Chapter 14
“Peter invited us to his birthday party” you mumbled as you munched on your toast, he was making more while you sat in your usual spot admiring his half naked beauty. He gave you the side eyes before he smiled,
“You mean to say he invited you?” You chomped on the toast again as he questioned you, Peter texted you can come or whatever so maybe Loki was right about his assumption.
“He must know that you’ll come along"
"He better, unless he wants his arse kicked” you chuckled as he said that and he smiled in return.
It’s been two days since that night he confessed his love, he must have thought you were asleep because he hasn’t said anything since then, you didn’t get any call from that producer either so you figured that they weren’t interested. But it has been two days full of kissing, making out and other filthy stuff, really filthy moments like him looking at you as if you were his most cherished possession, him kissing you at every chance he gets, him making eye contact once in a while while he’s driving you back and forth to work. Such indecent moments.
He grabbed the toast from you and took a bite and that’s when you snapped out of your daydreaming, sometimes you still felt as if he was playing an elaborate prank on you and would scream ‘Psyche’ out of nowhere. The thought absolutely demolished you, you didn’t think you’ll be able to survive that situation.
He chugged on his ice tea as he noticed that you seemed a little distracted so he kept the glass next to you on the counter and sucked on your neck softly, it immediately made you moan in response..
“Now who is lost?” He whispered in his sexy voice. There was a difference between his normal sexy voice and his bedroom sexy voice, the sexy bedroom voice was just the million fold sexier version of his normal sexy voice, it came right from his chest and had a rumbling sensation.
“I’m not lost” you giggled but it ended in a gasp as he grabbed your thighs to pull you closer then he hooked them around his waist.
“Mmhhmmm?” He smiled before he kissed you softly, it was meant to be a peck but it was really hard for him to stop once he had your lips touching his.
“Remember when I asked you to teach me to drive and you straight up denied?” He hummed in response as you questioned him, his lips traveled to your neck and he sucked a mark “Why did you do that?"
"Because I want you to stay dependent on me” he responded immediately and it made you bite on your lips, everything he did turned you on for some reason, even when he was clearly trying to be honest about his manipulative behavior you found it rather hot, you just wanted to be dependent on him in more ways than one, you enjoyed the feeling of him controlling you, it would have bothered you if it was someone else but never him.
“That’s .. devious"
"I know..but I won’t stop, I thoroughly enjoy keeping you reliant..it’s like having a pet who’s dependent on me for each and every need of theirs"
He whispered so you kissed him intensely, clearly aroused by his nonchalant response. You didn’t mind being his pet or his whore, whatever he’d make of you, you’ll accept it willingly.
"Goddd you’re so hotttt” your hips bucked against the hardening bulge in his sweatpants and it made him moan as well.
“Wicked little whore, getting aroused by the thought of being owned and controlled?"
"Yess please daddy, I’ll let you do anything to me” you whimpered as you humped against him slowly but he grabbed your hips and stopped your movements.
“Save it baby..you have been patient for so long, give me some more"
"Fuckkkk” you whined as the sensations started to subside slowly. He smiled as he saw the look on your face, you seemed so out of your mind and he loved it.
“When do you want to start then?” He asked as he kissed your forehead so you looked at him with a confused expression.
“Start what?"
"The driving lessons"
As the evening arrived you two decided to attend that birthday party, none of you were too keen but you figured a party with free drinks can’t hurt that bad, Peter wasn’t too happy to see Loki and the feelings were mutual, there were hundreds of people at this party, some of the women you recognised as Loki’s previous flavours of the night, he had fucked half of LA so It wasn’t really surprising, most of them were trying to avoid him but some still hoped for round two.
"The one in green can’t stop looking at you..do you remember her?” you whispered in his ear so he looked at the direction you were looking at, he didn’t remember her name, he actually didn’t remember most of their names. You pressed a kiss on his neck, he looked so good in the black shirt he had on today, he was so effortlessly sexy, even more so now that he was yours.
“I remember doing her, just don’t remember her name"
"Did you ever feel for any of these women that you slept with? Jolene doesn’t count”
“First of all, I didn’t sleep with them I just fucked them and no I didn’t"
"Not a thing?” He shook his head as he sipped on his drink.
“I mean sometimes I felt like a jerk when they took an offense that there won’t be a second time ” Cocky little shit
“You fucked Wanda twice"
"Yeahhh she was an exception..she was fiery, fulfilled my needs "
"Your need to be hurt?” He glared at you as you questioned him.
“It’s none of your business sweetheart ” your eyes teared up as he snapped at you out of nowhere, it was a touchy subject for him but you didn’t like him being rude to you again, last three days have been happier and you wanted them to stay that way even though you knew it wasn’t possible, he had several issues and so did you.
As you got up he grabbed your arm so you glared at him,
“Let me go okay?” You said to him so he let go of your arm immediately and you walked away to hang out with some of the people from the set. He shouldn’t have snapped at you like that but he didn’t think he was ready yet to dwell into such things either, this was one of his fears about this relationship, when those women got upset he didn’t have to worry or care about them, but he can’t treat you the same way. His eyes got teary as he watched you from a distance.
As he felt someone sitting next to him on the couch he turned his attention towards her.
You watched him conversing with a woman and it instantly made you jealous, he was just talking but it still made you upset. The ride back home was awkward as hell, none of you said a word and you were hoping he’d break first since he was the one who snapped. When you reached home you made your way towards your room.
“What do you want me to do?” He said to you so you turned around to look at him as crossed your arms.
“Well for starters, apologize?"
"That will fix …thisss?” He used over the top hand motions to convey the awkwardness surrounding the situation.
“No but it opens the way for further conversations” He sighed as you said that. When did his sweet buttons become so mature?
“Fine…I’m sorry” he murmured but you could tell it wasn’t really genuine.
“Why did you snap?” You walked towards him as you questioned, he looked to the side avoiding your intense stare and then he exhaled as if you had him on a pitchfork.
“I don’t want to discuss it” you tilted your head at the response, of course he didn’t want to discuss it, he never really wanted to discuss the past, neither did you, you both wanted to leave the history behind but it wasn’t really helping because none of you had moved on from the said past.
“Okay” you mumbled so he nodded, he was glad you didn’t push it too much. He wasn’t ready, he didn’t think he’d be ready anytime soon and as he stood there thinking about it, all of a sudden he felt overwhelmed by everything, you, this relationship, your life with him. Was he fucking this up even more by involving you romantically with his messed up self?
“We should sleep in our rooms tonight..just to..you know..to–” before he could think about the things he had to say further you cut him off,
“It’s fine Loki..calm down..you’re thinking too much..it’s fine okay?” You turned around to leave for your room as you really didn’t want him to give you those looks of pity.
As you stepped inside you allowed yourself to feel bad about this situation and then you cried, things were going far too well for two people who have been through such hell in life. You heard his bedroom door banging shut and then you heard the sound of the glass shattering , probably the mirror. You wanted to go talk to him but it didn’t feel right after that conversation, it felt like it used to before when he pretended to not care that he was hurting you and you pretended that it wasn’t affecting you.
He was angry, not with you but moreso himself, it all boiled down to him, if he wasn’t so fucked up he would have been able to talk to you like a normal person but he didn’t know what to say to you, what was he supposed to tell you? That he enjoyed being hurt? That the only time he ever felt a semblance of normalcy was when he was being hurt and felt physical pain? That even if just for a moment he felt like a human who could feel pain rather than just like that monster who had made people suffer and watched them get hurt when he could have helped them?
He was lost in his thoughts when he received a call from that casting guy so he picked it up. They wanted to see you again tomorrow, they were going to offer you the movie, as a lead, he wanted to be happy for you but something just didn’t feel right, he pressed Stephen to talk to him first so next day they arranged a meeting with him in the evening, Jane was there too and she explained him everything,
“Yeah she won’t do this” Jane scoffed as Loki said that.
“So you’ll make her decisions for her? How’s that right? You’re just an agent, your job is to help her and not destroy her future” She smiled and it only pissed him off.
“Well that’s not your place to comment, I said she won’t be doing this and that’s going to be her final decision.. alright?"
As he got up and walked out of their office,Jane glared at Stephen
"Call her directly and tell her that we offered her the movie but her agent denied, send her a gift basket of something as well” Stephen nodded.
Loki knew something wasn’t right with these people, they found an opportunity and wanted to cash in on it, but he wouldn’t allow them to use your past for their amusement. You had been through so much and the last thing you needed was for the whole world to remind you of of your traumatic past over and over again.
When he reached home, he went straight for his room, he found it clean so he figured you must have done it while he was gone.
He wanted to talk to you about this whole thing but he just hoped you’d understand why he didn’t want you to do this movie, it was a huge opportunity for you and he understood that but this just didn’t feel right, especially with Odin out there.
You were in your room cleaning up a bit when you got a call so you picked it up, it was Stephen the casting guy.
“Hiiii ummm how are you?” You mumbled nervously but thankfully he got straight to the point.
“We are sorry to hear you don’t want to accept the offer we gave you but hopefully we will get a chance to work in future"
"Hang on a second, what?" you asked him as you felt utterly confused by this.
"Oh, your agent didn’t inform you? We discussed this with him, we wanted you to be the female lead in the next project but he denied on your behalf"
"I uhh I’ll talk to him, but ummm can you just not put a pin in it yet? I’ll let you know, I’m really sorry about the confusion"
As he hung up you felt a wave of anger and disappointment washing over you, why didn’t he ask you before he rejected this offer? He has never done this before so it pissed you off even more, was it because of the fight or the argument you two had?
"I’d let you do anything to me…the fuck nottt” you mimicked yourself as you stormed towards his room, he had it locked so you knocked on the door over and over again until you were met with his really stupid but gorgeous face.
“Did you clean my room? You didn’t have to but tha–” you cut him off mid sentence before he could rant further
“You told them I won’t do the movie? A fucking movie? As a lead? Are you kidding me?” You had your arms crossed and it didn’t need a genius to guess that you were furious, those manipulative bastards must have called you personally.
“A lead huh? I read the script.. it’s a fucking male centric movie with zero substance” he snickered and it only angered you more.
“Soooo? I’ll still be the female eye candy..what is it with you? Why are you doing this?” You felt so frustrated that it was all going to turn into a fit of cries “Is this like some sort of punishment for last night? Really? Are we doing all that again?” You snickered and you could tell that had hurt him because he was quite all of a sudden, too quiet for a moment before he smiled, you could see his eyes welling up ,
“You think I’m punishing you by taking away this opportunity because we argued last night?” He asked you so you nodded even though now you were regretting your words, you had gone too far to take a step back now. He smiled even more as he walked towards you.
“What else is it then? There’s a sex scene? I have to be nude? They want me to do something obscene?” You took a step back as he continued to walk towards you “Whhyy?" You raised your voice.
He glared at you for a moment and then suddenly it hit you, he was looking out for you, he must know something that you didn’t, that’s what he has always done, he had looked out for you even when you never asked for it.
"They want something” you mumbled to yourself but he didn’t say anything “What do they want?”
“They want to use you to sell their fucking disgrace of a movie. A girl with a dark past and sordid upbringing, oh!!! look how kind we are to launch her and how generous we are as we took a step to change her life, poor poor girl, she was so lost before we found her, just because she was the victim of a cult that doesn’t mean she’s not human right? So tell us y/n what was it like at the center? Did you see things that still haunt you at nights? Breaking news : Y/n Y/l/n gets candid with us about her past exclusively..she— "
"Okay enough I get it” you screamed at him to shut him up, your eyes welled up with tears of disappointment as you realized what they wanted from you, you didn’t get the movie just because of your talent, of course not “I get it” you let out a defeated sigh and he chuckled,
“Do you now? Or you still think I want to ruin your life because of a nonsensical discussion we had" He spat at you and you weren’t going to take it anymore.
"It wasn’t nonsensical..it was about you, I’m sorry if I hurt you..I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry that I came to your room and cleaned it up..Are you upset about that too? Am I annoying you with my nonsensical existence ? If yes then I’m fucking sorry I ever entered your life ” you screamed and then turned around to leave, you had alot to cry about today, as soon as people learned about your past you became that girl from the cult, that became your whole identity. He grabbed your arm and stopped you from walking out, you squirmed in his hold but he didn’t let go, he should have been the one to control the situation before it went this far, you were about to have a meltdown and this was all his fault.
“Just calm down..relax"
"Noooo …let me go” you cried out and he shook his head, he turned you around and made you sit down on the bed “Heyy..just stop thinking..you’re thinking too much” his heart clenched as you sniffled, you seemed so happy these past few days and he wished he was able to keep you that way but he wasn’t, he was a monster and that’s what monsters do. They hurt people.
“Stoppp baby stooop I’m sorry ..I’m sorry ..I’m sorry” he whispered as he cupped your cheeks and kissed you softly, your arms wrapped around his neck as you kissed him back. And as soon as you had his lips on yours, things didn’t seem so bad afterall, you needed him in your life, you always did but you didn’t know if he felt the same. You wanted to become more than just that cult girl for him, you wanted him to see you as more than just a responsibility and the girl he had vowed to protect.
“I hate it that you didn’t sleep with me last night” your voice sounded so weak as you spoke and it tugged at his heart strings.
“I didn’t want to ruin this more which I know I would have if we were to engage further into that conversation "
"What conversation?"
"Don’t start it again "
"We have to talk about it someday ”
“No we don’t..see this is why I never wanted this"
He huffed as he stood up and you could hear the sound of your own heart breaking again.
"Okayyy.. what do you want then?” You looked at him and he was on a crossroad again, a part of him wanted to end this relationship right here and go back to how things were before, but then as he noticed the hurt broken look in your eyes all he wanted to do was give you whatever you needed and whatever will vanquish that look of desolation you carried.
“I just.. I come with a heavy baggage to put it nicely and sharing it will affect you, I’d rather carry that burden on my shoulders alone then have you be a part of it" He said.
"But what if I want to share the baggage loki, what if I want to be the part of that pain that you feel all the time? What if I want to be someone you could talk to?"
He opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out, he didn’t want you to know how fucked up he was, he saved you from that life but he didn’t save those other girls, girls like you who could have been something or someone today, they could have been someone’s reason to live like you became for him, their images kept haunting him, they had a life that was destroyed by him, a future possibly that was broken because he watched them suffer like a mute spectator.
"You don’t want to be that person sweetheart, trust me okay?"
"You don’t know me Loki, you don’t know how much I love you”
“I know you think that thiisss thinggg between us is true love but it’s not, it’s really not, there’s nothing like true love darling ..just comfort and security, I’d appreciate it if you’d stop wanting to ruin that for us” you wiped your tears as he finished speaking, there was no getting through him, at least not today. If he didn’t love you then why did he say it two days ago?
“Okay so this thing between us is just comfort and security for you?"
"That’s not what I meant"
"I think you don’t even know what you’re saying right now” he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, maybe you were right or maybe you were not but he didn’t want to argue or make you cry again today. He had done enough. You could feel your heart in your mouth, you didn’t know what he was thinking and that scared you “So are we still together together or we’re going back to whatever we were since you said you didn’t want this”
Your voice kept breaking so he walked towards you and sat down on his knees in front of you, he wanted you to stop hurting right this moment even though he knew he was the reason why you were even in this situation, you seemed so happy yesterday, he was capable of making you feel that way so why couldn’t he just give you that?
“I don’t want us to go back to what we were darling, I desire you like this as much as you desire me, it’s not one sided” his thumb brushed against your cheekbones so you leaned against him, his words did calm you a little.
“Okay I believe you” he wiped the tears that fell over your cheeks then he kissed you as passionately as he could to show you that needed you like this, he wanted to give you everything but he couldn’t give himself to you completely, atleast not those ugly parts of him that he knew would make you want to run.
He laid you down on the bed slowly as you kissed him with utmost desperation.
“I’m sorry darling, please forgive me” he mumbled, his voice sounded tender. This was genuine, you could feel it.
“It’s okay, I’m sorry too"
"No you don’t have to be..you don’t have to be baby”
“I still am..i just want to be there for you.. not just in these happy moments but those as well where you are not feeling so good” he was about to say something but his phone started ringing so he took it out of his pocket, his mouth didn’t leave yours though as he continued to kiss you, he picked it up and turned the speaker on before he placed it next to your head.
“Hello” you giggled as he mumbled against your mouth, you lifted your head up so you could kiss all over his neck.
“Lokiii it’s me ..Jo” you heard her voice and it immediately irked you but then she started crying so you looked at him.
“Are you okay?” He asked her as her shattered voice worried him.
“I’m not..I’m not Loki..a man broke into my apartment and threatened me” he got off your body and picked up his phone. You felt worried too but you really doubted her intentions as well.
“Did you see him? What did he look like?” he feared that it was Odin but her response shocked him.
“I couldn’t see him, he had a mask on but he said he was your brother, loki I think that was your brother Thor"
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