Chapter 2
Being loved had always been an odd feeling for Flash, he always craved for it more than nothing but he was never satisfied, it didn't matter how many friends he had, everything felt the same.
It was his fault, he had everything he ever wanted and he wasn't satisfied, maybe his family was related to that but he felt mature enough to not let that bother him, so what if his dad was an idiot? Soon it wouldn't be his problem.
He looked at his room, trying to find something never seen but it was impossible, he knew those four walls more than nothing, the white walls felt tiny and he could breath that alcoholic smell that never seem to disappear from his life, he could hear the screaming of his father and how his mother cried but that didn't matter anymore, he was used to it, he was used to call that place home and he was fine with that, no one needed to know and one needed to help him.
He turned on his side, watching the plain wall that didn't help him to feel something else than the eternal feeling of loneliness that has been with him all his life, it was his fault, by now he should be fine but he couldn't avoid those nights where everything seemed worse than it actually was.
He never worried about others, at least not in the way he should, hurting people was never his intention but he can lie and say that he didn't enjoy the feeling of punching someone that was a little more pathetic than him. Anyone could think that Flash was an idiot but he never saw it that way, at least he didn't not long ago, survival of the fittest he used to think.
The screaming of his parents mixed with his though, making the worst melody Flash ears ever heard, his sister must be scared but he can't do anything, he remembers the last time he tried to help and only made things worse, the only good thing where his friends, who thought that Flash was very cool for the new bruises made on a street fight wich Flash obviously won. Reality exceeds fiction but sometimes fiction is so much better.
He closed his eyes with confidence while hiding in his pillow, he could hear a broken glass and a punch, shit, how was he any better? He wasn't the one punching her but he was there, listening and doing nothing, he always liked to play hero but he wasn't an idiot, his dad was a cop who would beat the shit out of him and he sees him every day, there was no way he could do something.
Being a good person could help him to feel better but he was no good person. He expended his days tormenting people he found stupid, he has expended those last years blaming everyone for his tragedy when he had the guilt.
His biggest victim was Parker, Peter Parker, the stupid brunette that didn't seem to fit anywhere. Flash alway founded that incredible, it was amazing how someone could be so pathetic, Parker had an uncraftable personality and was so easy to bother, it didnt matter what Flash does, the guy would never do something, he cant help but thing on all the times he beated him and how the kid never did nothing, the kid, fuck, Peter had always been like a scared child.
He can remember the first months of knowing Peter and he can remember how the guy wasn't so docile, he was sure Peter cursed him a few times, with the time the guy just gives up and accepted his reality.
There's a few people who don't deserve forgiveness and Flash is starting to believe he is one of them, after all being a piece of shit was part of him, violence was the only thing he knew for a long time and it took him years to confirm it wasn't the normal thing, it took him a long time lo realize that his friends fathers did not beaten them and that most people aren't afraid of coming home, but it didn't matter anymore, that would always be Flashs reality and just like Parker he should just accept it, the idea of a happy family always seemed so unreal, so false and so wished.
He let out a sight, at the end, everyone get what they deserve.
…
Bored, he looked at the blackboard, he stopped understanding a few minutes ago and lost interest as soon as he stepped in the room. He never cared about physics and never understood why he had to take the class, he hated being there and his teacher hated him so it would be so much easier for both of them if Flash just stopped showing there.
He could hear people talking, someone's tapping and could notice how his teacher was tired enough to do something about it, any other day Flash would talk with someone but not today, he was busy enough with his own mind to talk to someone else. He had decided to apologize with Peter today and that was enough to consume all his mind.
Flash hates the day the notice Peter had feeling but he hates even more the day he became a friend with Gwen Stacy, after all if it wasn't for his new friendship with her he wouldn't feel the need to apologize with Peter, he could just avoid the guy and that would be okay but every day that passes he gets closer to Gwen and avoiding Parker seems so impossible.
He didn't even know how he was supposed to apologize, there wasn't a good way to do it, it didn't matter what he could do, the damage was done and there was no way to change the past.
The bell rang and Flash rushed to the door, avoiding the voice of Liz Allan calling him, he felt suffocated. He was free for the next hour, his teacher was sick and sadly that meant that Parker was also free. Even if he wanted to put the apology off, he knew it was the perfect time to apologize, after all he was sure that Parker was alone.
He walked to the library, hoping Peter would be there. He walked more slowly than he should. At the moment he went through the door he felt more nervous than he wanted and he only could wish that Peter didn't notice.
He took a minute to look for the guy until his eyes met with the messy hair of Peter, the guy was reading with a horrible posture, some hair falled on his face, his bony fingers danced through the pages and his eyes were focussed on the book, the poor guy looked so relaxed that Flash almost even felt bad of interrupt.
He got closer as slow as he could, trying to relax on the way, the fear he had was unbelieve and made him feel sick, it is supposed to be the other way round. As soon as he stood in front of the guy he looked at him and Flash could notice the fear in his eyes. Flash isn't sure what he hates more, the fear he has for Peter or the fear Peter has for him.
“Can we talk?” Flash dared to ask, sounding more shy than he ever did. Peter looked at him for a few seconds but made a little move with his head giving him permission. “I just want to apologize.”
And that had been enough to make Peter confused, he looked at him in silence for a few seconds that felt like hours and Peter could notice how surprised Peter looked. Maybe it hadn't been the best way to say sorry.
“About what?” Asked the shy and stupid Peter, of course he was going to play dumb.
“Everything?” Said Flash like it was obvious, the least thing he needed right now was Peter making things harder. Now Peter looked more embarrassed than surprised, he even looked scared and Flash wanted to die.
“I don't care, it's fine, okay? Just leave.” Finally said Peter and Flash could notice how Peter was trying to play strong but failed, his shaky voice just showed how scared he was.
“I-i'm just” tried to say Flash surprised. “I'm just trying to apologize, don't be an idiot.”
Peter looked at him in complete silence. “That's the most horrible apology I had ever heard.”
“I don't remember saying it was a good one.”
“I don't remember asking for one.”
Flash was surprised and he wasn't even trying to hide it. Peter tried to go away but Flash pulled his arm being careful to not hurt him but making him sit again, Peter gasped.
“I'm really sorry.” He apologized for one last time, trying to make his voice the most genuine he could, hoping Peter would know that he was serious but the eyes of Peter just showed how much fear and hate he felt for Flash.
“No you dont.” Said Peter with the last piece of courage he had. “Just let me go, okay?” And that was enough to make Flash accept his failure and let Peter go.
He was mad. He didn't want to get over the fact that Peter could just not accept the apology, he didn't even thought about that as a possibility. It just didn't feel right, Peter could just say that it was fine, they didn't need to become friends, Flash just wanted to know they were okay or some shit like that.
He's mad because he knows it is not Peter's fault, if he was in Peter's situation he would send himself to hell but think about it in that way was worse. He's not even that mad, he's more sad than angry but anger was way easier to understand because he does no give a shit about Peter and doesn't care if Peter sends him to hell, the apologized for Gwen, he apologized because Peter was Gwen's friend and he likes Gwen enough to don't ruin everything, that was all, so why should Flash be sad?
He sighed, was it really hard to accept the apology? Apparently it was for Peter, why did he have to make things harder? It wasn't fair. He sighed one last time trying to get over it. Everyone gets what they deserve and Flash deserves nothing