Chapter 4
Three loud, energetic knocks came from my front door. The noise startled me, causing me to jump and knock my elbows onto the island countertop I'd been leaning on as I scrolled through an email from a client. I set my phone on the counter and hurried over to the door, swinging it wide open to reveal Foggy and Marci. Marci was standing there beaming as she held up a bottle of wine.
“Happy housewarming!” she exclaimed.
"Eight and a half months late!" Foggy added.
“Hey, you didn’t have to bring anything,” I greeted the pair with a light laugh as I stepped aside, waving them in.
“You can’t invite us to a housewarming and expect us to show up empty-handed,” Marci told me as she entered. Her eyes widened a little as she took in the space. “But also–holy shit, your apartment is beautiful!” She threw a hand to Foggy’s shoulder as her eyes darted around the open living space and the large windows overlooking the city, the sun almost setting just behind the towering buildings. “Foggy Bear, we need to get a place like this.”
I shot Foggy an apologetic look, accepting the bottle of wine from Marci. “Well come in, make yourself comfortable. Or…snoop around,” I said, my eyes knowingly shifting to Marci who shot me a grin. “As I know you want to do.”
"I definitely do," she agreed, dragging Foggy helplessly behind her.
I chuckled as I headed to the fridge and placed the wine bottle inside. My phone vibrated on the counter behind me and I turned, picking it up. Ezra's name was displayed across the screen. I slid the button across and answered the call.
"Hey, what's going on, Ez?" I asked him.
"Hey, sis, just letting you know Karen and I are running a bit behind," he told me. "We sort of…got stuck in traffic."
I grinned wide, raising a brow. "Hmm, traffic?" I asked him slyly. "Is that what we're calling it?" I heard Karen's audible gasp followed by a nervous laugh in the background and I stifled a laugh. "It's fine, I was going to order the pizza in a bit so you guys have time."
A knock came at my door and my stomach fluttered with nerves. It was obviously Matt since I was on the phone with Ez and Karen and Foggy and Marci were currently touring my walk-in closet if Marci’s loud commentary on my shoe storage was anything to go by.
"I think Matt's at the door, hang on," I said over the phone.
I headed over to my front door, pulling it open to indeed reveal Matt's smiling face. He was dressed in dark jeans and a tight black tee-shirt that hugged the thick muscles of his upper body, my gaze lingering along his biceps. I swallowed hard and had to actively force myself to remember I hadn’t greeted him yet.
"Hey, Matt, come on in. I'm just getting off the phone with Ez," I said nervously, stepping to the side as Matt entered, his cane sweeping across the floor as my attention briefly returned to Ezra. "You guys going to be here soon?” I asked over the phone.
“Uh, yes…we should be there in a few minutes,” he answered slowly.
I snorted, closing my front door. “Just keep it in your pants until after you leave my place. I'm sure you can manage that, right?"
"Shut up before you make Karen uncomfortable," Ezra whispered harshly over the phone.
I rolled my eyes. "Fine, just don't fuck in my bathroom."
I laughed when he grumbled and hung up on me. I stepped over to my counter, setting my phone back on it as my attention shifted towards Matt. I could hear Foggy and Marci loudly discussing my en-suite bathroom in the distance.
"Hey, sorry about that," I said, my hands nervously sliding into my jean pockets. "Karen and Ez are just running late."
He chuckled lightly. "I gathered as much from your uh…interesting parting words."
He held out something in his left hand, his cane still in his right. The movement caught my eye and I looked down.
"Don't know if they're still your favorite now that you're out here," he said awkwardly as I accepted the bag of coffee. "But I know how much you loved them when you were in Hell’s Kitchen."
"I–you…you didn't have to bring me anything," I said quickly, feeling a warmth flood me as I stared at my favorite roast from my favorite coffee shop. "But thank you, Matt. They are in fact still my favorite," I told him in a small voice. "I never have time to get out there to get coffee anymore, though."
He smiled softly back at me. "Glad I could help your caffeine addiction then," he said gently. "I usually frequent them all the time. It…still reminds me of all the times we went there."
I swallowed hard as my breath came in quick and shallow. "Yeah?"
He shifted on his feet nervously, his mouth opening like he was going to say something, but no words came out.
"I can uh, give you a tour?" I offered anxiously as I turned to place the coffee on my counter.
"Yeah, sure," he said. "Might help me to avoid running into all your furniture."
My eyes darted up to his face, noticing the bruise on his cheek now that he'd pulled his glasses off. I winced, audibly hissing as I set the bag of coffee on my counter and rushed over to him.
"Shit, Matty, how'd you get this?" I asked, my fingers lightly grabbing his chin and turning his face towards me in the light to examine it better.
"Elevator was out the other day," he said sheepishly. "I uh…was trying not to be late to work."
My thumb slid upwards, carefully tracing the warm, stubbled skin just below the bruise. Matt's throat bobbed with a perceptibly hard swallow that drew my eyes down to his Adam's apple. Realizing just how close I was to him and how intimately I was touching him, I cleared my throat and reluctantly dropped my hand to my side. Taking a half-step back from him, I reached down and grabbed one of his hands and placed it in the crook of my arm. His fingers immediately curled around it, his hand warm against my bare skin.
"You should really be more careful," I whispered. "But uh…I can give you the grand tour. This is my kitchen," I said, leading us towards the table as I continued. "You've got a table on your right." I paused, watching as he reached his hand out while still holding his cane, his fingers brushing the surface. "About seven feet to your left is my uselessly large island." I led us over towards it, taking Matt's cane so he could use a free hand to touch the items and continue to orient himself in the space.
"Your counters feel expensive," he said with a grin.
"Quartz. White with some black veining," I told him. "Almost everything is white," I explained, my eyes darting around the space. "Except the floors, they're a dark wood."
"Sounds modern," he commented as I led him around the island, his hand gliding along the smooth surface.
"Which translates to cold and sterile," I joked.
He laughed a little as he walked beside me. "Do you not like this place? From the sounds Marci is making it sounds nice."
"No it's…it is nice," I agreed slowly, stopping us in the middle of the kitchen. "I uh…I'm fortunate to be able to afford something like this, I know. I should probably sound more grateful it's just…"
My voice trailed off as Matt's head tilted to the side, his sightless gaze looking questioningly back at me.
"It's what?" he prompted gently.
"It just feels…empty. Cold," I admitted. "I don't know, maybe it's just me." I roughly shook my head, ignoring the downturn of his mouth. "So this is where the fridge and stove are. The fridge is pretty much always empty."
Matt's eyebrows drew together at my words, his hand lightly touching the surfaces as he walked. "How do you have an empty fridge? You're always cooking."
"I don't really have time anymore," I answered him. "I'm always running from one shoot to the next, or I'm gone days on end photographing weddings. And when I'm home I just have so many emails and calls to return. And never-ending editing." I sighed. "I barely have time to get groceries. I try to do deliveries but I never have a chance to finish the list before I just put it through."
I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face as I led him to the living room. Matt may have been blind, but I swore he could always see more than most people.
"My living room," I told him, ignoring the feel of his eyes on me. "I have a big white sectional sofa, just to your right. There's a coffee table about a foot in front of you. The sofa wraps around it."
His hand reached down, running along the armrest beside him. He smiled as he did. "It's soft."
"Yeah, I thought so too," I told him with a smile. My mouth opened, about to say something more, but I briefly hesitated. And then I shook my head and just admitted, "I actually wondered what you'd say about it when I bought it."
His eyebrows rose, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards. "Did you? Well…I approve."
"Not scratchy like sandpaper?" I teased, knowing Matt could be sensitive about some things.
"No, definitely not," he agreed.
I led him down the hallway next, pointing out the half bath for him. Foggy and Marci appeared out of my bedroom as we headed down towards it.
"He gets the special guided tour?" Foggy asked, feigning offense.
"Well I’m blind and quite literally need a guide, so…" Matt said with a shrug.
“You can join my tour if you’d like,” I offered. “Though judging from the sounds of it Marci already did some very thorough snooping. Otherwise you can get comfortable in the kitchen or living room. There’s wine on the island, some wine glasses I pulled out. Karen and Ez are running late,” I explained.
“So they were screwing and lost track of time?” Marci said, raising a brow at me.
I chuckled, shaking my head. “Already called him out on it, Marc,” I assured her.
“At least we managed to keep track of time,” she muttered as she headed down the hall with Foggy.
I snorted, rolling my eyes. Matt shifted beside me as I led him into my bedroom.
“What?” he asked in amusement.
I shook my head. “Nothing. Anyway, this is my room. Not super exciting–dresser just there on your right. Bed is uh…” I paused, swallowing before my voice came out with a faint waver. “Just across the room.” I cleared my throat as I led him towards my closet, sliding the door back. “Walk-in closet, filled with clothes and shoes that I’m sure you could care less about,” I told him. “And then over this way,” I said, guiding him towards my en-suite, “is the best part of this entire place. Walk-in shower over on the far wall, just to your right is a soaker tub and then to your left here is a very oversized vanity for one person.”
I watched as Matt’s fingers slid along some of the surfaces, a soft smile on his face. He was quiet for a long moment before he stopped, turning back towards me.
“It seems you’ve done very well for yourself,” he said quietly. “I’m proud of you.”
I felt heat rise to my cheeks and I nervously tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Wouldn’t have gotten this far without your help putting together those contracts two years ago.”
He laughed, the sound echoing in the bathroom and warming me from the inside out–it had been far too long since I'd heard him laugh like that.
“Those were…pretty atrocious" he admitted, grinning.
“Well not all of us went to law school and know how to write up contracts, Murdock!” I shot back with a matching grin.
The wide smile on his face remained as he wandered carefully back towards me. “Yeah, well you’re lucky someone who did reworked them for you,” he teased me as he took my arm.
I led him out of the bathroom, still feeling the burn in my cheeks from his earlier comment. “I uh…I appreciate how much help you gave me,” I confessed awkwardly as we re-entered my bedroom. Matt stopped walking, his head turning towards me as I spoke. “You were a big part of me getting to this point.”
He shrugged lightly, dropping my arm and turning so he was standing in front of me. “I just helped you write up some contracts and work up a good business plan,” he said. “You did all the work.”
“Well those were quite important parts to getting this business up and running better,” I said.
I bit my lip, my eyes lingering on his face as he gazed back at me intently; his head was cocked to the side, his eyes scanning around where I stood. He always gave me butterflies when he looked at me like that; it always made me feel like I was the only other person in the room to him.
“You also encouraged me,” I reminded him. “I struggled so hard in the beginning.”
“Easy to do when you’re blind,” he joked. “I can’t tell if you were actually any good or not.”
I laughed, playfully pushing a hand against his chest as he smiled back at me. “Ass,” I joked.
“Well clearly you’re good otherwise you wouldn’t be here,” he said, his hand gesturing around us. “But I knew you’d do well. You’ve always been so driven and passionate about your work.”
His expression softened as he stared at me across the small distance between us and I felt my hands begin to shake a little. I slid them back into my jean pockets, hoping he wouldn’t notice when I led him out of the room in a moment.
“Thanks, Matt,” I said softly.
“I uh…” he began, pausing immediately and then looking down at the floor as he slowly shook his head. “Sorry,” he said lightly. “I just…”
My eyes narrowed curiously at him. He was quite obviously nervous and flustered, something Matthew Murdock never was. But here he was before me, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact even though he couldn’t actually see me, and–blushing?
“Matt, what’s up?” I asked, taking a tentative step towards him.
“There’s…something I want to say and I just–just want to say it before I talk myself out of it,” he answered quickly, his gaze slowly rising to meet mine.
My stomach twisted at his words, my pulse quickening. “Uh, okay. Sure.”
“I’m sorry about the other week,” he said in a rush. “At Josie’s. I–I shouldn’t have been flirting with you, I should have known better. I knew you were going through something and it wasn’t right–it wasn’t the right time for that.” He licked his lips, his tongue darting out and drawing my attention to his mouth. I felt like I couldn’t breathe as he continued, his earnest gaze focused on my chin. “It’s just, you’ve been with that asshole since I’ve known you, Em. Even whenever you two broke up you were still with him. And I respected that even though I hatedthat guy and how he treated you. I respected that you weren’t available.”
My mouth had dropped open as he spoke, my eyes going wide in surprise. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?
“And then you moved out of Hell’s Kitchen,” he continued in a rush. “And we didn’t hear from you for months.” His face twisted into a mixture of pain and sadness and my chest ached at the sight. “I missed you,” he whispered, the intensity of his admission causing tears to well in my eyes. “I didn’t think I’d see you again, Em. So the other week, knowing you and him hadn’t been together for months, that it was final…I just wanted to find a chance to tell you how I feel before I never had another chance. And I fucked it up, Em.” The way he was looking so ardently at me had me feeling like I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen. “I wasn’t laying some moves on you like Foggy said,” he confessed. “I was trying to work up the nerve to tell you that I…” His voice trailed off, his jaw tightening as he ran a hand over his mouth before he inhaled sharply and tried his best to meet my eyes. “Emily, I’ve wanted you since that day you walked into Nelson and Murdock with all forty-seven dollars and thirty-two cents in hand to have me look over your contract.”
My breath caught in my throat at his confession; I never would have guessed that all this time Matt had actually felt the same way. All those times we spent playing pool and drinking at Josie’s, the times we were getting coffee at Mad Goat and chatting while focused on our respective work, the times he'd come over for dinner at my place and the two of us would lose track of time talking. Through all of that Matt had been sitting just right there, within my reach, wanting the same thing I had been wanting. My world felt like it had just been turned upside down. I felt a tear run down my face and I wiped it away, staring back at Matt in utter disbelief.
“I…I…” I stuttered, unsure of how to respond.
I felt dizzy and giddy and confused all at once. I had wanted this for so long even though I’d always told myself it was a stupid crush and nothing more. That we’d always be friends. And yet here Matt was saying the things I’d always dreamt would come from his mouth.
The sad smile that broke across his face brought me out of my thoughts. “I get it,” he whispered. “We’re friends. I just had to say something–”
“No, Matt,” I said firmly, stepping towards him and reaching a hand out. "I've…felt the same for a long time,” I admitted nervously, my hand still hovering just before him, too scared to actually touch him in case this was all a figment of my mind. His expression softened in surprise at my words. "You were just…always sleeping around," I said carefully. "I figured you weren't interested in relationships. Weren’t interested in me like that."
He grimaced at my words before quickly shaking his head. "I was lonely," he admitted awkwardly. "Was hoping maybe I'd eventually meet someone who would make me feel like you do. Or at least someone who’d make me forget about those feelings but I…didn't."
I heard Marci’s loud laugh carry from the living room and my eyes darted to the door. I sighed, my shoulders sagging a little as my hand finally fell to my side. "We should…probably discuss this when I'm not about to have an apartment full of guests," I said gently.
"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought this up right now," he agreed.
Chewing the inside of my cheek, I hesitantly stepped towards him and closed the distance between us, snaking my arms tentatively around his neck. His arms immediately wrapped themselves around my back and I smiled. Closing my eyes and burying my face into his shoulder, I inhaled the comforting scent of him.
"I'm glad you did," I whispered. "But maybe we should talk later? After everyone's gone home?"
"I'd like that," he whispered back.
"There's some other things I should probably tell you," I admitted quietly. "If you're…if you're still willing to listen I might be ready to talk to you about it…"
Matt stepped back from the embrace, one of his hands reaching up to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. The tenderness of his touch and the gesture had my heart stuttering in my chest.
"I've always been here when you needed to talk," he assured me.
"Thanks, Matty," I murmured, reaching down and grabbing his hand before pulling it to the crook of my arm again. "We should probably head back out there though."
Matt nodded, smiling at me as his fingers on my arm squeezed gently. My stomach somersaulted inside of me at the affectionate touch, still in disbelief that that had all just happened.
I led him down the hall to my living room where Marci and Foggy were seated on the couch, wine glasses in their hands. I opened my mouth to apologize about how long I’d left them out there, but Marci was already ahead of me.
“What were you two doing taking so long in the bedroom, hmm?” she teased.
My cheeks flushed instantly and Marci noticed, her eyes narrowing at me as a corner of her lip quirked upwards.
“Sorry, we uh, just sort of lost track of time chatting,” I deflected quickly, my attention shifting to Matt beside me. I was surprised to see a slight pink to his cheeks as well. “Hey Matt, do you want some wine? Or I have some of that German beer you like?” I asked him, my voice strangely rising in pitch under Marci’s scrutinizing gaze.
“Beer would be great, thank you,” he answered with a tight smile as if he could also feel Marci’s eyes dissecting us.
I led him closer to the couch, directing him to the sofa so he could sit. His hand slid down the length of my forearm when he released my elbow, his fingers leaving a slow burning trail in their wake that I continued to feel the ghost of even as I made my way towards the kitchen.
I still felt faintly lightheaded as I opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of beer for Matt and opening it before grabbing an empty wine glass and pouring a drink for myself. With a shaky exhale, I made my way back to the living room with both drinks in hand. My palms began to sweat when I handed Matt his beer and he smiled warmly at me, his hand brushing over my fingers as he accepted the bottle.
Bringing the wine to my lips as the three of them finished their discussion on a current case Foggy and Matt had been working on, I took a deep drink hoping to calm my nerves. Marci’s eyes shifted towards me and then slid to Matt before returning towards me again. One of her brows shot up curiously before she grinned wide, leaning forward onto the couch, her mouth opening.
But then a few rough knocks and Ezra’s loud voice cut off whatever she’d been about to say and I abruptly rose to my feet, grateful for the interruption.
“I’ll go let them in,” I said quickly before ducking into the living room.
Opening the door, I greeted Karen and Ezra, stepping aside and letting them enter. I heard Karen make a small noise of surprise.
“You’d make the same sound if you saw what her rent was,” Ezra told Karen.
I rolled my eyes at my brother as Karen turned, holding out a potted aloe vera plant.
“Thank you,” I told her, “But you guys really didn’t have to bring me anything. I just wanted to invite you over for pizza and drinks.”
“Then we’d have just showed up with pizza and booze!” Foggy called over the back of the couch at me.
I grinned, shaking my head before focusing on Karen and Ezra. “You want anything to drink? I’ve got wine and beer.”
“Wine sounds great,” Karen answered.
Ezra made his way around the island, heading straight for my fridge as I began to pour Karen a glass of wine.
“You need to buy some groceries, sis,” Ezra called over his shoulder towards me. “You just have an abundance of cheese and apples in here.”
“I’ve been a little busy,” I called back, handing Karen the glass. “Would you like the brief tour?” I asked her.
She grinned before taking a sip of wine and nodding. “Yes, please. This apartment is beautiful.”
I gave Karen a quick overview of the main living space before bringing her down the hall, Ezra following along with his arm around Karen’s waist. The sight made me smile; things seemed to be going well between them.
I showed Karen the rest of the apartment, her eyes growing wide at the soaker tub and walk-in closet. When we made our way back to the living room, Karen and Ezra sat down on the couch as I headed back to the kitchen to grab my drink. I paused at the large island, my elbows resting along the smooth surface as I watched the group talking and laughing animatedly on my couch. My heart warmed at the sight–I had really missed them over the past eight months I’d been in the Upper West Side.
Matt’s head turned over his shoulder towards the kitchen, his sightless eyes quite obviously searching for me in the room behind him. There was a bright smile on his face, one that had the corners of his eyes creasing and the lone dimple in his right cheek visible. Making my way back towards the couch, wine glass held tightly between my sweating palms, I felt weightless. Matt’s eyes silently tracked my movement as I moved which only further made my knees tremble slightly. His ability to once again make me feel like I was the only one in a room always had my heart skipping a beat.
I sat down on the couch beside him, tucking my legs up underneath me. Matt shifted beside me, one hand coming to rest on the sofa cushion just inches from my thigh. My eyes were glued to it until Ezra barked out a loud laugh and I jolted back to the present. I smiled, my attention returning to the group.
“So what’s the game plan, Em?” Marci asked, her head turning towards me curiously.
“Well,” I began, settling into the couch, eager to have the next few hours to enjoy with my friends for once. “I figured I’d order us some pizza, we’d get drunk, and maybe…fight over a game of Monopoly?” My eyes landed on Ezra and narrowed dangerously. “Because I know how competitive you get over Monopoly, Ez.”
“Because you totally cheated when we were kids!” Ezra cried out.
“I was eleven!” I rebutted. “Of course I cheated!”
Foggy clapped his hands, rubbing them excitedly together. “Sibling rivalry and alcohol is only going to make this that much more fun to play.”
“I’ll go grab it and order the pizzas,” I announced, uncurling my legs from underneath me. One of my hands dropped down to the hand Matt had just beside me, my fingers lightly wrapping around it. “And I ordered a braille addition earlier this week just for tonight,” I told him, lightly squeezing his hand and enjoying the way his face lit up. “Because I’m going to kick your ass at something since I can never beat you at pool.”
“We’ll see about that,” he teased back.
A smirk grew along his face as he brought the bottle of beer to his lips and took a long drink. His confession from just a few minutes ago echoed through my mind again and I felt my face flush. But as I rose to my feet, heading to my bedroom to grab the game, I knew there were things I still needed to be open with Matt about. I was still struggling with the emotional turmoil that had resulted from my breakup months ago and he deserved the truth about that. No matter how much I cared about Matt, or how much he made my pulse race and my knees weak, I needed a bit of time to work through things before easing into a relationship and he needed to understand that if we were going to potentially be more than just friends.