you. His kiss was your new favourite thing, whether it was on your lips, your neck, your breasts... it didn't matter. However there were also times where the two of you just talked, and he would hold you in his arms whilst you would tell him tales of the land you called home.
As beautiful as this affair was, it had to remain a wondrous secret trusted only to a few. For loving Halbrand in Númenor was complicated, due to the way things were unfolding all around you. Your father was not an admirer of the royals, and tended to side with the more contemporary views of Chancellor Pharazôn. It seemed that most of Númenor's people were headed in that direction as well. However enough citizens remained loyal to the throne, and celebrated Queen Regent Míriel's decision to aid the low men of the Southlands in Middle-earth. As for you yourself, this was how you discovered who Halbrand truly was, and how he would soon be leaving Númenor behind.
You decided to confront him directly. You needed to know why he had neglected to mention his royal heritage and intentions of returning to his kingdom. It had only been days since your dalliance began, but the bond that was forming between you suggested it would last much longer than that. You came upon his workshop after dusk had faded into the darkness of the night, the streets lit up by flaming torches hung upon the walls. As you approached his door, anger in your steps, you heard a heated discussion taking place between Halbrand and a woman. Your stomach dropped momentarily, but as you drew near you discovered who the woman was - Galadriel. You had not been granted the opportunity to make her acquaintance just yet, and decided that this was not the right time, so you hung back in the shadows, and waited for the she-elf to take her leave.
Their argument seemed to come to an amicable conclusion, but the slightly pained expression on the face of your love suggested otherwise. Galadriel slipped away, with all the elven grace you expected, leaving Halbrand alone to continue sweeping his floors. You wandered into his sight tentatively, the anger you held still present, but not guiding your movements as it had just moments before. You didn't know what to say. He looked up at you then, his pain melting into joy at the sight of you. Speaking your name, he dropped his broom and closed the distance between you, and he pulled you close in a loving embrace. "I am feeling conflicted, Halbrand." you spoke delicately, choosing honesty. "I can feel our love beginning but your time here is coming to an end. Why did you not tell me of your true identity?"
He released you, taking a step back, steadying himself for another disagreement. "Because it's not what I want. It was the past I was looking to forget. I came to Númenor by chance, seizing the opportunity before me. To start anew." he paused, considering his next words. "I did not tell you because... that's not who I am anymore."
"I disagree." you spoke, your tone laced with frustration. "You are leaving for Middle-earth, are you not?" He didn't answer you. Words failed him as he knew as well as you that he should have been honest from the beginning. Your heated gaze finally forced a response from him. "I am."
"Why?"
"Because I have a duty, greater than my own desires. My people are on the verge of darkness and death. As much as I prayed it would never come to pass, I must return home."
His words said one thing, but his body said something else, something much more. There was conflict within him, uncertainty. A reluctance to accept his fate. Noticing this, you pushed back against him, in a desperate attempt to keep him by your side. "But if you want to stay then stay!" you exclaimed selfishly. "This life is your own and should not be beholden to anything or anyone. You are free to make your own choices, Halbrand. Besides... you can't leave me, I... I just found you."
Halbrand sighed. He moved back towards you, taking your hands in his, his thumbs grazing lightly over your skin. "Come with me."
"What?!"
"Come with me! I am leaving these shores but not you. We can still be together."
"But my father-"
"Damn your father!" he spoke, his voice raised. "What concern has he shown for your wellbeing? For your future? You are but a maid to him, a servant of a drunken master. With me, you would be no servant. I would make you a queen." These words made you feel lighter than air, as if the ground had vanished beneath your feet with only the hands of your love tethering you to the world. You let a smile enter your expression, and he beamed back at you. "Is that a yes?" asked Halbrand. You signified as such by kissing him, and he returned the gesture passionately.
Before any leaving could commence, there were two conversations with two individuals that needed to be had. One with Galadriel, and one with your father. You decided to approach your father first and get it out of the way, knowing despite his atrociousness, it would be difficult for you to say goodbye. You bid Halbrand to wait outside while you headed to your chamber to pack a sack full of essentials you might need for the journey across the Sundering Seas, and following this, confront your father.
You stepped towards him timidly, as he sat at his table, sharpening his tools, his bloated belly visibly hanging out above his pants. As he wiped down his sweaty forehead, his eyes darted to the sack you now carried, and he drew his own conclusions. "Abandoning me, are ye? After all I've done for you. Who's gonna take care of me now? How can you leave me to fend for myself like this? You selfish cow."
"You are the selfish one, father, not me. I have my entire life ahead of me, unlike you and your wasted one behind your fat bottom."
"How dare you!" he bellowed, slamming his tools on the table. "You wouldn't have anything if it weren't for me!"
"I might have my mother!"
Those words beget violence, as he slapped you hard across the face, twice, causing you to lose balance and fall to the floor. You let a pained cry escape your lips, and this was signal enough for Halbrand to intervene. He stormed across the threshold and immediately put your father up against the wall, a dagger at his throat. "Halbrand, no!"
"I will not stand idly by while he assaults you." Halbrand spoke through gritted teeth, not removing his eyes from his prey.
"It wouldn't be the first time." your father choked out gruffly, satisfied with himself.
"But it will be the last." Halbrand threatened, pressing the dagger down enough to draw blood, causing your father to wince.
You stepped toward the two significant men of your life, losing love for one, and finding it in another. You sighed. "Father. You loved me once, I'm sure. As I did you. For better or worse I'll never truly leave you, nor you me. But you will kill me if I remain here. You know it to be true. And I know that the part of you that still loves me, somewhere in the deep chasm of your broken heart, does not wish for that to happen. Let me go." Your father considered your words as Halbrand released his hold of him. He was stunned and speechless, and he remained as such until you and your love turned and left, tears streaming down your face. You broke down completely not twenty paces past your front door. Halbrand said not a word, he just held you as you sobbed into him, collapsing to the ground. He kissed your forehead tenderly, squeezing you tight, waiting patiently for your calm to return.
It wasn't until the next evening that you felt up to attempting a meeting with Galadriel. The pain had been much more taxing than you had anticipated. Still, you knew you had made the right choice. A future with Halbrand was infinitely more promising and hopeful than a slow and torturous demise under your father's watch. You wondered how Galadriel would respond to this sudden proposal of sorts, not entirely sure of how it would play out, but you were more hopeful about her reaction than your father's, especially after the grief of the previous evening. Halbrand and the elven commander had forged a strong bond that had begun before you crossed his path, and even though they hadn't known each other for long, it still meant a great deal to Halbrand that Galadriel give you both her blessing. However you were just excited to finally meet with her.
Fingers entwined, Halbrand lead you into Galadriel's temporary quarters in the palace, where she was expecting you. Your eyes found her as soon as you entered the room, and hers locked with yours, her ethereality instantly affecting. You found yourself momentarily forgetting Halbrand was by your side, and wondering where things might be if you had met her before him. Halbrand introduced you, nothing but pride and happiness in his voice as he did so. Galadriel bowed her head and spoke, "Halbrand has talked of no one else these past few days. It is an honour to finally make your acquaintance."
"No, the honour is all mine, Lady Galadriel." you spoke, butterflies in your stomach as she smiled at you.
"You wish to bring her with us, Halbrand? That is why you are here, is it not?"
He nodded in acknowledgement. "But only after we have your blessing."
Galadriel took her time answering the future king of the Southlands. This did not bode well. She turned to you, her tone grave. "Forgive me, but I do not think it wise. You would be a distraction, an emotional cross that Halbrand cannot afford to bear." She was right, but it didn't make the words go down any easier, especially for Halbrand.
"Then I'm staying in Númenor." he spoke defiantly.
"You cannot be serious. You have known this woman for all of six sunrises."
"And you haven't known me for much longer than that, elf. Yet you labelled me king and convinced me to return to my people."
"I do not wish to repeat this discussion. It is already decided."
"Things change."
"Perhaps you were right, low man, you are not the hero I seek."
"STOP!" your voice roared, splitting the room in two, ending their altercation.
You turned towards your love. "Galadriel is right, Halbrand. You know she is. You have a duty, greater than your own desires." you spoke his own words back to him, tears forming in your eyes. You almost couldn't believe what was coming out of your mouth, since it was you who insisted Halbrand should shirk his royal destiny and not be bound by fate. But despite what you and he wanted, you did know the truth. The Southlands need their king more than you need your love. Halbrand closed his eyes in defeat. He couldn't speak.
"I will come to the docks to see you off." your statement filled the silence. "We won't say goodbye, only namárië." Your use of the elven farewell piqued Galadriel's interest, and her expression softened as she gazed upon you. "Forgive me, but I have to speak with Elendil regarding tomorrow's voyage." she said, indicating she needed the two of you to leave. You nodded as Galadriel parted, but Halbrand couldn't bear to look at her, or you for that matter. You stepped towards him, letting your hands lock. A tear fell silently down his beautiful face as he blinked, then finally glanced at you. He still couldn't speak.
"Shall we go for an ale, perhaps? Distract ourselves with some merriment?" you offered.
Halbrand's warm chuckle entered the air. "No... I don't think so. But I have another idea that might be even more distracting."