Chapter 4
You didn’t know what he did to Rita, you didn’t even want to know, you just wanted to rejoice in the knowledge of him fucking her up for you. It’s not that he haven’t protected you from such people before, there were several different reasons why you were so hooked to him ever since you were just a kid, he always protected you - from those kids who bullied you at the center, your own daddy, Odin, and then all those men who wanted to exploit you in the industry.
He always kept you safe but he also hurt you, you didn’t know why, maybe he was as damaged as you were, maybe it made him feel good to keep you in his control, and maybe just maybe he loved you as much as you loved him. You wanted to know about his past and what happened to him before you two met, he was already sixteen when your parents joined the center. You remembered him always being so sad, you had memories of him being bruised. You wanted to ask what had happened to his brother Thor but he never revealed, never shared, he acted as if he was fine.
You didn’t know anything about him and you didn’t care as long as you had him.
“I’m gonna reward you sweetheart, you did so good today, made me so proud, wanna go shopping? Want to buy pretty little things to wear at home?” He whispered in your ears and you could only moan in response.
“Can I get whatever I want?” You asked him and he smirked. Two could play this game.
“As long as you’d try it all for me at home” he winked at you and you felt all tingly. He took you to the mall, you bought a dress or two, a set of lingerie, you chose the color green on purpose and as soon as you two were home, he sat down on the couch with a bottle of beer in his hand and he told you to show off for him.
You twirled and danced for him, the music played faintly in the background, he was looking at you as if he wanted to devour you but you knew he was just torturing you, waiting for the right moment to deny you again.
“That’s it? What about the lingerie darling, aren’t you going to show me how it looks on you?” He asked you, his eyes stayed fixed on yours as he chugged his drink.
You ran back to your room and put it on, checking your reflection in the mirror you tried a pose or two, making sure you looked as sexy as possible, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen you before like this, he had seen you all naked too but he had never touched you intimately like that. You never felt his fingers on your intimate parts in sexual manner.
As you stepped out he tilted his head to look at you intently, scanning up and down as if you were just a piece of furniture he was trying to purchase.
“You got my color” his voice was whispery so you hummed in response “Sweet” he mumbled before he brought the rim of the bottle closer to his lips again.
“You like it?"
You asked him and he chuckled.
"Twirl around sweetheart, let me see that plump arse of yours” You didn’t think a world existed where this was an appropriate interaction between a girl and her supposed guardian. You turned around, swaying a little to the beat of the rhythm, you pulled your hair up in your fist as your hips moved side to side.
You heard him mumbling profanities under his breath so you turned around and walked towards him, you knew you were this close to him turning you away any moment but you wanted to enjoy whatever he was giving you.
“You like it daddyy?” You asked him so he hummed in response, he was hard you could tell, it wasn’t as if he was trying to hide that huge bulge in his pants.
“I do like it, but then so do millions of other men out there who’d jerk off to your pictures. You enjoy that darling? Knowing that so many men wants to fuck you?” He grabbed your chin with his fingers and made you chug the rest of his drink. He was still pissed off about the bikini shoot you did just two days ago. He didn’t want you to do it but the money was too good and you threatened him to do something awful if he wouldn’t allow you to do it. You got your way this time but he wasn’t going to make it the norm, he was the one who was in control in this relationship.
“How long are you going to be mad at me about that shoot?” You asked him as you hugged him tightly, your hips rolled over him and he took a deep breath.
“As long as it would take for you to engrave in your head that I can very well take away all the freedom you have here sweetheart. Don’t piss me off on purpose” Before the dam could break he picked you up and threw you down on the couch, then he grabbed up his black leather jacket to storm out of the apartment making you groan and scream in response. You knew where he was going, he was going to find his new flavour of the night, bring her back here and fuck her so you could hear him, that was his favourite form of punishment, he knew it hurt you physically and emotionally as well, and he used it like a kryptonite whenever you crossed a line.
After a few hours when he didn’t return, you realized that maybe he wasn’t in the mood to be so cruel today, you were in the kitchen making dinner when he stepped into the apartment again. His calm relaxed demeanor was enough to tell you that he had sex and he had plenty of it. There was a grocery bag in his hand that he passed to you,
“What is this?” You asked him but he didn’t respond, he went to his room instead, there was a tub of your favorite icecream so you sighed before you put it in the refrigerator.
The thought of him buying you your favourite ice cream after fucking a random woman disgusted you but it also warmed your heart. He cared about you, he was just too damaged to tell you that.
“You’re my only priority you know that right???” you mimicked his accent to let your frustration out.
Next morning, you were called for the screen test, that’s where you met the guy again, Peter Parker, Tony’s assistant. All the assisting had worked in his favor, he was the second lead in the show, you had a few scenes with him, there was a scene where you had to make out with him too.
“I think we got off on the wrong foot babe” He said to you so you glared at him. You looked at Loki and he wasn’t too pleased about this scenario either. He wanted to punch the guy, not just for being Tony’s assistant and taking you to the lounge knowing too well what that asshole wanted to do with you that night but also for lusting so blatantly after you.
“Your boss is an asshole, he ruined captain Jarvis for me" you mumbled so he glared at you.
"Uhhhuh just be grateful you and that agent of yours aren’t blacklisted yet, he was too drunk to care about it or you wouldn’t be here right now” your eyes teared up as he said that, the smug nature irritated you, you only enjoyed it when it was Loki.
“Look I’m sorry, I don’t know why I am being such a jerk, I am just nervous” He said to you so you looked at him surprised, at least he apologized. Loki never did.
“I am nervous too” he smiled as he looked at you so you returned it.
“I really don’t want to fight with you for the rest of shoot, let’s just try to get along okay?” he put out his hand as an offer of friendship so you shook it.
Loki watched the whole interaction and he didn’t know how he felt about it, every time there was a man who showed interest in you he made sure to drive them away from you, he can’t lose you to them. They won’t know what to do with you or how to deal with you whenever you relapsed and it happened once in a while.
He had woken up to the sounds of you screaming and convulsing on your bed, the screams were so loud that it reminded him of that awful day at the center when Odin..
Before he could dwell deeper into the memories of the past you started screaming again so he climbed on your bed and got on top of you to stop your body from thrashing around violently, you must be having the worst nightmare to react this way. He grabbed your arms and pinned them to the bed, you were awake but you were still screaming, trying to get away from him. Your face was soaked with your tears and that broke his heart.
“Y/n y/n hey baby hey hey hey…shhhhhh you’re okay” he whispered softly but that didn’t comfort you at all, you were still out of your mind, crying so furiously that he feared you’d hyperventilate.
“Let me go let me go. .. lolooo..mommmy..sister natasha …help meee please…please I’m scared I’m so scared” you cried out for help and his own eyes teared up.
“I’m here I’m here sweet buttons I’m here baby shhhhh I’m here okay? You’re safe I promise” you stopped squirming and screaming instantly at the mention of the pet name, that’s how he knew what to do in such a situation, that’s how he knew how to bring you back to him.
“Lolo?” you sniffled so he kissed your forehead, he raised your arms to make you sit up and then he pulled you into his lap, holding onto you tightly. His hands caressed your back as he rocked you back and forth gently to calm you down. Your sniffles died down slowly as you drifted back to sleep. He thought things would change between you two after the night, but the next morning you didn’t even have any recollection of the nightmare, or that he spent all night taking care of you. You were back to being a brat who tested and challenged him every moment.
“Hii..hello there?” He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard a feminine voice calling out for him.
“She’s your client right? Y/n?” The lady asked him and he nodded, giving her his best smile.
“I’m Wanda, I’m a casting director, we are looking for a fresh face for a horror series, she seems perfect. Would she like to audition –" he cut her off immediately before she could speak further.
"No ..no horror or anything that involves torture, rape or –” he hesitated for a moment before ge finished his words “Cults" she looked at him curiously before she spoke again.
"Ohhh okay umm I just thought she could do well in there, she’s good"
He looked at you as she complimented you, you were doing your best with what you were given for the screen test, you looked radiant, your mother’s features reflected through you sometimes. He missed her, she was a good mother and a good friend to him.
"Nothing in that genre. Here.. give me your digits, call me if something else comes up” he looked into her eyes and she smiled.
Few hours later you were back to your room, with him enjoying his time to the fullest with casting director Wanda. You could hear her moans and her screams and it stung
“Mmmm yeah..harder harder, fuck me harder, ohhh yesss god, your cock is so huge ..rip me apart Loki "
You often wondered how these women felt when he didn’t give them any attention after such a fiery passion filled night. You remembered two years ago, there was a woman who had gotten so obsessed with him that she was stalking him wherever he went to, that’s why you two moved here, she somehow had gotten into her mind that he was in love with her and he was afraid to tell her because of you, so she tried to harm you. He got her arrested and filed a restraining order, you never saw her again but you remembered the last conversation you two had with her.
She was on her knees begging him to fuck her again, she wouldn’t stop, he tried so hard to get her away but she didn’t you so you did what you thought was right, you hit her on the head with a heavy object, what were you supposed to do? She was hurting him, and you couldn’t have that, she didn’t die thankfully and Loki had proof that she was the culprit here and that she has been harassing you both.
When cops questioned he told them he was the one to hit her, with his own history he seemed suspicious but he had proof and he was able to file charges against her.
You snapped out as you heard the main door opening and closing with a loud thud and it made you smile. He never allowed them to stay after that incident, he couldn’t take the risk again. When you heard the commotion in the kitchen, you stepped out. This was your favorite sight in the world- him almost naked, freshly showered, hair slicked back, just him moving around in the kitchen effortlessly to make tea, he always craved tea after sex..
"Want some?” He asked you as you stepped inside and sat down on the countertop.
“I want milk and sugar in my tea"
He chuckled as you said that.
"Anything else Madame?"
"Nopeeee"
He seemed to be in a good mood, better than usual and you wondered why.
"So that chick Wanda, was she good?” You asked him as you crossed your arms
“Ohh yess” he snickered and it only pissed you off more “She was so good, such a firecracker, almost missing her company” he mumbled, his voice remained sultry. You played this game as long as it was just the game, but you couldn’t bear the thought of him getting emotionally invested with his flings, it hurt so bad to think about the day he’d find someone he’d like enough to build a future with. What would happen to you? Would he still keep you with him or he’ll ditch you?
The thought hurt deeply. Would you still be his priority? You didn’t think so
“Why didn’t you ask her to stay then?” You asked him and he chuckled, he didn’t respond, he made you stew in the insecurities, not on purpose though. He didn’t know how you were feeling this time, he just thought you were messing with him like you always did.
It was his birthday a few days later so he had invited a bunch of his friends and people he hung out with, you knew them too but you weren’t really friends with them. Wanda came too and it bothered you alot but you tried your best to not let it ruin his day.
As people started to leave you really wanted to spend alone time with him. You had a gift so you hid yourself in his closet and waited for him to enter his room at some point, much to your disappointment he did come to his room but not alone, he had Wanda with him, he was drunk and he fucked her right against that very closet. You froze. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t want to interrupt them but you couldn’t take the noises he was making either, it hurt you, their interaction hurt you, the fact that he fucked her twice hurt you.
He wasn’t done even then, he wanted to do her again on the bed but you weren’t in the mood to watch or listen so you stormed out of his closet and then out of his room.
“What the fuck Loki.. was she in there all this time?” She asked him and he was as shocked as she was. He thought you were in your room.
“I had no idea darling I swear” She didn’t care, she pulled him on top of her but he was distracted now. What were you doing in his fucking closet?
When he was finally done with her and came out he found you mindlessly drunk on the kitchen floor which pissed him off so he asked her to leave immediately which pissed her off, this was the second time he was making her feel used and she swore to never see him again. He snickered in response because he didn’t really care. He didn’t care about anyone but you at the moment or ever really.
“Whyyy don’t you go fuckkkk the bitchhh again you stupid dickhead whore” you slurred on your words as he grabbed your arms to pick you up from the floor.
“How drunk are you hmm? You silly little child” he was angry, so angry but you were so completely out of your mind at the moment.
“Why do you care you jerk, you fucking asshole I hate youu and your whorish self..happy birthday..I’ll drink as much as I want” his jaw clenched at the disrespect, He grabbed the back of your neck and pressed you against the refrigerator, he was so furious and he knew he needed to control himself, you weren’t in right set of mind to have a conversation or deal with his usual tactics. He punched his fist into the door of the refrigerator to let his frustration out, that made you flinch and cry and then it made you cling to him ultimately. The punch would leave a dent you knew.
You were too drunk to even walk so he picked you up in his arms and took you to his room, he placed you down on the single couch in his room so he could take a shower and change the bedsheet, he knew you’d hate waking up on the used filthy sheet. He was extremely aggravated by your behavior but he didn’t want to teach you a lesson in such a state.
He went to your room and came back with a night dress, a makeup removing wipe and a bottle of water that he picked up from the kitchen.
“Wake up” he mumbled as he made you sit back up on the couch properly, he grabbed your chin with his fingers so he could wipe your face clean. You whined and moaned to protest against his hold but it was futile. He took the dress off and put the night dress on you before he picked you up again to lay you down on the bed, he made sure to make you drink water otherwise he knew you’d wake up with the worst of hangovers tomorrow.
“Daddddyy” you mumbled, you couldn’t even keep your eyes open.
“What?” He asked you sternly.
“Sorrryyy…I’m sorry daddy” you sniffled and it made him sigh in response..
“We will talk tomorrow alright?"
"I love you daddy"
"I know"
"You don’t"
"I do baby, that’s okay” He didn’t think you knew or understood what you were saying.
“I had a gift..I wanted to give you a present” you sniffled again and his eyes teared up at the meak little voice.
“Is that why you were in the closet?"
You nodded as he questioned you.
"Where is it?” He asked you so you pointed towards his closet. He loosened your grip on his body so he could walk towards the closet and check what you had kept in there.
It was all wrapped up in a pretty box, that made him smile but his eyes welled up as he opened it. It was a photo frame, he didn’t even know you had this picture with you. He remembered this picture, it was taken 13 years ago, he was just 19, that would make you nine. He had to be on his knees to match your small stature, his fingers trailed over your features, that adorable smile, he looked at the child in the picture and his heart shattered into pieces.
She was so innocent, so undamaged, so precious, she trusted him and he failed her, he failed her mother too. Odin tried to ruin you and he was helpless but he wasn’t helpless any more, now he could keep you safe. Your mother would hate him for what he was doing with you now but he didn’t know any better, he didn’t know how to keep you invested in him in a healthier way. He was afraid.
He took the picture and placed it in his bedside drawer then he crawled into the bed to snuggle you.
“Do you like it daddddyy?"
"I do baby, thank you"
"Please don’t marry Wanda, please don’t leave me” you mumbled so he kissed your forehead.
“I would never leave you sweetheart I promise, I’m going to be here forever"
He cooed in your ears and only when you were in deep sleep is when he allowed himself to cry his heart out.
Next morning when you woke up, things remained the same, you didn’t remember the outburst and he didn’t say anything about it either so the toxic cycle continued. All over again because you didn’t want to break it.
You were afraid you’d lose him again if you did.
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