Chapter 12
After dinner, when we were all helping Bucky clean up, Steve dropped the bomb on me. He had been in contact with the doorman of his building for the whole evening. Our dad never left the area.
He and Bucky had already discussed their plan before hand, but wanted to wait and see how persistent dad was. Bucky already set up the guest bedroom for me and Steve had brought a bag of my necessities and clothes. Even with the room already set up, they told me I had two options. Either I stay with Bucky for a little bit, or Natasha had offered to allow me to stay in her spare room as well.
They weren't sure how long our father was willing to hang out around the apartment building and after the progress I've made in leaving the apartment they were scared I might regress if I was scared I would bump into my dad any time I wanted to leave. Even if I didn't want to admit it, I knew that hey were likely right. If I thought that I would have any contact with my father, I know I would be back with Brock at the end of the day. So if I went home, either all of this would be for nothing, or I would lock myself away and refuse to come out.
I had agreed to stay with Bucky, a warm feeling taking over my body as he sent me a reassuring smile. For a week now I've been at his apartment, a new schedule settling in for me. He would come home every day for lunch, no matter how many times I told him it wasn't necessary, and I would wake up every morning to the smell of coffee and a white fur-ball curled up beside of me. We would watch a movie every night before bed and talk about our days, a couple of times also being joined by Steve and Nat.
Today I decided I wanted to cook dinner, to show Bucky my thanks for all that he has done for me. Im just his best friends kid sister, and yet he's gone out of his way at every moment to make sure that I feel comfortable and safe.
I take a deep breath as I walk into the grocery store, all by myself, for the first time since my newfound 'freedom'. I' not sure that freedom is the right word as I'm nervous all the time and I can't seem to make a single decision on my own without the validation of someone else, but I don't really know what other word I could use.
I had texted my mom, asking for her eggplant parmesan recipe, something I remember Bucky raving about when she last came over to make dinner for the three of us. Ever since I first called her, I've talked to her everyday since, and she had come over to Steves' a couple more times to make us all dinner. She joked that it made her feel young again, feeding a house full of kids. When I asked for the recipe my mom sent it to me with the winking emoji. I ignored the emoji, just saying my thanks instead. I don't have the mental capacity to address what my mother is insinuating.
With shaky hands I cross off each item off my list as I walk through the grocery store, pulling my jacket tighter around me as I walk through the produce section. I look over each and every vegetable, my eyes searching for the things on my list, well until I hear someone say my name. Not Dandi, but my real name.
Turning around with wide eyes I'm met with Brocks partner, John Walker.
"Hey, how are you doing?" he asked, hesitant. His knuckles were white as he gripped the handle of the shopping cart. He still wore his uniform from work and I could see dark circles surroundings eyes.
John and I had always had a tense relationship. He never liked the way that Brock treated me but he also never did anything to stop him. He would eye my bruises but never say anything. He would listen to Brock scream at me and wince but never pull him away.
"Umm, I, uh, I actually have to, to get going," I stuttered and stammered, trying to steer my cart away from him and towards the checkout.
"Wait, no! Please, finish your shopping." John gently grabbed me by the elbow, preventing me from walking away. "I won't say anything. I promise. I'm glad you got out of there. Really. Brock did know what he had with you."
I only stared at him in response before looking at my list and finding I only needed three more things.
"You won't tell him you saw me here?" I whispered.
"I swear on it," he said, "and for what it's worth, I'm sorry I never did anything to help."
I gave him a single nod, walking away to grab my last few items, not even caring to check if I got the right brand or if my vegetables were ripe. I simply threw them through the cart and dashed through the self check out, using the credit card Steve gave me a couple weeks ago.
Seeing John had thrown me off for the rest of the day. A pit of anxiety had settled into my stomach and silent tears had fallen down my cheeks for the entire evening. It made me want to crawl into my bed and never leave again, but I had wanted to make this dinner for Bucky. I wasn't going to let John stop me from thanking him.
Alpine had hovered around me, rubbing against my legs and trying to head-butt me from the table any time I passed by her.
I hadn't even realized that six thirty had hit until I heard the front door open and Bucky's footsteps walking in to the apartment. It had been perfect timing really, I had just set the table and was right now placing the full dishes down.
I heard him take a deep breath as he kicked his shoes off by the door and could see him rubbing the back of his neck. I tensed as I realized he had a long day. That maybe he'd had a bad day. That maybe he didn't want to deal with me right now.
"Dandi, what's wrong?" he asked suddenly, eyebrows furrowed and looking at me in concern.
"Oh, nothing!" I aggressively wiped the never ending tears that had been falling from my eyes since I had gotten back from the store. "I made you dinner to thank you for letting me stay here!"
HIs gaze softened as his eyes falling onto the set table behind me.
"You didn't have to do that," he murmurs softly, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a tight hug, "but I do appreciate it."
I just broke in his arms, I couldn't stop myself. One moment I was quietly crying and the next I was sobbing into his arms, unable to breath as I cried so hard.
"Tell me what happened," he whispered into my hair, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head.
So I told him about my trip to the grocery store. I told him how I ran into Brocks partner John and how it sent me into a spiral. He listened to my story without interruption and gently wiped the tears away as I spoke.
"I'm proud of you. You handled that situation so well, and you didn't let it stop you from finishing your shopping. That was so brave. Any other person would've ran from that store without any of their groceries," he praised. "If something like that were to happen again though, I would say you should call your brother or me or even Nat, just to make sure you're safe."
I can't fathom how perfect Bucky is. How can one person be so amazing? Before I even realize what I was doing I was on my toes, bringing my face up towards his. Then, just as our lips were about to touch he sighed and gently pushed me away.
Embarrassment, rejection, and shame filled me as he took two steps backwards. His body was tense and he put his hands on his head and took two more deep breaths. Then just as tears began to fill my eyes again he reached over and cupped my cheeks.
"Dandi, under no circumstances do I want you to think that I didn't want to kiss you right now. There is nothing else I'd rather be doing, so please don't get into your head about this," he explained carefully. "When we kiss for the first time I don't want to worry about you choosing because I was the first man to treat you right, the way you deserve. I don't want to worry that I stole any opportunities or experiences from you. I want to be able to know tha you want me just as much as I want you."
"Oh," I breathed out, speechless. No one has ever spoken to me like this. No one has ever treated me like I was valuable like that before.
"Now, let's eat that dinner you made, that smells amazing by the way, and maybe beg that you don't tell your brother that I've been slowly falling for you since you showed up at his door?" his face held a playful smile and he he'd out his hand to lead me over to the table.
I giggled in response, following him to the table. We ate dinner, where he praised each and every bite that he took, and I tried to contain my girlish sales every time I thought about he fact that Bucky Barnes wanted to kiss me too.