Chapter 1
Jade was eating lunch with Storm and Jean. They sat at one of the outside tables at the institute made of a solid wood and sturdy metal. At first she was listening to what Storm and Jean said, but then her mind wandered. She was taking in the beauty of the mansion now that it was rebuilt from the recent squabble they had with Apocalypse. Sure it looked the same, but there was something special that came from knowing that her friends helped rebuild it. It was like they finally were able to leave their mark on a building so old though none of the arriving students would ever know. It was like this current generation’s own little secret and it made her feel slightly giddy.
She looked all around her. Students played by the nearby lake or practiced their powers with each other with small duels. These duels were supervised by older students who’d learned how to manage budding powers in their classes. Some students relaxed on picnic blankets or were simply taking a walk and chatting with friends. It was quite amazing when Jade took a moment to bask in how lucky they were to have such a place. It was the home she’d always wanted and never knew she could have.
Among those walking around the lake and close enough for her to see, were Kurt, Scott, and Peter. Scott and Peter stood nearest to the lake while Kurt stood the closest to Jade where she could make out all his features. The way the afternoon sun shone on him made his smile shine that much brighter as he laughed at something funny Scott or Peter said. His hair was out of his face so she could see the glint of his red eyes. His tail flicked ever so slightly behind him as he walked as if it was keeping him balanced. He looked happy and well acclimated to the environment he came to a little over a year ago.
Jade smiled as she slowly bit into a cookie. The way he beamed made the day seem brighter and if she listened closely, she could hear his somewhat still boyish laugh as it echoed over the green. In this light he looked like a god, well, to her anyways. There was something about him and she couldn’t explain it. But she knew if he was happy then so was she.
In the midst of her thoughts she felt as someone tapped on her shoulder and brought her back into her immediate surroundings. When she turned back, both Storm and Jean were looking at her with small smiles on their faces. “Jade, you’re drooling,” Jean said with a laugh.
Jade checked her mouth and wiped it free of all the crumbs. “Am I?” she asked, still trying to wipe away everything. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“No, no, it’s just a figure of speech,” Storm said with a small laugh and putting a hand on her arm. “It means you look to be deeply in love with someone. I think I know who that someone is.” She nodded to Kurt and Jade’s face turned red.
“Well, I don’t know if that’s what I’d call it,” Jade said sheepishly. “I actually don’t know what I’m feeling if I’m being totally honest. It’s all just sort of weird in my chest.”
Storm and Jean exchanged sad glances for a minute before looking back at Jade. Their eyes looked worried as they stared at her, both not wanting to say anything that might upset their friend. They didn’t really think that far ahead. Of course they’ve been teaching Jade things over time with Jean having done it more than Storm, but there was always something new. It wasn’t exhausting. It just made them sad whenever something like this happened. Had Jade never felt anything for anyone over time? Or has she just never felt something this strongly before? “Why don’t you tell us what you’re feeling and we can try to figure out a word for you to use?” Jean asked. “Does that sound good?”
Jade nodded quickly and breathed a huge sigh. Where did she even begin to describe what she was feeling? It was all so jumbled up she didn’t know which was the start and which was the end. But she had to start somewhere. “Well, when I see him, I get both excited and nervous and my cheeks get hot,” Jade said, using her hands to speak. “I feel as if I can’t breathe and as if my day just got better. My heart begins to swell. Somehow I know that I could do anything with him around. He anchors me when I feel like I’m floating in a world of chaos and he listens to me when I’m feeling down.” She paused for a moment, looking at her hands on the table.
Jean and Storm were smiling. They’ve always known the word for the feeling and it was kind of sweet hearing someone describe it the way Jade did. It was so poetic and innocent. Nothing like they’ve ever heard before. “Go on,” Storm said, encouraging Jade.
“The world feels safer when he’s by my side,” Jade continued. “I feel happy, I feel free when he’s with me because I know together we can face anything. I want to hug him until the sun goes down and wake up with him in the morning. If I could do it everyday, I would. The fact that he gets along so well with Peter is a plus because I know Peter will have my back. He just makes me…happy. Like I’ve never felt it before.”
Jade stopped and it seemed like she was done. “That’s what a crush is,” Storm said. “It’s when you are just starting to fall in love with someone. Usually it’s brief and fleeting. But I believe you’ve been around each other enough to make it into something beautiful.”
Jade smiled. It was a slightly confused smile. “Why is it called that? A crush?” Jade said. “It’s not like you’re punching someone in the face or raining metal down on them or-.”
Jean laughed, cutting her off slightly. “I guess it is a little weird to call it that,” Jean said. “Have you told him yet?”
Jade stayed silent for a minute, her own self deprecating thoughts taking over. She’s never even considered telling him. She just thought it would be a secret she would die with. “No,” Jade said. “I-I never thought he would feel the same way. I thought there would be no way…he would ever choose someone like me.” Jade turned back around to look at the three boys walking around the lake. They seemed closer this time, though they were still out of ear shot. Kurt noticed Jade staring at them, and gave a wave and a smile. He looked so goofy and happy it made Jade smile as well, though hers was a little sadder. She gave a wave before turning back around to her friends.
They both looked at her with sad eyes. “Jade, you are a treasure,” Jean said. “I know it will take more than me saying it for you to believe, but let me be the first to say that you are worthy of love and happiness. Maybe you should give it a shot and talk to him.”
Jade shook her head and brought her eyes back down to her hands. “I…I couldn’t,” Jade said. “I couldn’t.” She wanted to say more, but that was all she could get out of her mouth. Her world seemed to shatter right before her, though nothing world shattering happened. She realized she was breaking her own heart, she knew it. Her deep rooted fear of rejection kept her from doing anything but staring at her hands.
Storm took Jade’s hands in hers and caused her to flinch slightly. “If this makes up for anything, I’ve heard around the institute that someone has a crush on you too,” Storm said. She nodded at Jean, who gave her a warning look.
“We weren’t supposed to tell her,” Jean said.
“I know, but I can’t stand her looking so sad,” Storm said.
“What do you mean?” Jade asked, looking between both of her friends. “What’s going on?”
Jean sighed and Storm smiled. “A certain blue boy likes you back,” Storm said. “And I’m not talking about Beast.”
Jade stared at both of her friends, shocked. She was trying to find some hint of sarcasm or anything to tell her that they were joking. But she couldn’t see it. They were dead serious, their gazes unwavering and sincere smiles on their faces. She blinked. Even their thoughts told her that they weren’t joking. They were serious. So why didn’t she believe them? In one swift movement, she took her hand from Storm’s and pushed her lunch forward in front of her so it was near the center of the table. She took her napkin and covered her mouth while silently shaking her head. It was an effort not only to wipe away any spare food, but to keep herself from throwing up. She shook her head.
Both Storm and Jean grew worried at her sudden and intense reaction. Did they go too far in telling her this? Was she not ready to hear something like that? What was she thinking exactly? “Jade, what’s going on?” Jean asked. “What are you-?”
“That…that’s not possible,” Jade said. “Who would…who would?”
“Who would what?” Storm asked.
“Who would fall for someone like me?” Jade asked. “I only mean trouble.” Jade was conflicted. Kurt was a great person and yes, he was the person she’d been crushing on since she met him, but it felt too unreal. She wanted to be ecstatic that her feelings were reciprocated. She wanted to jump up and down as if the whole world finally accepted mutants for who they were. Instead she stayed there staring at her friends, confused as to why anyone would ever want to fall for her and all the baggage she brought.
It was now abundantly clear to both Jean and Storm how far Jade’s self hatred ran. She didn’t believe anyone would love her as she has loved other people. Storm could see in her eyes that she was afraid. Of what she didn’t know, all she knew was that her friend sat in front of her, shaking because the thought of someone reciprocating her feelings was too much. Her eyes grew sad and she once again took Jade’s hand. Jade flinched for a moment before she looked at Storm who gave her the most pitying stare she’s ever seen.
“Jade, honey,” Storm said and she barely ever used the word ‘honey’ with anyone. “You don’t believe that, do you? I’ll be the first to tell you that you are never too much trouble. What makes you think that?”
“I-I don’t know,” Jade said and she didn’t rip her hand away this time. “I’ve been told all my life that I was too much. That the world didn’t think I had any worth. It’s been over ten years since someone has told me that, but it’s hard to let it go.”
“What makes you think Kurt would act the same way?” Jean asked.
Jade thought. There was nothing that Kurt did or said that made her think that he would be terrible to her if they started a relationship. He was always so kind, always so sweet. He loved everybody equally despite what might have happened to them in the past and fiercely protective when he needed to be. It didn’t seem like there was an evil bone in his body especially when it came to her. He was always smiling around her and helping her out when the time came. But wasn’t he like that around everyone? The more she thought about it the more she realized all the tiny little details. He was more open about everything when they were together, his cheeks were aglow whenever she smiled, and they gave each other hugs more than the other students. The more she thought about it, the more the idea of him having a crush on her seemed tangible and believable.
She squeezed Storm’s hand and a small smile crossed her lips. She looked straight into Storm’s gray eyes when she said the next bit. “Maybe it doesn’t seem that far-fetched after all,” Jade said. “He’s always so kind around anybody, but I feel we have a special connection. I don’t know what it is…but he makes me feel the most at home when I’m with him.”
“That’s it,” Storm said, smiling and rubbing her hand with her thumb. “This is the first step to knowing your worth. It may take a while, but we’ll be with you every step of the way. Right, Jean?”
Jean nodded her head. “Definitely,” Jean said.
“Uhhh, are we interrupting something?” a voice said from behind Jade and the others. All three girls whipped around to see Peter, Scott, and Kurt standing behind them. Jade jumped slightly when they saw the three and Jean and Storm looked at them while sharing a worried glance. Scott looked shocked as he stood there. Peter was quickly glancing between Jade and Kurt both whose faces were turning bright red. Kurt stood there, his tail flicking excitedly and his cheeks a deep red for someone so blue.
Jade’s first instinct was to run. To get as far away from this place as she possibly could to save herself from the embarrassment and the painful process of explaining to Kurt what he possibly heard. However, there was a voice in her head, her own voice, that told her she had to stay there. She had to face this fear. She had to let her feelings out whether Kurt accepted them or not to save herself from being crushed by the sheer weight of them. If what Storm and Jean told her was true, it might go better than she expects. It might go worse than she expects. She wouldn’t know if she didn’t try.
It was silent as all of their friends looked between the two of them and as Jade had her eyes down toward the ground. It took her a bit of time, but she finally found the courage to look Kurt in the eyes. “How…how much did you hear?” she asked. Her hands were shaking and her heart was beating fast, but she stayed rooted in place and stayed firm.
Scott and Peter looked to Kurt, waiting for him to say something, but all that came out were little stutters and hand fidgets and tail flicks. He was a nervous mess.
After a while of this, Peter stepped in to say something. “We heard what Jean said about Kurt acting a certain way and then what you said, Jade,” he said. “I think you caused this one to short circuit.”
“Peter,” Storm groaned, putting a hand to her face in exasperation.
“What?” Peter asked. “It’s true! Look at him! He’s a mess!”
Jade gave Peter a short smile before she turned to Kurt and offered him a kind smile as well. “Kurt, I-I think we need to talk about something,” Jade said. “Do you want to go somewhere alone? Somewhere private?”
Kurt gulped and looked between his friends before nodding back to Jade. He stepped up to her and held his arm out for her to take it. As soon as she grabbed on, they both teleported away to somewhere no one could find them.
All who was left let go of a huge, heavy sigh. Jean put a hand to her face while Scott rolled his shoulders. Peter stretched out his back and Storm put her other hand to her face to cover it.
“That went about as well as you’d expect,” Jean sighed. “Do you think they’ll be alright?”
“They’re both incredibly new to this ‘feelings’ thing, but they’re smart,” Storm said through her hands. “They’ll be able to figure it out.”
“If he hurts my sister, I’m going to have to-!” Peter started.
“Peter, come on, man,” Scott said, cutting him off. “There are younger children here.”