Alone
Loki had renewed his efforts to make Sigyn’s life a living Hel. If she was going to hate him, he would give her a reason. He was happy to. He was glad she still hated him. He wasn’t sure what he would’ve done had she decided she didn’t. Probably would have messed it up just like he did with Idunn. He was not made for love. He was broken somewhere inside, and that was fine because he didn’t want it. Especially from her. He was royalty and she was nothing.
Except she had said she wanted him. While half delirious from pain and blood loss because he had stabbed her. So maybe he shouldn’t put too much stock into that. The point was he didn’t care and neither did she, and that was perfect.
“So everything is back to normal, brother?” Thor asked him.
“Nothing ever changed,” Loki replied.
“Mmm, yes it did,” Thor disagreed with a smile, “I’m glad you’re okay now though.” He tousled Loki’s hair.
“Thanks,” Loki drawled, pushing it back into place with a displeased grimace. No one respected his hair boundaries. Especially not Thor, who messed it up whenever an opportunity presented itself.
A few days later, he and his worst enemy were arguing on his way down to the courtyard to spar with Thor when she caught sight of the current fighters practicing their moves. Hogun and Sif were fighting viciously. Loki had noticed through hanging out with them that there was a slight hierarchy in the group of friends. Hogun was just under Sif and he had to wonder if this battle was a little more serious than first glance let on.
Sigyn stopped mid insult to watch, her dark eyes sliding from his face to the battle behind him.
Loki felt a flicker of irritation at the sudden indifference. He narrowed his eyes at the lady warrior who threw her sword up to block a slash from Hogun and then spun to avoid a smaller blade he thrust her way. She used the spin to twist his sword from his hands and caught it as it fell. She turned back towards him, spinning both swords at her sides, a triumphant and self assured glimmer in her eyes. She shook her ponytail back behind her and then flew into a flurry of attacks.
Sigyn was staring with a slightly dreamy look on her face and stars in her dark eyes. She was obviously no longer present for their own verbal sparring match. He doubted Sigyn was only staring because of Sif’s skill. When was the last time the two women had been this close, just yards from each other?
Sif was in leather armor, perfectly tailored to her body. The white undershirt was obviously mainly there to prevent chafing, which was its intended purpose, but it certainly wasn’t covering anything extra. Her arms were bare, revealing straining biceps. Sweat trickled down her temple and smaller hairs stuck to her glistening face.
Loki left his worst enemy to fantasize over a prejudiced warrioress with one failed murder attempt under her belt, while he went to put on his own training gear and gather weapons. He supposed he might be similarly guilty in the murder aspect.
Thor showed up with his hammer and a cape and made no move to change into anything more practical though he did exchange Mjolnir for a sword.
Loki unsheathed his knives as they approached each other. Thor twirled his sword at his side. Loki twirled his knives right back.
“Worried?” his brother teased.
Loki sneered, “For your sense of self preservation. A cape?”
“It’s dramatic,” Thor defended himself, “I thought you liked theatrics.”
“I keep them practical.”
“I’ve literally seen you wear a cape during battle.”
“It’s an illusion,” Loki sighed, “I would never wear a real cape.”
“Why not?”
“Let me show you,” he offered, inviting his brother forward with a flick of his knives. Thor started towards him with a grin and Loki held his blades out wide, anticipating the first move. His own mischievous smile split his face. He’d show Sigyn skill.
Thor began to raise the heavy sword. Loki dropped the flimsy training knives and conjured his own as Thor swung at him. He dodged the first swing and hit his brother’s funny bone when the momentum carried his arm across his chest and exposed his elbow. Thor’s grip slipped on the weapon, but he managed to hang on to it.
“Clever, brother,” Thor laughed.
“I’m going to do you the favor of assuming you’re distracted,” Loki taunted, “Normally you’re much better.” He blocked the next swing with his knives and pulled one away to make a jab at Thor’s stomach.
Thor let go of his sword with one hand to block Loki’s strike, grabbing his wrist. He squeezed and Loki was forced to drop his knife. He twisted his wrist away and ducked under the sword, another dagger materialized in his empty hand. He blocked the next flurry of attacks. Fighting was a dance and one he was good at. The brothers went back and forth, the speed gradually increasing until they were a whirlwind of clanging metal and flying capes. Thor was much bigger than Loki was and much stronger, but Loki didn’t need strength to win this fight. He stuck his leg out as Thor sidestepped a stab and his brother tripped over it, momentarily losing his footing. Loki grabbed hold of his cape and yanked him back. He thrust his knife into his brother’s back.
Thor yelled and spun away. A dark stain began to form as a thin circle around the hilt of Loki’s knife in his armored side.
For a moment it was Sigyn slowly bleeding out in Loki’s arms. He blinked the image away. “No capes,” he teased.
“You need to stop stabbing me,” Thor panted.
“Then don’t give me the opportunity.”
Their blades met again as they collided. Thor made to sweep his legs and Loki just barely stepped back in time. It was now that Thor put his strength to good use. He pushed Loki back with each swing. The smaller prince dared not try for another trip. Just as Thor was backing him into a tough position, gaining momentum and gearing up for a strike, Loki spun out of his path and Thor was left to lunge at nothing. The crown prince spun around just in time to block Loki’s own lunge. Loki ducked under Thor’s next offensive swing and brought his foot up in a kick. His boot smacked against Thor’s hands and his brother’s sword went clattering across the courtyard.
Thor decided to not chase after it and instead ran right for Loki with his fists raised. Loki blinked. Unwilling to use his blades on an unarmed opponent, even if it was Thor.
“Thor!” a woman shouted.
Thor smiled as his sword was kicked right into his hands by one Lady Sif. Loki barely had time to block the incoming hit. There was so much power behind the swing that he was forced to the ground. He rolled out of the way of the intended ‘death blow,’ but Thor was there, tackling him and sitting firmly on his chest and arms, the sword pointed at his throat.
“Better luck next time, brother. You should know by now that you can’t beat me.”
Loki felt his insides freeze over, he should have been the one on top. He would have been if it wasn’t for Sif. “That was cheating, I had you. I quite literally stabbed you. I think I won,” Loki argued from beneath him. He struggled to work his arms free.
“No,” Thor laughed, “Maybe one day.” He stood and pulled Loki to his feet, giving him a pat on the back to rub it all in. Sif grinned at him, cruelly smug in that she had aided in Loki’s humiliating loss. Sigyn sat behind her on the stone wall of the courtyard and training arena, her focus on Sif’s ponytail rather than him or anything else that was going on.
“That was cheating,” he told the warrioress.
“Aren’t you the God of lies and cheating?” she asked him, “No one cares, get that into your head. You will never win and if some of us choose to ensure that, so what?”
Loki curled his lip at her, “Watch your tongue, I am still your prince.”
“Let it go, Loki,” Sigyn piped up as though she had any right to speak on the matter. All it did was fuel the anger twisting his insides. There she was, taking Sif’s side after everything because anyone was better than him. They were enemies and he shouldn’t forget it. They were all enemies, but he would come out on top one day and he’d make sure they were all there to see it. Everyone would realize their mistakes in calling him lesser.
For now he leashed his anger and turned away. The world could wait, but Sif would regret ever disrespecting him.
Lady Sif lived with her family in a nice but small house in the city. She left her armor and weapons in the palace armory and returned home each day after practice. Her routine was the same, simply begging someone to take advantage of it. Who could blame Loki for finally doing so?
She found him the next morning in a rounded intersection between corridors. Golden braziers were the only light that early in the morning. He had been feeling quite happy before she walked in, the pool in the center of the common space reflected the firelight nicely upon the golden walls. Sif was already dressed in her sparring leathers as though anticipating a fight. Her face was twisted in a furious snarl, pure hatred burning in her eyes as she stalked towards him from the mouth of an adjoining hall. It would have been frightening if it hadn’t been funny. Hidden half behind her back was her fist, clutching a chunk of dark hair. A chunk that had obviously come from her head. Loki’s lips turned up in a wide grin.
“You!” she greeted him with a growl.
“You look ravishing,” he teased, “did you do something new with your hair?”
She continued towards him, unbridled rage evident in every step she took“You conniving, craven, pathetic worm!” she hissed, “You did this!”
Loki’s smile grew wider with every insult. He stood still and watched her approach, “I told you to watch your tongue.” She stopped inches from him, frozen by his sudden cold stare. He became, without warning, threatening. Any humor was gone from his face. He stood straight and stared down at her, “You should have listened.”
Sif seemed to regain her sense of self, her face reanimating in a sneer. She struck out with her elbow and hit him sharply in the gut. She brought her knee up hard between his legs as he doubled over and Loki let himself drop, gasping in pain.
“I hope you know you deserve to be alone and you always will be,” she told him and left him hunched over on the polished floor.
Loki groaned and made himself straighten up. She was a bitch. He staggered to his feet, resolving himself to a glass of wine and a nice bath. It had only been a bit of fun. She had cheated in a fight, so he retaliated. Hair grew back, she didn’t need to get so nasty. He found himself glad Sigyn hadn’t seen it. Show her skill indeed. At the end of the day, he was still nothing. Why was it he could never win? Was that why he would always be alone? Who wanted a loser? He’d show them all one day, and until then he could make do with alone. He was a god, he didn’t need anyone.
He was alone and he was humiliated. Ice settled in the pit of his stomach.