Never forget a birthday
The first thing Marc heard upon waking was someone singing.
“I can remember when we walked together
Sharing a love I thought would last forever
Moonlight to show the way so we can follow
Waiting inside her eyes was my tomorrow
Then something changed her mind, her kisses told me
I had no loving arms to hold me
Every day I wake up, then I start to break up
Lonely is a man without love
Every day I start out, then I cry my heart out
Lonely is a man without love”
“Ugh. Steven. Why is the alarm going off?”
Steven stirs next to him, half asleep. “It’s not. ‘Tis Saturday Marc.” Marc rolled over to look at the half asleep man. “If the alarm is not on, then why am I hearing music? Jake, is it your phone?”
A third man, identical to the other two, poked his head into the bedroom. “música? no, no estoy reproduciendo música.” he replied in Spanish, head shaking as he walked into the room to join the other two in the massive california king bed.
“I cannot face this world that's fallen down on me
So if you see my girl, please send her home to me
Tell her about my heart that's slowly dying
Say I can't stop myself from crying”
Steven, now awake, looks at Marc with wide eyes. “Marc, that’s not the alarm. That’s you. Singing.” Marc stares at Steven, a confused expression on his face. He opens his mouth to tell Steven that, no, he was not singing, there was definitely music playing somewhere. But instead of his intended sentence, what comes out of his mouth is lyrics.
“Every day I wake up, then I start to break up, Lonely is a man without love
Every day I start out, then I cry my heart out, Lonely is a man without love
Every day I wake up, then I start to break up, Knowing that it's cloudy above
Every day I start out, then I cry my heart out, Lonely is a man without love
Every day I wake up, then I start to break up, Lonely is a man without love
Every day I start out, then I cry my heart out, Lonely is a man without love”
The three men shared a look with each other, knowing that there was only one reason that they would be singing lyrics to songs for no reason. That reason being a certain Egyptian deity that they served, Khonshu. Khonshu, God of the moon, fertility, protector of the travelers of the night, and a major pain in the boys asses both literally and figuratively.
“What has that bloody bird done now?” Steven sighs.
Jake smirks, “No, it is who has that loca bird pissed off now.” Marc’s eyes just about popped out of his face.
“Damm. Jake’s right. The pigeon probably pissed off another god. Just like that time with Hera…and the time with Hathor” Steven groaned. “Don’t forget how he managed to tick off multiple versions of himself, on numerous occasions! You know, he really does have a problem with social interactions.Ugh, I can't stand this, I mean, the number of times we have been cursed because he couldn’t keep his beak shut, it’s ridiculous and driving me crazy! Sometimes that bird makes me think I'm losing my mind.”
“I remember when
I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space
And when you're out there without care
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly”
Jake walked over to the bed and sat next to Steven. He opens his mouth to speak, only to find himself joining Steven in song.
“And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice
Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you
Who do you think you are
Ha ha ha, bless your soul
You really think you're in control
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me
My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb
And all I remember is thinking I want to be like them”
Marc joins in, turning the duet into a trio.
“Ever since I was little
Ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done
But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably”
Their voices ended as one, the song completed. The three men groaned. “Ci, the bird is loco, but we really put up with that Dios pájaro loco because he is muy sexy, and can have tits or a dick and is great in bed. The punching and curses are just something that happen on occasion and adds a little spice to life.” Jake wagged his eyebrows at the others, who just groaned again.
“Well, I don't care if he has a dick, tits, or tentacles. He can’t keep pissing off other gods and having us take the hits! We are always the ones picking up after his spats with the other gods, and it’s bloody annoying! He needs to start taking some responsibility for his own messes!” Steven was well and flustered now. All he had wanted to do today was relax and read some books. And now, instead, it seemed that he would be stuck dealing with the fallout of another Khonshu induced magical fiasco. The first time he had been turned into a woman. Now, Steven will admit that he did inevitably come to enjoy the physical aspect of that curse, but it still had been annoying as anything! He had a period, and the cramps!
Granted, Khonshu was also turned into a woman. And he had been ten feet tall, lost his godly powers, and was forced to experience human emotions and bodily functions for the first time. So, in truth, he had also faced the consequences of that curse. And that was what brought Khonshu into their bed, so it did end well.
But the time that Khonshu had gone all baby crazy, started “singing the song of his people” at the ass crack of dawn, built a cushion nest, and tried to have egg babies with Steven. Steven had been stuck under that snoring bird, in the lumpy nest with a toilet bowl cleaner next to his head for eight hours. And all Khounshu had to deal with was some light hearted teasing from Isis and Osiris the next time he went to visit the Ennead. Steven had a back spasm that took three days and enough edibles that Marc and Jake were getting a second hand high through their telepathic link before the man’s back was better again.
“I know, he really has come a long way and is so much better than he used to be with us. Still frustrating though. I guess that I just have to..
“Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway
Mupph murr go.”
The song faded into mumbles as Jake and Marc both slapped a hand over Steven’s mouth, silencing him. “We will not be singing that song. I will personally resurrect Ammit and feed Khonshu to her if I am subjected to that song. I think now would be a great time for us to call Layla, and see if Tawret can tell us, no?” Jake removed his hand from Steven’s mouth after his speech, although Marc kept his hand in place. That song haunted his dreams, and he would duct tape all of their mouths shut if need be.
Marc texted Layla, and let her know that they were in need of her help, quite desperately. He understood that she was working on a project, but could she please come home early, or at the least send Taweret? They were going to lose their minds, one song at a time, and if there was one more Frozen song then he would not be responsible for his actions, so help him Khonshu! Hopefully his message conveyed the desperateness of his situation enough. He needed Layla to come and help him.
—
Two hours later Layla walked into the house. She was somewhat concerned by the desperate text Marc had sent her, as well as the video Jake had sent her a video of Steven singing Do you Want to Build a Snowman, while Marc was screaming and clapping his hands over his ears. He refused to say why that movie bothered him so much, but she assumed that it had to be a real traumatizing story, so she just gave up asking. Little did she know Marc worked part time in a movie theater when the movie came out and he heard the song on loop, little kids singing it off key at high volume, in his face, for weeks. But Layla was oblivious of this and assumed that it was somehow related to his mercenary days.
Layla found Steven sitting on the couch, with tape over his mouth. She could hear him mumbling something that sounded like it was a song, but it was muffled by the tape. Marc also had tape over his mouth, but it seemed that he had gone the extra mile and shoved a sock in his mouth, as Layla could see bits of fabric peeking out from under the tape. Jake was curled up in the sitting chair, wolfed out. “What exactly is happening, guys?” she questioned them.
Steven picked up a notebook and wrote down his response. ‘We keep bursting into song. Marc broke out the tape, so Jake wolfed out.’
Layla raised her eyebrow. “Wait, is Jake still cursed as a werewolf?” He couldn’t talk in this form, but he could communicate telepathically with the others, and he could howl.
Steven held the notebook out, his response scribbled down in his chicken scratch. ‘not really, but he is having fun teasing us. He howls along when one of us sings, and he keeps teasing us in our mind with that annoying song, I know a song that gets on everyone’s nerves. Marc started singing it, so he stuffed a sock in his mouth, and then duck taped our mouths shut, and then Jake went full wolf. He had switched back to laugh at Marc’
Well that explained the sock and the duck tape. And the smug look on Jake’s face. Layla really had no idea how he managed to look so smug when he was a wolf. “He’s still singing it, isn’t he?” she asked Steven and Marc. A nod from Marc was all the confirmation that she needed. She sighed.
“Knock it off Jake. I’ll muzzle you if you keep it up.” Jake whined at her, and covered his face with his paws. Steven and Marc both seemed more relaxed, so she assumed that he had stopped bothering them. She figured now was as good a time as any to see if Taweret would come and help figure out the boy’s issue. There was a chance that they might wind up murdering each other if they were left like this much longer.
“Taweret? Can you please come here?” She called out. Strangely, the Hippo goddess did not come when Layla called. Usually she would come fairly quickly, as she knew that her avatar did not just call upon her for trivial things. However, this time she did not come. “Taweret?” She tried again.
‘Layla dear, your calling about the mess your boys have found themselves in, yes? ’
Oh, that was odd. Taweret had chosen to speak to Layla in her mind over physically coming to see her. And it seemed taht Taweret already knew about the problem the boys were facing. Perhaps that meant she already was working on a fix.
‘Yes’, Layla replied to the goddess in her mind.
‘Well, I know what Khonshu did to cause this, and I must say, he has to fix this one on his own. No, I’m not helping him this time, poor Hathor is beside herself! And it’s not like this will leave them with permanent harm anyway. Just tell your boys that Khonshu knows what he did and once he fixes it, they will be back to normal.’ With this the goddess left Layla. Layla was surprised by the goddesses' refusal to help her and the boys. Usually she was so helpful, and willing to fix the messes Khonshu created. Whatever he had done must have been quite the whopper of a screw up this time for Tawie to refuse to help even a little.
“Well boys, Taweret says that she will not help.” Marc and Steven whimpered behind their makeshift gags. “Tawie says that Khonshu knows what he did, and that he knows what he has to do to fix it. She also says that it’s Hathor again, but I had kind of figured that out on my own.”
Steven picked up his notebook and scribbled something down. Layla looked and saw that Steven had written down ‘ Great, our fate rests with the emotionally constipated bird. We are doomed. What now?’
“Maybe some of the other avatars can help you? Have you tried the chat group?”
Steven’s eyes lit up. Of course, the chat group, how could he have forgotten? He picked up his phone and tried to unlock it, quickly running into a problem. He had a voice activated password. He ripped the tape off his mouth-ouch- and spoke the password. He then opened the Avatar chat group. Hopefully some of the others would know what was going on.
“Hey guys, I’m going to try the chat group, ok? I think that it’s….
One shot, maybe all that we got
I don't know about you
But I think it's worth a shot
But I think it's worth a shot
I think it's worth a shot
Ah-ah-ah (I think it's worth a shot)
Ah-ah-ah (I think it's worth a shot)”
Crap, the tape was off of his mouth, and he could sing again. Ugh, that was so annoying. Hopefully they would be able to help them. In the meantime, he readily accepted the piece of tape Marc offered him, and sealed his mouth shut once more.
_—-----
Avatar Chat Group
Steven: We keep bursting into random songs. Suspect magic or Khonshu antics. Any ideas?
Aya:LOL
Selim:Khonshu?
Steven: Obviously. But what did he do now.
Finnigan: he got in touch with his song bird roots
Finnigan: <meme-bird in front of microphone, with the words “let me sing you the song of my people, mother fuckers”
Yatzil: <picture- Middle finger
Steven: gee, thanks for the help guys.
—----
Steven laid the phone down. Seemed like the chat group was a bust. They were either not answering, poking fun of them, or had no answers. Well, it was worth a shot. He guessed that they would have to just put up with it while Khonshu worked on fixing whatever issue he had caused.
—
The men were at a loss. Taweret refused to help them, saying that the mess could only be fixed by Khonshu, and that she would not help him this time. Yatzil was not answering their texts, and Layla just told them that the bird had to fix this one. They even tried reaching out to Aya, Isis’s avatar, but she just laughed at them.
It was clear that Khonshu was not anywhere closer to fixing this. It had been two weeks, Steven had to forge a doctor’s note saying he had a highly contagious strain of Mono, Jake refused to be a human for more than ten minutes, and they were getting noise complaints about all the howling and singing. Marc had gone through three rolls of duck tape, as he kept taping his and Steven’s mouth shut. With no end in sight, they saw only one last option for help. They would have to call for a meeting of the Ennead.
—
The two men and the large wolf walked into the pyramid, the other avatars already in their seats. Yatzil, or rather, Hathor controlling Yatzil, sat with her arms crossed, looking away from the men. She was the perfect picture of a madened woman. Selim/Osiris looked exhausted with the entire situation, and Aya/Isis were giggling at them. Bethany/Tefnut was at least attempting to contain her amusement at the situation the men were in, although her face showed her amusement. Finnigan/Horus simply looked bored.
“Marc Spector, avatar of Khonshu, why have you called for an audience today?” Selim/Osiris questioned. Finnigan/Horus looked at him and smirked. “Ah, the proper question is what has that bird of yours done now?” the Irish avatar chuckled.
Steven stepped forward. Jake still refused to turn human, and frankly, he was better with the political stuff than Marc was. Him talking to the others would probably be their best bet for help.
“Ah, yes, Finnigan is right. Um, yea. Khonshu, did…Uh, something? We still don't know what, but we’ve been cursed. Again. And all that we can figure out is that the curse makes us…
Sing
Sing a song
Sing out loud
Sing out strong
Sing of good things
Not bad
Sing of happy
Not sad
Sing
Sing a song
Make it simple
To last your whole life long
Don't worry that it's not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Just sing
Sing a song
La-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la
Oh, god, that is so bloody annoying. It’s been two weeks of bursting into song at random points during conversation.”
Marc, long tired of singing, had stuffed his fist in his mouth the moment the urge to start singing hit him. Jake, on the other hand, delighted in howling along with Steven, even if the curse did not affect him in his wolfy form. It was just more fun that way.
“Hathor, what has the pigeon done now?” Osiris/Selim asked the goddess of beauty, music, and dancing.
Yatzil/Hathor glared at him. “You assume it is me who did this?”
Osiris/Selim groaned while the others laughed. It was quite frustrating having to be the one in charge, especially when Khonshu was involved. The god acted like a feral two year old high on pixie sticks. “Hathor, it is obvious this is your work. Even if your obvious annoyance didn’t give it away, the fact that they are singing random songs did. So, I will ask again, what did the idiot do this time?”
“Humph. He knows exactly what he did, and I will not lift the curse until he apologizes.”
Both Orisis and Seliem could feel the beginnings of a migraine coming on. They had not planned on playing relationship mediator between two gods, not today. “Khonshu! Show yourself!” this was the bird’s mess and he would show up to fix it.
The god took his time, and two minutes later he walked into the chamber. Khonshu did not say anything to the others in the chamber, he merely walked up to his avatar and stood next to them.
“Nice of you to join us Khonshu. Hathor, please join us, in person.” Osiris wanted the two parties present. He was not going to deal with avatars being the middleman. Khonshu and Hathor could hash this out themselves, in person. His request was met with a little huff from Hathor, through Yatzil, but the goddess did listen. Yatzil’s body shimmered with a bright light, and then Hathor materialized behind her. The goddess stood with arms crossed, and she refused to look at Khonshu.
“Talk. Now” Osiris commanded.
“He knows exactly what he did.” Hathor snapped.
“No, I do not.” Khonshu replied.
“Yes you do, Asshole!”
“I do not, I am completely clueless as to why you have turned my avatars into show men!”
“I’ll give you a little hint, bird. It’s an event that happens once a year, involves a party, and you were most certainly supposed to be there.” Hathor said this last bit with a growl. She was truly angry with Khonshu. How did he not know what he had done, there was no way that he was that clueless.
The bird god blinked. What was she talking about? Once a year, involved a party, and him? “Did I miss Valentines day?” he guessed.
“It’s. Not. Even. February.” Hathor spit out at the dense god, it was currently June for love’s sake.
Meanwhile, the avatars and their gods watched the exchange in morbid fascination. It was like a car wreck, you wanted to look away but you couldn’t.
“Labor day?”
“What? Why would there be a party for Labor day? You missed my birthday, you dipshit!” Hathor screamed at the god.
“Khonshu,” Marc said, voice razor sharp. “Are you telling us that we have spent the last two weeks singing at random intervals because you forgot your fuck buddie’s birthday?”
“I did not forget anything. I merely lost track of the time.”
“Mate, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that is the very definition of forgetting.” Steven told the godly bird. “Well, I guess it’s not as bad as the time we forgot Layla’s birthday, don’t you think Marc?”
Marc winced at the memory, and Jake, once again human, shuddered. “Si, eso fue agonía. Chica had Taweret curse us with a stiffy that would not go away” The Spanish man recalled.
“Jake, it’s called priapism.” Steven corrected him.
Marc, not to be left out chimed in. “Buddy, I don’t care what it’s called, all I know is that we had to go to three different hospitals and a veterinary clinic, and each time the doctor shoved a needle in our di-”
“Enough!” Osiris/Seliem yelled. The man was looking quite ashen, like he was on the verge of passing out, or throwing up. Possibly both. The only other male avatar in the room. Finnigan, was attempting to hide his crotch with his hands and wincing. ”Remind me to never get on the bad side of that lassie. You all right Selim?”
The sick looking man groaned. “Ahh, there is a reason I went to business school instead of medical school. Needles, they make me a little queasy.”
“Right, why don’t you just lean back and take a deep breath. You look like you're going to pass out on me buddy. Would a drink help? I have a flask with some whiskey in it, here in my pocket.” Finnigan reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a silver flask that he offered to Selim.
“Give me that.” Selim surprised Finnigan when he took the flask, and took a rather long swig from it. He then handed the significantly emptier flask back to the Irish avatar. “Thanks. No way I was going to get through this without some alcohol. Now, Khonshu, you created this mess. What are you going to do to fix it?”
Khonshu glared at Selim, and, by extension, Osiris. “As I told my avatars, I did not forget anything! I merely lost track of time. And before you repeat Steven, it is not the same! I was busy working on my gift for Hathor, and I lost track of time.” Khonshu turned to Hathor and reached into his bandages, pulling out a lumpy package wrapped in red silk. He handed it to the goddess.
Hathor unwrapped the gift, revealing a beautiful sistrum made of gold and silver. The sistrum was embellished with jade inlays that were hand carved to resemble lotus flowers. Delicate engravings were on the handle of the instrument and the frame. When shook it made a hauntingly beautiful sound.
“I made it just for you, but I lost track of time while I was making it. It was not my intention to miss your birthday, my consort.”
Hathor wrapped Khonshu in a hug, snapped her fingers, and the two of them were gone from the chamber. Everyone was left staring dumbfoundedly at the space the two had just occupied, completely shocked by how events had ended.
“Umm” Yatzil spoke up “Hathor says that she lifted the curse, and sorry. And that you shouldn’t wait up for Khonshu.” Yatzil was blushing.
“Ohhh! Uggh, really, nooo. I do not need to hear that, he is doing that on purpose. No, no, no. I only want to hear that in our bed. No. Although, you think Hathor would ever be up for a six-some?” Marc spoke up, having caught on to why Yatzil was blushing. She must be hearing the same thing that he was, only from Hathor’s side of things. Suffice to say, the two divine beings were making up with each other. He really did wonder if Hathor would be up to joining them some day, she sounded like fun…Ah well, that was another day’s issue.
“So, now that this is all settled, and I am sufficiently scared mentally, can we all go home?” Selim asked. Osiris had fled the moment Khonshu and Hathor vanished, likely knowing that things were going to get heated and not wanting to hear Marc’s comments. That man had no mouth filter. “Look, if anyone needs anything else, just drop me a line on the chat.” With that Selim walked out the portal that Osiris had created to bring Selim to the chamber, as Osiris had not closed it. The others took that as their cue to leave and went home.
All’s well that ends well? And lesson learned, don’t forget a woman’s birthday.