Remember Me

Peter sat anxiously shoulder to shoulder with Tony on the living room sofa. Tony looked at him softly and pressed his hand to his knee which was bobbing up and down. Strange had moved lots of furniture out of the way and was placing stuff on the floor. Tony couldn’t get used to the fact that Strange had to use actual stuff and didn’t instead wiggle his magical fingers around for a few seconds.

Tony could not stop looking at him. Knowing this was his Peter, that he might remember everything so soon was exciting as well as nerve-wracking. Tony felt like he might explode from the anxiety of it all. Peter wasn’t as attentive, focusing on a small mark on the floor in front of him. But Tony couldn’t blame him. He did know everything that happened between the two of them. If Tony couldn’t, then there’s nothing left, and he’s just made himself feel hopeful for no reason at all.

Tony leans closer to him and nudges him softly. “Hey,” he says, softly. Peter looks up and gives him a small smile. “It’s going to be okay,” he smiles. Peter nods, but he doesn’t look sure of it. “If it doesn’t, darling, then what’s to say we can’t just start again?”

“…Yeah,” Peter says gently. “Sure.”

Tony frowns, leaning back. He takes a deep breath and reassesses himself. Strange makes eye contact with him and smiles sympathetically likes he wants nothing more than for this to work. “Right,” Tony says. He’s not sure if Peter even wants this. He is not even sure what to say to make him feel better so he doesn’t say a thing. He just puts his hand on Peter’s knee and leaves it there.

Dr Strange walks in front of them and places his hand on Peter. “Close your eyes,” he says. Peter does as he’s told and Strange quickly asks Tony to do it too. So, he follows the instructions, and his eyes. He sees nothing out of the ordinary just yet- all there is… is darkness. They are sat there with their eyes closed and Tony tries his best to trust Strange because right now he feels really vulnerable.

Strange says a spell and for a while, nothing happens.

Then he sees himself but this time it’s not from his eyes and he’s … not alone? He looks to his side and Peter’s there too, watching him with wide eyes. He looks so scared that Tony naturally moves closer to him to make sure he’s alright.

The Peter in front of them is a lot smaller. He’s young, holding onto the arm of a man that Tony doesn’t recognise. In the background, it’s the Stark Expo and Iron Man suits are flying all over the place. Tony doesn’t know if they’re here- if this one is real or fake- but Peter can’t tear his eyes away from the man his younger self is standing beside.

“This is the first day we met- kinda- you wouldn’t have remembered me from this,” his Peter says, sighing. He looks up at the sky as thousands of suits are flying all over the place. Tony watches as his younger self does the same. “I sure remembered you. I knew you before- of course- you were… are… my hero. But this was the first time I saw you in real life and I was mesmerised by you.”

“I don’t remember,” Tony says.

“…Yeah, of course,” Peter nods.

They don’t have much control as the scene changes. This time the younger Peter is on his own, separated from whoever that man was. The older guy looked like Peter now- albeit older. But he had his nose, his eyes and his charisma. He didn’t look as sad, however, which Tony thought stood out most like a sore thumb. But he wasn’t there anymore. The young Peter stood with an old Iron Mask over his face. His little arm stretched out as one of the bots approaches him. Tony covers his eyes. He can’t bear to see any version of Peter get hurt.

Peter takes his hand and moves it from his eyes. He looks forward at himself and Tony is forced to watch too. He’s not sure what to think. Of course, he wasn’t fatally wounded as Peter was still here right beside him. But what if? Tony was too scared. His hand would be shaking if it wasn’t in Peter’s.

He sees himself- or, well, the suit- approach Peter from behind. He shoots the bot and kneels beside him. He says, “good job, kid,” and flies away. And that’s it. That’s the moment. That’s the first few seconds he met his Peter…. And he….

Remembers it?

Tony remembered it. As clear as day.

Tony remembered that he was so scared that someone might get hurt. As he tried his best to fight them all off, he saw the little kid down on the floor. The kid was small and tiny – so tiny that Tony was surprised he even saw him. But he stood there, as brave as anything, with his Iron Man mask on. He ‘shot’ the bot and he did not move. He was so, so, brave.

And then Tony remembered that single bed. He remembered sitting in the small room and talking to an equally as brave kid. He vividly remembered that this kid said, ‘when bad things happen, and you can stop them… and you don’t, then they happen because of you. Tony knew at that moment that he would fall in love with the kid beside him. That this kid would be his ‘son’ or whatever until the day either of them died (he hoped he’d go first but in their line of work… who knew what could happen). Tony knew that he’d do anything for him – that he did do everything he could- and that he’d go above and beyond to save this kid’s life.

He remembered holding him on Titan. He remembered how it felt when he turned to dust in his hands, the curls he once put his hands through turning to particles in front of him. He tried his best to stop it, but he was powerless. He had to watch as Peter turned into … nothing. Right there. Right in front of his eyes. 

He remembered…. Everything.

The day he knew he could get Peter back. The day that he did- how he held him so tight that he could have made him go blue. He remembered when he woke out of the coma to Peter’s euphoric, thankful, face- both so happy to see each other that they didn’t stop crying that whole day.

What he couldn’t remember was….

How?

How the hell did he forget his kid?

Tony woke up. Beside him, he couldn’t wait to talk to his Peter now that he knew everything they had gone through and ask what had happened. How everyone forgot who he was? But… Peter wasn’t awake yet. Peter was led to the couch, his head on Tony’s shoulder but his eyes were not opening.

Tony moved quickly. He made sure Peter’s head was comfortable on one of the pillows, but he was still fast enough that he was by his side and checking his pulse at a moment’s notice. He looked over at Strange, who was looking at him sympathetically. He shook his head, moving his hands on Peter’s shoulders.

“Peter?” he said, shaking gently. Peter’s head rolled but his eyes didn’t open. “What the hell is going on? Peter, wake up!” he said. He looked over at Strange. “Do – do you remember him?” when Strange shook his head, he panicked. “How? I mean- I do! How do you not? What – I don’t understand. Why won’t he wake up?”

Strange put his hand on Tony’s shoulder to pull him away but Tony shook his head and refused, sticking himself to Peter. “Peter- come on! I finally- we finally got you back and now- now you won’t wake up. Stop joking around, come on!” he shouted, shaking Peter once more. Peter still didn’t wake.

“Tony- I-,”

“What happened? How did it kill him?!” he said, putting his head against Peter’s chest to try and hear a heartbeat. He heard nothing which only made him collapse into tears as he grasped onto the jacket Peter was wearing.

“Maybe he was- I don’t know, Tony. He was weak. What if he wanted to know you remembered him before he gave up?” Strange said. Which made no sense- because Peter never gave up. He never did anything like that, he was far too stubborn.

Tony pressed his head against Peter’s chest a bit more. He – was that? It could be. There was a faint heartbeat. Tony got up and started doing CPR – anything that might wake him up. Strange looked hopeful. He cast a spell over them. Tony looked up, not knowing what he was doing.

“I’ve kept his heart steady,” Strange explained. “Let’s get him somewhere comfortable and I’ll see if I can figure this out.”

Tony picks Peter up and carries him bridal style up the stairs and straight to his bedroom. He puts him down and looks around at all his stuff that was left behind when Tony forgot who he was. He kneels beside him and puts a blanket over him even if he’s not conscious to feel it. When he does wake up, he’d be cold without it and Tony can’t bear the thought of him being in any sense of discomfort.

He pushes a stray hair out of his face and then cups his cheek with his hand. He brushes over his cheek with his thumb and sighs as Strange keeps the spell steady that is keeping his heart going.

Strange closes his eyes and all Tony can do is wait as he mutters all sorts of spells. He moves his hand from Peter’s face and intertwines their fingers, holding him tightly like there’s somewhere he could go. Tony waited for something to change, to see him exhale and sit up like a vampire coming out of its coffin in an old black and white film. But nothing happens.

“He’s stuck,” Strange says. “I don’t know how- or why- but it must be something to do with how he lost his memories in the first place. But he’s reliving all his memories with you in a loop, and he can’t get out of it. He might not even know he is in this state, so he won’t be able to fight it off,” he explains. Sitting at the edge of the bed, he puts his hand over Peter’s heart. Both of them hear it beating- they know he’s okay and it makes Tony exhale softly. He joins Strange and sits beside him, keeping an eye on Peter whenever he moves. “I think if I work on breaking whatever spell is stopping everyone else from remembering him, as well as putting you in his head to try and break him out of it… then that could work.”

Tony nods. “Anything. I’d do anything.”

“…Did I know him well?” Strange then says. He’s quiet. He speaks as if he’s ashamed. Tony nods once and Strange pales instantly. Was he having visions himself? They spent quite a bit of time together. From meeting on that ship, Strange had been added to the ‘Peter Parker’s dads’ group. He was doing a good job at it too. “I think this is my doing, Tony. I think I might be the reason nobody remembers him.”

“You wouldn’t have done it on purpose, if it was,” Tony says. “He admires you, Strange. He thinks you are great. If it came to this, it was likely the only way. He trusts you… so I do too.”

Strange nods. He’s strangely quiet. “Thank you, Tony,” he says. He then puts his hand on Tony’s wrist. “Do you want me to do this? There’s a risk it might trap you in his mind too. If that happens, I’m unsure of what I’d do.”

Tony thinks about it for a second. He’s not one to abandon his family and if he was to get stuck, there’s a chance he could lose out on seeing his baby girl grow up. But if it was the opposite way- if Morgan was the one on this bed- he’d do it then too. He loves his kids equally and one thing about being a parent is that you’d do absolutely everything to make sure they’re safe.

Morgan’s got Pepper if things go sideways. It’s not the best future for her to be without one parent but Pepper’s love is wide enough to keep her safe forever. Right now, Peter’s got no one and Tony would be a fool to let that continue. He’s got to do whatever is necessary to get him back.

He nods. “Do it,” he says to Strange.

A few seconds later he’s in a memory but he’s not seeing it from his point of view. It’s from Peter’s. He can’t see Peter, but he sees a smaller version of him standing outside the lab door. He’s holding something behind his back and is breathing so deeply that he might pass out. Tony can’t remember this- not until the doors open and he walks in. Tony’s stood there wearing a party hat and the bots are dressed in fancy clothes too. Rhodey’s sat on the sofa and Happy and Pepper are having a drink in the background. There are a few other people too, but all Tony can focus on is little (only a year or two younger than he is now) Peter as he puts his present on the pile and then walks over to greet Tony. It was his birthday that day and he had only invited his best friends.

They don’t hug- if Tony remembers correctly then they hadn’t ‘got there’ just yet. Tony just smiles and places his hand on Peter’s shoulder like he’s an old friend. That smile Peter gives him is everything. Tony remembers it because who could forget the sun when it shined so brightly?

Tony’s birthday that year was one of his favourites. It was the first time Peter met Pepper and Rhodey and they loved him so much already. Tony could see it in their eyes, and he knew it reflected in his own. Happy was still on the fence, but Peter had called him hundreds of times a day to tell him about churros and cats and everything he ever did in his patrol. But in Tony’s opinion, his smile and rambling were one of his best qualities.

He stands there and watches them interact and his heart aches because how could he ever forget moments like these? Peter was so vibrant and his smile was so giant. He looked... different to what he did now. Now, Peter was a shell of himself. Tony couldn’t remember seeing him smile since meeting ‘Ben’.

Tony blinks and the scene changes slightly.

It was later in the day and Peter was asleep on the sofa. He was curled up in a ball, his knees to his chest and his curls such a mess on the top of his head. Everyone apart from himself is gone. Still wearing a party hat, Tony walked over and sat beside Peter on the couch. He gently took the one that Peter was wearing off his head to make sure he didn’t strangle himself. Tony put it on the side and tucked it away as he put a blanket over him.

It had been a long night. The party was nothing like those Tony used to have. It was nowhere near them. There was no alcohol, no drugs- all that was there was everyone he loved with cake and small little ‘bites’ that spread over five tables (when you had lots of people with super-metabolisms... you had to stack up).

Tony went to get up, but Peter made a small noise that came from the back of his throat.

Current Tony watches with a smile on his face because he knows what is about to happen. During the blip when Peter was gone, all Tony could wish for was to relive this moment and ones like these. He never thought he would, and he never thought he’d be able to make any more.

Peter rolled about in his blanket until he was stretched over Tony's lap. Tony adjusted himself slightly to make Peter more comfortable, bringing his arm to fall over the back of the sofa as Peter used him as a cushion. He sighed quietly as he placed his hands in Peter’s curls (it was his favourite thing to do).

Tony wishes that he could shove his former self out of the way and bask in the memory, but all he can do is see it from an outsider’s point of view and hope that watching these back would bring him to his Peter to bring him home.

“Dad?” Peter whispered.

And both Tony’s hearts fall – because that was the most beautiful noise.

Tony hears a noise behind him but the visions in front of him do not take any notice of it. He turns and sees his Peter sitting in the corner, with wide and terrified eyes. He is shaking like he doesn’t understand what’s going on. Tony darts towards him because as much as he would love to watch every memory between them play out... the real thing was right there in front of him, and he had to help him.

“Mr Stark?” he asks wide eyes. He’s looking around as if the whole room would change with a click. “Is that- is that really you? The real you?”

“Yeah, kid. Yeah. It’s me,” Tony says. He takes Peter’s hand, pulls him up, and hugs him because he knows this is his kid and he does not want to let go ever again. He presses a kiss on the side of his head and takes a deep breath as he holds him so still, he feels like everything around him stops.

“Do you remember me?” Peter whispers. He sounds so young that it breaks Tony’s heart.

“I do, Pete. I remember everything.”

Peter collapses into tears. His whole body shakes and he’s barely able to keep himself up. If Tony wasn’t holding on so tight, he would’ve fallen back to the floor where he was just sitting. He’s sobbing so loud, louder than Tony’s ever heard. He’s gripping onto Tony and shaking and it’s so heart-breaking that Tony’s unsure of what he should say to make it better.

“I love you,” Tony says. He holds him even closer if that’s possible. “I love you SO much,” he tells him.

“I missed you,” Peter says. “I’ve been so lonely. May’s dead. MJ and Ned don’t know who I am, and they’ve moved to MIT, and I should be there too but – but I can’t because it’s like I’ve died – or never lived,” he cries.

When Tony leans back and holds Peter by the shoulders to keep him steady, his gaze tightens when he sees how broken Peter is. His cheeks are sunken in, and his eyes are so dead and hurt that he can see them even though they’re completely red. He’s still got all those cuts and bruises that Tony knows should’ve healed by now over his body and he’s – he’s so different. Tony sighs. To know he was out there for an entire year (and more) without anybody... it felt like someone was squeezing his heart from the inside.

The fact that he had to grieve the loss of his aunt without anyone to comfort him- with no bed to cuddle in and cry himself to sleep – was an even worse feeling. To see all his friends move on without him... to move to MIT when he should have been there too. It killed him, and even though he physically could have done nothing he feels like the worst person in the world for letting it happen.

He holds Peter’s shoulders tighter. “I should’ve been there.”

“You couldn’t- nobody-“

“I should’ve damn well remembered you. I don’t care if everybody else forgot, I shouldn’t have! I- I should have fought it. You are my kid. My son... and I let you live like this for a year- I-,” Tony’s eyes well up. He tries to fight the tears. He takes him back in a hug to stop Peter from seeing him cry. “I’m so sorry.”

“Mr Stark, it’s not your fault,” Peter whispers.

Tony sighs. He tries not to think about it. He tries his hardest not to imagine the day after the spell was cast. Peter would have been completely alone. But he still went out as Spider-Man. He never gave up trying to help other people. That was him.

As Tony held him there as they both cried, the scene around them changed.

Now, they were at the cabin.

Tony looked down at his arms and was happy to see his Peter still there. He kept him there as he watched the next memory play out. The other version of himself was standing on the porch, holding Morgan as he looked out. And he immediately knew what this day was. This was the day his two kids met.

Tony was still getting used to losing his arm. He had woken up from the coma a week before that day, and every single day he told Pepper that he wanted Peter there too. And that day was the moment he had been waiting for.

He heard the car pull up. Then, in his arms, he heard a gasp. He looked over to see May getting out of the car with Happy and Peter. They watched what should’ve been a happy memory as they all reunited but all they could think about was the loss of such a loving aunt and friend.

Tony held him tighter. “We’ve got to go,” he said to Peter, feeling a tugging on him. Was it Strange’s magic? He looked at Peter who was too lost in staring at May. “Peter, come on honey.”

“I want to stay,” Peter says, quietly.

“What?”

“I want to stay here. I don’t want to lose her again. I don’t mind- I could relive all these memories again and again. They’re happy memories. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be happy,” he explains. “If I stay here then everyone remembers me. I can see Ned and MJ whenever I want. You’re here- May’s here. I get to be happy.”

“Peter, it’s not real,” Tony tells him, turning to begging. “Please, baby. If you stay here, then you’ll never come back to the real world. You will basically be dead.” He looks at Peter who doesn’t take his eyes away from May. “Strange can make everyone remember you again.”

“What’s the point? My life is ruined. I didn’t even graduate high school. My friends have moved on. There is no point! I don’t want to go back!” he shouts. 

“Peter... come on, kid. I can’t leave you here,” Tony begs. He takes his chin in his hands and moves it away from May so that he’s looking at him instead. “She’d want you to live, Pete. I want you to live. Everyone will remember you if you just come back and let Strange do what he knows best. You’re so smart, Pete. You’ll easily fast-track through school. You will catch up and everything will be normal again.”

Peter struggles underneath Tony’s grip and falls to the floor. He shakes his head rapidly and refuses to look up at Tony who doesn’t know what to do. He can still feel the tugging from Strange’s magic, knowing that he’s trying to get them out of Peter’s mind. But Peter’s holding onto these memories too tight. He doesn’t want to let go because he can be happy here. In the real world, all these memories are distant feelings. In the real world, he can’t remember what it’s like to be happy.

Peter looks back at May as she takes Pepper in for a hug. The dream version of himself is grinning as he speaks to Morgan. Tony doesn’t know what to do. He feels lost as the tugging eventually stops. If Peter refuses to leave... does that mean he’s stuck here too? He looks at Morgan and pales. He’s stuck here and she’ll have to grow up without him.

“I’m not leaving,” Peter says and that’s final.