Chapter 4
The Asset misses his commander.
With a soft click, Steve shut the door behind him.
The commander leans back with his arms crossed. The scars are hard to ignore.
“Does it hurt?”
The commander doesn’t look at him and ignores the question.
Does this hurt? Oh come on, everything hurts to you. This is not even five inches!
“Sir…”
“What do you want?” the commander interrupts him.
“I just…I just need to see you, sir…” his voice falters. He lowers his head again.
“Okay. You’ve seen me. You can fuck off now.”
Looks like Brock isn't here to protect you today, pretty thing. Now we can have a little fun without him getting in the way, what do you say?
“I-I know I messed up. I'm sorry, sir.” His voice gets shaky. “I want to make amends. I’ll do anything…”
“Anything? Still playing the good little soldier, are we?”, the commander snorts dismissively, “Does Rogers have you on a leash now?”
He shifts uncomfortably, unsure of how to respond. Steve is his handler. Of course Steve has hands on his leash now.
“Steve is my handler.”
The commander's demeanor shifts from disdain to something more malicious as he eyes the Asset with a smirk.
“Does Rogers fuck you? Or do you just suck his dick to earn your keep?”
His jaw tightens as he struggles to process commander’s words.
“He, no, he doesn’t…”
“I've seen the way Rogers looks at you, like you're his whole world.”
“I, I thought he wanted to…”
I bet Rogers likes it when you cry, doesn't he? Makes him feel like a real hero, eh?
“Come on now, You telling me he didn’t do anything after seeing that tattoo?”
He tiles his head and frowns in confusion.
His only tattoo is on his back. Pierce first tried using a soldering iron, but the burn scar healed too quickly. Pierce switched to tattoos after a few tries. Should he tell Steve about that? Maybe every handler need to leave one on him. It's not in his manual.
Steve hasn't examined him personally. And he haven't told Steve about this. Will there be punishments? It's not fair if Steve punishes him for something he doesn't know.
“Oh.” Realization kicks in and the commander really starts to laugh.
The commander trails a finger down his jawline, and he flinches at the touch.
You're just begging for it, aren't you? Maybe I'll give you what you're asking for....
“He didn’t know.”
“Ah, Rogers... always the golden boy,” the commander leans in closer, still laughing.
He likes to see his commander laugh. It makes him feel safe. No one would dare hurt him too badly when his commander was there.
Except Rollins. The commander only treated Rollins a little differently than the others. He almost never refused Rollins' requests.
But that didn't happen often.
“Hey, I’ll tell you a trick. He'd love it if you get naked and kneel by his bed tonight.”
Rogers thinks he's the hero. But what has he ever done for you, Asset? Left you to rot in a prison while he parades around like some savior....
“Sir…” He whispers.
“Ah I wish I could see his face. How long do you think he'll stick around when he realizes what you truly are?”
It makes him sick thinking about it. Maybe Steve will give him to someone after he’s done with him. He hopes Steve would give him to his commander.
You're not so tough without Brock, are you? Maybe I should remind you who's really in charge around here....
If he stays tonight, he knows Steve will punish him. If he hadn't just ducked behind Rumlow, Steve would have dragged him out by now.
“Sir, are you going back to Hydra?” his heart pounds in his chest, the words tumbling out in a rush, “Can you take me with you?”
What is he implying? He’s comparing his handlers. He doesn’t want Steve to be his handler. If Steve hears, he will punish him for this. It’s a malfunction.
Maybe I'll let the boys have some fun with you. Bet you'd love that, wouldn't you?
If he manages to please Steve enough, maybe he can convince him to give him to Barton. Barton seems less violent among the avengers. And he’s not a super soldier. So the worst Barton can do probably won't be worse than STRIKE.
He hopes it’s not Wilson or Romanoff. They’ll probably hurt him more just to get back at him. And Romanoff knows how to hurt someone. She's an expert in causing suffering.
I'll start with your mouth—tear it open, stitch it shut, then make you scream...
The commander’s voice becomes low and dangerous, “Did Steve tell you to say this?”
He's confused again.
“No...sir.”
“Go play house with Steve. I’m not in the mood.”
Is his commander going to leave him here? Leave him with Steve?
You’re mine. Always have been, always will be. I’ll never leave you…
“Please, sir...” he swallows hard, his pulse racing as he fights to suppress his rising panic, “I can still be useful… Please don’t leave me.”
The commander's expression twists into a grimace, as if he tastes something bitter, or perhaps it's an exaggerated effect of the scars etched across his face. “Drop the act, Buc-ky.” he spits out the name with a sarcastic emphasis.
It's not an act.
It was an act with Steve, but Steve didn't see it. If Steve loses an opportunity to punish him because of his own incompetence, that's on him.
But it's never an act with his commander.
“I love you.”
The commander just looks outside the window.
What if his commander doesn't want him anymore? What if his commander has finally had enough? Then he has no one left. Then Steve can hurt him however he wants.
“Please, sir. Please don't leave me here.”
He doesn’t care anymore. Whatever Steve wants to do to him. He can’t bear the thought of being separated from his commander and being left with Steve.
Hydra's leash may be tight, but at least we don't pretend to be something we're not….
“What do you think this is? Huh?” the commander's gaze turns even colder as he focuses on the Asset, “Isn’t this what you want?”
He looks at the commander's scar again.
It must really hurt.
“I never wanted to hurt you.” His voice is trembling.
“You’ve wiped out half of Hydra!” the commander stands up abruptly. It startles him. “Given me all these scars. You’ve got your Steve back now. Why the fuck are you here?”
Steve is his handler. He can't hurt him. The thought of hurting Steve makes his chest tightening.
“I don’t know…” He looks up, eyes wide with confusion and hurt, “Sir, I don’t...I don’t remember…”
Did Steve tell him to finish the mission? Or was he just imagining it? Maybe he should have seized the opportunity. Always mission first.
He sinks to his knees. He doesn’t know what else to do. His head hurts like on that helicarrier.
You've known me your entire life...
“Steve, he, I knew him,”
The commander is glaring down at him. “You think Steve cares about you? He's just using you to ease his own conscience. He's using you, just like he used everyone else.”
He fucked up and now everything's too late.
How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you...
The Asset's breath is caught in his throat, “I don’t want to hurt him.”
That’s programmed in him, right?
Just do as I say, and I'll make sure you're rewarded...
“Jack is dead,” the commander leans in close, his breath hot against his face, “STRIKE alpha, gone. What do they mean to you? Pierce is dead. I remember you wagging your tail every time he tossed you a bone.”
“Sir…” the Asset's voice trails off, choked by tears.
His head hurts.
“Cut the crap. You keep playing hero with Steve while bodies pile up around you.”
He doesn't know which Steve is real.
“Please,” He starts to cry now, tears streaming down his face.
“Wipe me."
Only the pain is real.
I'll protect you, I'll take care of you. Everything I do, I do for you, baby...
He just want to be with his commander.
"Wipe me. Please don't leave me. ”
Commander sighs heavily, softening slightly as he moves to sit on the edge of the bed. The commander's legs spread in a V-shape. He quickly shuffles forward, resting his head in the commander’s lap. He knows his commander likes it.
"I..." The commander’s hand is gentle as he ran his fingers through his hair.
“I was so close to having you.”
Then the commander clenches his jaw. “He just gets to have everything.”
Cold water splashes against his face. Today is too much for him. He guides Bucky back after seeing his Bucky kneeling before Rumlow.
He couldn’t stand the sight of Bucky on his knees, vulnerable and hurting, while that bastard sat smugly on the bed. His fists clenched at his sides when he interrupted them. He saw Bucky crying.
“Quite the loyal little pup you've got there, Rogers.”
God he wanted to kill Rumlow. It’d be so easy.
“You listen to me, Rumlow, and you listen good."
He had killed people with his bare hands before. Nazis. The memory of those encounters flashed before his eyes, stirring a primal instinct deep within him.
"If you lay a finger on him, if you look at him the wrong way, if you so much as breathe in his direction again, I'll make sure you regret it for the rest of your sorry life. And believe me, Rumlow, I don't give a shit about what's right or wrong when it comes to Bucky. I'll make sure you suffer in ways you can't even imagine.”
Then Bucky might never forgive him.
“Consider this your one and only warning.”
With a heavy sigh, Steve buries his face under the icy water of the sink. The sensation washes over him, momentarily drowning out the chaos raging inside his mind. He feels drained, bone-weary in a way he never experienced before.
He dries his face with a rough towel. He can’t let the tension between them linger any longer.
Taking a deep breath, he squares his shoulders and marches back into the room where Bucky sits.
"Bucky," his voice softer now, "I know today has been rough, so I was thinking...maybe we could use a distraction."
Bucky's gaze shifts away for a moment, his jaw tightening imperceptibly.
"How about joining the rest of the team for dinner tonight? It might do us both some good to spend some time with everyone."
Bucky sighs a little and lowers his head.
"Yes Steve."
Maybe this is the first step toward rebuilding their bond. Maybe, just maybe, they can find their way back to each other. Bucky needs support. Not just from him, but from the Avengers.
"Sam, do you think you could talk to Bucky tonight?" He feels a little hurt just by saying this out loud. "He won't open up to me. Maybe...maybe he'll feel more comfortable talking to you."
Sam arches an eyebrow, a smirk on his lips, “Last time I tried to have a heart-to-heart with Bucky, he did break my wings and toss me from a helicarrier.”
"I know, Sam...I know it's a lot to ask…"
"Yeah, I get it, Steve." Sam interrupts him before he tries to explain. "For you, I'll give it a shot. But just so we're clear, if he tries anything funny again, I won't be holding back this time."