Chapter 8
I saw the color leave Steve's face, immediately thinking the worst.
"A gambling problem?" His voice broke. "Don't tell me he -"
"No!" I interrupted quickly. "Nothing like that! He got in trouble with an underground casino. The place was busted while he was there, and he was arrested."
A look of understanding dawned on Buckys face.
"You met him at the station?" He asked, causing me to nod in response.
"Yes. Dad had called me to bail him out. It was going to take all of my savings." Tears filled my eyes as I remembered that night. "Brock was there for booking. He was so sweet to me, helping me settle down. He said a lot of people were arrested there. A lot of people who were more important than dad. He said he could get dad off with a warning."
He had been sweet. He held my hand as I cried and gave me tissues after I found out how much the bail really was.
"When he offered to help, I told him I'd do anything. Then, when he asked for just one date, it felt like I'd hit the jackpot. He wasn't cocky about it, he seemed so genuine when asking me out."
"And when things turned sour?" Bucky asked, wide-eyed. He always sits on the floor when I'm upset, though I'm not sure why, but I like it. I like them sitting below me. I like not having to cower as they speak to me.
"The first time he hurt me, I tried to leave, but apparently, dad had been in more trouble than I knew. Brock had been digging him out of the hole everything he fell, and he told me that if I left him that he had enough evidence to put dad away for a long time. He's wrapped himself up with bad people. I couldn't.t just let him go to prison. He raised me." I confessed. The two men in front of me seemed unable to form words, unsure of what to say. So, I continued.
"You got mom, Steve. She is great and amazing and the most loving a parent could be. Inevitably, you are much closer to her. Of course you are. You got to live with her. I was stuck with dad, and I'm sure you can imagine what that was like for me. I wanted him to love me like mom loves you. I probably would've done anything for him, and it wasn't so bad in the beginning. I thought I could tolerate Brocks little outbursts," I explained, wringing my hands in nerves.
Before I knew what was happening, Steve had wrapped his arms around my shoulders, squeezing me into a bear hug. I froze momentarily before melting into his arms, crying into his shoulders.
"Ma loves you so much, Dandi! It killed her that dad got custody of you. She still doesn't know how he did it," he whispered into my ear.
I wasn't allowed to visit my mother often, and it wasn't until I was ten and figured out how to call a taxi that I was able to see her semi-frequently. I still remember her shock at finding me at the front door and her voice as she yelled at my father over the phone, but I still got to stay for the weekend. Steve was twenty at the time, I remember that he brought Chinese food over for dinner that night.
I was sixteen when Steve and Bucky had graduated law school. I had my license at that point and was able to drive to the ceremony. I hadn't asked for permission, and I was sure to hear about it the moment I got home. I refused to miss this moment, though. I had already missed so much.
Neither Steve nor Bucky came to my high school graduation. They were busy, though. They were fresh out of law school, trying to make a name for themselves. I knew dad wouldn't come. He had been saying so since I told him the date. My mom sat in the audience alone that day, holding a bouquet of sunflowers and a single dandelion.
"Have you spoken to your ma since leaving him?" Bucky asked, watching our embrace with soft eyes.
"No," I answered with a shaky breath. "How am I supposed to tell her what a failure I am? How do I tell her I couldn't find someone to love me and that I couldn't take care of dad? That, no matter what I did, he would still be an alcoholic with a gambling problem." Steve's arms squeezed tighter around me, pushing me to burrow myself even further in his embrace.
"You listen to me. None of that is your fault! Okay?" Bucky stood, making me look directly into his eyes. "We did you wrong. You didn't do us wrong. What Brock and your dad did? No one could've changed that. They're bad people. And us? We should've reached out, Dandi. The last time we saw you was five years ago, you were twenty. The only reason we saw you is because you wanted everyone to get together at Ma's."
"You guys are busy, I know that." I told them as Steve finally pulled away.
"No, you're my sister. I always have time for you, and I should've made that more clear. If I had, then we could've helped you earlier," Steve reassured me. My gaze flicked up to Bucky, who was staring at me with a look I couldn't recognize.
"Yeah," he whispered, "you're Steve's sister. We should've been there for you."
I pulled the soft blanket from the couch around my shoulders, holding it tightly. I'm tired of talking about this. I know Steve loves me and cares about me. I know he needed to know these things before our dad started to reach out about this, but I'm tired. I've been thinking about this since the moment I left Brock, and it's emotionally draining.
"I don't wanna talk about this anymore," I sniffed. "I want to watch Adam Sandler."
"Sure, of course," Steve stuttered out. "We can watch Grown Ups."
"What? No. We'll watch The Water Boy." Bucky scoffed, and I couldn't help the smile starting to grow as they switched into a playful demeanor.
They continued to argue as I reached for the remote, instead putting on the sequel to the movie Bucky and I had just watched. The two barely noticed as they walked into the kitchen, grabbing beer. It wasn't until they came back into the living room that they noticed what i had done.
"I guess that would make sense," Steve said, flopping into the armchair.
"I'm gonna order a pizze," Bucky said, sitting on the other side of the couch.
I felt myself beginning to calm down as we watched the movie with Bucky and Steve going back and forth in the background. Alpine was curled in my lap and purring a storm as I stroked her soft fur.
This is what evenings should feel like. Cozy and warm. Being with people who care about you.