stop crying your heart out
Lias body just kept failing on her time after time. It felt like a slap in the face every it appeared negative. It felt like a knife in the heart every time she saw Caitlin’s face when she told her the bad news that yet again her stupid body let her down. she tried hard to remain positive but she often found herself locked away in the bathroom braking down, letting the shower blend in with her broken tears. Seeing all the negative pregnancy test in the draw brought her to tears. It’s not fair why couldn’t she just get pregnant like every normal woman? But yet time after she had constantly got told ‘no’ by her body. It wasn’t just taking a strain on Lia it was taking a strain on Caitlin. Caitlin was more blunt angry type of person when things didn’t go her way and with Lia hormones being all mangled up with all the needles being stuck into her these two were like fighting fire with fire.
“ Lia don’t you realise how hard this is on me, how fucking hard lia it’s obviously not working “ Caitlian echoed around the house
the silence was deadly between them, lia felt like 60 hands had just slapped her across the face, how could she just sit there and say that when it’s not her body failing on her time after time
“ don’t you dare you don’t know how hard this is on me how fucked it it’s making me feel and you just sit there and say that your a fucking joke caitlin” Lia angrily in utter rage
Caitlin jumped at the use of her full name it was never ‘ Caitlin ‘ it was always ‘ cait ‘ or ‘ darlin’ or ‘ babe ‘.
“ a joke pft” Caitlin spat out rolling her eyes “ lia we can’t go on like this-“
“ oh so your just going to try get me pregnant leave me when it doesn’t work what a women you are” lia interrupted the Australian and threw her hands up in a dramatic way
“ it’s not like that Lia, this fights are have been going on for too long im not saying we breakup in saying we just need some time apart” Caitlin said looking up at the Swiss eyes for the first time. God them eyes she hates to see them broken at the best of times but the reason why they’re broken was because of her.
“ Fuck you cait “ lia spat out in rage
“ Lia get your head sorted “ Caitlin said before walking out into the kitchen and then upstairs.
The last cait saw of Lia was here head in arms in kitchen counter letting out sobs, as she glanced her one last time before walking out of the door.
//
Then it was international brake, Caitlin and Lia had not spoke since. Caitlin left on the Friday and then left for international on the Monday. Those three days Lia was horrible. She often found herself braking down random places in her house crying to the point where she was screaming. Lia mind was gone. If her body fucking worked Caitlin would have never left her but no it’s her fucking luck that she couldn’t get pregnant. Lia was dreading international brake she didn’t want to spend time with people, especially people who she hardly knew- well she knew them but like she would preferred be with like Leah or Caitlin. She wanted Caitlin. To hold her, people say stuff out of anger but she pushed the buttons to fair.
It was a cold fogy Monday morning as she woke up to her horrible alarm, rubbing her eyes a sudden wave of sickness came over. Jumping like a spider had just landed on her she ran across the old wooden floor into her bathroom. Luckily her stomach let loose over the toilet bowl. She left like her stomach had just sucked up last nights dinner and her internal organs as well. Wired she thought as she hung her head over the toilet bowl. Maybe it’s because how shit she been feeling the last days. Normally the times she was sick Cait was there to hold her hair back and rub her back and brush her teeth but she had non of that. Thankfully her hair was tied back. steadily picking herself up from the bathroom floor she got ready to set off for national camp. Yay .
//
Lia had only been there for 3 days and she hated every. Single. Minute. Of it. She was isolating herself completely and really coming out for meals and training, the girls asked her to do stuff and she said no every time. To make her worse she was being woken up with horrible sickness every morning. She just blamed it on her anxiety levels being high, she did suffer from bad anxiety but they rarely made her sick, she would always be calmed down.
By Caitlin.
She had to go home she wasn’t playing at her best, she was crying every moment alone, she was killing herself slowly.
//
She got the brake and flew back home.
it was nice to be back home it felt better than a shitty hotel room where she had no distraction it was just mainly her in her own thoughts.
Slumping down on her sofa she took in a deep breath. She wasn’t going to cry. Looking outside she saw the amount of leaves in her garden, maybe to take her mind of things she would clean the garden. Picking up her sweeping brush and pan and her AirPods she made her way out into the garden. The cold London air hit her warm cheeks as she made her way into the garden.
she was about a hour into cleaning up the garden when a sudden thought rushed over her head
“ when’s the last time I had my period”
Looking up from the floor she twisted her face. She had not had it this month, she was being sick every morning. Mmh
She pulled out her period tracker. 18 days late. Shit lia said to herself . She was never late always on time always. No this can’t be she’s ? Not is she.. she can’t be? Fuck. Dropping her sweep pan and brush she quickly rushed back inside.