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His body trembled, this time not from anger, and Steve worked to choke back the nausea pushing at his adam apple. Fuck. Of course they're scared of him- god, he had almost-
“Steve.” Natasha spoke with caution and Steve flinched despite her efforts.
He hated the softness in Natasha’s voice, like he was a caged animal about to lose it, because dear god, he already almost did . He shut his eyes and took a step back from the group to try to ground himself, his fingers digging into his palms. The anger that was in his blood moments ago froze and left him with cold sweat. He felt none of the previous explosive rage, yet there was still something in him clawing to get out, the same feeling that put a lump in his throat, sweat down his back, and tremors in his legs .
The unwavering aim of Natasha’s gun was all that was stopping him from running away from the confined conference room and Steve felt a conflicted sense of omniscient gratitude for Natasha and disdain at his cowardice . Perhaps there was a newfound desperation in how he was eyeing the door and Clint finally spoke up, his voice low with worry .
“Hey, you back with us?”
Steve took a gulp against the lump in his throat, fighting against the nauseous feeling that wouldn’t leave him, “I… I don’t know, sorry.”
It was like the room heaved a sigh. Clint exhaled and ran a hand through his hair, sheathing his knife back to the strap on his leg; Natasha lowered her SHIELD issued pistol with a nod .
“We can work with that.”
Steve’s eyes widened in pure shock.
He trembled with the urge to yell at Natasha and Clint to not leave him unchecked, that they were crazy to not re-aim the gun and unsheath his knife to keep him under control– but at the same time, a larger, undeniable wave of relief coursed through him at the display of… was it trust ? No, after what just happened, Steve knew it couldn’t be, but, perhaps something akin to it.
He barely managed to mask his horrified flinch as Natasha walked over to Tony. God, Steve managed to forget Tony was even in the room with how still the man had become. He didn’t miss how Tony’s eyes jumped back and forth between him and Natasha as they talked with hushed breaths, and Steve hunched over himself; a pathetic attempt to make himself smaller .
Clint must have come to the same conclusion that he did and he led Steve out of the room, briefly talking on an earpiece as Natasha softly talked to Stark .
Steve let himself mindlessly follow Clint and once the two reached the end of the empty hallway, Clint turned around .
“Who were you talking with?” Steve asked, flinching at his own stiff and almost condescending tone. He was trying for casual, a last ditch effort to forgo like the past couple minutes didn’t happen, as if the team didn’t just see him at his worst .
A rueful smile flickered over the older man’s face as he replied truthfully , “That was Fury, just had to let him know to call off all the SHIELD agents waiting around the corner if this went south .”
He looked pointedly at the door at the end of the hallway. Steve’s stomach dropped even further as disgust and remorse flooded him, seemingly endless .
“God, Clint, I am so sorry—“
“Uh-Uh. We’re not going to do this whole ‘sorry’ thing.” Clint shook his head and relaxed against the wall, body language opposite to Steve, who opened and closed his mouth, humiliation burning his skin red .
Of course, he didn’t want an apology, what was Steve even thinking? That he could fix this with a sorry excuse? God, how pathetic, just when he thought he couldn’t make it any worse he had to pull this-
“Wait, shit not in that way!” Clint winced, “I meant— you know when Bruce gets angry? Do you expect an apology or do you make sure he’s okay and everyone is safe?”
Steve’s eyes snapped up to stare at Clint in disagreement. That was different, there was no way Clint didn't see it.
“But, I’m not– it’s different!” Steve looked down at his now completely healed hand and scowled, “He can’t help it and I, well… I’m Captain America. I shouldn’t have lost myself back there, who knows what would have–”
Steve’s eyes widened as he interrupted himself, “Tony. God, is Tony okay?”
“Natasha’s with him, he’s gonna be alright.” Clint assured.
“Fuck.” Steve let his head fall onto his hands and Clint moved in closer, wrapping an arm around Steve as the relief and guilt wrecked him .
“Hey, Steve?”
Steve’s voice came out wet, “Yeah?”
“ Just because you’re Captain America doesn’t mean you can’t experience human emotions. I promise no one in that room blames you.”
Clint held him as Steve’s shoulders started to shake. He pulled him into a hug, rubbing the larger man’s back in slow circles.
“It’s gonna be okay, Steve. I promise.”