Lovin' is the Antidote

It doesn’t take long for a week to pass by and Regulus’ end semester exams to start. Regrettably, he is doing far better than he was two weeks ago. He’s finally able to sleep and has decided that he will not berate himself over sleeping to an idiot’s voice every day. He needs to focus on getting the best marks as of now. 

Most of his exams go by rather easily. James’ previous year notes helped tons, and though he’d never admit it to anyone, they’re the sole reason Regulus knows he scored well. 

He takes his last exam calmly. He didn’t get anything wrong; it would’ve been a piece of cake but sometimes simply doing maths, even if he knows the answer, is excruciatingly painful. Regulus feels, he observes, he’s made for arts and literature. Studying finance makes him feel like someone earmarked to become a white collar money laundering businessman. He feels like his father. 

“How was it?” Barty, already slurring his words, asks Regulus when he reaches the pub straight from his examination hall. 

The pub is crowded. Almost everyone is here because it’s a Friday, and exams have ended. It’s the last weekend before semester break, and everyone’s looking to go crazy.

“Perfect,” Regulus smirks.

“Smart bastard,” Barty orders shots, “Welcome to freedom, lover”

Regulus grins mischievously and Barty instantly understands. They count to five, “One,” Shot. “Two,” Shot. “Three” Shot. “Four,” Shot. “Five,” Shot. “Fuck yeah!” Regulus screams.

“Dear god…” Mary whispers and hands them a lime.

“Thannnk youuu Maryyy.” Regulus slurs while he sucks on the lime. Some of the lime juice slides down Regulus’ chin so Barty leans down to lick it off. It feels tingly and he feels giddy. He giggles, “Barty!” he whines. “Evan.”

Barty giggles too, “Evan’s right here!” he points to his heart.

Regulus laughs. His best mate is so funny. Regulus is laughing so hard that he’s about to fall off his barstool. 

“Easy there,” Evan whispers, holding Regulus from falling.

“You’re alive!” Regulus exclaims, “Evan Evan Evan, your name is so funny!” Regulus starts laughing again.

Evan groans, “I hate it when you guys do the Fives.”

“Me too,” Mary adds from across the Bar.

“Evan-“ Barty giggles, “You’re perfect to me.” He suddenly doesn’t look so happy. “I don’t deserve you,” he shakes his head and goes somewhere in the crowd.

Regulus quickly downs a few more shots because why the fuck not? He doesn’t really comprehend what is happening, his head feels light and- “Lily!” He exclaims as he spots her sitting in a booth with Idiot.

Lily turns her head, startled, until she finds Regulus and smiles widely, “My favourite.”

Regulus practically runs towards Lily’s booth, slides down next to her to hug her like a Koala.

“Good god, how much did you drink?” Idiot asks.

“Idiot if you talk more I sleep.” Regulus replies.

Idiot turns her head to Lily, “he’s mean even when he’s drunk.”

“He’s usually lovely when he’s drunk, I think you’re the problem.” Lily replies.

“I can never be th-“

“Idiot, don’t talk!” Regulus screams.

Idiot’s eyes widen and Lily lets out a surprised laugh. “James, I’m gonna go find Evan and Barty. Can you please look out for him?”

Who the fuck is James?

Idiot looks hesitant but slowly nods. And then Lily disappears. No. What? Why? Did he do something? “Where did Lily go-“ his voice cracks, he feels like crying. Nothing is okay anymore. Everyone keeps leaving. Fuck. “I- Did she leave cause of,” Regulus sniffs, “me?”

Idiot looks even more apprehensive than before. “Err, no.”

“Everyone leaves.” Regulus doesn’t know if he starts crying, but somehow, Idiot gets concerned and moves to his side of the booth.

“Hey, no,” Idiot hesitantly puts his hand on Regulus’ back, “You’re okay, right?”

Regulus nods.

“Good.” Idiot lets out a sigh of relief.

Regulus leans into Idiot's personal space and giggles, what was he crying about again? “You’re sooo funny.”

Idiot blinks, “Oh?”

Regulus giggles, “Idiot.”

“Why are you being mean!” Idiot asks.

Regulus thinks for a while, “'M never mean when I’m drunk.”

“You keep calling me an Idiot.”

“Fuck else am I supposed to call you?”

Idiot rolls his eyes, “by my name?” he deadpans.

Regulus giggles, “I am? you’re so silly Idiot.”

Idiot gasps, “Oh my god.”

“If you keep talking, I’ll sleep.”

“See that’s mean. I’m not boring, you know.”

Regulus shakes his head, “You’re funny”

Idiot beams at that, he smiles, finally. “Well if you say so.”

Regulus feels sleepy and makes himself comfortable on Idiot’s shoulder, “Mhm.”

“Get off me!” Idiot lightly pushes Regulus off him.

Regulus doesn’t even feel it, he just curls in a corner and feels his consciousness fade away.

-

When Regulus opens his eyes again, he immediately runs to the bathroom to throw up. He absolutely hates this, his head is throbbing and his body is shaking. He has no idea how he reached home or who put him to bed. All he remembers is passing out in the bar.

“Regulus,” Evan says, he’s at the bathroom door. His tone’s off...or maybe Regulus’ outlook on life has just deteriorated in general. “Regulus…” Evan says again. Oh no. 

Regulus turns back. “Yeah?”

“Something’s happened.”

His heart starts beating loudly. “What?”

“Barty got in a brawl yesterday. Got punched, broke his nose and shit. It was bad apparently.”

Regulus’ breath hitches, he gets up, scared, “Is he okay? Fuck, who did that?”

Evan visibly gulps. “I-“ he can’t even say it. He takes a deep breath and whispers... “Sirius.”

…What?

First of all, It is so odd to hear his brother’s name coming out of Evan’s mouth. It sounds so unfamiliar, but then again, he doesn’t really know his brother anymore. Second, Sirius has always hated Barty and Evan, it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. But his way of dealing with that hatred was to ignore their existence, he has never even had a conversation with any of them. Why the fuck did he punch Barty? Who does he think he is? 

The answer's simple: he thinks he can do anything. The world works on his fingertips, doesn’t it? Self entitled vicious bitch. Regulus is angry. It was an unspoken deal between the brothers to stay away from each other’s friends. Does Regulus go around punching James, no matter how badly he wants to?

Regulus wordlessly follows Evan out to their room and sees Barty lying on the bed, a doctor by his side and an ice pack on his nose. 

Barty smiles, Regulus can swear that smile has healing properties, “Hi Reg.”

Regulus huffs, “Don’t ‘Hi Reg’ me, you imbecile. What the fuck happened?”

The doctor cleans a cut on Barty’s eyebrow and he winces. Then he looks at Regulus, his eyes are almost…pleading, “Please don’t hate me after this.”

“Barty…” Regulus sounds scared.

Barty shakes his head, “I was drunk. He was drunk too and he was dancing with Remus. You know him, right?”

Regulus nods.

Barty continues, “I was upset about something, I don’t remember what. I was in the bathroom, just staring at myself in the mirror. My memory’s a bit blur,ry but I remember seeing Sirius in that mirror looking at me like I killed his children. I turned around and to my surprise he starts talking to me.” Barty pauses.

Evan looks worried. “What did he say, B?”

“He asked me if I was dating Regulus.”

Regulus blinks. What?

Barty looks like he’s trying to remember, “I denied it, obviously. Then he said that he saw us making out..? That he’s seen me make out with Evan too? It felt like he thinks I’m cheating on either of you. I told him I am with Evan. Sirius didn’t believe me. He came closer and I decided to be a little shit. I…I think I told him that we fuck occasionally.” Barty bit his lip.

“Why would you do that?” Regulus exclaims.

Barty ignores him, “This isn’t even the worst part. Sirius really pissed me off with what he said after that. He…he said we shouldn’t act so ‘lovey dovey’ in public because someone’s gonna tell Walburga. I thought for a second that he’s threatening me, but I dismissed that idea. I challenged him, asked him what would happen if Walburga finds out.
Sirius was proper pissed by that time. He said that Walburga will, and I quote, 'destroy Regulus'. So I laughed. I laughed so cruelly, I’m pretty sure he flinched. I told him she already has destroyed you. That she has starved you, hit you, controlled you. The second I blurted out the fact that it got worse after Sirius left, well,” Barty points to his broken nose, “I got this.”

Regulus feels numb.... And betrayed too. Sirius was not supposed to know all of this. Regulus has tried so hard all these years to not let any signs of his abuse show and Barty has ruined it all in one night. He has lost his brother. Now he’ll lose his best friend too. “I hate you, Barty.” Regulus says in a monotonous tone. He walks out and ignores Evan, who calls after him. He takes his keys and books and gets out of his flat to go straight to Lily’s.

-

He’s on Lily’s couch wrapped in a blanket with a bowl of chicken soup in his hand. Mary and Lily are looking at him with concern. He explained what happened and Regulus knows Lily feels guilty for leaving early with Mary. She shouldn’t. 

“Thanks Lil.” Regulus says.

“It’s no problem babe…Err, do you remember anything from last night?”

Regulus thinks, “Not much, I’m afraid.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, you called James an idiot multiple times.”

Was James there? Did he see anything that happened with Barty and Sirius? “I don’t remember that at all, honestly but I’m glad I did.”

Lily chuckles, “And then I left you for a bit with him to find Evan. When I came back, you were asleep and on the verge of passing out. Evan took you home and tucked you in bed.”

Regulus nods, yeah, that makes sense. “Should I do something about Sirius? Or should I just ignore this?”

Mary chimes in at this, “But Regulus, is it true?”

“What is?”

“Does your mother…”

“It’s none of your business.” Regulus says sharply.

Lily clears her throat, “There is help you can get. Genuine help.”

“Lily please.” Regulus pleads. She knows Regulus doesn’t like talking about it. 

“I just-“ Lily shakes her head, “I think you should ignore Sirius. They were both drunk, shit happened, doesn’t concern you. The break starts in two days so no more university for a while, everyone will forget about it.”

“Yeah. Lily…Can I sleep here just till the break? You can say no! I can go back to my flat!”

“You can stay here, Reg. Don’t worry.” Lily smiles sympathetically

Regulus smiles too. At least he has Lily.

The rest of the day goes by simple and quiet. Regulus isn’t able to sleep that night and he’s not in the mood to watch any podcasts.

-

The results come out today. Regulus isn’t very worried. When he reaches the hall with the bulletin board that has everyone’s marks, he spots a few familiar faces. He pushes some people and makes his way to the board.

      RANK           NAME              MARKS
         1.            Corban Yaxley    99
         2.            Regulus Black     98

No. No. No no no no no. He can't come second. He's not allowed to. How did this happen? All of his answers were right. Fuck. He’s going to suffer so much for this. What is wrong with him?

“Regulus.” Hell no! James’ voice is the last thing he needs to hear right now. He tries to run away but James has the audacity to grab his arm and not let him go.

“How could you not come first, I basically gave you every question.”

Regulus will cry if James doesn’t shut up. 

“I thought you were really smart.” James continues.

Regulus squeezes his eyes shut. Fake it. Fake it. Indifference. Apathy. Don’t let this get you. “Thank you for your notes, James. truly, but please shut the fuck up.”

“I’m just surprised. I know you are smart; all Blacks are… It’s just the company you surround yourself with….” James sighs.

Regulus can’t take it anymore. He pushes James. Hard. James stumbles back, only saved by the wall. Regulus looks at him with eyes that shine with pure danger, “Watch what you say, Potter.”

James chuckles, a bit nervously, “Well what are you gonna do now? Can’t run back to Mummy. Can you go with Evan or Barty? Lily maybe?”

Regulus flexes his jaw. He doesn’t know if he has ever felt anger quite so intense. “I will go home.”

“She’ll destroy you.” James says. Like he knows shit.

“No! She won’t!” Regulus screams. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Go. Away.”

People have crowded around them now seemingly waiting for someone to lose their temper.

James looks equally angry. Why the fuck is he angry, who gave him the right? “Do you like being around people who are violent and cruel? I thought you were different, but you aren’t, are you? You know what they say... Birds of a feather flock together.” He shrugs and raises an eyebrow.

Regulus can’t cry. He can’t. He just can’t. So he leaves. Doesn’t look back, doesn’t think. He just goes back to Lily’s to pack his bag and go to back to the hell he calls home.