vinnie or eden
Today was the day everyone returned from international duty. Lia and Cait had not spoken all week. However she did get a text from her Sunday night saying she’s staying at Stephs until we can have a proper chat. Lia didn’t even respond to the message it made her feel all wired inside. Even when someone mentions her name it makes her feel of wired inside. The truth is that she loved Caitlin and maybe going on a brake was right but she missed her in bed, she feels cold and lonely at night. She really misses just having that comfort blanket. The first couple of tries when IVF failed Caitlin would hold the Swiss as she cried into her arms showering her with kisses and sweet words. But when it failed the 5th time Caitlin was upset and angry which was understandable in a way, it made Lia feel even worse. She often found herself having panic attacks in the shower, she would go back to 15 year old panicky Lia when if she couldn’t be ‘perfect’ she would often work herself up that she would end up giving herself panic attacks.
It’s like when she was 17 and finally got in to the first team, she was obviously one of the youngest there. Many of the girls were gay and many where in a relationship with each over, but there was one girl named Ellie and she just couldn’t put a finger on it. Like she craved to see her body in the shower it was wired. That day she went home and cried. She liked girls. Her head couldn’t wrap around that she had been straight all her life.
But really thinking about it Lia had always felt strange when dating boys, like when she had sex with a boy, all her friends would describe it as amazing but she just didn’t like it and she often found herself using the common excuse ‘ oh I’m on my period ‘ which worked most of the time, but when she actually did have to have sex she found herself faking it and she was really she was so uncomfortable. She couldn’t put a finger on it until Elle came into her life.
Elle was only 3 years older than her and they became friends very quick. Elle kissed her the the bathrooms the night of a teammates and took the Swiss home.
The next morning they woke up tangled naked limbs, it took a while to wrap around Lias mind what just happened. They where togther for 2 years and they where some of lias best 2 years of her life, there brake up was peaceful but it right time things where moving on and so where they. Thankfully her parents accepted her. Her dad words always will stick where her- “ I don’t care if you liked aliens your my little girl and i would never take you out of the family just because of your choice “ she was forever thankful that.
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Lia still couldn’t bare going into training her anxiety was still too much. Just the thought of being there with Caitlin when there’s a possibility she could be pregnant just sent her nerves crazy.
The pregnancy test that she brought Wednesday night was still on her kitchen counter top. She really needed to take the test but she couldn’t bare to do it. She had taken 5 test this year and they’ve all been negative, so if this one did come back negative she just doesn’t know how she would handle it.
It’s like she doesn’t want it to come back pregnant but really she does but she doesn’t know how she’s going to handle it.
Sitting on the sofa, her phone vibrates under her leg.
Leah x
Is it okay if I pop around after training and we can have a catch up x
Lia responded straight away, leah was one of her best friends at Arsenal. They fit each over’s personality so well. She had not told the blonde that they had been trying to get pregnant but she would have been the first to know. She that’s the problem with Lia she tends to bottle up her emotions inside and then as soon as she’s feeling down and someone ask if she’s okay it’s just all comes tumbling down. She tries to but up this persona that she’s calm and nothing gets best her but really deep inside she’s a big big big over thinker.
About 30 minutes later she heard to door click open
“ hellooooo “ a cheery voice echoed through her house
“ you alright you “ Leah said taking her shoes of a wrap one arm over Lia shoulder
“ it’s just been a shit few weeks “ lia Softly said placing her head on the blondes shoulder
“ what’s been happening “ The blonde said pulling lia closer
“ god where should I start “ lia said letting out a chuckle
“ tell you what we’ll do I’ll make us some tea and then we can have a proper chat” Leah said squeezing the Swiss shoulders
“ yeah “ lia breathed out
Leah got off the sofa first and Lia trailed behind her. Suddenly the blonde stopped in her tracks making Lia run into her. What was she looking at? Shit.
She had left the pregnancy test out.
“ oh yeah umm “ lia said looking at her feet
“ Are you pregnant Wally” lia asked with the biggest smile on her face
“ I-i don’t know “ the Swiss voice wobbled
“ lia don’t cry come on sit down talk to me mate “ leah said guiding her over to the small sofa in Lias kitchen
Sitting down Lia let out a deep breath
“ well me and Cait have been trying to get pregnant for awhile now and it’s just not working my stupid body keeps failing on me” lia said taking a deep breath trying not to cry “ we got into a argument and we’ve gone a break, she’s staying a Steph’s but the over day over day I realised I was 18 days late and I keep being sick in the morning like today I haven’t eaten anything because I feel so ill so I spoke to Kim and she suggested I take a test but I haven’t come to do it because I’m shit scared” lia said has a single tear fell down her face, Leah was quick to wipe it away
“ wow I didn’t expect that” leah chuckled “ if your 18 days late I think you should take the test “ leah said giving lia the sweetest look
“ I’ll come up stairs with you and what ever the test comes back I’m here for you” leah said pulling the Swiss of the sofa
“ okay “ lia said walking over to the test and picking up of the counter
the girls made there way up stairs, lia let Leah in the bathroom she didn’t really care about hiding her body. Leah sat on the bath and watched the Swiss unbox the pregnancy test.
She did the test and washed her hands
“ I’m so scared “ lia said staring at the test as she placed herself on the floor staring at the test
“ how long do they normal take” Leah questioned
“ about 10 minutes “ lia said still not taking her eyes of the test
“ this 10 minutes is going to take forever” Leah said “ what would you name it “
“ Caitlin’s always like the name vinnie for a boy and Eden for a girl” lia said turning to look at Leah
“ do you think it will be done yet “ Leah said in a questioning way
“ I mean probably, you look?” Lia asked
Leah got up from her spot and picked the test up, leahs face lit up like she had just one the national lottery
“ your pregnant “ Leah said throwing herself onto the Swiss
All lia could do is cry, it’s all shes ever wanted and for it finally to work it felt amazing.
“ I’m so happy for you” Leah said pulling from the hug kissing her cheek
“ Oh my god I have a baby inside of me” Lia said putting a hand on a stomach
“ yes you are !!” Leah squealed like a teenage girl
“ your more exited then i’am “ lia laughed
she had a baby inside of her the words seemed crazy.