Remember Me

Tony’s hand was shaking with anger as he threw the journal down on the bed. It bounced off the soft mattress and landed on the hard wooden floors in front of his feet. Ben locked his eyes on it and looked ashamed as Tony crossed his arms. He was red with anger, his breathing locked into a heavy pattern. “Go on then,” he said when Ben still had said nothing even after he said that he’d explain it. “Explain why I found it inyour bag.”

“I- I-,”

“That’s not explaining it. I’m not hearing anything come out of your mouth!” Tony said, losing his patience. He kicked the journal towards him. “Are you taking the piss out of me, kid? Do you think this is some kind of joke?!” he shouted. Ben looked back, frozen. His eyes were watering. Tony scoffed. “Oh, stop crying! Jesus- I should’ve known. I mean- look at you! Cuts and bruises everywhere. I bet you’re working for someone. Is that it? Just want to get stuff out of me like everyone else does?

“No!” Ben shouted, getting on his knees as he picked up the journal. He stayed like that, his head hitting the floor as he refused to look at Tony. By now his tears had begun to fall. Tony knew his tears were loud, but he couldn’t hear them over the fumes escaping his ears. He’s not sure if he’s ever felt this angry. “I-I was trying to help- I thought- I-“

“How did you even get this? Did your pal Spider-Man give it to you?” he said, “are you two working together? ‘Helping me out’. How in the world do you think this is this helping? Stealing the only thing I had of my kid- the only thing left that even proved he was ever here? It’s a pretty fucked up way of helping if that’s even the truth.”

Ben cries got louder. He scurried closer to Tony but he only stepped back and Ben fell into the space, “I was- I just- I don’t know what to do!” he shouts. He sits back and brings his knees up to his chest. Tony watches as snot triples down his face. It should be gross but Tony suddenly feels like the world’s biggest asshole. But he can’t calm down- this anger isn’t going anywhere else other than towards Ben. He can’t help it. “I’m sorry- I’m so, so, sorry. Please don’t hate me, Mr Stark- I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you are,” Tony said. He groaned, running a hand through his hair as he looked down at the shaking, crying and lost teenager in front of him. “Get up, Ben,” he said. Nothing happened. Ben just got worse. “Get up just-“ Ben grabbed at his hair. Tony imagined him crumbling. “Hey, Ben- calm down, you have to breathe. Take a deep breath.”

Ben’s breaths came out in gasps. Tony furrowed his eyebrow and knelt beside him. He placed his hand on his shoulder and forced him to look at him. “Breathe,” he said. Ben still struggled, shaking his head and trying to look away. “Breathe, kid!” he said, suddenly scared he was about to witness him faint or pass out – or worse. Nothing, not even this journal, was worth that. “Ben!” he said, shaking him gently. He took his own deep breath – “Copy me, come on. Copy my breathing.”

Ben copied his breathing or tried his best to. Tony put a hand on his heart. It was beating hard against his palm like a beating drum. He looked at Tony with red-stained eyes, his breathing hurried and in short bursts. Tony grabbed him and wrapped his arms around him, placing his hand in his hair. “I’m sorry, I-“ he said, quietly. He ran his hand through the hair and felt Ben relax against him. “I’m sorry I shouted, kid. I’m sorry.” His chest slowed. “That’s it, calm down before you hurt yourself.”

“Mr Stark, I – I need to tell you something- I need to-,”

“Just breathe, for now, Ben. Tell me later,” he says, desperately. “Please just breathe. Don’t leave me.”

Tony’s still got him in his arms. He closes his eyes and lets him stay there. He can’t lose another one. Not like he lost Peter. He can’t do it.

The battleground is all around him. People he knows and loves are encircling him as they fight Thanos' army with all that they have. Tony looks around, but he's not searching for someone to fight. He's seeking the person he cares about most. He's hunting for Peter. Because Peter was dusted on Titan and should now be returning. He ought to be here.

Then Tony is knocked to the ground. He's staring at the sky, convinced that he's about to die before he can tell Peter how much he misses him. But suddenly he sees him, like a spotlight in the centre of a dark cave. Peter protects him and supports him as he speaks...

“Hey! Holy cow! You will not believe what's been going on. Do you remember when we were in space? And I got all dusty? And I must've passed out because I woke up and you were gone. But Doctor Strange was there right? And he said 'It's been five years. Come on, they need us.' And he started doing the yellow sparkly thing that he does. Anyway...” he says- no, he rambles. And Tony just watches in love and listens.

He had seen this memory before. Since the visions began, only this one has repeated. Tony is aware of what he will soon do. He is about to approach Peter, embrace him, and hold him there as he struggles to articulate himself and come to terms with the fact that Peter is alive and in front of him. And… he sees the face of the figure. Right there. And it looks so, so, familiar. Maybe he’s been closer than Tony ever realised.

Then something weird happens.

The image flicks back and he’s with Ben.

But then it changes again.

And again.

…

And again.

And Tony's brain was at a loss for what to do. But didn't they resemble each other? Ben and Peter. They have a lot in common. Too similar that Tony was at a loss for words, but his thoughts kept yelling, "Don't let go!" So, he didn't. He didn't let go of the small kid in his arms out of concern that he would pass away or leave once again.

“Mr Stark?” he heard, but he wasn’t sure if that was Peter or Ben. Their voices were so alike. Their hair too. The same colour eyes. What if? What if they were the same? “Are you okay? You’ve been- you’ve been out of it for like five minutes,” he said. “And you’re squeezing me.”

“Huh?” Tony said, realising where he was. He blinked. He let go of Ben and stared at him with wide, fearful, eyes. He put his hand out and his palm covered Peter’s- Ben’s cheek. His thumb moved back and forth as he felt him to make sure he was real. Ben shivered from the touch, but he didn’t move an inch. He stared at Tony in silence, the only sign of him still conscious was the small puffs of breath he’d release now and then. “Peter?” he whispered.

Ben shook his head. “N-No, Mr Stark. I’m not – It’s not-,”

“Where is he?” Tony said, his hand dropping from Ben’s face. He fell to the floor and grabbed the journal, bringing it to his chest and holding it like it was run away. He hugged it and closed his eyes as he tried to get his mind to play another vision so he could see him. But it didn’t work. He couldn’t control them. He sniffed, trying not to cry. “Where is he, Ben?” Tony cried. 

“I don’t know,” Ben said, “I’m sorry.”

Tony sat silently glueing all the parts together. When he looked up at Ben, he realised how foolish he had been. Big brown curls, the same colour eyes, and the same figure, though Ben appeared to be thinner and weaker. But he'd been alone the whole time, so it made sense. The most damning proof, however, was that every time Tony looked at him, he knew that he loved him. It seemed unusual to have such strong feelings for someone he had only recently met. Ben had to be the one. He'd been so stupid—so, so stupid—that he hadn't realised it sooner. Morgan had suspected it as well and he had shut her down. Pepper too. Ben- no- this was Peter- had been here this entire time.

“I’m not an idiot.”

“I know, Mr Stark,” Ben said. He looked as if he wanted to bolt out of the room. His hands were to his sides, his breathing short and laboured. His eyes focused on Tony as he sat silently on the floor next to him. He made sure Tony was okay, his eyes falling to his chest. Was he trying to check his heartbeat? Could he hear how fast it was? “I know you’re not.”

“And you’re lying to me,” Tony said. He dropped the journal. That was once the only thing he had of Peter, but that wasn’t true now, was it? He had the real thing right in front of him this whole time.

“I am,” Ben nodded.

“So, are you going to say it? Tell me that I’m not going crazy.”

“…I- I can’t. I can’t say it,” Ben said.

Peter straightened up and took a step back, his hands trailing behind him on the windowsill. He inhaled deeply and spun around as if prepared to leap out the window and leave. However, the bedroom was on the third storey, and he couldn't just leave like this, and Tony's heart skipped a beat in panic. Tony rushed up and placed his hand on Ben's... or Peter's... Tony wasn't sure yet... Yet, he grabbed his wrist and drew him in. He gripped him so hard that a red mark developed on his skin. Ben appeared unfazed. He looked at the point where his hand met his wrist. He avoided looking Tony in the eyes. Was he afraid of what he might see?

“Please,” Tony said, softly. “I don’t know how to think – I don’t know what to do. I keep hearing you. I keep seeing you. And I don’t know what to do about it. Don’t leave.”

“Mr Stark…”

Tony stared. He waited.

Ben’s eyes softened. He placed his head on Tony’s shoulder and sighed. Tony wondered if he couldn’t look him in the eyes. Was he too scared to see Tony’s face as he spoke? As he said, softly, “It’s me,” then, in a voice barely loud enough to be considered a whisper, “I am Peter.”

Tony gasped in shock even though deep down he knew. He grabbed Peter again and wrapped his arms around Peter and immediately broke down in sobs as he clutched his clothes. “I found you,” he said, holding on tighter. He was so scared this was just another vision and it wasn’t real, so he refused to let go. He could hear, and feel, Peter crying too. But all he could do is hold onto him. “I’m sorry I forgot you, baby, I’m so sorry,” he cried. He knew he should step back and take a breath, but he couldn’t.

Tony panicked because Peter didn't say anything, believing he'd wounded him or that this wasn't real. He took a step back from their embrace and rested his hands on each of his shoulders as he peered at him. He attempted to count every feature of his face. He looked, knowing he'd paint this image in his mind, so he'd never forget him again.

The worst of it all, however, was that even though he knew this was his Peter, he still had no idea how they met, how he came to love him like a son and how he ended up losing him. He had Peter- but, then again, he didn’t. If that makes any sense.

Tony was sure that he had never cried this much, and he felt like he had nothing left in him but still, some tears fell. “Oh, kid,” he said, taking him into yet another cuddle. He kissed him on the side of the head and placed a hand in his curls.

Like Peter hadn’t been around anyone for years, his whole body relaxed as soon as Tony put a hand in his hair once again. His eyes fluttered shut as Tony picked him up and put him into bed, “You’re not going anywhere, okay? I’ll let you rest, but we’ll speak about all of this in the morning?” he asked, and Peter nodded as he was tucked underneath the covers. He pulled them in tight to keep Peter safe and smiled with tear-filled eyes as Peter went to sleep. “I love you, Peter.”

Tony turned out the light and paused for a while to listen to Peter's quiet breathing. He paused again as he approached the door, just to be sure he was still there. When nothing changed and Peter was still sleeping and going nowhere, he shut the door and stood alone in the corridor, his shoulders burdened by this new revelation. The stress of not knowing who his child was had gone, but now it had been switched, and he couldn't stop wondering how this had all occurred. And why? Why would the world take away his Peter?

He had a call to make.

He ran downstairs, past Pepper as she sat with a hot cup of coffee she watched a movie. He grabbed his phone and raced to Strange’s contact, pressing it with an urgency he wasn’t sure he still had. He tapped his foot urgently against his tiled floor as he waited, his heart beating too fast that he couldn’t hear himself think. He waited and pretended not to see Pepper’s eyes on him.

“Hello?” Dr Strange said, “Who is this?”

“Do you still not have my number saved?”

“…What do you want, Stark?”

“I found him,” Tony said, ignoring the fact that the person he saved the universe with hadn’t bothered to save his number. “The kid in my visions. Peter. I found him, and he’s with me and I was wondering if you could look and see if you can get the memories back- whenever is possible, of course.”

If possible, Tony heard the smile on Strange’s face when he said he was on his way. And in seconds, even though he was still on the phone, the bright portal appeared beside him and Strange was walking out. In the background he saw Wong waving angrily and yelling… but then the portal closed.

Tony narrowed his eyes. “Is this a bad time?”

Strange looked at where the portal just was. He shrugged and then smirked, putting a hand on Tony’s shoulder. He grinned, “Don’t worry about it. Now, where’s the kid?” he said, looking around. He waved at Pepper who waved back with a confused smile (still unaware of what was going on). He waves his fingers and little sparks come out. Tony thinks he’s doing it for effect.

“He’s just upstairs in bed,” Tony told him. He smiles, “It was a bit – much, I guess. Finding out was intense and I told him that he needed to get some rest before we talked about it properly.”

Strange looked around. “I can wait,” he says. He goes and sits next to Pepper without asking, putting his feet up on the coffee table. Pepper looked over and sipped at her coffee. “Hi,” he said, “It’s been a while.”

“Hey, Strange.”

“Hi, Pepper,” Strange smiles. “Thanks for sending me that article the other day- it helped. I never thought I’d need to set up HR for the Kamar-Taj but that’s the modern times for you,” he groaned.

“I hope it’s all sorted out.”

Tony looked between the two. He narrowed his eyes and looked a bit closer as he tried to figure whatever that was out. He walked towards them and sat in the empty armchair. Pepper and Strange were speaking, smiling, and Tony was confused. Yeah, he’s been preoccupied lately but he would’ve been able to tell if his wife became besties with a sorcerer. Not the sorcerer supreme though- that belonged to Wong (which never failed to make Tony laugh).

Then Tony realised something.

“…Wait! You have Pepper’s number saved but not mine?”

“You talk too much,” Strange said, “plus I can remember a few numbers, don’t worry. If I needed to contact you, I could. Easily. Plus, only my friends get saved into the contacts and you don’t send me helpful articles about how to run a business… Do you even know how to run one?”

“I was CEO of Stark Industries for years! Of course, I know how to run a business!” Tony frowned.

“Yes, you were CEO. And even you realised Pepper was better for the job,” Strange smirked. He reached forward and tapped Tony sympathetically on the knee. “No need to be jealous, Stark. I’ll make some time for you if you’d like,” he winked.

“No,” Tony looked back. He was alright with it. They spent enough time on that ship together – he didn’t need him on Earth too. He wasn’t jealous… at all, it’s not like he needed everyone to be friends with him. Not at all. “I’m fine. Just- sorry for Pepper, that’s all.”

Tony didn’t miss the two of them sharing a look. He huffed. Instead of arguing with Strange, who was somehow more stubborn than Tony ever, he turned his attention to the TV and watched the movie that Pepper had on- the one he presumed they were all meant to watch together. After keeping his eyes strained on it for a while, he let his eyes shut and fell asleep.

It had been a long day.

He woke up to shouting. He stood up, thinking there was a break in as he looked around to grab something to defend himself. He ran out to where he thought the sound was coming from and when he got there, he stopped in shock.

Peter was at the edge of the porch, his face resting against the wood. He was actively trying to get away from Dr Strange’s cloak which was wrapped around his ankles. He was screaming at Strange to stop, his whole body trashing around. “Let me go!” he shouted, desperately. Tony furrowed his eyebrows and went to help him but was stopped as Strange put a hand on his chest.

“What are you doing to him?” Tony said, “we’re meant to be getting my memories back, not torturing the poor kid!”

“He was trying to run away,” Strange explained. “I caught him leaving and thought that you’d rather he not.” He looked down as Peter stopped struggling, knowing Tony was right there watching. He sighed. The cloak returned to Strange’s shoulders as Peter sluggishly brought himself up to his feet. “Talk to him. Then we’ll look into your brains,” he said (which was sinister…), leaving the two of them behind.

Tony looked at Peter sadly. He was still so incredibly skinny, and his hair was messed up and tangled. His eyes were red and his cheeks puffy from crying so much the night before, and now he looked guilty as Tony took a seat by the front door. He followed, head down, as he sat beside him. They sat like that in complete silence as Tony struggled to come up with questions.

He joined his hands together, before turning his head slightly over to where Peter was watching him. “Do you not want me to get my memories back?” he asked.

It was not an accusing question, but he was genuinely curious. If Peter didn’t want to be back in life, then he didn’t have to be. Sure, it would break Tony’s heart but he’d rather Peter came willingly to him than be forced.

But he didn’t understand. They looked so close in his visions. Surely Peter would want to be happy again- he’d want to be back with someone close enough to be like family. But he had run, again and again, and even though he knew Tony was looking for him… he never said anything.

Tony suddenly felt like an ass. “If you want to leave, you can,” he said, softly. “I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do, Peter.”

“All I want is for you to remember me,” Peter confessed.

“…Then why run? I don’t understand, kid.”

“All I want is my life to be the way it was before,” he said. “All I want is for everyone to remember me. I’d be in MIT with Ned and MJ. May would be alive. You’d be by my side. But what if there was a reason this all happened? What if it’s the world’s plan for me to be alone because everything I do ends in disaster? Everyone I love, I hurt, and I can’t stand to do that to you. I’ve already lost every other person I love. What if you remember me and somehow that puts you in danger again?” Peter says. He looks down and shakes his head. “I won’t be the reason you die. I can’t do it.”

“Hey,” Tony says, shaking his head. He takes Peter’s hand and moves him so that they’re eye to eye. Their knees touch. “You are not a danger, Peter. It’s not your fault that people died- I bet you. And I can handle myself. There is nothing I wouldn’t go through if it meant I had you at the end of it.”

“You don’t know that- you don’t-“

“Then let me understand,” Tony interrupted, “please. I won’t force you – but – I can’t stand seeing you like this. What happened? How did I forget you?” he asked.

“Everyone did, Mr Stark. It’s not anything you did. It’s my fault.”

“Everyone?” Tony asked. He frowned. “You’ve been all alone? All this time?”

Peter nodded. He melted into Tony. Tony realised he must be touch starved. He must miss the feeling of another person- the slight touch and comfort they provide. He’s been all alone, all by himself, with nobody to laugh and cry with. No wonder he always looks so far away. No wonder he’s so scared.

“D-Did your visions tell you who I am? How we met?” Peter asked, looking nervous. Was there something about their first meeting that was different? Wrong? Had he missed something? He shook his head and Peter took a deep breath. “Okay- here goes- I never thought I’d have to tell you this. I’m – uh- well, I’m Spider-Man.”

Tony widened his eyes. “…What? You?!”

“Yeah.”

“But- but – you’re – like… a baby,” he told him.

“Surely your visions made it obvious that I was Spider-Man? I mean, I guess you saw titan or the final battle- and I was there. I was in the suit when you hugged me- when I blipped- and everything. How didn’t you know?”

“Well, yeah- I guess…” Tony said. He wasn’t focused on that. He was always too focused on how much he loved this figure. And the sight was never clear enough to see his face- never mind the clothes he was in. He saw red, sure, but he thought Peter just liked red shirts and that he wore them all the time. “…You were at the airport. In Germany. God, you must’ve been… what- “

“Fifteen. You recruited me. You have felt guilty about that the whole time we have known each other- please do not go through all of that again,” Peter huffed. Tony looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He was sassy. Tony wondered if he got that from him or if he had been like that all along. He guessed it was the latter. “...Look, there’s some things that happened about these memories and I’m scared that... I guess I’m scared it’s not going to work. I should tell you more but I-.”

“I’m not going to let that happen, Peter,” Tony said, interrupting whatever he was about to say. It looked too painful for him to remember anyway. “It’s going to work.”

Like he said many times before, he was stubborn. When it came to the people he loved, that only got worse. He was going to remember Peter and he was going to love him. Nothing was going to tear them apart ever again.