II
Stark Tower's medical bay reeked of disinfectant and that was one of hundreds of minor problems Loki had spotted since they'd been there.
"Is it necessary for me to submit to dubious and archaic human procedures that are light years below my knowledge?"
"Yes, Loki, you need to have a doctor check you out and make sure your pregnancy is going well and Bruce is very competent and trustworthy." Tony explained again with as much patience as the first time they had that same conversation.
Bruce pushed his glasses away to rub his temple. He hoped the headache he'd kept increasing over the last hour wasn't a prelude to the other guy.
“I'm perfectly capable of checking that myself with my magic which is far better than the clumsy Midgardian technology.”
Tony grimaced, Loki always brought up magic versus technology when he wanted to pick a fight.
The truth is that after the night Loki had noticed his pregnancy, Tony had convinced him to take a test that it had given negative. The test was positive five days later and that had convinced his boyfriend that any medical device of the Earth is slow and imprecise.
"And I guess you're also capable of giving birth on your own without needing medical assistance."
Loki opened his mouth to reply arrogantly, but was interrupted by an irritated Tony.
“Uh-uh. Don't you dare!”
"This will be Loki's nutrition plan for the first trimester." Bruce dared to interrupt after printing out a few sheets of paper.
“You will have monthly medical check-ups and some routine tests at the Shield facilities. Yes, Tony, Shield steps in. Think this-” And pointed to Loki's belly. “It's the kind of chaotic event that could lead a god of chaos to do chaotic things, they want to keep it under control.”
Tony clicked his tongue. He knew that Shield was going to want to bite his ass with this sooner or later and he had learned that they better think he was still on his side. If they trusted him enough to let him have a hand on the wheel he could still drive the car.
"Okay, but only you or Dr. Cho can review it. Nobody else. And I don't authorize extraneous tests that aren't absolutely necessary in a normal pregnancy, promise?”
Banner nodded understandingly, beginning to collect the stack of papers they had both signed before they left.
"Make sure you follow directions." He remarked again before they were through the door. “And, guys… congratulations.”
The atmosphere of his flat did not remain quiet for long, the silence was broken by a sudden scream.
“This is ridiculous!”
Tony stumbled, but managed to save the cups he was carrying in his hand to wash up in the kitchen.
"Jarvis?"
“Mr. Loki is in the living room, reading the recommendations for pregnancy that Dr. Banner indicated.”
“I understand.”
"Tony." Loki whimpered as Tony entered the room to cuddle up to him, "It says here no alcohol allowed. Asgardian women drink less when they are pregnant, but they are not expected to do something as absurd as stop drinking altogether.”
"Did your mother drink while pregnant with Thor?"
“Of course! Oh… Crap.”
“You see the problem.”
"It's not the only thing that's forbidden." His disgusted expression on his grew as he continued reading. “I also can't eat meat that hasn't been properly grilled or sushi...I liked sushi.”
“Raw food can have microorganisms that can make you sick.”
“I'm a god. The weak Midgardian parasites can do nothing to me.”
"Yeah... remember when you said you were going to die just because you caught the flu?"
Loki looked at him reproachfully, Tony looked amused as he read how they had decided to torture him.
“I have to limit my coffee consumption to one cup a day.”
“Well, that child has your genes and mine. The last thing She or he needs is caffeine.”
"And why can't I use the jacuzzi?!"
"Better give me this." Tony withdrew the piece of paper that Loki had crumpled in his hands to leave it aside on the table. “I am going to show you the advantages that pregnancy also brings. Like for example, my complete and utter servitude.”
Tony grabbed Loki's arms before pushing him onto the couch to begin worshiping him with dirty kisses.
***
“FUCK!”
"Language, Clint," warned the man in the starry spandex. More like a reflex action because he had been as surprised as he was.
The avengers had gathered on the main floor to watch a movie with large stocks of pizza and popcorn and that's when Loki had entered the room. She was wearing one of Tony's white shirts and dark boxers and didn't seem to mind showing off too much.
Tony trailed behind, enjoying the view that now included long legs, a narrow waist, long black curls, and boobs. Incredible boobs! Even Steve, who made an effort to look at the wall as if it were the most interesting part of the tower, his eyes betrayed him.
“Sister." Thor greeted with a shrug, unsurprised.
"Wow, I thought you'd gone crazy when you started dating Loki," Clint hissed, "but here's a bonus, did you…?"
“Eaten? Of course. Also the blue version, the blue female version and once she did that animal ears and tail thing that I hope to repeat soon.”
“Pervert.” Loki smiled settling into his lap on the couch.
"I'm still here." Growled the blond Asgardian, already surrendered to the type of interactions those two used to have. He wishes her younger sister had taken notice of someone like the respectable Captain America and not the cheeky millionaire playboy, but he had to admit that Tony had been good to Loki and he was glad to see her happy.
"Can I check if the boobs are real?"
Thor tossed the TV remote at Clint's head who yelped in pain but still didn't seem too apologetic.
“Actually, I have gathered you because we had to announce something: We are pregnant.”
This time, even Natasha spat out her drink. He had managed to make the spy drop her mask, point for Tony.
“It's a joke?” Steve continued. “Loki can't...”
“I can.”
“Yes, absolutly yes. I ran the tests this morning." Bruce chimed in. "And I'm sure this will be a headache in the future, but Loki is completely, utterly pregnant.”
Thor got up with energy crushing Loki in his arms and she growled without making much effort to get away from him.
“CONGRATULATIONS, sister!”