Remember Me

‘Mr Stark?’

‘I-I don’t know what’s happening-.’

‘…I don’t wanna go, Mr Stark-‘…

…

‘I’m sorry.’

Tony woke up with a gasp, his heart beating heavily out of his chest. He took a deep breath as he sat up, grasping at the covers he had draped over him. Taking a sip of the water sat at the side of his bed, he struggled to breathe as he thought about that same nightmare he has been having for weeks.

He had no knowledge of any kid on Titan. If there had been, he would have been crossing a lot of legal lines and would have been reported to social services by anyone with a brain. No kid should have been there to fight Thanos, or to watch as they realised that they had lost. It didn’t seem right.

Tony decided that, once again, he’d ignore it and push it aside. Soon enough, there would be another nightmare. One that made more sense, he hoped. They came like that. For months, he’d dream about the wormhole. The next, it would be the burning feeling of the stones as he barely clutched onto life. Then, this month’s feature was a random kid who turned to dust on his fingers. It was something that wasn’t real like the others, but for some reason made him feel one-hundred times worse.

Pepper, who this time had been downstairs with Morgan, had told him to go and see someone about it. He wasn’t sure what she wanted him to do. He couldn’t explain it. Not to anybody, nor himself for that matter.

Getting out of bed, Tony walked over to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. He looked at himself in the reflection and winced. He had no arm on one side, an overgrown beard and longer hair that shaped his face so that he could hide behind it. Eyebags that had been there before but had now gotten worse. He looked… rough. A deep scar also poked out from underneath his collar. It snaked around one half of his body, a physical reminder of the snap that felt like so long ago. The scar led to his lost arm like a treasure map, but all he got at the end was a longing to be the person he was before all of it.

Tony grumbled as he struggled to re-open the closed bathroom door, his one hand occupied with some of Morgan’s toys she had left inside the bathroom sink. He managed to get it open, only to see his daughter bouncing towards him. She hit his leg, and without another arm to keep her stable, she fell to the floor with an ‘oomph’

“Morgan, what did I tell you about running in the house?” Tony sighed. He placed her toys beside her, using his arm to pick her up. She didn’t look hurt, which was good, but the memory of her falling had him feeling shameful. Why wasn’t he good enough to help her? It was the same feeling that he had when he woke up following that nightmare. “Anything hurt? Toes? Legs? Arms?” he asked.

She shook her head quickly. “No, nothing hurts!” she smiled as if nothing had happened. “Mama told me to come and wake you up. Said breakfast is ready.”

“Wow,” he said. “Already?” he shook his head in fake shock, the memories of the nightmare leaving him as his daughter giggled and filled the darkness in his mind with light. He placed her down carefully and watched as she gleamed up at him as if he was the most important person in the world. “Well then, Morgana, I guess we should go eat then?”

“Okay, daddy!” she grinned.

Coming downstairs, the waft of freshly cooked food entered Tony’s nose and made him feel as if he was floating. He sighed softly, reaching the table that Pepper had set. He sat down on his usual chair, trying to forget the pressure on the side of his body as he listened to his wife and daughter laughing in the other room. He leant back into the soft cushion attached to the seat, frowning when he felt a pang in his heart.

‘Mr Stark’….

…’ I wouldn’t try May’s meatloaf if I was you. I had food poisoning for three days. Tell her we’ll order in.

He narrowed his eyes. Where had that voice come from? It was so familiar, so life-like and real that it frightened him. The same voice from his nightmares had now started to creep through to his waking days. He didn’t know who May was, or why her meatloaf was so bad, but still, a smile crept onto his face. Though, it felt like a farce. Why was a fake memory making him feel as warm as the food he was about to eat?

He sat up as he heard Pepper come in, smiling with gratitude as she placed two plates in front of him. He thought that it was much more than he needed. On some days he felt like it was more than he ever deserved.

He looked up at her and their eyes met. Filled with admiration, fear, and love, Tony yearned to be himself again for her. She looked after him for the months following the snap, and still did to this day. In fact, she always had. She brought him food, and spoke for him when he felt like he couldn’t. She refused to take him off life support when they said there was no way he’d come back from it. She brushed his hair out of his face, and even though she had no idea if he could hear, she’d tell him about her day. She’d tell him about Morgan and… Who else did she speak of? Tony couldn’t remember. It was probably Rhodey.

They didn’t speak one word to each other, but that one look was conversation enough. She went back through the door to get more plates, and Tony’s eyes drifted over to where his daughter sat. Her head barely reached the table. It felt like yesterday she completed him, coming into the world and making it a thousand times better by existing.

But… if she was all he needed to be whole then why did he feel like he was walking around ripped into two pieces? Something was missing, and he didn’t know what. He missed Steve, sure, and the other avengers- he maybe even missed the suits. But, no, that wasn’t it. That wasn’t the full story.

Tony tucked into the food, listening to Morgan as she rambled about Uncle Happy. She loved him as much as he adored her. He was her big brother, her uncle, her best friend- whenever he was around, and her protector. They’d play princesses or knights, and sometimes she’d be Spider-Man (her favourite superhero) and Happy would be Iron Man (his favourite). That was always his favourite to watch. She’d save the world, pretending to shoot webs from tree to tree as she made Happy follow. She’d always tell him that ‘Iron Man always looks out for Spider-Man, Happy!” She didn’t know why she thought he was so close to the web-slinger, but it was cute.

‘…The kid doesn’t stop speaking, Tony. You take his calls. Please, I’m begging you,’ he heard Happy say. “He won’t stop telling me about the cat he got out of the tree the other day. I know everything against my will about Mayor Whiskers, which is what he named him since he couldn’t find the owners…”

Tony blinked. He hadn’t remembered Happy saying that or the story he explained so vividly. But there was his voice- as clear as a summer’s day. He dropped his fork, looking around to see if Happy had come in but it was all inside his head. He didn’t understand.

“Honey?” He looked up to see Pepper smiling at him. “You okay?” she said.

Tony nodded. “Yeah. Just- just need a second,” he answered, before pushing himself up and leaving half a plate in front of him as he walked down to his lab.

He sat down, facing his old Iron Man suits he had officially retired. He had almost forgotten how it felt to be thousands of feet in the air … or how it felt as he held a nuclear missile heading towards New York City. How his heart fell into his stomach as he kept going up and up- and up… and then there was nothing.

He turned to his computer and brought up the project he had been working on to distract himself. A prosthetic arm. He wouldn’t wear it all the time. Just when he was working in the lab or going places where walking around with one arm was difficult. The arm was red and gold, of course, and was filled with all sorts of cool tech that he had come up with. He didn’t trust anyone but himself to make his perfect arm.

He looked around, his mind too busy to focus on the project right now (which was a first). There was a space in the corner that he never used, yet it was set up like someone had been in and used it before. It looked like it had been designed specifically for someone else. But Tony didn’t have other people in his lab. Not even Rhodey. So, he didn’t understand why he'd commission two of everything.

He thought of Bruce, maybe. But that wasn’t it. He made Bruce his bar, with his own million- maybe even billion-dollar lab. He didn’t need a space in Tony’s new house, especially since he was now in his half-hulk half-bruce form or ‘professor Hulk’ as he called it. He’d constantly be ducking since the ceilings were way too small. That being said, this other space couldn’t feasibly be for Bruce. Or Steve. Or Rhodey.

Nobody.

So, why the hell was it there?

Tony made this house- he planned every single corner (alongside Pepper). The lab was his baby. He knew what was coming in, and what was going on. It didn’t make any sense, and it was starting to frustrate him that so much of his life seemed to be missing.

Turning his phone on to distract himself, he went straight to the news. Currently streaming live in New York was a small-scale attack of one giant rat who had been experimented on by Oscorp scientists who thought they were too big for their boots now that Tony had slowed down. Tony watched as the one hero available tried his best to take it down with the least amount of damage.

“Daddy!” Morgan said from the top of the stairs, “It’s Spider-Man!”

Tony walked up to see that Pepper had been forced to put Spider-Man on the TV for Morgan to watch. Tony sat down beside his wife and watched attentively. There was something about the Spider-Kid that he couldn’t put his finger on. Something familiar, but distant at the same time.

He was quick, fast, and experienced. This wasn’t his first giant rat. Tony got it, for some reason New York was prone to oversized infestations. He and his team… before everything… had a knack for taking them down. For one person, and a young one at that, he was doing a good job.

“I think you should go and help him, daddy,” Morgan said, poking him in the stomach to grab his attention. “It would be like mine and Happy’s stories.”

Pepper frowned, “Morgz, we know daddy doesn’t do that anymore.”

“Please, daddy! Just this once!” Morgan said, with a face that nobody could say no to. Tony looked over at Pepper, shrugging. Pepper clearly wasn’t as thrilled, but looked away and pretended to focus on something else so they didn’t argue in front of Morgan. “I want to meet Spider-Man, so I thought you could bring him home for dinner after you were done.”

“Okay, baby. But you know daddy’s not supposed to do this anymore. It hurts mama’s feelings, I think,” He explained, but Morgan was too busy staring at the screen- her eyes inches away from the lit-up display. He’d pull her away from the fear of ruining her eyes, but one oversized rat battle wouldn’t hurt.

Right? It’s not like it would change everything.

Tony got in one of the suits, and weirdly it felt like coming home. He felt guilty since he had promised Pepper that his very near-death experience would be it, but here he was. Iron Man was an extension of Tony Stark now. The repulsors were like his arms, the jets like his feet. Sometimes when it was just him and his brain, he missed it. But he didn’t have time to dwell, since he’d miss the fight if he didn’t put himself into gear.

Tony made it to New York, ignoring the gaping looks and the many calls coming through Friday on his interface. Rhodey was sending him message after message, telling someone had hijacked the suit and Happy was going mental- saying stuff Tony thought he’d read when he had the time.

“Hey, kid, looked you like you needed some help,” Tony said, falling into the nature of things as if being a superhero was as simple as riding a bike. In reality, he could say it was all muscle memory but he had forgotten some of his commands.

He watched, concerned, as Spider-Man stopped what he was doing, staring at Tony through his mask. Although he couldn’t see his face, it was like he could read every emotion. The eyes widened and stayed like that for what felt like minutes. He missed his aim on the nearby building, and suddenly started to fall very fast onto the road below them.

Tony rushed after him, forgetting about the rat. He didn’t want Morgan’s favourite superhero to be a puddle on the floor. Plus, the kid did have a charm to him. Watching him fall was suddenly like a flashback- like he’d seen it before.

“Mr Stark, it smells like a new car in here!”

…

“Friday, send the kid home…,”

Tony shook his head. It wasn’t time for one of these weird waking nightmares – or memories- or whatever the hell they were. He pushed more speed into the suit, catching up to the Spider-Kid just before he hit the floor. Tony watched as the kid caught his breath, jumping out of Tony’s arms and staring at him as if he was a dead man walking.

“That’s not the reaction I usually get,” Tony said.

Spider-Man, now walking backwards and away from Tony, didn’t say anything. He looked as if he was waiting for an opportunity to bolt at any second. Tony was confused as to what he had done to the kid, but they had more pressing matters- such as the big rat’s foot that almost came crashing down on top of them.

An hour or so later, the rat was out of town and the scientists, with hushed apologies and embarrassed flushes to their faces, had managed to quell the threat by re-shrinking the poor animal. Tony stood beside Spider-Man, who still hadn’t uttered one word, and watched as they took it away… hopefully to release it and not do any more experiments but he doubted that would happen.

“So,” Tony said, turning to the kid beside him, “Why are you so scared of me?”

“…I’m not,” Spider-Man said. He looked down to the floor, “Well, I should be going. I’ve got…. Taxes to do.”

Tony furrowed his eyebrows. Weird. But he let the kid go anyway.

Morgan would have to learn that sometimes people don’t want to do as he says, although she always should. Because he was her dad, and he knew everything. She would be disappointed that he didn’t come home with Spider-Man, but- life was full of letdowns. Even if he never wanted her to experience that, he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t superman. He couldn’t do everything.

Going to bed that night, Tony reflected on his day. It was a strange one, for sure. He struggled with flashbacks to fake memories and weird voices in his head. He got back in the suit for the first time since the snap. It felt right, if not prophesied, but it also felt rushed. The way Pepper looked at him too. Like he was seconds away from being lost in it all over again made him feel guilty. He never wanted to let her down.

She got into bed without saying goodnight, turning the lamp on her bedside table off as she closed her eyes. She turned away from him, facing the wall rather than him. He sighed. He’d talk to her in the morning about it, reassure her that it was just one time.

Because it was, right?

He would never go back to it. Not for anyone.

Tony finally fell asleep.

‘…Mr Stark?”

‘I- I don’t understand, I don’t know what’s happening’

Red dust. The voice was hurt and confused. Young. He sounded so- so scared. Tony felt the same feeling in his chest. He looked around at the people he fought with. He recognised each one except the figure was in the distance. Brown, fluffy, hair. Brown eyes. But he couldn’t see his face. He felt like he should know it. He felt like he loved it. But he didn’t know who it was.

He heard himself speak. “Y-You’re alright,” he said. But he knew it was wrong. He knew he said it just to try and comfort the figure. Or was it to comfort himself?

‘I-I don’t wanna go.”

Tony didn’t want him to, either. It was like the dust was in his throat. He couldn’t cough to get it out. He couldn’t move. The dust covered him as he was stuck to the floor, his legs unmoving. He wanted to run away. This wasn’t real. This didn’t happen. Tony was on Titan with people he barely knew. There was nobody else there. There was no kid, and this memory? It never happened.

“Mr Stark, I don’t wanna- I’m-,”

The figure was now in his arms. It felt familiar. But he still couldn’t see his face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Then, once again, he turned to dust.

Tony woke up. Again. Turning to the clock on his bedside table, he groaned once he realised it was only 3 AM. He got up, glad that he didn’t wake Pepper up. He walked into his bathroom, once again splashing some cold water over his face. He still looked rough. His beard looked as if it had grown even more than the day before.

He stepped outside onto the porch, clutching a cup of coffee he just made. He sat on one of the seats, watching the wildlife for a second to keep himself calm. In the distance, however, he saw something that shocked him. He saw a flash of red, a red he saw earlier that day. He narrowed his eyes, and only then did he see webs all over the trees in the distance.

But the red was now long gone.

Tony walked back inside, coming upstairs. He walked down the hallway, towards his bedroom with the intention to go back to bed. Stopping at the end, however, he turned to the bedroom opposite Morgan’s. He thought back to that space in his lab. They had an annexe in the garden for guests with a kitchen of their own, their bathroom- all of it. So… why did they have a spare bedroom in the house? They didn’t plan to have any more kids… right? They didn’t need this room.

He stepped inside it. It was furnished with boyish toys, if such a thing existed, and computers. Posters of Star Wars and other heroes littered the walls. Spider-Man sheets were tucked over the mattress. Paper littered the desk. Little scribbles of equations and plans- but not the type that Tony would ever make. None of this was his, nor Pepper’s, and especially not Morgan’s. So, whose was it?

“Mr Stark. Holy cow, you would not believe what’s been going on! Do you remember when we were in space? And I got all dusty? I must’ve passed out because I woke up and you weren’t there, but Dr Strange was, and he was like, “it’s been five years, they need us.” And he started doing that yellow sparkly thing he does….”

Tony saw himself step forward. He enveloped the figure with the biggest hug he could manage. He felt a warmth spread over him. This was right. Tony held him. He missed him. He missed whoever this was, and he still did.

Was this real? Had he somehow forgotten whoever this was?

This figure had been on Titan. Now, he was at the battle.

“Oh, this is nice,” he hears the figure say.

Tony would have to agree.

“Why did you do it?” he heard someone say in the doorway, taking him out on whatever that thought was. When Tony turned, he felt wetness on his cheeks. He raised his hand and wiped it away with his sleeve as Pepper walked into the room.

“Do what?” Tony asked.

He took a seat on the bed, feeling light-headed as he tried to simultaneously figure out the puzzle in his mind as well as why his wife looked so angry at him. He watched as her eyes flickered around the room before landing back on him. She bared no recognition of any of it and seemed to be just as confused as he was. But that’s not what she was focused on right now.

“Don’t play dumb, Tony. You promised!”

“She asked me, Pep. What was I supposed to do?” Tony said.

“I don’t know. Say no, maybe?!” she said, raising her voice. Her face was red, her hands clenched by her side. Tony noticed that she was breathing too heavily for a normal conversation. “I’m not doing it, Tony. Not anymore. I can’t have you in that suit again… not after it was so close to killing you. I don’t want Morgan to feel as terrified as I always was. Soon she’ll grow out of this superhero phase, and she’ll be crying because she has just watched Daddy fall to his death on TV. It wouldn’t kill her to hear the word no.”

“And the kid?” Tony asked, thinking of the way Spider-Man had looked at him. The way he lost control of everything the second he heard Tony’s voice. He must’ve been scared. Having someone else there was probably such a relief that it shocked him.

“What kid?” she said. Looking at Tony, she realised what he meant without him having to say anything more. He was talking about Spider-Man. “The kid’ is probably old enough to know his limits, Tony. He’s enhanced! He’s been doing this stuff for years! He was fine, there was no reason why you had to help him!”

“So- what, I’m just supposed to watch as all these bad things happen? When we both know that I have the power to stop it,” Tony argued back. He hadn’t necessarily wanted to go back to the suits again, not before today. But being in the air, it was like bits of him were starting to come back.

“Yes!”

“Pepper, I can’t. It’s- I have to do something!”

“Then I’m leaving, Tony. If you go back in those suits, then we’re done. I can’t handle it.”

“Y-You can’t- Pep-“

“I can’t do it, Tony,” Pepper said, her voice barely a whisper. “So, it’s either us or the suits.” Dropping that on him, she leaves him behind. He hears their door shut seconds later. She doesn’t slam it since Morgan’s in bed, yet somehow the sound it makes still sounds mad.

Tony puts his head in his hands, taking a deep breath. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t lose his girls, but the suits made him feel like himself. He loved his family more, but not being Iron Man felt like his whole body was covered in an itch he couldn’t scratch. He couldn’t stop ‘playing the hero’ as much as he tried. Even if it almost killed him. It was the price they had always paid.

Looking down at his feet, he saw a journal poking out. Trying to forget what just happened, he picked it up and furrowed his eyebrows at the sight. On the front page, it read ‘property of Peter Parker.’

…

Who the hell was Peter Parker?