Marvel

Sam, to Peter Parker : You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice.
Peter Parker : Lo siento. Estoy embarazada.
Sam: You just told me you're pregnant.
Bucky : Congratulations Peter Parker , you're glowing!

Tony: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went... OK.
Dr.Strange: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG.
Tony: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO.
Peter : I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins.
Sam: Looks like someone's a HO.
Dr.Strange : NaBrO.
Steve: I'm done with all of you!

Peter : Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.
Loki: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Peter : If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.
Bucky : "If"
Loki: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die

Sam: I love hearing Bucky shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.

Steve : Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd.
Bucky : Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue.
Steve : Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

Bucky: Fine! I don't give a shit!
Sam: You seem to give a lot of shit for someone who claims not to give a shit.

Peter: Oh, fiddlesticks.
Captian America : Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

Sam: So, what is Loki to you?
Tony : The reason I wake up every morning.
Sam: ...That’s adorable.
Loki earlier that morning, barging into Tony′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

Steve : What is the one thing I told you not to do?
Peter : Burn the house down.
Steve : And what did you do?
Peter : I made dinner.
Steve :
Peter :
Steve :
Peter : And burnt the house down.

Bucky : When life gives you lemonades, make lemons! Life will be all like "whaAttT?"
Steve : Life lessons that schools can't teach you.

Steve : If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.
Peter , deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

Loki: Happy birthday Tony! I'm your gift!
Tony, whispering to Peter : Did you get the receipt, or do I have to keep them?

Bruce : I’m not a doctor I’m a medic.
Tony: What’s the difference then?
Bruce : Well doctors actually save lives, medics just make you feel more comfortable as you die.
Steve : Note to self; never get shot.

Peter : I won a new phone in a race.
Tony: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, Peter ?
Peter : A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.

Peter : What do we think of Loki?
*pause*
Tony : *sighs* Nice pal.
Dr.Strange : I think he’s gay.

Sam: Can I bother you for a second?
Tony: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.

Tony : Come on, Sam. Nobody actually believes that Loki is in love with me.
Sam, to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Loki is helplessly in love with Tony .
*Everyone raises their hand*
Tony : Loki , put your hand down.

Dr.Strange : Where's Tony?
Bucky : Don't worry, I'll find them.
Bucky , shouting: Loki sucks!
Tony, distantly: Loki is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Bucky : Found him

Tony : You’re alive.
Steve: No need to sound so disappointed..

Loki: Something’s off.
Peter : Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.
Loki: No, but that’s funny.

Sam: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.
Bucky : That’s a snake.

Peter : Loki is so...
Sam: Annoying?
Dr.Strange : Cute?
Steve : Funny?
Bucky : Weird?
Peter : I don't know, maybe if y'all let me FINISH for ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'd tell you!

Steve : Are we really going to let Tony keep Loki?
Sam: We kept Bucky .

Loki: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

Loki: Petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday.
Peter: Wednesay.
Loki: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible.

Tony: I love you.
Sam, not paying attention: What was that?
Tony: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Bucky : Come on, Steve ! How any times do I have to apologize?
Steve : Once!
Bucky : ...No.

Dr.Strange : Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.
Tony : Oh. We're going out?
Dr.Strange : Wh…

Loki: Regular soda is too sweet!
Tony: Diet soda has a weird after taste!
Loki: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY!
Tony: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda!
Loki: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink!
Tony: I'm going to physically attack you.
Loki: Which is better, Sam?
Sam: Oh, I usually drink water!
Tony: Wha- NO!
Loki: DISGUSTING!

Loki: Why are Dr.Strange and Tony sitting with their backs to each other?
Sam: They had a fight.
Loki: Then why are they holding hands?
Sam: They get sad when they fight.

Sam: Ew. What kind of tea is this?
Bucky: I boiled gatorade.

Tony : A sprite is anything not static.
Peter : A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d.
Bucky : A sprite is a fucking soda.
Bucky : You god damn geekass bastards.

Bucky : YOU CHEATED!
Tony: So did my dad, but hey, my mom knew it all and even sorted out their wedding, so what’s the problem?
Sam: I… can confirm that that actually happened.
Bucky : …What.

Bucky : You can do it Tony!
Bucky : But if you can't, at least your death will be quick, painless, and really cool to watch.

Teacher: Your child was in a fight.
Sam : Oh no, that’s terrible!
Bucky: Did they win?

Sam: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.
Bucky : Mine just says "Bucky no."
Sam : I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Tony, to Peter: I'm leaving for the weekend, so I hid 100 dollars in your room for food. Clean your room, and you will find it.

Steve : Okay, two person huddle.
Bucky : You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug.

Dr.Strange: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning!
Loki: I'll hate my self in the morning regardless.

Peter : Holy shit, Tony, do you know what this means?!
Tony: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

Steve : Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.
Bucky: Go the fuck to sleep Steve .

Peter : Are you mad?
Bucky: No.
Peter : So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

Sam: I have feelings for you.
Bucky: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Tony: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Dr.Strange 's birthday invitations.
Loki: Well, what are they supposed to say?
Sam: "Dr.Strange 's birthday".
Loki: So, what do they say instead?
Sam: "Dr.Strange ’s bi".
Loki:
Loki: Works out either way.

Bucky: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Loki: Not if they consent to it.
Sam: Depends on who your stabbing.
Steve : YES??!!?

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-
Loki: No returns.
Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

Loki: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...
Tony : Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

Bucky : Are they stupid?
Peter : Yes, but they prefer to be called Steve .

Tony: When I was your age-
Peter: *mocking* When I was your height-

Loki: What’s up? I’m back.
Thor : I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead
Loki: Death is a social construct.

Steve , near tears: Please, Peter, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

Sam: I think I'm falling for you.
Bucky: Then get up.

Bucky : At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent.
Sam: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear

Tony: Sam told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with.

Dr.Strange : Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?
Tony: Can't relate.
Sam: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

Sam : They made Bucky cry!
Steve: Bucky always cries!
Bucky : That's not true! *cries*

Tony : When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it.
Sam: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

Dr.Strange : How many children do you have?
Tony : Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

Tony : Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

Bucky : Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!
Peter : Apparently, we're not.

Tony: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!
Loki: But I'm a vegan.
Tony: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

Steve : What’s your biggest fear?
Tony: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.
Dr.Strange : Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.
Sam: Zombies.
Tony: ...
Dr.Strange : ...
Sam: BUT they can open doors.

Tony: You know, when Bucky comes over, Sam can get a little…
Peter : Psycho?
Dr.Strange : Scary?
Loki: Drunk?
Tony: All three.

Peter: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!
Bucky : Please, just say fuck.

Bucky : *is throwing stones at Sam's window*
Sam: You have a phone for a reason,Bucky!
*THUD*
Sam: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

Tony: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!
Sam: Tony, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.
Tony: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!
Loki: ...It was a bug.
Tony: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!
Sam: ...
Loki: ...
Tony: Stop looking at me like that!

Loki: Tony and I got married!!
Steve : Don't share your personal problems with everyone.

Steve : If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.
Sam: ...We're on the ground floor.
Steve : I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Dr.Strange : So, Peter , do you have a crush on anyone?
Peter : The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

Peter : What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Peter : Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Dr.Strange : Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Bruce: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Loki: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Bucky : Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Tony: I hate you guys so much.

Bucky : If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

Sam: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

Peter: Can we go out to get icecream?
Dr.Strange : Did you ask Tony?
Petee: They said no.
Dr.Strange : Then why did you ask me?
Peter: He’s not the boss of you.
Dr.Strange , internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

Bucky : You can take away my rights, but can you take away my lefts?

Tony: Two brooooos!
Dr.Strange : Chillin' in a hot tub!
Tony: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay!
Dr.Strange :
Tony:
Dr.Strange : *tearing up*
Tony: Babe, c'mon...
Dr.Strange : AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.
Tony: Babe…

Sam : I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.
Dr.Strange : Weight loss? Drink water.
Steve : Clear skin? Drink water.
Bucky: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

Bucky : I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.
Peter : All I drank was Redbull!
Bucky : How many?
Peter : Eighteen.