Chapter 15
I couldn't help the butterflies that fluttered around my stomach. Wanda was behind me as Nat sat in front of me, one styling my hair while the other did my make-up. I hadn't asked for help while getting ready for the date, but I couldn't deny them when I saw their excitement after I told them about the date.
Wanda, while excited, had also taken the time to pull me away and ask if I was truly ready to get back out there again. She had asked it with no judgement, only a gentle tone and her hand in mine.
I wasn't sure if this was the right decision, but its a decision I needed to make.
I feel so stagnant. I know, I know that I'm not actually. My mother frequently tells me how brave I was to leave my situation, my brother tells me daily how grateful he is to have me back in life, and Nat tells me every time she sees me that she can see the progress I'm making mentally. I know that things are changing within me, but from the outside looking in it feels like the world is moving around, not with me.
Breaking these mental barriers means nothing if I don't do anything with it. I need to jump out of my comfort zone, and I need to do it without ruining the friendship between my brother and his best friend.
"Are you sure about this, Dandi?" Bucky and Steve stood just outside my bedroom door, either one of them looking very happy.
"He's a bit older than you, y'now?" Steve added on with a tense tone.
"I don't care, Steve," I sighed in annoyance, eyeing the two boys from across the room. "It's just a date. If id not like it then I'll never speak to him again. Okay?"
"Yeah, well, you don't have the greatest track record," Steve scoffed with a roll of his eyes. I wish I could say he didn't mean to hurt me with that comment, but it's obvious that it was meant to cut deep.
"Wow," I let out a breathy laugh, trying to hold back my tears. "That was a low blow, Steve."
I sniffed as I looked back up at him, glad to see at least a little regret in his eyes. The energy in the room had turned from giggly and fun into tense and cold.
"Hey, sweetie, why don't the two of you fuck off for the rest of the evening and let us girls finish up here? Y'know since you've decided you want to be a dick," Nat said with a playful pout on her lips, immediately bringing the girlish energy back to the room.
Wanda and I share a smile as Bucky and Steve try and defend themselves, but Natasha wasn't having any of it. Not only did she send them out of the apartment, she also assigned them a restaurant to wait for her and Wanda at, close enough that the girls can come save me if needed but far enough to grant me my privacy. So after being quickly shooed from the room, the girls helped me finish with getting ready before heading out to meet the boys.
So, now I wait for Eddie. I can't help but pace as I wait, glancing at my watch every couple of minutes. He's picking me up at 7, five minutes from right now. Alpine watches me with wide eyes, letting out a soft meow every now and then. Then, after what felt like an eternity, my phone dings.
Eddie: I'm in the lobby
All of the excited energy from earlier has turned to stone in my stomach. If I'm being honest, I'd really just like to throw up. My breath gets faster and my chest begins to constrict.
Oh no, oh no, oh no. Please not now. Please don't have a panic attack right now.
I sit down on the floor, trying to ground myself. Trying to stop myself from ruining the make-up my friends had worked so hard on earlier. I tried to stop the gasping breaths, taking deep ones instead, but it didn't seem to be working.
A sudden, shrilling ring pulled me from the racing thoughts in my brain. I pick up my phone and see Eddies name blinking on the screen. I hesitate for a moment before bringing the device up to my ear.
"H-hey, Eddie," I stuttered, unsure how to explain myself.
"Hey, Dandi, what's up? I texted you ten minutes ago, just wanted to check in." I could almost hear the smile in his voice.
"I'm, umm, I'm freaking out a little bit," I say honestly, gripping my hair. If I've learned anything about my panic attacks, it's that lying makes them worse. There is already so much going on in my brain, adding a lie to keep up with doesn't help at all.
"What're you freaking out about, honey?" his voice was soothing, but different from Bucky's when I'm like this. Eddies voice has this soft raspiness to it, a vibration for me to focus on.
"It feels too real, I think. I feel like my control is slipping away from me," I confessed, praying he would understand.
"What if we change it all up, right now?" He asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm saying screw the fancy dinner and play, let's go a little more nontraditional for a first date," he laughed, "let's get street hot dogs and then go to Central Park and try to catch a pigeon."
I couldn't help the burst of laughter that escaped me at that sentence. If Eddies anything then it's unpredictable.
"Catch a pigeon?" I giggled, feeling chest loosen.
"What? you think I can't do it?" A cocky tone filled his voice. "So, what do you say?"
a moment of silence angered over us as I looked around the room. Brock would rather die than run around Central Park and try to catch a pigeon. If I had told Brock I'd rather get hotdogs than go to some expensive restaurant I would've left the house with bruises.
"I'll be downstairs in just a moment." I ended the call before scrambling to the bathroom to touch up my hair before leaving the apartment.
Reaching the lobby I see Eddie Brock standing by the entrance, a wide smile on his face. He held his hand out to me, his large one swallowing my small hand.
"Okay, I got the perfect hotdog stand, the best Chicago dog you'll ever eat," he starts, pulling out onto the street.
"Chicago dog?" I gasp, "I might have to cancel if you think I'm gonna eat a Chicago dog!"
"Hey, hey, hey," he stops, pointing a finger at me, "just open your mind a little bit, you'd not know it yet, but that's the only way to eat a hotdog."
and for the rest of the night, I forgot that I had ever even had a panic attack.