Chapter 4
//Kali//
…Benatar in the middle of space…
…Five months ago….
The mission was simple here.
A call came through during a game of ping pong after they had all eaten their "nightly" rations and the only ones there by the main deck were Nebula and Kali. Of course Nebula had no wish to answer it, so Kali gulped down the last of her alcohol and staggered over to the screen to answer.
The man or woman or anything in between that answered was a beigish yellow tinted alien which had two black eyes that sat buried in their sockets and made them appear to be dishonest maybe. Their long mouth and small nose made them appear to be angry, but it seems that's just their natural face. Though in a very light drunken haze it seems they are also covered in what looks like coarse hair. Like whiskers on a cat. She couldn't tell if that was true or not.
"Are you the Guardians?"
Kali looks around her. "It's just one Guardian here," she smacks her mouth shut then retracts, "sorry two."
"I am requesting your presence. We are in need of your help." They have a very robotic deep voice that doesn't match their appearance at all. Kali notices the signal name at the corner of the call 'Vortix 34-457' but doesn't recognize it.
"Nebula," she calls over her shoulder, "come here." Nebula sighs and drops her paddle to stride over to her. She glances over Kali's shoulder to follow Kali's pointed finger.
Her brows knit together, "A small planet semi close to Nowhere." She whispers in Kali's ear before retreating back over to the table.
"What is the issue?"
"There are raiders coming from the east and our city is unable to defend ourselves from them. Not after The Vanishing and then having all our lost come back to us. We are overwhelmed with the influx of people and lack of resources, but now we are being attacked and our remaining resources are being taken. I sent out a ping and found you were only a few jumps away. We really need your help."
Kali rubs the grogginess from her eyes, "Do you have a specific landing spot for us?"
The alien sighs in relief and starts typing something into its computer. "Thank you. Thank you. I'll forward the coordinates and transfer over units after the agreement." Kali nods and agrees to the blinking alert on the screen to allow them access. It's not a lot of units, but for a seemingly quick job like this it's not too bad.
"We will be in contact when we are approaching. Thank you and stay safe." Kali clicks the button to end the call. She's never been good at ending calls, she never knows what to say. It's the worst part of speaking, the act of ending a conversation. Never knows if she's being mean or if she's being too awkward. Calls themselves are just overrated.
"You accepted a mission?" The fog in Kali's eyes grows stronger the more she moves. The alcohol is starting to take effect like she wanted it to and before long she's slumping into the captain's chair feeling too weak to stand anymore.
Nebula rolls her eyes and slouches over her with one arm on the chair, "You want me to take you to your room?" She doesn't sound annoyed, not like how she would if it was Peter. She more so sounds tuneless than anything.
The vivid images of Nebula helping her stay awake with occasional conversation or her being there when Kali woke up with a cold sweat flash through her mind making her feel suddenly very self conscious.
Here she is too dizzy to move, barely sitting upright in a chair as a very passionate strong woman stands looking down at her. Here she is needing someone to take care of her again. Funny enough the person there to take care of her is someone the whole galaxy would think is too constipated to handle such things.
Kali knows better than that. She's seen Nebula open up and she's seen the softer side of her. Rare as it is, she's seen it. She spent five years side by side with her, she learned to read her. That's why she was the first to know when it wasn't her when her past self came back to the future. This Nebula had gained the resistance to not snap at every little thing even if she still had the same short temper, but she held herself differently. She held herself as someone who had found some sort of calm inside themselves. The Nebula that came from the past didn't hold herself like that. Didn't have the same desires as this Nebula.
Kali never pushed Nebula. She always figured it was because she probably didn't want to know a lot of her past. She had learned a few things over the years and been there one night when Nebula opened up completely to her.
_________
…Benatar…
…A month before…
“She was awful.” Nebula said, tying the string around her finger as instructed. “I hated her. For the longest time, I hated her.” Gamora. This Kali already knew.
Kali made a similar pattern with her string. “Why?" She heard pieces of Gamora's side, but even Gamora didn't fully know. And if she did she didn't understand.
“Thanos had pitted us against each other since we were children. He had us fight. Whoever lost was taken and improved, as he called it, and Gamora wanted nothing more than to win.” The pattern with her string was starting to become chaotic, the pattern was now gone and she no longer tried to match Kali's fingers. “All I wanted was a sister and instead all I got was my eye removed from my head, my brain removed from my skull. Improved. And she just kept winning, just kept beating me.”
“And here I thought my dad sucked.” Kali scoffed to herself, glancing at the increasingly tangled mess of yarn in Nebula's fingers with furrowed brows.
"You know I can’t taste it." Nebula didn't look at her. It was as if she spoke only to herself. "My tongue can feel, but it can’t taste." Her skin twitches where her brows would be, her eyes set burning a hole into the ground.
"I wish I could cry." Kali's eyes darted to her, a sudden sinking feeling creeping into the pit of her stomach. "I was told I can't feel it. I can, but I can’t cry." She continues. Her face is contorted as if she is crying, her chest moving rapidly and her finger trembling, but no tears fall down her cheeks. They are on Kalis cot together, only inches away from one another, so it's not hard to feel her trembles vibrate through the bed.
"They’re not enhancements, by the way. You haven’t called them that, but they’re mutilations. You don’t know how much it hurts. You don’t know. It hurts every second." Now Kali can't stop the shaking in her own fingers.
"Nebula," her voice came out weaker than expected but she continued, "Are you telling me this because of the comment Rocket made?" Earlier that day Rocket had made some comment that sent Nebula storming out of the ship, but Kali had her headphones on so she couldn't hear it, but she did see it was heated and how silent Nebula had been since.
Her eyes finally met Kali's, but she said nothing. It was clear the amount of emotions swirling in her eyes, in the way she squinted at her. It's strange that her patchwork of synthetic material and skin could be so expressive.
"She was only on Vomir that day because of me. Thanos killed her and called it love. Just as he called it love when he tore me apart. Just as he called it mercy as he tortured others like Thor's brother." Kali went stiff. She glances over her should go ensure that Thor was not in sight. He had spent most of his time following Kali around retelling stories of his past and most of them had Loki involved to the point she felt like she had met him even though she hadn't. The subject of his brother was a touchy one and one that left Thor craving alcohol more than any other. The only reason she knew that was because he had asked her to watch over him. Rocket put himself in charge of that, but of course Rocket isn't always the best when it comes to comfort.
Kali's not even sure if she is good at comfort, but that became her role and that was what was needed from her so she gave it. She had nothing else to give but that. What else did she offer? A card trick? A sarcastic comment? Not like she had powers or real magic.
"Gamora wasn't your fault. She made her choices and chose life over a stone. Choose you. To place blame on yourself would be a disservice to her."
"How do you live with it?" Kali didn't mean to but by the time it came out it was too late, her scoff already happened.
Her fingers stopped wovening as she thought to answer. How can someone answer that question when they barely knew how to live with the guilt they felt either? In fact in the past few years Kali had become numb to things and that helped her move past all the pain, but it was still there. Maybe they were right when they said 'time heals all wounds' but she didn't feel healed. She feels like she just got better at pretending.
"I don't know. You just do I guess. You keep living or you don't, but if you do then you need to learn how I guess. Honestly my way of doing it is running away. Always been my way. Doesn't work though, that's why I'm trying a new way. Sticking around, working through it. Doing what's needed from me. Doesn't mean I never feel like running though." In fact that's all she thinks about sometimes. She already knows she's too much of a coward to end it, but maybe she could relax on a beach somewhere and fade away like she was never here. Can't make her feel anymore lonely than she does now.
"What I do know for sure is that what Thanos did was never your fault. What you did you did to survive and what Gamora did was to save your life because you mattered more to her. You're not a monster Nebula or a burden or weak. You're strong and a good person in your heart, I believe that."
Nebula wipes her nose and returns to her messed up string, "I've never been called that before."
"Called what?"
"A good person."
_________
"I'm tired." Kali mumbles. She was. Her whole body screamed of exchasion, but she feared what would happen if she slept. Sleeping used to be a comfort, but now it was a chore.
Nebula rolls her eyes once again and yanks her up to her feet, forcing her to wrap an arm around her shoulder and guides her to Kali's cabin. She places her into bed far more gently than Kali was expecting and wiggles her shoes off her feet, setting them down at the end of her cot.
"I will tell the others about the mission. Rest." Nebula pats her arm and exits, shutting the cabin door behind her.
_______
In the 'morning' Kali shuffled to put her shoes back on and headed towards the eating area, but not before splashing some water on her face to get rid of the film of sleep.
"Hey bed head. Strap in, we're heading' towards the mission you so graciously accepted." Peter calls for her. Everyone's already strapped in, looking over their shoulders at her. She hides the embarrassment of being last and weak under a false smile and straps herself into the chair besides Mantis.
Probably not the best choice. Kali loves Mantis and misses her terribly, but knowing she can feel everything with the slightest touch leaves her always feeling uncomfortable around her. She had snapped at her once for touching her and exposing her emotions to everyone. She doesn't mind as much when it's just the two of them, but she hates when everyone knows her business. She doesn't need pity or help. She's not their burden.
"You look tired." Mantis runs her fingers on her seat arm rest.
Kali smiles, "I'm okay, just overslept."
"I'm excited. A new mission for us to be badasses" Her gleeful voice brings a smile to Kali's face.
…Planet Vorix Station 1Z…
Peter lands the ship in the designated spot, wedging the Benatar into a canyon, snow flying around the windshield till you can't see a thing. There's a temperature gauge in the corner that reads off the temp outside and it seems Rocket and herself both have the same idea because they both groan.
"-3°C. It's colder than ice out there."
"I don't think that's true." Peter scoffs.
"What temperature would you need to be to be colder than ice?" Drax asks.
"In the negative numbers." Nebula chimes in as she unbuckles.
Rocket unbuckles as well and stands on his chair, "Ha! So I was right, I'll wait for my applause."
"I am Groot."
"Thank you Groot. See, a little appreciation." Kali rolls her eyes and catches up with Nebula and Peter, letting Thor deal with Rocket last.
Peter presses the button and the ship depcompresses with a hiss before slowly opening up the hatch. A cold blast of wind slaps them all in the face, but Peter unlocks his mask to avoid it and Mantis hides behind Drax.
"Mantis, get a coat you'll get cold. And Drax, are you sure you'll be fine?" Kali calls over her shoulder.
"My skin is too tough to feel cold." Kali shakes her head and zips up her coat. He says that but she put an ice cube on his nipples once and he nearly freaked out.
"This planet is nothing. A summer oasis compared to Jotunheim." Thor lifts his chin high. If this is a summer oasis, then she's not sure if she wants to go to Jotunheim. Any colder and she'd rather hide out on the ship. She doesn't have 'tough' skin, even if she's not fully human.
The alien from before is waiting for them with four guards at his side and a cheery greeting.
"Welcome Guardians! Welcome to Station 1Z, we are happy that you are here."
"Peter," he reaches out a hand, but they only give it a strange glare, leaving Peter to play it off, "this is Nebula, Kali, Thor, Drax, Rocket, Groot, and Mantis."
It bows, "Welcome all of you. My name is Olkorg. Let's head inside." Behind him the yellow glow of distance lights act as a beacon in the otherwise barren blue tinted wasteland. The wind is whipping around, creating a hurricane of soft snow around them. Kissing their noses and creating tiny cuts of searing chill into their skin. Or maybe it's just Kali's skin she's not sure, but squinting she can see Mantis also shivering.
It's hard to see more than a few feet ahead of yourself, but Kali shuffles over to Mantis and pulls out some gloves she remembered she had in her pockets and handed them over.
"Wear this, you'll be warmer."
"What!"
Kali leans in closer, "Wear these, they'll keep you warm!" Mantis nods and struggles to put them on as the group starts to follow Olkorg towards the lights.
It takes a moment, but soon a large shelter embedded into the canyon side comes into view. There are red neon stripes painted into the sides of the door to make it more visible.
Olkorg opens the door and waves everyone inside one by one, his guards heading in first then Drax last. The change in heat sends an instant shiver down Kali's spine. The familiar sting that comes from when your frozen skin becomes warm again flutters through her face and fingers. Everyone else also makes audible relief noises and wipes the build up of snow from their clothes.
At the other end of the room, Mantis seems to whisper something to Drax that makes him tip back his head and roar with his usual loud laughter. Mantis giggles, clearly not sure what she had done that was funny enough to cause that reaction and from the sudden eyes on her.
"Anyways…" Peter drops his mask, "it's nice in here. That's probably the biggest fireplace I've ever seen." That is true, its length reaches to the roof and the widen is almost the same as the whole wall leaving the whole place radiating in heat and light.
"Ah yes, it can get quite cold out here."
"Well that's obvious." Kali kicks the back of Rockets ankle.
"Owch!" He grips his leg and glares back at her.
"Unfortunately, we don’t have much to offer you in return for being here. We’ve funneled everything we have into rebuilding after the last attack. That and trying to keep our resource trucks safe for travel. That's what we would like your help with." He goes on to describe how the bandits attack their convoys and that he needs them to escort their next shipment to ensure it reaches the city. Apparently he needs them all to head out of the canyon area to the outpost and stop anyone who approaches. Sounds easy enough.
"Yeah, we’ll do it," Quill said. “It’s the least we can do after all." If we don't help they'll run out of medicine before the snow storm ends leaving people cold and sick it seems. Kali thought it was food they were protecting but apparently its medical supplies and weapons. Probably best to not give over more weapons to a group of bandits.
“So like, no payment at all?” Rocket interrupted. Groot smacks him on his shoulder.
"He did give us units." Kali scoffs.
“We can give you free lodging while you’re here, and provide food and drink as well,” Olkorg says.
And with that Olkorg loaded them into a vehicle and drove them into the undercity tucked into the end of the canyon. He showed them their lodging, two to a room, and told them when he'd be back and left.
_______
Kali is sharing a room with Nebula and Mantis. It was meant for two to a room but Mantis didn't want to be in a room with one of the boys so Kali offered to share her bed with her and give Nebula one of her own.
The room uses a massive heater in the corner of the room to keep it warm, almost too warm, Kali stripped to some shorts and a tank top to keep from overheating. There's no way to control the temp so the room is forced to stay sweltering.
Mantis and Nebula don't seem to mind of course. Nebula busies herself with a book she brought with her and Mantis forces Kali to allow her to try braiding. Her cold fingers cause her to shiver, but having someone massage her scalp feels nice. Makes her realize how much she's missed any kind of gentle touch, even if it's just fingers playing in her hair. It's soothing enough to lull her to a state of sleepiness. Better than going to the bar with the boys.
Kali curls up in the blankets and forces Mantis to be mummified by the sheets before blowing out her bedside candle.
"Goodnight Nebula."
"Yes, have a night of good."
"Night."
Mantis boops Kali's nose after a minute of having her eyes closed and giggles. Kali smiles and shakes her head, flicking her in return.
She grins wider, her eyes widening with mischief, but before she could do anything her antennas droop down and she covers up her face. Kali isn't sure what caused her to have a sudden change till she hears the door burst open behind her.
“What are you doing?” Nebula snapped, sharp as a dagger.
"Did you meet my brother?" Kalis skin vibrates and her body goes rigid. She can hear the way his words are half slurred. That means he ended up drinking.
"You should go Thor." It sounds like Thor stumbles back, but Kali isn't sure if it's because Nebula pushed him or from his lack of balance in general.
"Did you know Loki? You were with Thanos, so did you not?"
"I heard of him."
"Did you torture him?" His voice wavers.
"Thor-"
"Is that a yes?"
"I didn't directly. I-I did watch over it." It sounds like Thor breaks out in a sob and he shuffles back once more.
"Thor, it's time to sleep."
"I still don't know what happened to him. I thought he was just an ally. I thought it was just in anger towards me."
"He wasn't Thanos' ally. He was his weapon. Now go to bed Thor."
"How quickly did he break?" Nebula scoffs.
Her voice is barely a whisper, "He lasted longer than anyone else had. I'm not sure he fully broke either, but he did bend. A lot." Again another sob echoes throughout the room and it causes Kali to flinch. Tears sting at her eyes, but she holds them in. She can hear how he breaks with that sob, hears the pain flooding from him till it crushes her chest.
"I'm sorry." Her voice is the one that wavers this time, soft, but it quickly bounces back to hard quickly, "Let's go Thor."
Then their footsteps exit the room leaving Kali there awake and feeling the overwhelming urge to go and comfort Thor, but reminds herself that he's drunk. Depending on how much he'll probably not remember what happened, or he'll pass out as soon as he makes it to his bed. Either way, she'll lay awake staring up at the roof and the shadows from the candle dancing up there. She knows for sure she won't have good dreams. She never does, but this topic hits too close to home.
Because she also knows how it feels to bend.