Chapter 11
The excitement of having a new haircut with a fresh mani and pedi wasn't able to linger after Steve called me. He called to let me know that my dad was in town and that he was camping out in front of Steves building. Whether he came to the conclusion that I was staying with Steve on his own or if Brock tipped him off I wasn't sure, neither of them have been able to get a hold of my new number.
Steve didn't say much over the phone, just that I shouldn't let dad ruin my day, and to go to Bucky's' when Nat and I got done in town. After hanging up I quickly gave Nat the run down and she immediately had her phone out and was texting Steve, she scoffed when he said that he would give her all the details when we got to Bucky's apartment.
We were both restless after that. Even if we didn't want to let him, my dad had ruined the rest of our evening. We kept looking over our shoulders if people got to close and our small talk had grown tense and clipped. Because of that we decided it was better just to head to Bucky's, stopping only for some boba on the way.
"Dandi!" Bucky called, mouth open as Nat and I stood in front of him. "Your hair, it looks amazing."
"Of course it looks amazing, ya wanna let us in the apartment?" A disgruntled Nat shoved past him, making space in the doorway. I only stood there, feeling my cheeks grow darker under his gaze.
"Thanks," I said, self consciously reaching up to touch the ends of my cut. I'm not sure if the weightless feeling came from the cut itself or from something in my soul, but I felt like a different person. That in itself made me want to peel my skin off. A haircut should be a normal thing. I shouldn't be reacting like this to a simple little haircut.
"Hey, I was blocking the way, get in here," Bucky said, grabbing my hands. I hadn't even realized I was digging my nails into sleeves of my jacket, the jacket Bucky had let me borrow that one day at Wanda, and my arms were crossed tightly in front of my chest.
I let him pull me into the apartment where I found Steve and Nat sitting in the living room. They were whispering but it was clear they were arguing. Steve was tugging at his short strands of hair while Natasha pointed her perfectly manicured finger at his chest. I assume the cause to be from him making her wait for the information we had all come here to learn about my father showing up out of nowhere.
It wasn't until I turned to look for Alpine that I found another person in the room. He was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He wore a button up and slacks and his tie was pulled loose around his neck. His skin was dark and his eyes brown. A police badge was clipped to his belt. He was already looking at me when I turned to find his gaze. He gave me a soft smile and a small wave.
I hadn't even realized that I was still holding one of Bucky's hands until I took a step back into his chest and pulled his arm in front of me. I think I might have a new idea as to what Nat and Steve are fighting about. I know that I don't want this man here, and I know that someone in this room hasn't been great at respecting my boundaries recently.
"This is Sam Wilson, Dandi," Bucky explained, gesturing to his man with a free hand. "He's a friend of ours. I invited him here."
"You?" I could only manage the one word as I turned to look at him in betrayal. This had even garnered the attention of Nat and Steve on the couch, both turning to look at the brunet man.
"You?" Nat repeated my question and I could see a new swell of rage growing on her. Nat reminds me of a protective Rottweiler. She's soft and gentle with me, even fun at times. The moment someone starts to push me, though, or if someone asks a question that she deems too much for me, I can only have sympathy for them. She turns from sweet and fun to scary and mean really quick. I could only wish to have that kind of bite. To make people think twice before touching or someone I care about.
"Yes, and you would know that if you had let Steve speak!" Bucky defended his friend with a chuckled, tightening his arm around me before looking me in the eyes. "Yes, Dandi, but I didn't invite him here to trap you. We were planning on getting dinner tonight and when Steve called with our dilemma I thought maybe it wouldn't hurt for you to meet him. As a friend."
"Maybe you could have run this information across us first?" Nat arched a perfect eyebrow, challenging Bucky. It wasn't Bucky who responded though.
"I think Dandi is capable of making her own decisions, don't you Dandi?" Sam asked me the question directly, causing every eye in the room to land on me. "If you're not comfortable I'll leave."
I could feel my heart beating in my chest and my throat beginning to tighten. After being with my brother for over a month I haven't had to make any significant decisions on my own. The biggest that I had done being to get a haircut and to call my mom, but it was clear no one was going to help me here. They were all waiting to see what I would say.
"You can stay," I finally said after burrowing myself further into Bucky behind me.
Bright smiles filled the room at my confirmation and I couldn't help but bask in the joy. I wasn't the only one to see my growth these past weeks.
Any tension in the room had melted away as the group immediately fell into discussion and banter. I allowed myself to leave the comfort of Bucky as I spotted Alpine walking into the living room and instead walked over to scoop her up. I sat with her in the armchair, quietly watching my brother and the group dynamic of his friends. It made me miss Wanda and Pietro. I should go see them again.
We decided to order food in, no one particularly enthusiastic to go back out again after hearing about my father looking for me outside of Steves building. We ordered Indian food and took the forty five minutes of waiting for the delivery to pick out a movie to watch, only for us to completely ignore it as we ate and talked to each other.
Sam might be the funniest person I know. It's hard to believe I was intimidated by him when I first saw him, even if it were 90% because of the badge that hung from his belt. Obviously my experience with police officers is not on the better side, and even now its hard to believe that he might not use his power for personal gain.
It wasn't until we were both up for seconds that I found myself alone with him in the kitchen. It wasn't until then that he felt confident enough to bring up my situation, away from prying ears.
"Rumlow is your ex?" he asked, scooping some more curry onto both of our plates.
I tensed at the question but nodded in response.
"That guy is a real piece of work. It seems like causing problems for me is one of his favorite hobbies." Sam rolled his eyes, reaching into the fridge for a beer. He offered me one as well, but I denied it with a shake of my head.
"You and me both," I tried to joke but it didn't feel right, I forced a chuckle to follow it and making the joke at all had made me want to vomit. I am just tired of people looking at me like I am so fragile.
"Look, I know that Nat has been helping you out with your situation, building your file in case you decide to file a report to the police. I promise you, I swear on my life Dandi, that I would do everything I could to make him face the consequences of what he's done to you. It's unforgivable. I have first hand experience with Brock Rumlow, and even he cant get past a restraining order." Sam's words were gentle but that didn't stop the chill from traveling down my spine. I know that if I want to file a report it should be sooner rather than later, but if I file a report it will make it that much worse if I go back.
Everyone keeps helping me and telling me how proud they are, but they don't know that I think about going back to Brock every single day. The longer I'm away from him the more I remember the good. The more I have to remind myself that there is a reason that I left in the first place. The more that I have to remind myself the more that I worry that it's only inevitable that I'll just go back when things get hard.
"Did you know that the average woman returns to their abusive partner seven times before they leave them for good?" I asked the question in a whisper, unable to look at the man I had just met mere hours ago. I don't know why it was easier for me to convey my worries to Sam, someone I barely know, but it was. Maybe it's because it wouldn't effect him directly if went back to Brock.
"I do know that," he said, placing a hand gently on top off my always shaking one. "I also know that your support system is better than the majority of the women who return to their abusers. You have family and friends who have your back, and most of them seem to be in the legal system in some shape or form. Trust them to help you and they will."
Ask for help and help will find you.
Ask for help and help will find you.
With that we both returned to the living room and finished dinner where I thought about Sam's words for the rest of the evening.